The quaint little bar had a few, quirky regulars (translate: residents). The bartender, Jim, had been working there for twenty years, and had seen many a frequent drinker come and go (they usually died, he noticed). But none were quite like the current regulars. And he wondered if these guys may just well be the death of him. They never caused any trouble, oh no… they were sneakier than that…

"Gai-sensei!"

"Lee!"

"Gai-sensei!"

"Lee!"

"GAI-SENSEI!!!"

"LEE!!!"

The spooky thing was; he'd never seen them drink. Jim absently slid a beer towards a tall, white-haired man at the corner of the bar, "There you go, Jiraiya!" he called, Jiraiya nodded his thanks. He was half watching the display between the two shouting, green-clad men, half speaking to a friend of his, a beautiful, blonde woman with an ample chest.

Neither blinked when a second blonde woman, a lot smaller than the first, crashed into the room in a rage.

"Bad day?"

"'s not over yet. Drink. Now."

"What'll it be?"

She nodded towards Lee and Gai, "Whatever they had… happy juice? That'll do…"

Mildly alarmed by the fact that he hadn't actually served the men yet, Jim poured Temari a beer and tried not to look to worried when she bellowed threats, and threw furniture at the two men. "We're all friends here!" Jiraiya quipped cheerily, sipping his drink.

"I'm home…" Itachi called to the empty space occupying his flat. He tossed his keys onto the bench and shed his jacket, folding it neatly and placing it over the lone chair sitting before the small television in his sparse lounge room. The adjoining kitchen was sparklingly clean. This was unsurprising, as he never cooked and rarely ate. The only things that gave the room any character at all were the cupboard brimming with sweets, and the bookcase: every shelf was full to the brim, two books deep and two books high on every shelf, save one. On the highest shelf up, two things took pride of place: a ruined copy of a Harry Potter book, coffee stains making most of the words illegible, and a photo album.

He walked to the bookcase, pulling the album down; he flicked through the first couple of pages. Photos of old school friends. Hidan featured quite a few times. Itachi had forgotten how close they actually were as kids- there was even one of the two kissing (they'd been drunk, he recalled). Several photos of his brother also appeared (his personal favourite was one of him in a halloween costume as a watermelon). Then there was an obligatory appearance of his mother and father; the photo buried beneath a second photo of himself with another high-school friend, Konan- (she was quite the ugly duckling, Itachi vaguely wondered how the skinny girl with thick glasses and terrifying braces had become the stunning woman he knew today). He skimmed over these images, until he reached the last few pages of the album, and the only photos in which Itachi could be seen smiling over the age of fifteen; and in all these photos…

"Kisame." Itachi managed a faint flicker of a smile as he closed the album again. He had no idea why he was feeling so sentimental that night. Perhaps he should have gone to his boyfriend's house rather than stayed in his own, dismal building, God only knew how much of his things could already be found at Kisame's... everything from CDs to clothes, to the book he was currently reading… Kisame hadn't quite understood why he wouldn't take up his offer to simply move in- Itachi explained that his father would sooner behead his own son than have him move in with another man. Kisame looked spooked, and told him to take his things back, because he didn't want them to die.

His phone rang suddenly, dispelling his relatively good mood.

"Yes?"

"Main house, now. We have something to discuss" His father's curt orders left him raising an eyebrow in irritation- but he shrugged it off. He left his little flat, setting out across the manor lawn (knowing full-well he was treading through their gardens- and that it would drive his mother insane) to the main house.

He hadn't even set a foot in the door when he knew he was going to be receiving some Very Bad News. That was the only time that his father smiled like that… but he wasn't expecting said Bad News to be quite so baffling…

"You're going to get married, Itachi"

He couldn't even bring himself to sigh, he closed the door. "Am I?"

"Yes. To a woman." Itachi's mouth twitched. His father smiled that smile again.

"Good to hear." Fugaku missed the sarcasm completely. Itachi noticed this, along with a tall, hyperventilating figure standing a distance from his father. He wasn't sure, but he thought he vaguely heard the words 'oh no' repeated several times. "Sasuke" he nodded to his younger brother in greeting.

"Oh… ITACHI! Didn't see you there! Hah, nice weather we're having, isn't it? Oh, did I say that out loud?"

