Chapter Five - You're All I'm Wanting

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Despite another sleepless night, only to be "awakened" by the littluns' screams the next morning, Jack couldn't hide that he was smiling.

He could feel the clay on his cheeks cracking - smiling was something he hadn't been doing much of recently, but there was no stopping it no matter how hard he tried. Jack did everything he could think of to distract himself, but the night before was replaying in his head and he couldn't block it out.

Not that he wanted to.

Jack sat among the others for as long as he felt he had to. He watched the littluns as they raced towards the water. He was their chief and he didn't even know their names, but everyday he watched them as jealousy encompassed him. They were running, chanting - (dammit, they looked so happy) - and he always wished he could feel as happy as they looked. But finally, this morning, he did. The image of Ralph drifted back into his head, and he looked around for anything else to distract himself with.

The biguns were lying in a group, sharpening more spears. Roger was staring at him from under the strands of black hair that would have broken dress code at the academy. Their eyes connected and Jack looked away; he could feel shivers spreading down his spine. He knew he wasn't scared of Roger, but that one second when their eyes connected he had no idea what the boy had been thinking. Things that Jack couldn't control were what frightened him the most, and he knew he couldn't control Roger - he'd found that out already.

Jack turned his head back to the littluns. They never went in the water any higher than their chins, for Jack had told them their face paint could never be washed off. Jack didn't want to see their clean, tanned faces for fear he would remember what life on the island in the beginning had been like. He hadn't even thought about it until Ralph had brought it up the night before.

Ralph.

Jack allowed himself to be pulled away to his secluded spot by the ocean. He lied down in the sand and closed his eyes. It was like the nighttime was there again and suddenly he could see Ralph's face only inches from his own. It was everything he'd wanted and had been waiting for for months, and he knew that if he leaned in just a little closer... Jack could practically hear his heartbeat pounding in his ears as he replayed the scene over and over - it felt so unreal compared to everything that had happened in the last few months. The sweet reality of kissing Ralph couldn't compare to his thinking about it while he lay awake at night. He hadn't even got the opportunity to hold him, to really touch him, to really kiss him...

Jack opened his eyes, his blood pulsing through his veins and his hands starting to shake. He was restless - he felt like he would implode if he didn't move. He wished that Ralph was there; there was a tugging at his heart that was interfering with his breathing. Jack couldn't miss Ralph - not this much, not this soon. What if they got even...closer...how would he survive without him then? Jack sat up suddenly, his eyes going wide as everything inside of him shattered.

What if they didn't get closer?

Jack hadn't even considered, for the hours he had been thinking about him, that if he saw Ralph again he would reject him. He ran his hands through his hair and dropped his arms loosely to his sides. He'd been too enthralled with actually kissing him that he hadn't thought maybe the fair haired boy wouldn't want to do it again. Ralph hadn't even responded to the kiss or gave him anything except a wide eyed stare in return.

"But he didn't push you away."

Jack looked back out at the ocean, but it just made him feel alone.

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Ralph rolled away from the brush as he felt sunlight break through the leaves. He cursed; his back was killing him from sleeping on dirt for what felt like forever. Except that night he couldn't sleep, but he had instead spent hours tossing and turning, tormented by thoughts that wouldn't leave him.

He stood up and began walking, even though he felt like he didn't need to. Something told him that running from Jack and his tribe wasn't necessary anymore, because Jack and his tribe weren't going to be coming after him. After last night, he was starting to believe that Jack didn't want him dead.

Ralph's stomach was in knots, but he knew eating wouldn't help him. All he could think about was Jack, and what had happened.

Jack had kissed him.

His enemy - friend - whatever he classified him as, had kissed him. Not only was he a boy, but he was a murderer. The words seared themselves into Ralph's brain and made him feel nauseous. He didn't know how it had happened - the entire night just seemed like a blur that he didn't have energy to sort out. Had he missed something, something that could have warned him of what Jack was going to do? But all he remembered was Jack's completely random questions, the way he had looked at him, Jack telling him he was beautiful, the way their lips had touched...

