Title: Hands Rejoined

Author: Marianne H. Stillie

Categories: Lindsay POV, Romance, Angst, Hurt/Comfort

Rating: T

Pairing: Danny and Lindsay

Season: Season 5

Summary: It had been a rough year for Lindsay. Danny being called to a crime scene late on this special Christmas Eve didn't really surprise her.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and places for CSI: NY are the property of Jerry Bruckheimer Television, Alliance Atlantis and CBS Paramount Television. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment, not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks are intended. Previously unrecognized characters, places and this story are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.

Archive: Please do not archive anywhere without the author's permission.

Copyright (c) 2009 Marianne H. Stillie

Hands Rejoined

With a sigh of anticipation, Lindsay closed the refrigerator door in Danny's kitchen. She'd brought in a special Christmas Eve dinner for them from a local Italian restaurant they frequented. She'd also bought holiday greenery to decorate the rarely used table in the dining room. Giggling at the growing nesting habits she was taking on, she began searching through the cabinets for a container to hold the table arrangement she wanted to do.

Since she'd been put on day shift hours per Mac's orders, she and Danny had been like ship's passing in the night. His mostly later shifts plus the heavy overtime lately, hadn't given them much time to really be together. This evening and the long holiday weekend they had until Monday morning, would be the longest they'd been alone since before she'd told him about their baby.

She sighed again. Danny's proposal and profession of love had marked a major change in the way they treated each other each day. They'd become closer than she ever believed it was possible for them to be as a couple after all the pain and sadness of the past year had almost ended them.

The soft notes of her cell ringtone brought her out of her reverie. She smiled when she saw who was on the other end. "Hey, cowboy." The pause before Danny answered sent a shiver through her.

"Hi, hun. A little bad news. I just got called out on a case so I'll be late. Sorry."

Lindsay looked at her watch. From past experience she knew he'd probably be very late. With a soothing laugh, she said, "So much for the glamorous life of a CSI." Quickly, she added, "I got lasagna and calamari from Bruno's, so don't worry about dinner."

"You go ahead and eat. And if it gets too late, just go to bed. I'll wake you when I come in," he said in that intensely protective voice he used so often now.

"No, you won't. You'll sleep on the couch so you don't wake me. That's totally unacceptable on Christmas Eve, Messer."

With an affectionate chuckle, Danny said, "You know me too well, Lins." A slight hesitation then he went on, "I'm sorry I didn't get to finish decorating the tree. I know it isn't much, and you're used to the real thing, bein' from Montana. I really wanted to surprise you."

Her eyes went to the bushy four foot artificial tree beside the couch in the living room. There were strings of lights on the thick branches but nothing else. Piled around Danny's desk were several large plastic shopping bags of ornaments and trimmings, brand new and unopened.

Wanting to keep him on the phone as long as possible, she asked, "Would you mind if I finish the decorating?"

"It's our first tree. If we're gonna spend the next fifty years together, we need to share everything, right?"

"You mean besides making a baby?" she teased.

He laughed deeply. "Anymore kicking?"

"He's been asleep for most of the day. Maybe when his daddy is here to rub my belly, he'll wake up."

"You've been sayin' "he" a lot lately. You know somethin' I don't, Lins?"

She chuckled softly, "My next ultrasound is after New Year's. Do you want to know then?"

"Only if you do."

"We'll talk about it when you get home, okay?"

"Okay." Into the fresh silence, Danny's disappointed voice said, "I have to go. Love you, Lindsay Monroe."

"Love you too, Danny." She heard him sigh as he clicked off his cell.

Automatically, Lindsay's hand began caressing her belly. "Please God, keep Danny safe for us," she whispered.

The rich serving of steaming lasagna Lindsay had heated up for her solitary meal was comfortingly delicious. Now she stood in front of the newly lit tree admiring Danny's handiwork. Hundreds of multi-colored mini lights glowed thickly on the branches. Laughing, she took stock of the stacks of ornament boxes she'd arranged on the couch and coffee table. For a man whose bachelor apartment was so austere and neutral, her husband-to-be had gone wild with a psychedelic rainbow of colors. He'd also bought enough ornaments to cover one of the eight foot spruces her family always had in their large living room when she was growing up.

Selecting a box of snow-flocked glass balls in various shades of purple, she attached an ornament hook to each and made her way around the tree, placing them on random branches. The quiet and calm of her familiar physical actions gave her the peace to sort through thoughts of her family so many miles away along with the events that had led her to this moment.

