Disclaimer: Twilight does not, nor will it ever, belong to me. I just get to mess around with the characters from time to time, and make them torture each other (good-naturedly, i assure you) for your amusement.

The Colour of His Hair.

by MmllePoulain

"Edward?" I asked one day, as we were sitting on the couch. Well, to be more specific, I was sitting. He was lying down, with his head in my lap, eyes closed, as I played with his hair.

"Yes, Bella?" he answered, keeping his eyes firmly closed.

I swear, that boy could be the poster boy for nonchalance I thought, as I watched him. Deciding I had had enough of his laid back attitude, I chose to tease him. Just a little. And so I began.

"I think there's something we need to discuss. It's rather important," I said, knowing that it would cause him to go into a state of panic.

Sure enough, he immediately sat up straight, his once green eyes nearly jumping out of their sockets. His eyebrows were hidden by his masses of dishevelled hair. It was worth making him panic, just to see that reaction. Why didn't I have a camera here?

However, I must have spent more time studying him than I thought, because his panic began to recede as he realised that it couldn't be anything too serious. Silly Edward. Always worrying about when I would leave him. Honestly, that stunt he pulled after my birthday, which is generally referred to as "I don't want to talk about it," which was always followed by an awkward silence should have made him realise that I couldn't leave him.

And so, as he began to relax, he prompted me. "It can't be that serious, surely."

"Oh but it is," I countered. "It's of the utmost importance that we work this out now… or I don't know how we'll go on," I added, hamming it up by placing the back of my hand to my forehead, now that he knew I was just playing.

Smirking, he tried again. "What do you need to know, Bella?" I really did love the fact that he couldn't read my mind. It made surprising him so much easier, and much more fun.

Taking a deep breath, and looking him right in the eye, I just asked him. "Edward. What colour is your hair exactly?"

Edward's laughter upon hearing my question was instantaneous. And uncontrollable.

"I'm serious!" I said, trying to make myself heard above his roaring laughter. "I know that it has been given the most ridiculous labels. Bronze for example. Who has bronze coloured hair? It doesn't exist, as a hair colour!!"

"Well, what colour do you think it is, Bella?" he asked, trying to be serious for a moment. He failed. I could see him holding back his laughter.

But I was floored by this question. What colour was his hair? Seeing that I was stumped, he continued "maybe process of elimination would work best, love."

Nodding, I began to study his hair. Let's begin with the basics.

"Well, obviously, you aren't blonde. Thank goodness. That wouldn't suit you at all. And… I dunno… in my opinion, not many guys look good with blonde hair. Most of them just end up looking really girly, or... I dunno... weaker, in comparison to other guys."

"I'll be sure to tell Jasper that later," Edward interjected cheekily.

Hitting him on the chest, I responded. "Yes, but Jasper is the exception. He'd look good with any colour hair. In fact, he could mess with my emotions any day of the week." I said, having decided to have some more fun at Edward's expense. "I'm joking Edward" I added, seeing the horror-struck look on his face.

"You do realise," Edward said slowly, "that Jasper has been a part of this family for quite some time now. And that, because of this, I consider him to be a brother."

"Of course I do, Edward," I said flippantly. "Why would you feel the need to remind me of that?"

'Naturally, I makes me… uncomfortable… to hear my girlfriend talking about my brother that way." Oh. Right. Enter Jealous Edward.

"Also," he continued, "I'm not sure that Alice would appreciate the turn our conversation has taken."

Pah. Now he was grasping at straws.

"Silly Edward. She's the one who said all this stuff in the first place. What did you think we spoke about when they gave me all those makeovers?"

"Ugh… Not that…" he said, becoming flustered. This was something I had never seen before. Edward, who always seemed to be so calm, was getting... embarrassed?

"Well we do," I continued, determined to see how far I could go, "and believe me; I've been told things that I didn't really want to know. Things that you could never imagine," I added darkly.

"I really doubt that, Bella," Edward replied, looking at me incredulously, and tapping his head. Right. He can read their minds.

"Well, then you know what they're like. I've learned some pretty... interesting... things from those two. Like I said, they are mostly things I didn't want to know. You don't want to know what Rose has told me, but I can tell you that according to Alice, what they say about Texans is true. At least, in Jasper's case."

