Chapter Fourteen: Ship of the Dead

April 14th 1912, 23:00
RMS Titanic

My trembling fingers touched the clasp holding the chain to my neck. I released it and the heavy stone fell to my palm. It was cold, colder than ice; even my own dead flesh. I placed it gently into my purse, along with my journal and other worthless material jewelry I possessed. I then slid it into the inside pocket of my coat. I would have given it all up, my jewelry, my wealth, the clothes on my back and the hair on my head in exchange for Edward. Just not my own life, my own eternal life. I feared death like a bratty child feared a spider. I shied away and squashed it whenever it got too close.

Why couldn't I feel that way about Edward? Why couldn't the primitive instincts that protected me from death for so long, also protect Edward from his imminent death? He was my mate! Was he? Maybe my instincts didn't recognize him as a mate because we were not of the same species. Maybe. How did my instincts know when I had found a mate? I suppose I would feel like I would die for them. I didn't though. I never felt like I would die for someone before. I hated the feeling, that feeling of overwhelming guilt in knowing that I could never protect anything.

I was worthless.

I slid pin after pin into my hair, clipping my curls out of my face. No one would care about how beautiful I was when this ship was on a one way trip to the sea bed. As I listened to the steady sound of water crashing against steel originating from several decks below me, I glanced through the bedroom door to see that Edward was twitching in sheer agony. His body convulsed so suddenly, it was like he was being electrocuted then he would stop and be as still as a dead man. His body this time slipped down and water rose over his face.

I was by his side in an instant. My hand had delved into the water and quickly took hold of the back of his neck, in order to bring his head back to the surface so he could breathe again. The heart wouldn't be able to beat without air. Without the heartbeat, the venom wouldn't be able to move around his body. He'd die.

I froze. Could I not just let him die sooner rather than later? Would it not be fairer that way? He wouldn't have to suffer anymore. Oxygen bubbles floated from his mouth to the surface as I stared at him. I had to make the choice. Now or later? He lay so still in my hands that if I only relied on touch, I would have assumed he was dead. So still, so quiet.

"Why can't I kill you?!" I cried. I pulled his head from the water and pressed my lips against his. They were so warm and wet and lovely. "God! Why can't you just die?! Look what you've done to me! Look what you've done to me..." Those last words came out no more than a mere whisper against his lips. What had that boy done to me? "God forgive me... I love you! I love you, I love you, I love you!"

A hand touched my shoulder and I jumped in surprise. I shied away from the touch and only held Edward's head closer to me. I hissed.

"It is only me, Bella," Jasper whispered. "You shouldn't be in here. James can hear every word you say. Look, I've brought you your music."

He held the suitcase which carried my phonograph and the music cylinders. I had acquired quite a collection over the fleeting years. Music was my luxury, dancing was my hobby. However, it was expensive. Usually, Jasper and James indulged me with expensive phonograph cylinders to try and make me happy. Sometimes I retreated so far back into my mind, I had difficulty getting back out. Life was boring and my mind was a mystery that I longed to explore. However, it was very dark in there. Music and dance was the only light that brought me out of that endless maze.

Everything had changed now. Life was no longer boring. My point of light and reason in life was held against my breast and I never wanted to let him go. Ever.

"Music?" I whispered, however it was borderline hiss. "I have no need for such trivial things. Leave me."

Jasper took my wrist. "Trivial? Bella, this is your music of all things! Come now, we are going. Leave the boy."

"Leave him?" I snarled. "If he is to die, I will stay with him to the bitter end."

"Don't hurt yourself more than you already do. There is no need."

Suddenly, my eyes were focused on Jasper and everything was tinted red. What was happening? I never got really angry. I was too old to be affected by stupid emotions such as anger. However in that moment, nothing was the color it should have been and I felt the rage building deep, deep inside of me. It felt like every muscle in my body was tightening in sheer anger. My instincts crawled like smoke through my veins, I could feel them taking over. The beast was taking over and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

"God Jasper, help me," I whispered. "I don't know what's happening."