Ralph buried his face in his hands. He liked the kiss. He knew it, and he knew it even if he didn't want to admit it. He had liked Jack in the beginning, had told him so the night before, but had left out that he missed feeling close to him. As upset as he was at their deaths, Simon and Piggy had never been able to fill Jack's place once his desire for power started growing. Simon had spent too much time appearing and disappearing that, despite having wisdom that surpassed his years, had never made him feel like Simon was really there. Piggy had been nothing more than one last person with the same amount of sanity that Ralph possessed, and his death had just meant that he was alone. He'd always hoped that Jack would one day give up and rejoin the old tribe, but that wish had drifted as more boys transferred to be under the red head's control.

Ralph was hot; the air felt like it was suffocating him. He didn't know where exactly he was going, but he hoped it led to the ocean.

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"He did it!" Percival heaved as he pointed his small finger at the other littlun.

Jack frowned, he was angry - this was exactly what he didn't want. Percival was always annoying to him, spending most of his time moping around because he'd forgotten what street he lived on, and Jack didn't feel like dealing with him now. But it wasn't Percival that was frustrating him, it was the other littlun, the one who had disobeyed the Chief.

"He threw water at me! He got me wet! Look what he did! He ruined my mask!"

"I did not! You got in my way!"

"No! You're lying! You just don't want to get punished!"

Jack clenched his fists as other littluns joined in the fighting, each taking a different side. The biguns were standing in the background, but they weren't laughing like they normally did whenever the younger children got into pointless fights over rocks or beds or stupid games they'd made up to pass the time. This was serious. This was different. Everyone, when they became a member of Jack's tribe, got their face painted and was told that it could not be washed off. If they did wash off the face paint they were to be "banished" from the tribe because of disloyalty.

"Stop it! Shut up! All of you! Now!" There was silence immediately as everyone looked at him.

Percival wiped away his tears, but all it did was remove even more of the clay on his face. It was almost bare; the way Jack remembered it when Percival had told Ralph his address.

Assemblies. Ralph. Clean faces. Order. Ralph. The conch. The platform. Ralph. A small, mouse - colored boy. "Percival Wemys Madison of the Vicarage, Harcourt St. Anthony..."

"Get more clay!" Jack yelled, his eyes shut and his nails starting to tear the skin of his palms. He opened his eyes but no one had moved except Percival, who was whimpering from behind his fingers.

"Now!"

Bill and Maurice immediately ran. Jack turned back to Percival but looked over his head, at where the sun was sinking behind the ocean and the sky was slowly turning black.

"Who was it?"

"Johnny..." Percival managed to whisper. Other littluns nodded their head in agreement but did not speak (the Chief had told them not to).

Jack looked at Johnny. He was of Percival's stature but well built for a boy of his height. Jack felt his lust for blood boiling in his veins as he watched the littlun stare back at him, trying to prove his strength to a boy that didn't care.

"Roger," Jack started, smiling, "I think you know the punishment for those who disobey their chief." He turned to the dark haired boy, who smiled back at him.

"Yes, Chief." Roger turned and disappeared behind the rocks as whispering broke out among the boys.

"Does that mean..."

"Yes!"

"He's going to be whipped!"

"Whipped?"

"Like I was!"

"Are you sure?"

"Of course! That's Merridew's punishment!"

"Is Johnny gonna make it?"

"Depends who whips him."

"What if it's Roger?"

"Johnny's dead!"

Jack waited as Roger appeared next to him, twisting their substitute for a whip around in his hands.

"Hold him."

Samneric grabbed Johnny's arms and legs, stretching him so that he was suspended in mid air with his already bare back facing the sky.

"How many?" Roger whispered, his eyes starting to glow like Jack's at the prospect of blood and torture, of screaming and pain.

"Ten or twenty. However many he can take."

Jack watched for only a moment as screaming erupted around them, as Johnny began crying and begging for mercy. The whip cracked against his flesh and Jack's eyes followed the blood that was trickling down the rocks and staining the sand.