Edward looked confused. "What do they say about Texans?"

Now I was embarrassed. I didn't really want to say this. Honestly. The holes I dig myself. Nonetheless, I continued, albeit slightly less exuberantly. "They say that... ugh… Texans… umm… know their way… down… south?" I said, turning my statement into a question as embarrassment overtook me completely. I could tell from the way my face was burning, that I was blushing furiously.

The look on Edward's face could only be described as a mixture of horror and amusement. But mostly horror.

"And to think that this disturbing conversation came about because we spoke of blonde hair. I don't think I'll ever be able to look at Jasper the same way again. And I'm actually quite glad that my hair isn't blonde, now," he mused.

"Good. It wouldn't suit you anyway," I said bluntly. "But don't worry. I prefer your hair."

"Have you decided on its colour yet?" he asked, attempting, I assume, to get the conversation back on topic, and away from my opinions about his brother.

"No but we know it's not blonde. And it's definitely not black either," I informed him. "Don't ever dye your hair black, by the way. You'd look ridiculous, and I'd just laugh hysterically in your face."

"Ugh… why?" he asked, looking more than a little confused.

"Because," I said, sighing as I realised we were about to go off on another tangent "in most films I've seen, people with black, or darker coloured hair, are evil. That, or vampires."

"You seem to be missing a lot of genres there Bella," Edward said, beginning to find this humorous again. "I think this explanation may be more than a little flawed."

I sighed. "Edward, any film that you can name that does not help me make my point, does not exist, for the purpose of this conversation." Edward just raised an eyebrow at me, but indicated that I should continue.

"Anyway, because you are not evil, no matter how much of a monster you think you are, if you dye your hair black, you will just be fitting into the stereotype of a vampire. And since that stereotype is so obviously flawed, we can't have that, can we?"

"Clearly," Edward agreed, beginning to laugh again, but still lookinga bit put out. I could tell that he wanted to say something about Emmett having black hair, but wasn't sure what I would say, or how disturbing it would be for him. This time I decided to let it go. He didn't need to hear about what Rose had said about Emmett's black hair, and muscles. No one did.

"So," I continued, trying to get my mind away from that particular thought, "you don't have black hair, nor do you have blonde hair. Hmmm…"I began to study his hair again. I held a lock of my plain brown hair up to his hair. "Well, it's obviously not brown either."

"Wait," Edward interrupted. "You mean there's not going to be a very detailed explanation as to why my hair is not brown?" he asked, mock pouting at me.

I sighed again. "Didn't you hear me? My hair is brown, therefore yours is not. How much more detailed would you like my explanation to be?" I held up my hair again. "If we were able to have a child, its hair would not be this colour. Why? Because. Our. Hair. Is. Not. The. Same. Its hair would be incredibly different, because your hair is a much weirder colour than mine. A colour that is not blonde, or black or br-"

But this was the point where I stopped my rant. This was when I realised. There was only one colour left. And I began to laugh. Because this was one label his hair had never been given. And it was hilarious. This was even better than if his hair had been black!

At this point, Edward was clearly beginning to question my sanity.

"Bella? What is it?" he asked

"Edward," I gasped, trying to calm down "think about it. There are four main colours for hair. Your hair is NOT blonde, black or brown. And, on top of this, your eyes used to be green when you were a human. GREEN! What colour hair is most commonly associated with green eyes?"

But instead of making the blatantly obvious connection, like I thought he would, Edward just looked even more confused.

"Bella," he said slowly. "I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about. Just tell me what you find so funny about my hair."

"Edward," I began, very seriously. He sat up straighter, as though he were about to hear something very important. Which, in a way, I suppose he was.

"I think…" I said slowly, watching as he leaned forward in anticipation.

"YOU'RE GINGER!!!"

End.

A/N: well, what do you think? The basic idea that Edward has red hair has been bugging me for a while now (I meant what was said about labelling it 'bronze') and I really just wanted to explore what might have made Bella discover it too

Reviews would be much apreciated. This is my first ff, so if you think it's rubbish, please be nice about it...

Cheers