Disclaimer: I own nothing, obviously. If I did, Optimus would never die, and Prowl would have been in the '07/'09 movies. Though Simmons has redeemed himself in my eyes, dude is seriously coolish. Yes, that is now a word.

AN: This came about from four prompts from the random pairing generator on LJ, Tom Banachek/Barracade/asleep, Tom Banachek/Mikaela/assumptions, Tom Banachek/Mikaela Banes/defiant and Reggie Simmons/Mikaela Banes/roundabout.

I really shouldn't play with that thing . . . heehee, ah my dirty mind, ahem, anyway.

This takes place after Chapter Three: Leave My Girl Alone.

xXXXx

Banachek sighed, why oh why, did he get stuck with Simmons as a partner? Who hated him this much? Maybe he could get one of the big guys to step on the neurotic ex-S7 agent, Ironhide would probably be more than happy to squish him.

"Look, I'm telling you, it-, it's, it's against, God or something!" Simmons spluttered, waving his arms around.

Mirage, who had been assigned their official guard/transportation/random-bot-they-could-(and often did)-ply-with-questions, snickered around them. He was sure the espionage expert was enjoying this. And did Banachek mention how . . . odd it felt to be inside the bot? Sure, he looked and felt like a car, but still . . . it just didn't feel right. And he needed to stop this train of thought, immediately.

"Reggie, what are you so upset about?" Banachek interrupted finally, having only half listened to Simmons before and now not understanding the man's problem. Not that he really wanted to.

Simmons sighed loudly, rolling his eyes "Barracade, the Decepticon, is Banes' . . ." he fumbled for a word "Boyfriend, lover, urg, no, just no." he shuddered.

Banachek raised an eyebrow, "He's an ex-Con, and who cares."

Mirage made a choking noise. "Shut up Mirage. Could you at least pretend you're driving Banachek." growled Simmons "And you are ignoring my point entirely!"

"Reggie, it's between them, and absolutely none of our business." Banachek stated with an air of finality.

The "car" was quiet for a few minutes, with only the soft sound of Mirage's tires on the highway, until Banachek broke the silence saying "I wonder how they have sex?" This remark was met by Simmons choking, and Mirage almost swerving into the median. "What?" Banachek asked "I'm merely looking at it from a scientific point of view, maybe they- Urgh." however he was unable to finish his sentence because at that moment Simmons tazered him.

"Perhaps they-" Mirage started, but Simmons growled warningly. "Don't say one more word."

"Not even if?" "No." "But." "Absolutely not."

Meanwhile over in the drivers seat Banachek was recovering "I hate you."

"The feeling is mutual." Simmons stated.

Mirage snickered.

"Shut up." the humans told him.

Mirage outright laughed. "By the way, I sent Mikaela an email."

Banachek and Simmons looked at each other in panic.

"Would you like to hear her reply? That's nice, I'll tell you anyway." Mirage made a noise like clearing his throat, then in Mikaela's voice said:

First of all, I don't give a damn what either of you two assholes think. So you can go play with Wheeljack and Perceptor. Both men cringed. Second of all, neither of you has any say so in my life, and if you think you do you're on drugs. And finally, Barricade would like nothing better than to . . . well let's just say it won't be pleasant. Both men gulped, they knew what the Mustang transformer was capable of. Now if you'll excuse me, my mate is sleeping and I'd like to join him.

Mirage snickered again saying "I love Mikaela."

Simmons shook himself out of his catonic state saying "Mate?" Banachek shook his head and shrugged "Lets make sure to never make her really angry."

"And just think." Mirage happily interjected "She's not even PMSing right now."

The two humans in the "car" moaned dejectedly.

xXXXx

AN: I really like this one, how 'bout ya'll, like? love? hate? Let me know, m'kay.