Lean On Me

So maybe not everything in my life has gone the way I planned.

And I'm okay with that.

But right now I'm hanging onto my brother for dear life, crying.

Why?

Because I just found out the worst news in my life a couple weeks ago.

And today's the day, people.

Today's the day I get my tonsils out.

And I'm about the shit a fucking brick.

I cling onto my brother's shirt, falling to the ground. "Don't make me go!" I cry. "Please!"

"Nate!" Shane exclaims, trying to get me off of him. "Stop being such a baby!"

"No-o-o!" I exclaim. He starts walking away, but I cling onto his ankles. "Shane, I'm fucking freaked out!"

"Well build a bridge and get over it, because like it or not, you're going!"

I still hang onto him but look up, a smirk on my face. "Very demanding… great. I love it. Like the way you are in bed." I wink.

"Can you ever not think about sex? Wait, don't answer that."

"Seriously, Shane, get me out of it some how."

"Yeah? How am I gonna do that?"

"Kill people."

"I'm not gonna kill people just because you're scared of a little surgery."

"It's not just a little surgery! It's so much more than that!"

"'Yeah? And what would that be?"

"Because I'm fucking scared!"

"Well Jason did it and he's the biggest chicken in the whole entire world. And what's more, is that he got his tonsils out when he was five."

"Jason has ice water in his veins. I don't."

"Well talk to him –look, here he is. Hey, Jason!"

I pull Shane over to me. "Don't tell him I'm scared!" I whisper harshly.

"Why not?" he asks.

"Because I don't want him to know!"

"Well why not?"

"Because I just don't!"

"Well why?"

"Why what?" Jason asks.

I get off of the floor. "Nothing," I say. "Nothing is wrong or anything."

"Okay, then we should really go," Jason says, glancing at his watch.

I turn to Shane with my puppy dog eyes.

Shane holds my hand and squeezes it reassuringly.

I sigh and Jason grabs his car keys off of the counter. We go to the garage and I get in the backseat with Shane. He showers me with sweet kisses all the way there when Jason isn't looking. I just stare out the window.

When we park in the hospital parking lot, I start trembling a bit and Shane taps the tips of his fingers lightly up and down my arm, trying to calm me down. I just shake my head and open the door to the car, stepping out.

Jason, Shane, and I walk into the hospital together and I get taken into a room, where some nurses stick an IV in me, put me in a gown, drug me up, and draw some blood.

I sit there, trying not to have a panic attack in front of Jason. It's okay if I have a panic attack in front of Shane, but not Jason.

I finally get settled down a bit and Jason, Shane, and I sit there talking.

"So I was thinking when you get out of here, we could go to Pinkberry," Jason says.

I light up a bit. "Pinkberry!"

He laughs. "I know you love that place."

"Mmm… it's so-o-o-o good. And I'm so hungry! Damn it all to Hell, I'm starving over here and these goddamn sons of bitches won't let me eat anything," I grumble.

"Well don't bitch to me about it," Jason defends. "I don't make the rules."

"Hey, Jason, can you go get me a snack from the cafeteria?" Shane asks.

I nod. "Yeah," I start sarcastically. "Eat right in front of the person who can't eat right now and is withering away from starvation."

"I'm sorry that I'm hungry! I didn't eat breakfast!" Shane says, lightly hitting me.

Jason stands up from his chair. "Yeah I'm hungry too."

I throw my arms up in the air. "Thanks!"

"You're welcome," Jason says, leaving the room.

"Damn it," I curse under my breath.

Shane leans in close to me. "Now that he's gone, I'm gonna tell you what things we're gonna do when you're better. And they are so-o-o much more exciting than stinkin' Pinkberry."

"Ooh," I coo, leaning in close.

I giggle and my face turns bright red as Shane tells me all about his sex fantasy that's gonna go down in about a week.

Then Jason comes back in.

"And that's how I fought off that zombie and lived," Shane says, rather loudly, pulling away.

"Wow!" I exclaim. "You're so-o-o heroic!"

"I know," he gushes.

"Oh, not the zombie story again!" Jason laughs, sitting down in his chair. He hands Shane a bag of chips.

My tummy rumbles at the sight of food. And I breathe in deeply, smelling the fries Jason got.

Damn him.

I stare intently at the food.

Jason glares at me and I look away.

So I look out the window and then get reminded of where I am. Here I am, sitting in a hospital bed, awaiting my ultimate downfall.

I guess Jason noticed something wrong, because he says, "You okay?"

I snap out of my trance and turn to my older brothers.

"Yeah, he's fine," Shane says, stuffing a cheeto in his mouth. "He's just like really worried."

"Shane!" I scold.

"What?" he shrugs, putting a couple more cheetoes in his mouth. "You are… Sorry for observing."

"Well I didn't want you to say anything, asshole!"

He just puts more cheetoes in his mouth.

"Nate, are you scared about this?" Jason asks. I hate that voice. It's his 'I care so much about the world, let's go adopt some homeless puppies' voice.

I reluctantly nod, swallowing hard.

He softens up. "Nate, it's okay if you're scared. That's why Shane and I are here with you and not at home, leaving you here alone."

"It doesn't matter," I say, turning away.

"No. Really. What's worrying you so much?" Jason asks.