"Yes, and I would be ashamed of myself, if I were you…" It wasn't that Itachi wasn't fond of his brother, but he sure was fun to mock…

"Sakura Haruno!" their mother announced, swishing into the entrance room, clad in the latest fashions.

"She's a wealthy and beautiful socialite, son. One could do worse." his father said snidely, winking.

Paris Hilton, lovely… Itachi thought despairingly, but didn't say it out loud because Sasuke was rapidly turning purple. And also because that would likely result in his murder. Father Uchiha was not a patient man.

He eyed his brother warily, he could see Sasuke tearing up- surely, he wasn't that sorry for him. Something fishy was going on…

"We'll talk about this later." Itachi said suddenly.

"What's there to talk about?" his father asked, "I mean, save for wedding plans…?"

"Oh, engagement parties, her family, my soul and the rate it's being sucked from me- but that can all be discussed later." He muttered, subtly gesturing to Sasuke to meet him outside. "Much later."

"Itachi"

"Goodnight." He huffed, and stalked out of the room.

"What's wrong with you?" Itachi hissed as Sasuke staggered after him.

"N-nothing…" Sasuke sniffled "at all. It's just… Sakura is… um… we're sort of…"

"Oh?"

"Dating…"

"Oh…"

"Only… not… really dating…"

"Then what-?

"You know… not dating…"

"… Oh!"

"Yeah…" Sasuke kept his eyes locked on the floor.

"Why haven't you told mother and father?!" Itachi hissed, "More to the point, why are you doing this?!"

"Because… we're not just… dating each other; you know our friend, Naruto?"

"You're sleeping with both of them?!" Itachi barely kept his voice at a whisper. Sasuke nodded, "And how old are you again? Seventeen? What the Hell, Sasuke?!"

Another nod, accompanied by a watery whimper, "I don't know what to do!"

"Well, don't look at me, Casanova! I haven't dated more than one person since I was your age!"

A sniff "… that's really sad, Itachi… "

"Yeah, but at least I'm not a slut."

"I'm not a-a slut… they both know about it…"

"I'm sorry...What?!"

"We all know a-about the relationships. We all agreed to- to share, you know."

"Oh, my god…"

"And we all like each other, I mean…"

"Stop. Stop right there. Please. I've heard enough. That, little brother, is what is commonly referred to as fucked up!"

"At least I'm not a virgin"

Itachi bit his tongue and left. Kisame's place did sound a lot more inviting, after all.

"Hey, Blondie" Hidan called as Temari entered the office kitchen, her initially calm demeanor slipped as his arrogant smirk wore at her nerves. He had, she noticed with a wince, a medical patch hiding three stitches above his left eyebrow.

Temari stiffened, "I believe…that… I may owe you an apology of sorts."

"No shit! Really?"

"Don't make this difficult." She hissed. Hidan, with an expression vaguely akin to terror, abruptly apologized and planted himself directly in front of the cutlery drawer. "Now… I… shouldn't have, I know reacted precisely as I did this morning… but I-"

"Eh- Kakuzu's done worse." Hidan interrupted, "It's not that bad"

"I still believe that I need to apologise for injuring you…"

"Don't worry about it, Blondie. I gotta be fucking crazy, but I'm not angry at you."

"You have stitches!" she protested awkwardly, "I think that's bad enough in itself to warrant an-"

He grinned, "A battle wound. It's kinda badass, actually. I- woah! Fucking hell!" Hidan kept himself pressed firmly against the cutlery drawer as Temari lifted him up by the collar.

"Would you shut up and let me apologise?"

"You're a fucking lunatic, you know that?!"

"I'm a lunatic who's taking you to lunch tomorrow to make you know I'm sorry."

"I don't need you to take me to fucking lunch, what the-"

"We're having lunch because I'm sorry and you will damn well like it!"

"Yes. Okay! Christ! Let me go, woman. What are you, the fucking Hulk?"

She released his shirt, and he checked to see that the cutlery drawer was still closed.

"Good. I'll see you here at twelve tomorrow, and we'll go." Temari nodded primly. "I'll see you then."

"Yep. Oh, and by the way…" He called as she turned to leave, "Is this, like, a date?"

Hidan narrowly missed the toaster flying at his head.

A/N: Jim is awesome. Believe it! Also, enjoy the abysmally late update XD- I got a little sidetracked and stuck on Death Note fics, and probably nobody will read/review this, now- because it's been ages. But whatever. I had fun. :)