Disclaimer: Still isn't mine. My plots always fail. What I need is Fred and George to help me, but unfortunately I don't own them. Sucks to be me :(

Conspiring

"Fred?"

"Yeah?"

"Are we dead?"

"I don't think so. I'm pretty sure pain's supposed to stop if you're dead."

"Oh. Definitely not dead, then."

"Definitely not."

Fred sat up slowly. His stomach was a cauldron of gurgling pain and his head wasn't much better. He'd have a black eye for sure.

George's eye was already beginning to look a bit purple, and his lip was bleeding.

"Do I look as bad as you?" he asked Fred, gingerly feeling the bruise around his eye and wincing.

"If I look like I feel, then yes."

"Fantastic. Do you ever think it would have hurt less if we'd let him at us from the word go?"

"Possibly," Fred conceded. "But that wouldn't have been much fun now, would it?"

"Fun? Fun? Come here, Fred. I'll give you another bruise, just for fun!"

"No! That's not what I meant!" George looked surprised to see the grin spreading across his twin's face. "Now, we can have a little fun of our own, right?"

George grinned back, and then winced and dabbed at his cut lip. "I did say that, didn't I?"

"Yup! He'll regret messing with the Weasleys!"

"Wish Charlie was still here. Woulda been nice to have an accomplice who was bigger than ol' Burnsie. I can't see Percy being much help!"

"Yeah, that's true. But maybe Ronniekins wouldn't object to helping a little? Not in a way that'd make him a target, obviously, but look-out and such."

"I can see that, yeah. He very well might."

The twins struggled to their feet. They had been moved out of sight behind the statue after their 'meeting' with Burns.

"So, now what?" asked Fred.

"I say we go to the hospital wing."

"No! Not that. What do you think'll be our pay-back?"

"Can we maybe discuss this when my head isn't ready to explode?"

It was a good point. They went to the hospital wing and then, tired from their ordeal, straight to bed.

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"Hey! What happened to you two?"

Fred groaned and turned to look at Lee.

"Shut up," he growled. George grunted in agreement.

"Who gave you the black eye?"

"Shut up, Lee!"

"Yeah, you know perfectly well who did this to us! After all: you ran away!"

"OK! Sorry!" said Lee huffily, as they all sat down for breakfast. "Survival of the fittest, ok? There were more of them, they were bigger and I was expecting you guys to follow me!"

"We tried. Believe me: we tried."

"Well –"

"Seriously, Lee – shut up."

The twins spent most of the morning in uncharacteristically bad moods, snapping at almost everyone. Thankfully, the pain from stiff and aching joints soon wore off, leaving them with nothing but some very disgruntled classmates.

"So, Angelina," George said to her when they were beside her Herbology. "How are you today?"

"Aside from you calling me… what was it again?" she answered angrily, "'an annoyingly persistent banshee'?"

"Did we say that?"

"No, George said that. YOU called me an obnoxiously loud devil-woman."

"Oh! Well, about that…"

They both gained a thwack to the back of the head for that conversation, ending their attempts to talk to Angelina.

"Why do we bother having enemies, George, with friends like ours?" Fred, asked his brother, rubbing the stricken spot on his cranium.

"Uh… for variety, maybe?"

"That must be it. I'm starting to think I'd like a more linear lifestyle."

"I think I know what you mean…"

After this traumatising experience, they tried to focus on Professor Sprout – shocking though it may be for them to focus on a teacher. They quickly became bored with the lesson, however, and began a more interesting activity: plotting their revenge. This occupied their attention for the rest of the lesson (losing five points for Gryffindor for not listening and another thwack from their irate Chaser).

They continued planning for a while, though none of them were particularly inspired.

"Fireworks in his room?"

"During class? McGonagall would skin us alive!"

"No, I was more thinking of while he was in the room…"

"As fun as that sounds, it's also potentially lethal. I'd definitely choose McGonagall over Azkaban!"

"Would you? I wouldn't."

"Either way, I'd want something a little more… humiliating. Public. We're showmen! We don't work in the dark!"

"True… itching powder? Always a laugh!"

"Ha! That could be fun. Not the most original, but definitely a classic!"

"How about we set a tiger on him? That could be fun."

Not all their ideas were at all achievable, or logical, but they kept at it for quite a while. There was nothing they liked better.

They went to the library after lunch to (if you must know) look up some very… interesting jinxes.

Fred was wandering around, glancing at the titles. When he turned a corner he saw a figure sitting in a chair beside the shelves. It was a small figure, unidentifiable behind an enormous book. Well, they would be unidentifiable if it weren't for the uncontrollably bushy brown hair poking out from over the top of the tome.

He walked up to her, but she didn't seem to notice him. He grinned and cleared his throat loudly, expecting her to start. No response. He raised an eyebrow.

"Uh… Hermione?" he said, curiously.

The figure raised the book marginally higher.

Ah, that game, huh?

"Sooo… how's life?" he asked after a few moments had passed. Patience wasn't one of his key attributes.

"Anything interesting happening down your end?" he inquired.

"What's first year like?" he said.

"What book are you reading?" he said, casually. He got no reply, again. "Damn! I was sure you'd answer that one!" When she still didn't reply, he sighed and looked at the shelves again, searching once more for a good book on jinxes.

