Author's notes: Well, what can I say. Strange fic, my thoughts about how Alistair would be able to break Dean. Inspired by Uriel in "Hell's Angels" ("What can I say, I don't break easy." - "Oh yes, you do. You just gotta know where to apply the right pressure."). HA-Tag as to where Alistair could have applied said pressure.

On the format: I admit this is not an easy-to-read-text, it took me quite some time to figure out how to format it to get it to work. And then FF came, took away all the format I had just worked out and spat it out just like you see it below. I sincerely hope that it is still readable and that you will be able to follow the train of thoughts/memories/whatever. To make matters easier (I hope): Everything you read is Dean's POV and this scene covers the dialogue of the last scene of "Hell's Angels", so if I misunderstood anything Dean or Sam have said then... well, I blame it on their incredible acting in that scene.

Let me know what you think about it.

Disclaimer: Thank God I don't own these guys, nor the impala for that matter, because I would be even more distracted from my studies if I did and I don't have a driver's licence.

To Ko-Chan. Thanks a lot for being so patient with me.

__________________________________________

Off the rack

__________________________________________

Anna's gone.

"I can't believe we made it out of there."

Do I miss her? I don't know.

"Again."

"I know you heard him."

I can do this. I have to.

"Who?"

If I close my eyes I can still hear her voice.

"Alistair.

'You have people that want to help, you're not alone.'

What he said.

She was right, I was alone then…

About how I had promise."

…but I'm not alone now.

"I heard him."

"You're not curious?"

Not alone. Not anymore.

"Dean, I'm damn curious, but… you're not talking about hell and I'm not pushing."

I just forget that sometimes.

"It wasn't four months, you know."

Fourteenthousandsixhundred days…

"What?"

"It was four months up here, but down there…

Fourhundredandeight months. I did the maths when I couldn't sleep. Was it yesterday?

I don't know, time's different.

The day before?

It was more like 40 years."

I don't remember. I don't want to.

"My god…"

'Time flies when you're having fun.'

"They… I wasn't having fun - they sliced - I remember every day -and carved - every one -and tore at me in ways that you - SamSamSamSammypleaseSamSampleasesavemegetmeoutofhereplease -

"Until there was nothing left.

Sometimes I can still hear myself scream.

"And then suddenly - everything would stop - I would be whole again - the pain, the screams, the agony - like magic - I could breathe for a moment - just so that they could start it all over - because it was never over.

"And Alistair - 'You know' - at the end of every day - 'I hear Sam's been at the crossroads' - every one - 'again' - he would come over - 'looking for a deal' - and he would make me an offer - 'to get you out of here' - to take me off the rack - 'and it seems like he doesn't take 'no' for an answer.' - if I put souls on. 'You know what I want.' - If I started the torture. - 'You know how to save him.' - And everyday - 'It only takes one word' - I told him - 'just this one little word' - to stick it where the sun shines. - 'You know he's trying to trade places with you,' - For thirty years - 'offering his soul to suffer instead of you' - I told him. - 'because that's what brother's do.' But then - 'Isn't it?'

"I couldn't do it anymore,

'And maybe… just maybe I should make that deal with him.'

Sammy,

'Bring him down here so you can have your life back and live happily ever after.'

I couldn't…

'Wouldn't you like that?'

"And I got off that rack - because - God help me - there is no way - I got right off that rack - there's just no way I'd ever - and I started ripping them apart - let him - I lost count of how many souls - do that - the things that I did to them…" - to you.

"Dean… Dean, look, you held on for thirty years, that's longer than anyone would have."

Yeah, maybe. But it wasn't enough.

"How I feel? This… inside me…

It just wasn't enough.

"I wish I couldn't feel anything, Sammy. I wish I couldn't feel

a

damn

thing…"