Even when he left the group, stumbled into the jungle and fell onto the dirt covered floor, Jack couldn't block the image from his eyes. What had happened to him? Ralph would never had done that, even when he was chief. Ralph's only punishment was yelling at them for a few minutes, something that had always made the others call Ralph weak. But Jack was different, he'd always been different. Since the beginning he'd tried to replace his desire for Ralph with a desire for blood and it had taken over him completely. He didn't even know the littlun and he had ordered him to be tortured, had again succumbed to the want for the adrenaline rush he always felt at the prospect of blood. Even though he'd proved to the rest of his tribe his strength, he'd always told himself that part of him was still the boy he had been before the island. If he ever got the opportunity to talk to Ralph again, he promised that he'd show him that he wasn't as sadistic as he'd made himself out to be, but that he was...different. Jack only wished that he could sleep so that his mind could get anything to make sense.

Maybe a savage was what he had really become.

Jack's thinking was interrupted as the screaming stopped echoing around him - Johnny had only made it to twelve.

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Ralph ran his fingers through his hair; the water slicked it back and pressed it to his skull. The sun had retreated and he was left soaking wet. He sighed; he didn't know what to do, or where he should be so that he could run into Jack for the third night in a row.

Although he would never admit it to the red head if he asked, Ralph had been waiting all day to see him, had spent his entire day thinking about him.

Ralph walked across the sand, back to the old shelters. He was wondering if he should sleep inside, maybe it was finally safe (but maybe it wasn't).

He continued past them - memories were flashing through his mind and he didn't want them to - and across the platform to where the lagoon was. Even if he hadn't eaten, at least he could drink. He felt around for a tree or anything to hold on to. The platform was surrounded by fallen trees that created a canopy and blocked out most of the moonlight.

"This is it, right? We used to have assemblies here, didn't we..." Ralph jumped at the voice, hitting into something he quickly figured out was the trunk of a tree. He looked to his left, to where he had heard the voice speaking in the darkness, but he still couldn't see anything.

"Yes, it was. I remember. You would be standing up here, holding that blasted conch. And Piggy'd be somewhere around here too, and Simon. We fought here. On the day that I left. Somewhere around here, maybe where I'm sitting."

"Jack?" Ralph asked. He was starting to get annoyed by the red head's ability to appear out of nowhere. "Is that you?"

"Of course it's me. If it was anyone else, you'd already be dead."

"But I can't see you. How do I know none of your other tribe members are here?"

"You don't." There was silence, and Ralph could picture the way Jack was smiling as he heard the other start laughing. "You're never going to trust me, are you?"

"Of course not! I can't even see you, how do I know that Roger and Bill aren't sitting right next to you?"

"I can't see you either, Ralph. But I imagine you must look pathetic."

"What are you even doing here? I thought you would have forgotten all of this by now." There was silence, and Ralph took the opportunity to lower himself so that he was sitting on the ground. He didn't trust Jack and he knew that he couldn't, but he thought if there were any more people there, they would have done something already.

"I thought I had. But we had an assembly today."

Ralph burst out laughing. "An assembly? Jack Merridew ordered an assembly? You have no rules. What need to do you have for an assembly?"

"We do have rules. And a littlun broke one."

"Did you roast him over a fire like one of your pigs?"

"No. He was whipped."

"You whipped a littlun? Which one?"

"I don't know their names. It was one of the smaller ones."

"How could you whip a littlun? What the bloody hell did he do?" Ralph was shocked. After their recent encounters, he had grown to think that maybe there was kindness left in Jack. But torturing a child only emphasized the red head's desire for blood he'd become so familiar with.

"He disobeyed his chief, and that merits punishment."

"What are you, Jack?" Ralph was ready for the silence. It was deafening and surrounded him until he felt like he would scream if no one said anything.

"Tell me. Are you one of your empty, mindless hunters that kills and feasts and dances and hides behind some stupid clay mask or are you the person I talked to last night, the one that brought me food and told me I was beautiful and kissed me?"

Even though he couldn't see him, Jack knew that Ralph was getting angry. He could hear it in the way his voice was starting to shake, in the way that his voice was echoing around them and ripping through the silence.

"I'm both."

"You can't be both."

"I'm insane, Ralph. I can be both. And I am."

"What do you mean?"