The beast was pushing my relatively sane self to the back of my mind, pushing and pushing me further back into that darkness. I could vaguely sense Edward's head pressed against my chest, feel his silky locks of hair against my fingertips. He was convulsing again, his body rippling so violently that he shook himself from my grasp and his head was submerged in water again. My arms lurched into the water and slid my hands under his shoulders to slide him back up. He shook against my hands like one of the most violent epileptics I had ever witnessed before.

I held onto him for the few moments that his body convulsed before he became deathly still. I lay his body within the bath in such a way that he would not slide under the water again. Well, I hoped he wouldn't. As I did this however, I realized quickly that the actions were not my own. The beast had pushed me so far back into the darkness that I felt like I was experiencing tunnel vision. My actions were not mine, but that of my instincts. Suddenly, my head instantly turned to the side and a hiss escaped from my throat.

James was in the doorway and the beast snapped. I roared, an ear-splitting noise rumbling deep from within my chest. I was trapped. It felt like a silent film playing before my eyes, however the colors were not silver, but the most menacing, violent red. I was on my feet, bent into an offensive half crouch in front of the bath. Was I really ready to attack? Why was the beast not concerned with my safety?

"Good God..." James shook his head in sheer astonishment. "Two-thousand and seven hundred years it took her to find true love. I believe, gentlemen, our Bella has found her mate."

Carlisle POV

Folding the last shirt, I placed it gently into my suitcase. A shudder raced up my spine as I heard a snarl so menacing that my nostrils flared and ears pricked. I could feel my instincts try to react to the sound but I made quick work of them, pushing them back into that small primitive part of my mind. I closed the suitcase and locked it before wandering anxiously into the lounge. Laurent was standing outside the bathroom door and I could just about see James standing in the doorframe. What were they doing? Was James trying to get rid of the boy now, rather than wait until the ship sunk?

Laurent glanced at me and then suddenly, he was in front of me. His hands were on my shoulders and suddenly, he pushed me back into the bedroom. I almost lost my balance as I moved backward. Once I'd regained full control of my balance, I realized that he'd closed and locked the door. His eyes were on the ground, hands clasped loosely behind him.

"Bella has chosen her mate, truly this time," he said and then his red eyes were on me. I felt like those eyes sunk deep into my own, staring deep into my soul and seeing all of the sins I had committed over these fleeting years. "I know what you did. You told Edward to convince Bella to change him. He didn't have to; Bella had already decided what she was going to do. You could have avoided this, but you didn't. You are a brave yet stupid man, Cullen."

"Why are you here, Laurent? Truly?" I'd had my suspicions about Laurent for years. He was always hovering around James; they were never apart for too long. I wondered how long they had been together. Were Laurent and James together even when Bella first met them?

"James frightens me," he admitted. "I am too fearful to leave his side, similar to how Bella fears him."

My eyebrows furrowed. I knew that Bella loathed James sometimes but I never thought fear had anything to do with it. She let him do whatever he wanted to do to her. She was his wife, loyal to him above all others. Yet she never wore her ring. Perhaps there was too much symbolism in that for her liking. Why would she fear him? She could keep anyone she wanted away from her. It was a part of her gift. Sometimes when I wanted to be near her when I had previously upset her, to comfort her, I found myself losing my coherent thoughts for a single moment and ended up somewhere much further away from her. That girl was powerful, so very powerful.

"Why? How would you know this and yet I do not?"

His eyes were on mine again. "My gift," he whispered and he began to tremble. His eyes had moved slightly and they were focused on something just over my shoulder. I glanced briefly behind me but nothing was unusual. I raised an eyebrow at him. "My gift, or curse would you rather, is that I can see nightmares. Everywhere, all the time. Humans, vampires, animals, anything that lives and has the ability to think; I can sense their nightmares. I would say I can sense their fears, yet the word does not seem to cover the horrible things I have bared witness to throughout my life. Everywhere I glance I see truly terrible things, constantly. That is why I never dare to speak more than a few words. I'm afraid that I will share the things I have seen with another and scar them forever."