She hadn't told them about the baby yet. Originally, it was because she wasn't sure of her place at the crime lab. Her first two years in the city, she had made the usual compare and contrast observations between Montana and New York. She loved each equally, but one belonged to the girl she'd been before her career had given her a bigger world to explore. The superficial had become personal once her heart chose which place she truly considered home. Even after the hurt Danny had caused her over the past year, she never doubted that she'd stay in New York.

Those first days after she'd confirmed her pregnancy had changed that. She was petrified, about her future, and of her ability to be a single parent in the big, impersonal city. There had been no thought of Danny being any part of her life with the baby. The emotional distance between them had become so immense, she was sure he wouldn't want any part of that kind of responsibility. Since their reconciliation last spring, she had seen them drifting along, occasional lovers, and not quite friends anymore. She knew the time would come when one of them would simply end it.

All the pain had come down to that last little piece of honesty that Danny was unable or unwilling to give her. She couldn't blame him completely. It had been her choice to go back into his arms and his bed that night after her rain walk. She loved and wanted him too much, and had settled for his easy words and hot passion. It wasn't until that morning almost a week later when she'd encountered Rikki Sandoval in the building hallway that she knew the truth. Danny had left for his early shift leaving her to have a leisurely 'morning after'. As she exited his apartment to head in for her shift, her eyes locked with the other woman's as she was carrying boxes out of her apartment. Lindsay was a well-trained CSI, skilled in the nuances of human body language. Like a flash fire, she saw the hatred in the woman's eyes, and knew it wasn't about losing her child. It was about losing Danny to her.

The days and weeks went by with Danny keeping his guilty silence. She knew how his reasoning worked. He had convinced himself that what happened didn't matter, that she didn't need to know since it was over and done with. It never occurred to him that what was driving them apart wouldn't exist if only he'd tell her the whole truth. It wasn't the physical act he'd shared with Rikki that hurt. It was his turning to someone else for comfort that made his silence a betrayal of what she thought they had together. As the months went by, she'd started to ask many times, only to let it go out of a growing despair.

Recalling Danny's harsh voice as he followed her down the hallway from the locker room after she'd told him she was pregnant, her hand shook and she dropped the half-empty box of gold and silver teardrop ornaments. There was just enough cushioning to keep the fragile glass from breaking as it hit the wood floor. She picked up the box and resumed her decorating, her emotions switching over to the equally harsh anger she had lashed out with toward him. The distance that had grown between them had never been so clear as they each struggled with the emotional turmoil and shock of her news. In that moment she saw Nicole's image-generated face and Danny identified her as the vic, she decided it was time to go home to Montana.

She'd always had her family to protect and support her. Despite how conservative her hometown could be, they would embrace her and her baby if she chose to go back there unmarried. She knew she had a choice Nicole's parents didn't give her.

A day later, standing beside Danny watching Andrea and Jim with their grandson, gave her a new possibility to think about. She was truly surprised that he'd confided in strangers about something so personal. That wasn't the Danny Messer she'd been steadily falling out of love with. Their hands barely touching had been like a question between them. She needed to know what he was thinking. Unless and until Danny's place in her life was secure and stable, she would keep her options open. This time he would have to prove that he'd stick with their relationship, and not just in the easy times.

The precious life in her body was too important to risk making a wrong choice. Marriage was too easy a solution so she hadn't let her heart dictate her feelings this time around. She had questioned if Danny's proposal was for her or the baby, or both. Maybe it was just to convince himself that he did know how to do the right thing. Her telling him "no" was also a part of that unresolved issue of truth and trust.

More days and weeks, and Danny had slowly shown her that he'd made a sincere choice about what was important and what he wanted in his life. It had started when they'd made their announcement to Mac. She'd gone home with him that night, and they'd made love for the first time in weeks. His hands had tenderly explored her body as if he was discovering her for the first time, his passionate voice telling her how beautiful she was. He couldn't fake how genuinely happy he was this time around. The pain and hurt she'd seen in his eyes when she'd refused his proposal had changed to a growing hope for a new future for them.

Stepping back, Lindsay took a deep, cleansing breath, from her thoughts and from her decorating. With a smile, she unwrapped several strings of bead garland and began adding the finishing touches to the ornament-covered tree.

Danny had been adamant that she spend their long holiday weekend at his apartment. That she was safe at the lab but alone in her apartment was worrying him more and more. She knew he wanted her close to him, and was expecting him to suggest they move in together. To his often compartmentalized way of thinking that wasn't the same as them getting married. The fine line between the two hadn't escaped her. If he did ask, she'd be hard pressed to say "no" to it. Each day in her apartment, whether struggling awake in the morning or crawling into her empty bed at night, she was lonelier without him. She knew the spiking intensity of her feelings was hormone-driven as her pregnancy advanced, but the reality was because she loved him so much. What she was really hoping was that he'd ask her to marry him again before the baby was born. She knew she wouldn't have the emotional strength to say "no" a second time. The old, unresolved lie between them had been fading with each new joy their growing baby was bringing to their relationship. Maybe, when she held their child in her arms for the first time with him there beside her, it really wouldn't matter anymore.

