Love Potion #9

Pairing: House/Chase

Fandom: House, M.D.

Prompt: "You cannot create fate, 'cause then it's not fate, it's voodoo!" Everybody Loves Raymond

"I took my problems down to Madame Rue, you know the gypsy with the gold capped tooth?

She's got a pad down on 34th and Vine,

Selling little bottles of -Love Potion#9

From "Love Potion #9" by Jerry Leiber and Mike Stoller

Part 1- "He looked at my palm and he made a little sign, he said what you need is-Love Potion #9"

Dr. Robert Chase was depressed.

He didn't understand it. He was a good looking guy; he could objectively say that.

He knew that his blond hair and blue eyes and (let's face it) kissable lips were attractive.

But he was going through a bit of a dry spell. He wasn't getting the attention he was used to, from both men and women. More importantly, he wasn't getting anywhere with the only person he really wanted.

His annoying, unnerving and totally sexy boss.

In desperation he went into NYC on a freezing January afternoon to visit his friend, Kyle.

Kyle worked in a cozy café in the West Village that had a small neon sign in the window which said "Psychic."

Kyle was the psychic, and Chase hoped Kyle could see what his future with House would hold. Maybe the cards would come up with some way Chase could get the aggravating man he wanted so much. Or, maybe Kyle could give him something that would make him attractive to House.

"Robbie-oh my God, it's so good to see you! You didn't tell me you were gonna be in town," Kyle looked at him and sighed. "Oh, something is wrong. You're here in need of counseling?"

Chase nodded, looking very cold and dejected. Kyle led him over to the small table by the fireplace where he did the readings and gestured for him to sit down.

After ordering tea and some soup for Chase, Kyle leaned back in his chair and appraised his friend.

"You look terrible," he said.

"Thanks, Kyle. That really makes me feel better!"

"Well, what's got you so down? Seriously, Robbie, you have dark circles under your eyes, and you look paler than usual."

"My confidence is soaring with every word you utter, Kyle".

"Sorry, Robbie. I'm just worried about you. So, tell me what's got you so upset? Is it that asshole boss of yours again?"

"He's not an asshole," Chase replied. At Kyle's look of disbelief he added, "Well, not all the time. He has some good qualities."

Kyle looked dubious, but sighed and shook his head. "Ok, let me see what's going on. Give me your hand."

Chase put his hand out ,and Kyle examined his palm.

"What are you looking for?"

"Your love line," Kyle picked up Chase's palm and peered closely at it.

"I don't see one! Wait a minute," Kyle got up and walked to the bar. He came back with a triumphant expression on his face-and a magnifying glass.

"Well, that's not very encouraging," Chase said, worried.

Kyle picked up Chase's palm and put it near the magnifying glass.

"I –can't see it even with the magnifying glass!"

Chase slumped further down in his chair. "Great. What am I gonna do now? How did this happen?"

"Stop lamenting, Robbie. It just happens, sometimes. I have something for you that can straighten you right out," seeing Chase's alarmed look he added, "Not literally. You'll still be bi."

Chase looked relieved and said, "Is this going to help me with House?"

Kyle smiled. He looked into his bag and came out with a little bottle that he handed to Chase. "You'll have no problems, sweetheart." He winked at Chase. "You'll be irresistible to him."

**************************

Chase couldn't wait to try the "potion" that Kyle had given him.

As soon as he got to work he put it on. Kyle had said to put it on as he would cologne or aftershave. It didn't have an overpowering scent, but apparently would work on the "pheromones" and have House "panting after him like a dog in heat", as Kyle elegantly put it.

Grinning at the image that brought to mind, Chase took a deep breath and went into the office.

Foreman was there, reading the newspaper and drinking coffee. He barely looked up as Chase came in; muttering hello in response to Chase's cheery 'good morning'.

Chase brushed past him to get some coffee, accidentally bumping into his shoulder.

Foreman put the paper down, and for a second Chase was afraid that he'd start an argument about Chase's apparent lack of concern for other's personal space.

Instead, he stared at Chase and said, "Hey, good morning, Chase. You look really good today. New shirt? It's very attractive; it brings out the blue in your eyes."

Chase blinked a few times and shook his head, thinking he must be hallucinating.

"Uh…thank you?" he said, in shock.

Chase sat down across the table from Foreman and took out a crossword puzzle, sipping his coffee as he worked on it. In between sips, he twirled a pencil in his mouth as he tried to figure out the answers.

He looked up to see Foreman staring at him.