Laurent's confession drew no immediate reaction from my person except the sudden stillness. My breath ceased and all small habits to appear human stopped. That was why I had never heard him utter a word? Good Lord. In order to keep such terrors locked inside, in fear that one would accidently slip out. Never being able to speak as such an action may cause all those horrors bottled inside to come flooding to the surface. The poor man! What traits did he possess as a human to want to see such nightmares? Was something done to him? Was this man tortured so brutally all his human that he couldn't bear to live without such nightmares again?

Or was it a curse? An honest to goodness curse? I guessed all gifts could be perceived as curses but I could see no good in Laurent's gift. Perhaps that was why Marcus of the Volturi always called it the Black Gift. We were something else. Not quite human, not quite a god. We were of the devils design; given gifts in order to protect ourselves from each other and from our ever evolving preferred choice of prey. How could Laurent's gift be used against others and against his prey? Could he call upon our nightmares to terrorize us?

"ISABELLA MARIE! YOU HAVE BEEN HIDING IT FROM ME ALL ALONG!"

I cussed under my breath as I jumped right out of my bones. The voice was so loud, so clear as it shouted. I felt the heat of his lips against my ear. I glanced to my right where I felt him overshadowing me. As I moved, I realized his hands were tight around my neck. James stood there next to me, anger deep in his eyes. I suddenly felt several inches shorter as I looked at him. One of his hands pulled something from around my neck, something that I knew didn't exist but I felt the force of the pull nonetheless. In his hand, he held the huge diamond he had given to Bella merely hours before.

"YOU DO NOT DESERVE MY GIFTS, MY HAND OR MY LOVE, YOU FILTHY LITTLE WHORE! WATCH NOW AS I END THE GIRL THAT ALMOST LIVED FOREVER!"

Just then, he arched his back suddenly and I felt his teeth deep and penetrating in the sensitive flesh of my skin. Screams and snarls echoed in my chest but they were too high in pitch to be my own. His hands moved quickly up to my ears, and with one quick, gut wrenching snap, I felt my head be pulled from its roots. Yet my head was still in place. He stepped back and I realized he held Bella's head in his hands. Her eyes were completely dead as he cradled her little head in his arms. He stroked her long curls. His knuckles brushed her cheek before pulling down her eyelids, making it seem like she was only asleep, despite that she was missing the rest of her body.

I glanced down, and there it was. Bella's little body had collapsed to the floor and was curled up delicately. Finally, she looked at peace. Her muscles weren't clenched in constant fear of death but completely relaxed for the first time I had seen them. Yet as her body lay there, she looked so unbelievably small. So fragile. Like at any moment, a swift breeze would pass and her body would be taken with it.

"Now look. Aren't you lovely? So relaxed and quiet and beautiful!" James cooed as he rocked Bella's head like a father would their baby. "No one will hurt you now, my darling. No one will hurt you ever again... Not even me, who you was immune to your immortal gift..."

I gasped as the vision faltered once before disappearing.

"Do you understand now?" Laurent whispered. "Do not speak for our whispers are not safe. Now, watch again if you please."

Reality shifted again and I was in the bathroom of our stateroom. The boy, Edward, was lying sweltering in the bath undergoing the fierce pain of his change. James and Laurent were there too, snarling and growling at Bella. She was hovering over the bathtub in a half crouch protecting the boy. Her gaze was fierce, possessive and strangely offensive. Bella never fought on the offense for she was too in fear for her own life to initiate battle. James took a quick step forward and she snarled. The noise ripped from her chest like a swarm of wasps. But I also noticed that she cowered back just a little with his move.

James shifted his weight forward again, and Bella could not back away any further.

Before I had the chance to comprehend, both James and Laurent snarled and lurched forward in unction, both of their sets of sharp teeth set on Bella's neck. With nowhere else to go, Bella cried out. The sound was so heartbreaking, a scream of complete hopelessness tangled with the frustration she felt. She took one last look at Edward before fleeing at the speed of light through the door that led to the bedroom. James and Laurent were hot on her heels and all of them were out of the stateroom in a matter of seconds.

