Chief medical officer's log: Torchwood 3: Owen...King of cool...etc etc... That title is just too Star Trek for words....Harper.

Captain Jackie came back to the Hub with a bloody leather bird last night. No, not a tart in a Goth costume, a proper leather bird, with wings, a beak and razor sharp teeth....What do the girls do? Awww isn't that sweet?! Women, they have no fricking clue really. It's a bloody dinosaur for fuck's sake and it'll fly about overhead and it won't be pigeon droppings falling on us either! Harkness better get used to mopping up the shit!

The other new arrival to our vast underground empire was a Cyberman's reject called Ianto Jones...Some local tart that somehow managed to escape death or conversion at Canary Wharf. Of course the Captain just wants to shag him, so why not get the poor kid to do the paperwork and mop up the birdshit as well? That man should really learn to keep it in his pants. He's probably had the boy already knowing him. I think I must be the only TW employee not to have been had by that man. I should ask Tosh actually, I bet he hasn't had her...too catholic!

I can't believe this place...Still the newbie looks like he be quite a source for fun, he's only been here a few hours and already I can see he's a neat freak. Damn fine coffee though and Harkness has finally employed someone who can work THAT coffee machine.

Beat Suzie at basketball again, she's just naturally a crap shot, good though means I'll get a free pint tonight.

MEDICAL: Opened up new file for Ianto Jones. Did his medical first thing. He seems fit enough, definitely suffering from PTSD and could probably do with a decent meal. (Almost as skinny as me). However the most striking thing about him is his over politeness and eagerness to please which is very creepy....Ok so it's his first day.

Wouldn't like to guess what he went through at the Wharf though, that can't have been good.

I think Jack was an idiot taking him on, probably should have Retconned him as soon as he met him, still if the half decent coffee keeps coming I am NOT going to complain any thing is better than the muck that Suzie makes.

The post Canary Wharf clean up has been a bit of a night mare...even now we are still dealing with the aftermath. Glad UNIT are around really, even if they are a bunch of tossers. Jack's temper has finally calmed enough after mopping up after Yvonne Hartman...The worst bit has been writing to inform families that their loved ones have been killed and lying about how it happened. We agreed on a cover story with UNIT, for the good of national security and all that crap, doesn't make me feel any better about the lie though. Sometimes this job is a pile of shite.

Weevil studies continue. I am convinced that they are telepathic. I introduced our new tea boy to the one we have in the cells, I was most disappointed because he didn't squeal like a girl, like that UNIT bloke did the other week! That's the other thing that is weird...tea boy wears a suit for work, must be a hang up from TW1, bet that's what Jack went for.....that boy is so not safe if he keeps dressing like that!

That's it then...don't know why I have to do this anyway waste of bloody time if you ask me!