"What's wrong?" Chase asked, alarmed. Foreman usually didn't pay that much attention to him.

Foreman continued to stare at him, looking as though he was hypnotized.

"Foreman?" Chase wondered if maybe Foreman was having a seizure of some sort, because he didn't answer, and he didn't blink.

"You have beautiful lips, did you know that?" Foreman asked, never taking his eyes off of them.

"Uh, what?" Chase was astonished. "Foreman, what the hell?"

"You. You have beautiful lips. I was just watching them as you put that pencil in and out of your mouth. You're such a tease!" Foreman laughed at that, and Chase could swear he batted his eyelashes at him.

"Foreman! What the fuck is going on? Is this some kind of joke?"

Foreman just laughed and shook his head.

And he continued to stare at Chase's mouth.

Just then Cameron came in, obviously out of breath from having raced to get to the office. She plopped down in the chair next to Foreman and sighed. "Good morning guys."

"Good morning, Cameron," Chase said. Foreman was still staring at Chase's lips

"What's with him?" Cameron frowned.

"Nothing. He's just having a bit of a joke at my expense. What else is new?" He tried laughing it off, though it was making him very uncomfortable.

"Don't you like Chase's shirt? Foreman asked. "Doesn't it bring out the blue in his eyes?"

Cameron looked astonished and confused.

"What?"

"Yes," Foreman nodded, practically licking his lips at that point. "And look at his lips. He has the most beautiful lips. House was right to send you to that prison, Chase. Your mouth IS a lot prettier than mine."

Chase stared at him as though he'd lost his mind, but Cameron had given her attention to Chase and she too started nodding thoughtfully. She reached across the table and started fingering the cloth on Chase's shirt.
"Mmmmm, sexy! " she purred. Then she looked at Chase's lips and she said, "Foreman, you're right. Chase does have a beautiful mouth."

"Ok, stop it guys! This is getting ridiculous!" Chase started to get really angry. After all, a prank was a prank, but this was too much.

Cameron came around to his side of the table and stroked his nipples through the shirt.

"Ooh, that looks good, Cameron!" Foreman leered at Chase.

Exasperated, Chase pulled Cameron's hands off his shirt. "Stop that! Go sit down! This isn't funny!"

To his surprise, neither Cameron nor Foreman reacted to that. Cameron did stop, but she made sure she sat down next to Chase.

With both Foreman and Cameron staring at Chase he decided it was time to get out of the office and go to the vending machines.

Just then House came in, looking all artificially perky and cheerful. "Good morning, boys and girl! We have a new case. A thirty five year old man presents with…" he trailed off as he noticed that Foreman and Cameron weren't paying any attention to him.

"What the hell is going on here?"

"Don't you think Chase has beautiful lips?" asked Foreman and Cameron nodded.

"What???"

"Yes, Chase has such a sexy mouth. Imagine what he could do with it." Foreman continued, oblivious to the flabbergasted look House gave him (not to mention the mortified one Chase gave him!).

Cameron laughed. "Well, I don't have to imagine. I KNOW what those lips can do, and let me tell you-it's unbelievable!"

"That's not fair, Cameron! You shouldn't brag about being with Chase when I haven't been!" Foreman pouted.

House looked at the two of them as though they'd lost their minds.

"What the fuck is going on here? Foreman, when did you become gay, and more importantly, when did you both develop this intense crush on Chase? And- I can't believe I'M saying this, but don't you think this is, I don't know, not the best place to be talking about it?"

Both Cameron and Foreman gave House blank stares.

"Why is this not the best place to talk about it?"Cameron asked, seemingly confused.

"I don't know-because you're at work!" House yelled.

"Well, that never stopped you before," Foreman pointed out.

"Shut up," House grumbled, though there was some truth to that. He was always bringing up sex and making sexual innuendos about his fellows. But that was different. Not only was he their boss, they were usually the ones trying to get the talk back to the patient. Not continue the conversation!

And they didn't even listen to him describe the patient! They just went on about Chase and his kissable lips that Cameron insisted had amazing qualities.

Why the hell were they going on about Chase?

Not that he couldn't understand why they would be attracted to him.

He looked closely at Chase's lips. They really WERE kissable, and very sexy. Chase had that pouty, full lipped thing going on. He shook his head to clear it of such thoughts and told them to get back to work.

They grudgingly did, although House noticed that they were spending as much time as possible staring at Chase. Chase started squirming in his chair after a while, and actually asked to do House's clinic hours for him!

