Chapter 1: Bella's Movie

"I want to know if Edward left you alone out there in the middle of the woods," Charlie insisted.

His name sent another wave of torture through me. I shook my head, frantic, desperate to escape the pain.

"It was my fault. He left me right here on the trail, in sight of the house….but I tried to follow him."

Charlie started to say something; childishly, I covered my ears. "I can't talk about this anymore, Dad. I want to go to my room."

Before he could answer, I scrambled up from the couch and lurched my way up the stairs. Someone had been in the house to leave a note for Charlie, a note that would lead him to find me. From the minute that I'd realized this, a horrible suspicion began to grow in my head. I rushed to my room shutting and locking the door behind me before I ran to the CD player by my bed.

Everything looked exactly the same as I'd left it. I pressed down on the top of the CD player. The latch unhooked, and the lid slowly swung open.

It was empty.

The album Renee had given me sat on the floor beside the bed, just where I'd put it last. I lifted the cover with a shaking hand.

I didn't have to flip any farther than the first page. The little metal corners no longer held a picture in place. The page was blank except for my own handwriting scrawled across the bottom: Edward Cullen, Charlie's Kitchen, Sept. 13th.

I stopped there. I was sure that he would have been very through. It will be as If I never existed, he'd promised me.

I felt the smooth wooden floor beneath my knees, and then the palms of my hands, and then it was pressed against the skin of my cheek. I hoped that I was fainting, but, to my disappointment, I didn't lose consciousness. The waves of pain that had only lapped at me before now reared high up and washed over my head, pulling me under.

I did not resurface.

-New Moon, Stephanie Meyer

BPOV

I felt trapped; trapped in a dream that I had no way of pulling myself out of.

His face would flash into my catatonic mind causing a slight smile to form on my lips. My subconscious lurches forward, willing him to take hold of me. But Edward wasn't smiling. He was not looking at me with longing or desire in his eyes. The only emotion that spread across his face was annoyance. The pain came crashing down on me then as I saw him look up at me through his eyelashes and say, "Bella, I don't want you to come with me."

Oh god! Please not again! "I've let this go on for far too long……You're no good for me, Bella."

I pulled my knees back up to my chest. I wrapped my arms around my legs and quickly grabbed hold of my upper thigh with two fingers. I could not pinch myself hard enough. Silently I begged to wake up from this dream. I could not take it being played over and over in my mind like a movie on repeat.

But still I stayed motionless.

Staring at my window, I laid there basically dead. My gaze never left the site of it as I continued to tell myself that this was all a dream. Soon he would come through it, lie down beside me, wrap me in his arms, and chase the nightmare away. Edward was my savior. He could not, would not, allow me to be engulfed in this crushing pain. So I continued to stare, never once letting my resolve falter.

He never came.

********************

The movie had just finished again as I heard footsteps coming up the stairs. My head did not turn as I smelled the food that had just been brought into my room. My stomach wretched internally as I formed a picture of the tomato soup in the bowl.

"You can barely move Bella. Let me help you love." Edward was sitting on the floor next to my bed holding the bowl of crimson colored soup. He had gone to the pharmacy to pick up the prescription Carlisle had ordered, asked the pharmacist what he could feed me to help my stomach, and then promptly brought it back to force feed me the nourishment.

"This is such crap!" I whined. "Who gets a stomach virus in the summer?"

The smell was getting stronger now as it was brought to my bedside table and sat down. I never turned away from the window.

"Bells, you have to eat something. It's been five days. You cannot go on like this!" I narrowed my eyes and came to a conclusion on who was talking to me. Charlie? Yes, that had to be it. This voice had pierced into my subconscious many times during my never ending dream. It was the only voice I heard other than………his.

And just like that, the movie started over.

*********************

I heard whispers all around me and realized someone was in my room again. They were speaking at a level so low that I couldn't wrap my mind around the individual words being formulated.

My heart stopped as I felt a rise in excitement. I knew a few people who could whisper without everyone hearing them. At long last, my body listened to my mind and I sprang forth from my bed thinking they had finally returned to save me from this torture. My eyes scanned the room only to be shocked that I didn't see a single Cullen standing in front of me.

Across the room, Renee stood by my dresser. Laid open on the floor was the suitcase I had used to bring all my belongings to forks last year. My mother was quickly pulling my clothes out of the dresser before folding them and placing them inside.

"Mom" I whispered. She shot her head around in utter disbelief when she heard my voice.

"Bella" she gasped, "Oh honey I'm so sorry for everything. It's so good to see you out of that bed. Charlie said you haven't moved in a week." She rushed forward and embraced me with her tiny arms. I stood there and let her hold me close for a minute before a tiny voice escaped my mouth, "Mom, why are you here?"

