Title: If Not For Myself…
Author: Spiritweaver
Timeframe: Battle of Geonosis
Characters: Padmé, Anakin and more later.
Summary: Padmé makes a different choice on Geonosis, one which will change a few things about the future…
A/N: This is the first chapter in what will at least be a short story. Length depends on what the Muse wills. The concept here is that, after Episode I, Padmé's character took a turn for the worse, eventually culminating in dying of a broken heart. So she gives birth to twins and has nothing to live for…? That doesn't sound like most mothers I know. We'll see how it goes. Thanks to several friends for inspiration and beta work. You know who you are.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Not even a car…

If Not For Myself…

Chapter One

The heat was scorching, even in the shade of the small tunnel where she was being held. The walls were the same sandy brown that seemed to color everything on this planet. She knew they were in a giant structure of some sort, but she knew with certainty that her negotiations had failed.

Her years of service to her people, first as queen, then as representative to the Galactic Senate, had been filled with many obstacles and frustrations. But Padmé Amidala had never felt such failure in her entire life. She had come to attempt to secure the release of Obi-Wan Kenobi and to avoid bloodshed, but it turned out that she and her Jedi protector were captured instead.

To further her failure, she was to be executed. Not that her life mattered more than others, but the death of a Galactic Senator could very well enrage the Republic to war. Perhaps she should have listened to her Jedi bodyguard on Tatooine and not left the safety of the desert world.

She shouldn't have thought of her protector. Of Anakin.

He inspired such feelings in her. Powerful and tumultuous emotions that she struggled to contain with every fiber of her being. She thought of meeting the strange little boy who told her they would one day wed. She thought of when she saw him for the first time, ten years later, how handsome he had become. She thought of their time on Naboo and that kiss in the Lake Country.

No. She could not give in, no matter how much she wanted to; too much depended on her staying rational and focused.

It can never be, she told herself for what must have been the thousandth time as she briefly closed her eyes. She sighed, releasing a heavy breath through her nose.

It was impossible to tell if the cave she was currently in had been carved for function or if it was thought aesthetically beautiful by the sentients of this world. Geonosis, she thought to herself. It's good to know where you are going to die.

Padmé knew she shouldn't think like that, but she felt almost hopeless. The end point of her thoughts was of Count Dooku's earlier offer to free her and the two Jedi. The caveat was that Naboo had to join the Confederation of Independent Systems.

That was a price she was not willing to pay. The Republic had been good to Naboo, and the Naboo had no desire to leave it.

Was it hopeless? It must be, surely if her Jedi protector had a plan, he would have already acted on it. She sighed again, louder this time - too loud, because apparently Anakin heard her.

"Don't be afraid." Anakin said. She was glad the relative darkness of the tunnel hid her face as she closed her eyes for a moment, before looking over to the Jedi.

"I'm not afraid to die. I've been dying a little each day since you came back into my life." As soon as she said it, she regretted it.

"What are you talking about?" Anakin demanded, confused.

"I... I think... We can't do this. I'm sorry."

"Padmé, please…"

"Anakin, it's not possible." Padmé said, interrupting him.

Crestfallen, Anakin looked down. "I understand. You're right."

"It can never be. It was a dream. I heard Master Kenobi say to you that dreams pass in time."

"Jedi don't dream," he said. Something in his tone gave Padmé pause.

"Oh Ani...I'm so sorry. I wish we had more time..."

"Time for what?" Anakin said bitterly.

Before she could answer, the curved chariot they were standing in was pulled forward. As it cleared the tunnel, Padmé blinked as her eyes readjusted to the light. She saw that they were inside a giant arena surrounded by hundreds of thousands of sentients. Most of them appeared to be the same species as her guards, but she could see members of race or two that was familiar to her.

There was still a chance of rescue. A small one, but she held onto it. That was why she couldn't give in to her feelings for Anakin, no matter what. If they were rescued, she doubted she would have the resolve to give him up after embracing him into her heart.

As she and Anakin approached tall stone pillars, she noticed Obi-Wan tied to one of them. She reached into her belt with still-bound hands and pulled out a pin which she quickly put into her mouth, to hide it from her captors.

Long ago Captain Panaka, Padmé's head of security while queen, had made sure she received training in many important survival skills, from handling a blaster to picking locks. She was certainly thankful for that training now as she moved her hands towards her mouth to take hold on the pin.

She smiled grimly for a moment; maybe she would end up saving the Jedi.

The crowd grew quiet as a well dressed Geonosian, standing next to Count Dooku, said something in the odd gibbery native tongue, probably condemning the three prisoners. When the voice finished, a large door opened and three giant, ghastly beasts entered, prodded on by several, seemingly very brave guards.

She almost had her hands unlocked. The beasts moved closer, and she thought again of Anakin and his handsome tanned features.

She had done the right thing. Even if she did acknowledge her feelings to him, both she and Anakin were about to die. It was pointless to dwell on those feelings now. She was stronger than this, she would overcome her feelings.

She worked her hands, a little bit more.

If she was to die, it would be how she lived, with an absolute and selfless resolve to service.

At that moment she came to a decision. To stop brooding and take charge. Her life was not over. She would not allow it to be. She would survive, through sheer force of will, if necessary.

There was nothing in Padmé Amidala's mind at this moment other then the resolve to better serve the Republic, and to do that she had to live. Live to be an advocate of peace. Live without Anakin.

I can do this. I will do this. She thought

She pushed the pin into the lock and heard a small click.

She was free.