House let him go.

Once he was gone, House said, "Ok, now tell me what's going on?'Cause this is really starting to get freaky. Unless you're doing it to freak CHASE out. In which case, carry on."

Cameron and Foreman looked at each other and then shrugged their shoulders.

**********************

Chase found himself running down the stairs, not even waiting for the elevator. Anything to get away from Cameron and Foreman's sudden attention.

Was this from the potion? It had to be. Foreman wasn't gay or bi, and even if he were Chase knew he'd never behave the way he did under normal conditions.

Neither would Cameron.

House started watching Chase's lips also, but that could've just been because the other two were going on about them.

In any case, he was going to have to reach Kyle later and find out if there was something he didn't know about this potion.

He might need to use less of it.

**************

Things only got worse when he went down to the clinic.

The nurses, always a bit friendly and flirty suddenly became extremely flirty and friendly.

One of them tried to feel his butt.

A radiologist tried to kiss him while they went over x-rays together.

An attending physician slipped his number into Chase's lab coat.

Chase ran into the bathroom-where he was promptly hit on by the janitor.

In desperation he called Kyle.

"Kyle, call me back!!!!" Chase shouted on Kyle's voicemail.

"Something weird is happening at work! I might be doing something wrong with the potion you gave me!"

When Chase returned to the office Cameron, House and Foreman were looking at the board, still trying to diagnose the person who had come in that morning.

Chase worried that there would be a repeat of the morning's bizarre events.

"Hey", Chase said as he sat down, nervously watching all three faces for any indication of impending molestation. Not that he'd mind it if House were to molest him, he mused.

All three of them looked up and smiled at him.

Chase did a double take. House was smiling at him! House! It was wonderful; it was-a little weird, actually. But he liked it.

What he didn't like were the looks of lust that Cameron and Foreman had on their faces.

"Hey, sexy!" Foreman said in what Chase assumed was his seductive voice.

"Hi, baby!" Cameron smiled and gave him a flirtatious gaze, opening two buttons on her blouse as she did so.

"That's disgusting, Cameron!" Foreman rolled his eyes at her. "Opening up your blouse in a blatant attempt to be seductive to Chase," he shook his head, even though he was doing the same thing.

Chase blinked. Foreman was actually opening his shirt so Chase could see his chest.

Chase covered his eyes and said, "Please, both of you just stop it!"

House, meanwhile was glaring at Cameron and Foreman."Foreman, close your shirt! Cameron-open up another button!" Cameron was going to, keeping her eyes on Chase as she did so. House tapped his cane on the desk. " Never mind,Cuddy's passing by. Would you mind focusing on the problem at hand? Actually, since neither of you have come up with anything resembling an intelligent thought I'll ask Chase instead. Chase, what do you think could be wrong with our patient?"

Chase wondered if this could be a trap. Getting Chase to offer an opinion and then shooting it down was something that House loved to do.

He glanced at the board and gave his opinion based on the symptoms.

House beamed at him like he'd just discovered the cure for cancer and said, "You see? This is how an intelligent doctor thinks!" He came behind Chase's chair and hugged him.

Chase thought he was going to faint from the shock.

He'd wanted this, of course, but he didn't think House would be this blatant about liking him. And he was acting weird; hell, they were all acting weird. It had to be the potion.

***********************

When the day was over Cameron and Foreman suggested a drink, a club, a threesome and an orgy.

Chase declined, blushing furiously.

House came up behind him after everyone had gone and whispered in his ear.

"Well, haven't you become Mr. Popular around here?" he asked.

There was something in his tone that Chase hadn't heard before. It sounded like jealousy.

Chase liked that.

He shrugged his shoulders. "Yeah, it seems that way, doesn't it?"

House pressed his lips to the side of Chase's neck.

Chase almost collapsed at the feel of House's lips on him. House had to hold him up or he would have fallen right on the ground.

"Umm, what are you doing?" It seemed Chase was at a loss for words today. But then, it had been the kind of day that made you slightly incoherent.

House turned Chase around and kissed him softly on the lips.

It felt so amazing that it literally took his breath away.

"Foreman and Cameron are right. You do have the best lips I've ever seen. And they feel even better."

He pulled Chase in for another kiss, nibbling at Chase's lips as he did so.

"Goodnight, Chase," House whispered into his ear again, and Chase thought he really was going to faint, or something equally embarrassing.

He managed to pull himself together enough to say "Night, House," back to him as House was walking out the door.