She put both her hands on my shoulders and pushed me back so that she could see my face without having to actually let me go. The look on her face was hard to read. At first it showed anger, but then it soften and the love shined through.

"I'm taking you with me to Jacksonville baby. You need to get away from here. It seems you are having a hard time letting this go, and I will not sit by and watch the memories of this place drag you under."

I was completely taken off guard by her statement and yanked my body from her touch. I felt the blood rush up to my cheeks as a processed what she had just said to me. I was not blushing. I was pissed.

In a fury I screamed, "I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE!" I ran forward to the suitcase that now contained most of my cloths. I grabbed the top and threw it up causing all the contents to fall to the floor. "DON'T TOUCH MY STUFF!" I picked up half the pile of clothes and threw them across the room through the open closet door. "YOU CAN'T MAKE ME LEAVE!" The other half of the clothes were in my hands and again I threw them into the closet.

My mother quickly backed up against my wall as she witnessed my fury. The concern in her eyes was haunting. Then two strong hands clasped my wrists to keep me from doing anymore damage on my room. Charlie's face was inches from mine as he spoke firmly. "Enough Bella. You have to stop this. He isn't coming back. They left."

The emotions induced from his statement were hard to bare. They seemed to start at my toes and quickly wash over me. I felt the pain as it took control of me again. Only this time, the pain was deep in my heart. It was no longer only in my head forbidding me to believe he was gone. This time, my heart knew the truth. The pain took hold of it like someone was reaching into my chest and squeezing with all their strength.

"HE'S GONE!" I screamed out loud before hysterical sobs escaped my mouth and tears flowed freely down my cheeks. I collapsed onto my wood floor and rocked back and forth on my knees clutching my head. The tears were coming uncontrollably.

My mother ran to my side, but simply sat down next to me. She never said another word, nor attempted to reach out to me that day. She just sat there and let me cry the black abyss away.

***************

I woke up on my floor when the sun came through my window. Renee was already awake sitting next to me. She looked at the light shining through into the house and smiled. I knew my mother was taking the presence of the almost no existent sun as a sign that things were going to turn around now. I knew better. I hurt as much this morning as I did last night.

I wasn't leaving forks. Of this I was absolutely certain. I wanted my life put back together. He might not want me anymore, but Alice might one day. I knew the family, as well as my Alice probably left at his request. I held onto the hope that one day, Alice would think of me and come back. I would be here waiting.

The door opened as Charlie stepped through. The wheels in my head started turning as I quickly grasped for a plan to keep me here. I waited for one of them to speak as I sat there with red, puffy, and blood shot eyes. Charlie's lips started to open, but Renee quickly interjected before he could speak.

"Bella, I know you are 18 now. I'm not going to force you to do anything that you don't want to do. I know you can take care of yourself. I'm not going to pretend I am talking to a normal 18 year old." She paused, seeming to refocus where exactly she was going with this dialogue. "I love you Baby. If it was my choice I would take you away from this place and these memories that are haunting you. You can start at a new school and make new friends. The weather is great there, and you would love the heat. You don't have to stay here and drown Bella. Please come home with me. I'll help you get through this."

I tried to process what she had just said. I loved my mother, but the thought of her taking care of me was a little bit absurd. Charlie waited to make sure Renee was done talking before he began.

"I won't make you leave Bells. You are welcome to stay. I love having you. But I can't continue to watch you like this"

I took this opportunity to put my plan into place then. I took a breath and attempted to smile. I knew the smile was hopeless.

"I feel much better now. I'm still not okay, but I think it will be better now. I'm not leaving Forks. I won't run away from this. I need to stay and deal with it." I took a breath and again focused on giving that smile a try. "Charlie needs me mom. You have Phil, but I am all Charlie has. I'm sorry you both had to see me like that. But it's done now. I promise I'm going to be fine. I'll go back to school tomorrow. Angela and Jess will be happy to see me." I threw that last statement in there to show Charlie that I had other people here that I cared about other than………him. I knew he would fight me if he thought I had no ties holding me here other than the memories.

I saw my parents look over and each other, questioning whether I was telling the truth. My mother slowly nodded at Charlie who then said, "Alright Bells, you can stay."

****************

October

The movie still played in my head at night. The only difference now was I woke up from the dream. Over and over again the same scenario played out. The dream would happen and I would wake up screaming, with tears streaming down my face. I was glad when Charlie finally stopped checking on me.

****************

November

I was at school when it happened this time. I heard the announcement over the speaker that everyone was to report to the cafeteria for an assembly. As I always did, I simply obeyed without asking questions. Not that I had anyone to ask a question too. By now, everyone had given up trying to talk to me. I just orbited on the outside of my former social circle like one of the many moons of a planet. It was there, but you had little reason to pay attention to it. I was glad when they finally just let me be.