"Know any good books on jinxes?" he asked a little while later, still searching.

He heard the book lowering behind him and smirked. She seemed to struggle for a moment before he heard her get up and head over to one of the shelves. A minute later a book was slammed into his chest. It actually hurt, but he wasn't going to let her know that. He took the book and grinned down at Hermione, who was glaring at him. He looked at the title of the offending tome. It was simply called Jinx: for friends and enemies alike.

"Thanks, Hermione!" he said, as she scowled.

"Oh, does these mean I'm forgiven for being a 'titchy first year know-it-all'?" she asked sarcastically.

Right, so that's why she's mad at him. He really couldn't remember that…

"Oh, I said that, huh?"

"Yes, you did."

"Oh, right. Well… I'm sorry?"

"So you should be," she declared with satisfaction. "All right, I'll forgive you. You're better than your brother anyway. He never apologises." She frowned again, just slightly.

"Oh, right. Did George insult you too?" asked Fred. Did they insult everyone they came across today?

Her nose wrinkled in distaste as she said: "No. Your brother, Ron! And Harry Potter!"

"Uh… what did they do to incur your wrath?"

She made a face.

"You do not want to know. Let's just say I got no sleep, very nearly got expelled and will probably have nightmares for weeks! And it was all their fault!"

"Yeesh! What did they do?"

She shook her head. "Never mind. Seriously, never mind." She shuddered.

"Oh, okay," he said looking at her curiously while she sat back down on her chair and buried herself in her book once more.

Fred found George and they left, checking out a few books.

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"Hey! Ron!" Fred called, and made his way over to his brother before dinner. "S'up?"

"Hey, Fred," said Ron gloomily.

"I heard an odd rumour recently, that I'd like to hear about first hand…."

"Uh… what was that?"

"Where were you last night?" Fred asked and watched Ron's eyes widen.

"Why would you ask that?" he said, defensively.

"I just heard on the grapevine about some shenanigans involving you and Harry Potter being out of bed last night, nearly getting expelled and some kind of horror."

Ron's mouth hung open. "And where did you hear all that?" he spluttered.

"I have my ways…"

"Wait: almost got expelled? Has Hermione been spreading this around? God! Can she not be trusted at all? I know she doesn't like us, but telling everyone?"

"She didn't tell everyone, idiot! Just me. And she refused to give us any specifics, so don't be so damn hard on her. But you could give me some specifics," he grinned, hopefully.

"Um… I shouldn't, really. Just take my advice and never, and I mean never, go near the third floor corridor."

"Huh? You guys went to the third floor corridor? The out-of bounds one? With Hermione? She actually broke rules? Are we talking about the same girl here?"

Ron grinned. "She didn't want to. But she tried to persuade us to go back and then got locked out of the common room."

"That sounds more like it. What did you find?"

"Seriously, Fred. You do not want to know."

"Right! Fine! That's what she said too. By the way Ron, she's really mad at you, you should watch your back." He grinned at the first year.

Ron frowned. "Well, we're not fond of her either. Why were you talking to her, anyway? She's a first year and a know-it-all."

Fred shrugged. "I'm talking to you, aren't I? You're a first year. 'Sides, she's kind of funny. And the only girl outside of Angelina that Lee's afraid of. I respect that." His grin broadened.

"Yeah, I can see why," said Ron darkly. He waved a goodbye and began walking away.

"Oh! Hey, Ron?" Fred called after him. "How bad a mood were me'n'George in this morning?"

Ron smirked at him as he turned. "Pretty bad. You called Harry a bespeckled midget with a cut on his forehead, and I am now an idiot who looks like his head caught fire – though honestly I think that could work for you too."

Fred winced. "Right, thanks. Tell Harry that it's just one of our little ways and we think that cut of his is sorta cool, ok?"

"Already done. Wait, what about the midget part?"

"Well, I don't want to lie to the kid…"

Ron laughed. "I'll just say you're sorry in general."

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When the twins went to dinner they opted to stay far away from anyone they may have insulted and ended up beside Lee.

"Hey, Lee. What's up?"

"Not much. Where were you guys today? And I mean since breakfast, when you declared me a disgrace to Gryffindor," Lee said, grinning at them.

"Uh! Not you too? Did we insult everyone?"

"Very possibly. You weren't happy. Might've been all the bruises."

"Y'know what, Lee? I think you may be right."

"Yeah, I'm perceptive like that. So, what were you doing today?"

"General conspiring."

"Oh, you gonna get him back then? Cool. It's about time he learnt his place."

"Yeah, definitely. You want in? We haven't come up with a definitive plan yet…"

"Sure! I owe you for yesterday anyway. What sort of punishment are you thinking of?"

"Well, something embarrassing, but nothing too bad – as it's a first offence. We just want him to know that we mean business."

"Ok, fun. So, nothing painful? He'd deserve it, you know. After the beating he gave you."

"Oh, we know, but we don't want to make it too obvious to the teachers. If it's public and painful McGonagall'd find out and skin us alive!" George shuddered.

"Good point." Lee nodded.

"Anyway, I think he values his pride over his physical well-being. We want to bring it down a notch…"

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A/N: Sorry that updates are taking so long! School'l starting next week, but I'll try bring the next one soon. But reviews make me update faster, by the way!