They would chase her forever.

Time passed in fast forward then. Edward's convulsions seemed more epileptic and I had only realized that time had quickened, seeing the ugly clock hanging on the wall. The third hand sped like lighting around the clock and soon it was ten to two in the morning. The boat was lurching dangerously to the right and water had begun to slip under the stateroom door. Soon, it was ankle deep and I looked about in panic, wondering if anyone was coming to save this poor child. He was completely oblivious to the freezing water rising upward. The pain kept his mind busy.

A moment later and Jasper stood in the door. He looked right at me and said, "Do you think they are far enough away now?"

My eyebrows furrowed. "You can see me?"

Jasper raised an eyebrow at me, looking at me like I was mad. "Of course, why wouldn't I be able to?" He laughed. "Good one, man. You've been staring at that boy since James and Laurent chased Bella off. Do you reckon we can take him now?"

"Take him where?"

"Carlisle," Jasper murmured, eyes wary. "What's wrong with you? First you think I can't see you when there is no clear reason otherwise why I would not be able to see you and now you do not remember what you told me merely hours ago? Are you well, sir?"

I chuckled and took my face in my hands. "I'm afraid that time takes a little more of my sanity with each fleeting second, Jasper. Be so kind and tell me what I told you those mere hours ago?"

He smiled gently, compassion deep in his eyes. He knew that all vampires suffered from little lapses of sanity every now and again. Yet mine used to be few and far between, now they occurred more often. Each day felt like a decade on my tiring mind. How did Bella cope with it? I could not imagine how her mind must have felt! Perhaps her youth and therefore inquisitive and curious nature helped her mind cope with the years. If anyone had been reading my thoughts at the time I stood in that bathroom, they would truly think I was insane. Perhaps I was.

"You went into our room with Laurent. You would not tell me of what you spoke of went you came out. You sat on the sofa and read your book while James and Laurent tried to scare Bella off. I tried to protect her but she would not let me near. They eventually chased her off. Not long afterward, just after we heard them hit the water, you came to me and said that we would save the boy by wrapping him in blankets and tying him to the wardrobe door. We would push the boy to America and take him to an inn. You also mentioned that we would have to be quick as the chill in the air outside could kill him as he is so vulnerable."

I took my head in my hands. What was I thinking? God! What choice did I have? If I saved the boy, it would kill both of them! My Bella... She couldn't die, not by my hand. Not by my doing! What had I done... If James didn't kill her, if she managed to get away from the one who was immune to her power... she would find the boy. She would find Edward with me and Jasper, and then the Volturi would take her, kill her, perhaps burn her at the stake like they used to. They would kill her mate too. A revengeful mate was never practical and just caused problems. They suffered terribly and were better off dead nonetheless.

If I left the boy to die, and Bella survived James' onslaught, she would perhaps find us again and never forgive me. Never forgive me for leaving her mate to drown...

God, what had I done?! Such a mess... And what of Laurent? There was something that that man was keeping from me. If our paths ever crossed again, which I was almost sure they would, I'd find out. Who was that man?

I nodded once to Jasper and he smiled gently. He came forward and wrapped his arm around my shoulder. "This is what you do, Doctor. You save lives. However, the best thing is that this life will bring our Bella back to us. Perhaps not for a while, but someday... she'll come back. Perhaps you and I will have found mates ourselves by then and we'll be able to retell this hectic tale of so many years ago...

"We will punch a hole in the wall," I murmured. "No one will notice in the midst of the panic. Can you hear those screams and gunshots? You'd reckon that because humans love themselves so much that they wouldn't be as stupid as to not put enough lifeboats on a ship."

Jasper chuckled and led me out of the bathroom, our footsteps muffled by the sloshing water around our ankles. "Perhaps they'll learn from this catastrophe, my friend. They appear to learn from their mistakes much better than we do after all."