"Dude, he doesn't want to fucking talk to you," Shane says, his mouth full of food.

"Nate?"

I turn back over. "What if… what if I can never sing or talk again?"

"What? That's ridiculous!" Jason says. "Everyone heals eventually!"

I raise my eyebrows. "Yeah well what if I can never sing well again and then all of our fans hate us and our band falls apart?"

"Like we would let that happen!"

"Yeah and if worst comes to worse, I can always sing your parts," Shane says. "No one will miss you, cause I'll be there to save the day!"

Jason turns to him. "Nice pep talk."

Shane shoves more chips in his mouth and then licks his fingers clean.

"Nate, you got nothing to worry about because we're gonna be right here when it's over and we'll be here for you."

"Promise?" I ask skeptically.

He nods. "I promise. Cross my heart and hope to die. You should have no worries, kiddo."

I half-smile.

Shane looks over at me with a seductive smile and winks, a slight nod to his head.

I laugh a bit. "Fine."

"Okay it's time," we hear a voice coming from the doorway.

We all tear our attention away from ourselves and over to the nurse, who was walking in the room.

"Fuck! Shit! Ass! Tits!" I swear, suddenly all worried again.

Jason kisses me on the top of my head, and Shane snogs me for a good and long five seconds when Jason has his head turned, talking to the nurse.

"Love you," Shane whispers in my ear, grazing his lips across my cheek as he pulls away.

Hmm, that was a really nice snog.

But it totally doesn't satisfy. I was actually hoping for a bit of shit-lifting – tongue – moaning – longer-than-five-seconds kiss, but I guess that'll have to do since Jason is here.

I get loaded onto some sort of bed with wheels on it and I get this really attractive hair net/ shower cap type device. Shane laughs when he sees me in it.

My spirits get enlightened a bit hearing his adorable laugh, but I still tremble when I get rolled out of my room into a long hallway. Jason and Shane walk with me, talking, but I can't really hear them.

I look up at the ceiling instead and count the ugly, rectangle, florescent lights above as we head along down the hall. There were twenty four on the way to the OR.

When we get to the stopping point where Jason and Shane can't go any further, Jason kisses me on the forehead and says, "It'll be over before you know it. Don't worry," whereas Shane pats me on the head and says, "Don't die."

Thanks Shane. Really. Thanks.

But we all knew he was the best at pep talks.

When we go into the operating room – which is as scary as fuck, mind you – I lay down on this bed sort of thing (IN THE NUDDY PANTS!! Well, I mean there was a blanket, but still.) and lay there in a couple minutes of sheer and total nervous agony while doctors and nurses do some shit and stick more stuff in me.

It's like they want to raise my blood pressure and have me have a heart attack.

It's their evil plan, I've decided, so that I will have a stroke and they will get more of my money.

Yes, that's exactly it.

"Deep breaths, sweetie," some person says and puts this sort of mask thing over my mouth.

Sweetie? What the fuck is this? Do they think I'm four? I'm fifteen, dammit!

I have no choice but to breathe, so I do, and after a couple of seconds, I find myself closing my eyes when they get heavy, and falling asleep.

I find myself groggily opening my eyes and the first people I see are Shane and Jason, hovering over me like I'm some sort of zoo animal.

"Welcome back to the world, Nate," Jason says, warmly with a smile.

"Is it over?" I croak out. My voice is hoarse and I'm surprised by the noise I make.

They both laugh.

"Look at him in that daze! He's like a Martian or something," my eldest brother laughs.

I want to say 'shut the fuck up Jason, how would you like it if you were in my position?' but I refrain from saying it and just attempt to open my eyes further.

Shane licks his lips, sending me the silent signal and I muster up a small smile.

"There's that smile we've been looking for!" Jason says, cheerfully. "Now you know what the best part of this whole thing is right?"

I shake my head. I try to say something, but then stop when only a slight whisper comes out.

"Ice cream!" Jason says, handing me a bowl of vanilla, my favourite flavour.

I take it greedily, happy to see food, and scarf it down as quickly as I can.

"Slow down there!" Jason laughs. "Goodness, we're gonna have to get a shovel or something!"

I ignore him and just eat more. My throat hurts like a fucking bitch and this is helping a bit.

I don't know how they got my tonsils out, nor do I want to know, but I will have to get back at them for it. Someway, somehow. Because the back of my throat feels like it's on fire. Which is not the best feeling in the world.

I hand my empty bowl to Jason.

"Want more?" he asks.

I silently nod.

He laughs. "Okay, I'll be back in a flash." Jason leaves the room.

"So," Shane starts, slowly, coming over to the other side of the bed, grazing his hand on the end of bed right by my feet. "How was it, sexy?"

I shrug. I was asleep, so I don't know.

"Cat got your tongue, eh?" He leans in close to me and pulls me into the most romantic kiss ever. Well, as romantic as hospitals can get. It was one of those warm kisses that you never want to come up for air from and that tastes so wonderful you never want to let go."Actually," he says when we pull away, "I got your tongue."

He goes over to his backpack and pulls out a stuffed animal. "I got you an anteater stuffed animal. I thought it would be appropriate." Shane tosses it to me.

I catch it and smile. I tap my lips with my index and middle fingers.

"I take that as a request for another kiss…" Shane says and we kiss again. "Goddamn, I love you."