"Ralph, this island has completely driven me crazy. It's driven all of us past the breaking point. Even if you're not part of my tribe, you're just as insane as the littluns cowering behind rocks over some stupid, make believe beast. I've wanted to kiss you since we got on this bloody island, but I wanted you to like me first. And I thought if I was the leader, if I could show you my strength by killing a pig and bringing back food for everyone, you would at least think higher of me. But all you did was yell because I was taking your power, because I wasn't helping you. So I covered my lust for you with a want for blood and control because it became pretty obvious that you would rather spend your time with Simon and Piggy than with me. I didn't expect any of this to happen. But if I can't have you then I want to be chief and to feel blood dripping through my fingers..."

"Is that why you killed Simon and Piggy? Because you were jealous?"

"Their deaths were accidents, Ralph..."

"Piggy's death wasn't an accident! Roger pushed a boulder off Castle Rock so that it would hit him!"

"That's not my fault, I never told them to kill Piggy."

"You didn't?"

"No, I only told them to kill you."

"What?" Ralph practically screamed as his voice echoed around them. "If you wanted me so badly then why'd you tell them to kill me?"

"Because you didn't like me, Ralph! And it hurt! And if I wanted to feel anyone's blood, I wanted it to be yours! You're prey and I'm a hunter. I want your blood on my hands. Damnit, Ralph, I haven't stopped thinking about you since we got on this island and you've been too obsessed with your bloody rules to even realize it. And obviously nothing's changed with all the screaming you've been doing."

Ralph closed his eyes and dropped his face into his palms. He knew he didn't want to say it, but he knew that he had to (because so much of him wanted to).

"How do you know that nothing's changed?" Ralph spoke into hands.

"What?" Jack asked. Ralph was practically whispering, and the red head inched closer to him.

Ralph sighed and looked at the darkness in front of him, at where he thought Jack was sitting. He cursed inside his head.

"How do you know that nothing's changed?"

Jack stopped what he guessed was only a few feet away from Ralph. His mouth dropped open in shock and he didn't know what to say, he couldn't even begin to comprehend what Ralph was saying.

"Wait," Jack started, completely lost and feeling slightly dazed. "I kiss you once and suddenly...you don't hate me anymore?"

Ralph was surprised at how close Jack sounded, but he disregarded it. "I told you last night I don't hate you."

"What would you do if I kissed you again?" The red head continued inching forward, but he knew that Ralph wasn't going to answer his question. He reached out, not knowing if he was close enough to touch the other yet.

Ralph dropped his head and was shocked when he felt Jack's warm hand on the side of his neck. He trailed his fingers down his shoulder and back up to the side of Ralph's face.

"Say something," Jack whispered. He could feel his heart start pounding as he waited for Ralph to answer so that he would know exactly where his mouth was.

"Kiss me," Ralph replied. It was barely a moment before Jack's mouth captured his. He was somehow higher than him and Ralph arched his back, slipping his arms around Jack's neck to bring themselves closer. The red head fell as Ralph pulled him down and he collapsed out top of the other, their lips breaking contact.

"Ow!" Ralph winced as Jack's elbow collided with his ribs. Jack rolled off of him and started laughing.

"That was awful," Jack said in a way that Ralph could hear the smirk on his face.

"Shut up! I didn't know you were kneeling! I can barely even see you." Ralph attempted to defend himself, but he knew that it was his fault the kiss had ended.

"I was only talking about the ending. I enjoyed the rest of it, as short as it..." Ralph blushed and was thankful that there wasn't enough light for Jack to see that he was.

Jack ran his fingers along the ground until he finally found Ralph's hand. He pulled the fair haired boy closer to him again (because this time he was going to make sure they got it right).

Jack found Ralph's mouth again. They were level this time and the red head rested his hand on the other's shoulder. Ralph's hair was so soft as he felt it between his fingers. The fair haired boy leaned closer, running his hand up the front of Jack's bruised and starved torso. Never, in his entire time on the island, had he imagined that he would be touching Jack Merridew like this. Ralph encircled his arms around Jack's neck and pulled the red head against him so that their bodies were touching, and the heat was evaporating into the cool, jungle air.