I smiled. "You are correct, of course. Come now, get to Bella's room and punch the hole there. From the angle of the tilt, that part of the ship should not have sunk below sea level as of yet. Quick sir, I beg you. I will take care of the boy. When you are done, gather our things. We shall place them on the door also. Hopefully they will not get too wet."

"Bella's too?"

"Of course."

"Yes sir."

Jasper walked into Bella's room and the door swung shut behind him. I quickly unplugged the bath, allowing the water to drain as I went at preternatural speed to fetch one of Jasper's suits. Both he and Edward looked about the same size, except Jasper was a few inches taller. Perhaps if Bella had not met him when he was so young, if he was older, this boy would be huge. I could tell from my training on the human skeleton that this boy was not finished growing yet. However, venom worked in mysterious ways. Perhaps it would quicken the changes puberty brought within the next few days, and his body would be that of an adult when he became a newborn.

Only time would tell.

I laid out a white shirt, pale grey waistcoat and matching tie, as well as an undershirt, drawers, socks, trousers, jacket, shoes and a coat. The boy would be well dressed on that horribly cold night. I went back to the bathroom, cradled the scalding creature in my arms, picked up a towel and carried him back to mine and Jasper's room. I laid him on my bed and towel dried him the best I could. Goose pimples quickly dotted his skin, reacting quickly with the cold. The sooner I got the boy dressed, the better. The last thing I wanted him to do was freeze to death.

I heard a sharp thud coming from the other room. The sound was metallic, like a rock hitting a sheet of iron with awesome force. I knew that it was Jasper knocking the wall out in the other room. There was also the brief sound of water rushing in. We were going to have to be quicker than I thought. The ship was sinking faster than expected. I grabbed the layers of blankets off my bed and wrapped them tightly around Edward, tying it gently yet tightly with white cord I'd found on the desk. I did the same again with Jasper's blankets and soon the boy was huddled nicely. Yet he still trembled so violently.

I glanced at the wardrobe in that room and shook my head. That would never be able to hold a man's weight. Perhaps the one in the master bedroom, Bella's room, would suffice. Jasper was walking into and from different rooms at supernatural speed, different items in his arms each time, I noticed as I walked from my room. Oh the joys of packing in a rush. I was a little glad that I didn't have to pack. It was always the one thing I couldn't stand when it came to that constant travelling. Perhaps now, though it was a sin to think, with Bella gone we could finally settle down somewhere in the north of America. We always had to move due to her diet, but now... we could settle.

Even the wardrobe in the master bedroom would not suffice; they simply were not big enough. However, my eyes slid slightly to side and noticed the decorative wooden paneling behind the headboard of the king sized bed. If I could pull one of the panels off, it would support Edward and all of our belongings. Jasper had gathered everything we and Bella owned and put it all on the bed. There couldn't be much more, and after estimating the weight of everything on the bed and the weight that the panel could support, I came to the conclusion that it would indeed be sufficient.

Without any further hesitation, I pulled the wooden panel off the wall with ease. I lay it on top of the water that was creeping further up my leg. Tying down our belongings to the piece of wood, I then went off to fetch Edward and he too was quickly secured. His face was a frightening shade of his red and his eyes were closed so very tight. I'd never seen a change occur before. The sight was something to behold. Frightening, painful, horrible... every negative word I knew seemed only to sufficiently describe the sight. There was no beauty in what I saw as I watched Edward's change occur. It seemed so very unnatural... and perhaps that was what we were. We were unnatural to the very core.

Jasper stood leaning against the doorframe when I turned around. He was watching me, his eyes focused on my own and for a moment, it felt as if we were connected. In that short moment, I felt what he felt and that feeling I shared with him. Both of us felt the same way about Bella's sudden departure. We loved the girl very much, perhaps I more than him as she was my maker, but we knew that we would be better off without her, for a while at least. She was our master, the reason behind our decisions, the itch behind every scratch... in some way, we were free. We could make our own decisions without being influenced by her constant need for excitement. Her eternal youth and curiosity would be absent from our lives and therefore, we could live peacefully.

And in that moment, I believed that I would be better off without that damned child, who chose a human over me.