After admiring her handiwork, Lindsay returned all the ornament boxes and unused decorations to the shopping bags. Her watch showed the time as very close to Christmas Day morning. Tired, she changed into the soft flannel nightgown and velour robe she'd brought with her. She turned out all the lights in the apartment leaving only the beautifully glowing tree. Wrapped in a well-worn comforter, she snuggled up on the couch, hoping that Danny would be home soon.

Lindsay startled awake. Sitting up as quickly as her almost five-month pregnant body would allow, she waited for the sound that would tell her Danny was home. It didn't come at first then she heard his key turning in the deadbolt. The fear from her nightmare overcame the blurriness of her eyes and she rushed to the opening door. The door had barely closed when she threw her arms around his neck and pressed her whole body against him, hugging him fiercely.

Danny's arms wrapped around her tightly. "You okay, Lins?"

Her breath coming sharply against his neck, she answered, "Just a bad dream." Her grip tightened around his neck.

Soothingly, he said, "I really need to get cleaned up, hun."

Pulling away from him, Lindsay saw a familiar sadness in his eyes that was being heightened by the soft glow from the tree lights. There were times Danny's tough city guy exterior didn't hide the reality of his job when it got to him personally.

"Bad crime scene?"

"You don't wanna know," he answered tightly.

With the new openness between them, Lindsay was sure he'd talk to her when he was ready like he had when he finally talked about Ruben's death. Stepping back she gave him a tender smile. "You hungry?"

"Starved. Let me get cleaned up first," he said seriously. The sadness suddenly melted away when he saw the fully decorated tree, and he smiled back at her.

Lindsay cupped Danny's cheek. "How does dinner by Christmas tree lights sound?"

Kissing her lightly on the lips, Danny answered, "The tree's beautiful. Thank you."

Danny's portions of lasagna and calamari disappeared from the plates quickly. He leaned back from the coffee table and took another swallow from his beer bottle. Closing his eyes his head dropped back against the couch.

"I brought in dessert too, if you're interested. Cannoli and strufoli. Couldn't decide which one you'd like."

His head still resting on the back of the couch, he opened his eyes. "Save them for dinner tomorrow at my folk's house."

"Today."

Looking at the clock across the room, he grimaced. "We missed Christmas Eve, huh."

"There's always next year."

Reaching out, Danny pulled Lindsay into his arms. Untying the belt of her robe, he tenderly enveloped her baby bump and began a delicate rhythmic movement across her nightgown.

Lindsay felt the first stirrings. "I knew he was waiting for his daddy to come home."

The baby's movements became stronger with each touch of Danny's hands. While he continued caressing her body with one hand, his other hand pressed tighter against her belly to feel the baby's escalating kicks. "You called our baby "he" again."

Feeling safe and loved in the warmth of Danny's hands, Lindsay asked, "If we do have a boy, would you consider naming him Louis Daniel Messer?"

With a catch in his throat, Danny answered, "For my brother? Of course."

Their heads leaned into each other, their breathing softly in synch. The minutes slid by gently as both of them marveled at the steady movements of their child.

"Thank you," Danny whispered into Lindsay's ear.

Snuggling closer against the warmth of his sweats, she asked, "For what?"

"For agreeing to come with me to see Louie before we go to my parents' house."

"It's what family members do for each other, Danny."

Without warning, his mouth pressed across hers. The long, sweet kiss finally ended and he added in a deeply emotional voice, "And for not giving up on me after everything I put you through."

Of all the conversations she and Danny had had since that day in the locker room, she'd never expected this. It wasn't the exact words she'd waited to hear, but the meaning said so much more than she needed. There was no going back to change the past. What really counted was today. This moment, here and now, that old hurt finally didn't matter anymore.

Forcing back tears, Lindsay smiled at Danny, and asked, "If you're not too tired, I could really use some of your Messer loving for Christmas."

"I'd like to stay here and enjoy the tree lights," he said innocently. With a quick switchover to the seductive grin he'd perfected so well since he'd met her, he asked, "We haven't had couch sex in a while, so how about it, Montana?"

Her mouth against his ear, she exhaled softly and whispered, "It'll be my Christmas present to you."

Laughing together, their very eager hands began the early explorations that came with their special holiday gift to each other.