I took a seat at the table with Angela and the others for no reason other than to keep up appearances. I knew Charlie could not see what I did at school, but if he happened to come across one of them in town and asked if they spent time with me at school, I was hoping they would just say yes. I did sit with them after all.

I froze when I heard the music start.

My head jerked around to the people sitting at my table. I was panicking. Thankfully Angela caught my reaction and noticed the question in my eyes. "It's the annual talent show Bella."

My anxiety started to increase ten-fold. I knew this was not going to be good. The first performer played the violin. That wasn't so bad. Just notes, no lyrics. My head tried desperately to take me to a memory involving a piano, but I squashed it….Focus…I started humming to myself to chase it away. The music stopped and I relaxed a little. I could get through this. That wasn't so bad.

There was a ballet dancer, two comedians, and then a rather awkward looking boy who did a monologue I think. The show was almost over. I was going to make it.

I was too busy congratulating myself to realize that someone else had walked on the stage. The guy was sitting on a tall stool with an acoustic guitar in his lap. I almost choked when I heard the first cords start to play. This was bad. This was very bad. I told myself to breath over and over again, but when the words started I heard nothing but them.

It's the way that you blush when you're nervous.
It's your ability to make me earn this.
I know that you're tired, just let me sing you to sleep.

Crap. Crap. Crap! This is not happening.

If you need anything, just say the word.
I mean anything.
Rest assured, if you start to doze, then I'll tuck you in,
Plant my lips where your necklaces close.

I felt the memories start to creep back up. I saw us lying in my bed late at night. His arms were wrapped around me tightly, refusing to relinquish their hold. I felt him nozzle my hair out of the way of my neck as he took a deep breath to smell my hair. He was humming my lullaby very softly. I smiled on and the happiness encompassed me. He then lowered his lips right to the back of neck and sweetly kissed it. It was the last thing I felt as I slowly succumbed to sleep. His beautiful lips whispered in my ear, "Sleep well Love" before he resumed humming my personal lullaby.

While you were sleeping I figured out everything,
I was constructed for you, and you were molded for me.
Now I feel your name, coursing through my veins.
You shine so bright its insane; you put the sun to shame.

I felt the tears start to slide down my face. I prayed for my invisibility to remain intact to those around me.

If you need anything, just say the word.
I mean anything. (I really do)
Rest assured, if you start to doze, then I'll tuck you in,
Plant my lips where your necklaces...close.

With that last verse, I grabbed my things, and ran out of the cafeteria as quickly as possible. I told the office I didn't feel well. I knew with all the tears on my face, no one was going to question me. I left school as fast as my truck would take me. I reached my house and ran up the stairs to my bedroom. I took my small stereo off the desk in my room and nearly threw it into my closet. I gathered up all the CD I could get my hands on and ran back down stairs and out the back door.

I was still crying when I reached the trashcan out back. I broke every single one of those CD's in half and throw them in. My body sank down on the porch slab as I gave way to the hysterical sobs.

Yes, the talent show was absolutely a bad idea.

*************

December

I wasn't sure how I was even functioning. By now, I was simply, and blissfully numb, though I was grateful for the alleviation in the pain. I followed my daily routine without fail every day. I woke up, was at school promptly on time, I did my assignments dutifully; I worked at Newton's whenever I was scheduled, cooked Charlie dinner, and retired to my room as early as he would let me. I was proud of the show I was putting on for Charlie.

It was Friday finally. I wasn't scheduled to work after school and quickly rushed home. Pulling into the driveway, I felt weird. There was something not right about the house. My window seemed to be cracked more than I had left it. As I walked closer to the front door a familiar scent caught my attention. Without thinking I started running forward. I ran to the front door and threw it open as I yelled, "EDWARD? ALICE?"

My excitement was flowing out of me as I started to search through the house constantly yelling their names. The hallway…empty. The kitchen…empty. The living room...not empty.

I froze in fear as I saw three unknown vampires standing in front of my couch. I was paralyzed.

The man was very big, tall and thick through the shoulders. His size reminded me of Emmett. Next to him was a beautiful blond who reminded me a lot of Rosalie if she had shorter hair. The second female was as tiny as Alice, with lank, pale brown hair trimmed short. Her wide-eyed, full-lipped face would make a Botticelli angel look like a gargoyle.

She spoke to me then in a high reedy voice as she gestured to each one of her companions letting me know their names. "This is Felix and Heidi. And my name is Jane." She paused a moment and tilted her head to the side like she was pondering something. She then continued, "Guessing from the names that you were screaming now, and the scent that is everywhere in this place, I assuming you know what we are."

She took another pause and then said with more gusto, "And THAT is a problem."