Even when their lips separated, they never stayed apart for long. And each new kiss was filled with the remembrance of heated arguments and feelings of hatred that had first ripped apart their friendship. Jack couldn't get enough of Ralph, and with each touch he wanted more (needed more).

Jack could feel himself falling to pieces as Ralph engulfed him, surrounded him. Ralph tasted so smooth, softer than velvet, and Jack wanted to feel all of him. He moved his lips down Ralph's neck, kissing, biting, teasing as the fair haired boy arched his back underneath him. Ralph could feel his nails tearing into Jack's shoulders. Jack lightly placed his hand on the inside of Ralph's thigh and he felt the fair haired boy's body twitch. He moved to whisper in his ear.

"You're shaking." Jack placed a kiss on Ralph's ear and bite down on his lobe.

"Shut up! It's your fault..." Ralph could barely speak, he felt so hot, like everything around him was spinning.

Jack smirked as he rested against the side of Ralph's neck, running his fingers up and down the front of his chest. Ralph turned his cheek and buried it in the top of Jack's red hair.

Despite that he was touching him, lying next to him, feeling his tanned skin beneath his own fingers, Jack couldn't comprehend that any of this was real. How many months had he spent wanting this that it had finally happened?

Jack pinned Ralph to the dirt and kissed him again. But even as he pushed the kiss deeper, even though he could taste him, even though he could feel Ralph's fingers resting on the small of his back and pulling them closer together, none of it was close enough for Jack. He wanted Ralph to be everywhere, to fully surround him in a way that no one had before, and even as Jack's lust was exploding inside of him, thoughts he'd been trying to block out started blaring inside his head. He knew he had to get back to camp, even though it would be hours until daylight woke the rest of his tribe. He couldn't chance if some one would come looking for him, and what would happen if they found him with Ralph the way they were now.

Jack pulled away so suddenly and so quickly that Ralph's jaw almost dropped open.

"What's wrong?" he asked immediately as Jack removed his hands from his waist.

"I have to get back to Castle Rock," he replied. Ralph could hear that it sounded urgent, but it didn't change his shock.

"Why? I don't want you to leave." Jack tried to ignore the thrill that comment created inside him as he cursed his entire tribe for ruining everything for him.

"I can't stay. They might come looking for me. I can't chance them finding you..." Jack trailed off and hoped that Ralph would follow him, because his life might depend on it.

"I understand." Jack heard the disappointment in Ralph's voice but tried his best to ignore it - or at least the effect it had on him. There was silence in which they both waited; neither of them knew how to say good bye.

"I'll see you," Jack said as he leaned in to kiss Ralph one last time on the forehead.

Before Ralph could say anything in return, he heard the rustle of leaves next to him and knew he was alone again.

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A.N.: Oh my gosh, I owe you my deepest apologies. I had no idea that it's been so long since my last update. I'm on break now, and the week before is always the longest, and I just had no idea. It completely slipped my mind.

I hope the making out made up for it. =]

And, for the first time, individual thank you's! Because I have the time.

Tobi-Uchiha – Oh wow, that was some review. It made my day more than you can imagine. I like Jack being sort of a creep, because being on the island this long he's probably starting to go insane. Just thank you, thank you so much. I always love and anticipate your reviews, they mean a lot. ::hugs::

XbuttonsX – My school was closed that day too! It was wonderful to wake up to your review. Thank you so much, I'm so glad you liked it. Again, I always love your reviews! ::hugs::

Crock-fever – Thank you so much! Really, it means a lot to me. Your review was so sweet! ::hugs::

ferretstheslave – Aw, your review made me smile and start clapping! Thank you! ::hugs::

Uncertain – Aw, thank you so much! ::hugs::

Mystery Amigo – Oh my gosh, what a sweet review! You have no idea how much it made me smile. I promise, I won't let an update go that long. Thanks again! ::hugs::

And to my new favorites (Tobi-Uchiha and Poison x Rainbow) and to my new alerts (Ichigo –dattebayo, Uncertain, and mewstarlight), tons of thank you's and hugs. It means a lot.

Really, I hope you all enjoyed it and thank you for your continued support!

Please Review! Love and hugs if you do!