Notes: Heroic!Clark. Davis. Kryptonite. Chloe with an eyepatch. Welcome to a crack-verse that cleans up all the angst of the latest episodes and spoilers.

Clark Kent is not a bad liar. He, despite being literally an alien from outer space, is not quite like Mork. Maybe more like Mindy.
Anyway, he can be much more cryptic than he lets on.

The way he's stared at the top of his best friend's head every time he's seen her for the past week has been executed subtly enough not to make her suspicious.
Like now, she is perfectly at ease, sitting in her apartment (she hasn't moved out yet) wearing an ancient t-shirt and her only pair of sweatpants.

She looks quite robust for someone who taken over by a pale supercomputer who was preparing to sap all the information out of the universe.

The keys are clicking madly under her fingers. He hopes she will find his information soon.
Since he decided to reveal his powers to world, he's discovered disproportionately high incidences of cats stuck in trees.
Which, of course, doesn't bother him. He has accepted his destiny. Fix people's memories, save the world and blubbering four year old's scratchy feline companions.

The trouble is that callers commonly forget to say where the cats are.
Tree # 6, with the balloons, in that house next to the lady with the wonderful apple pies doesn't always send the light bulbs off in his head.
Hence Chloe and hacking into tracking collars.

"Hey Clark?"
The keys stop clicking and he is forced to cease his contemplation of hair 432 as Chloe swings her head around.
"When I went all freaky, you took me the fortress to cure me, right?"
Nuh. Oh.
He knows that voice. It's the scoop voice. Deadly whenever you said Sullivan or Lane. Soon the voice is going to attempt to unearth the noble recesses of his mind.

"It must have been a big thing. I mean, your dad did try and make you take over the universe, gave you a seriously freaky tattoo…"

He does not sigh in relief. With super breath, it could knock over the monitor.
It was a difficult thing to do. With those eyes, scrutinizing him for unruly hairs and shaky limbs. It was only right that Chloe noticed his new strength of moral fiber.

"It was. But you know, you can always count on me. You're my best friend."
He's slightly miffed that she is too busy writing down pickup tree #96 to look at him.

She keeps talking.
"Still, it was Jor-El. And then of course, he got eaten by Braniac. You haven't put on your black cap or anything. You haven't even thrown a few balls around. Did you two fight…before..?"

Honestly, Clark did remember his black cap. He just took it off when Lana came by.
"He was technically a computer. No fight…"

"I didn't think so. And then he told you about the Ultimate Destroyer, and how the destiny is absorb and destroy…"
That's got to be Braniac, taunting him. Clark does not shrink into a corner.

"3,026! 3,026."
"What are you doing rubbing your ring, Clark?"
"Stay back!"
"I'm not Braniac." Chloe points to the computer. "No weird glowing thing.. See?"
"How do you know that, then?"
"Answer first: did your mother have dark hair and one eyebrow higher than the other?"
"Yes."
"In this bonding ritual for your home planet, do you really need the bracelets to glow for ten years?"
"Yes."

"Did your training involve simulations of asteroids?"
Somewhere before she asks him about how many cars he lit on fire that summer, she finally says something of her own.

"I think I have downloaded your father."
"…!? "

"All in here, whenever they did that thing. I just remember all of his stuff. I'm not really any smarter. But it technically means that I haven't been going nuts. Again. And that…
Wait a second."

Her hand completely freezes over the mouse.

"You unmitigated idiot! That is why you asked me if I remembered something about you."
"I did?"
With her wagging her finger right at his nose, his impassive face is not quite as good as he hoped.

"I would punch you in the nose if I wouldn't break my hand that doing it. Jor-El, I want to erase Chloe's memory pertaining to my secret. It wasn't one of my weird nightmares about out-of-character Clarks. That was you!"

"…"
"Clark, I told you I didn't want it erased. I asked you!"

"I wanted you to get a chance to live a normal life."
"Hah. See how that worked out. I married Jimmy! I actually liked to make pork roast. I didn't pay attention to my prepositions! And now I'm here doing the…sort of sidekick thing again."

She slumps, in typical teenager fashion over her knees.
"It's like a freaking puzzle. I have a ginormous headache because I think I know why I had been so set on marrying Jimmy. This is so unfair."

She groans and halfheartedly whacks the arm of the chair. It's unlikely she's going to restart wagging her finger.
He thinks it's safe to venture a few words.

"Chloe. Why was that?"

"You know, Braniac? The ultimate destroyer thing? I was the lure. And I would have put the pieces together sooner if I had remembered!"
She doesn't have any hard evidence to back her up, but there are way too many coincidences. The Krypton thing, Davis and his blackouts…

"I don't understand. Why would a monster want to steal you?"
She doesn't say because it would make him jealous and send him into a blackout with a purpose.
But it all makes too much sense. Braniac played her and Davis all along.

"You'll find out soon enough. I'll need you to use that ring to save the world again. It travels in time right?"
"…Yes?"

"Good."
She grabs the blue sleeve of his jacket.
"What are you waiting for? Go, do the quantum leap thing."

"I don't understand."
"You're on a short leash, buster. I'm still mad, and if you want those trees before next week you will do this for your best friend."

He finally closes his eyes.
"What time?"

"In three months… or so, I guess.

…and Clark, if you accidentally zap me into one of your fantasies of Lana…I'll…"
Her threat is obscured by a merciful whoosh of air.

The air smells like one of those parking lots after a marathon of fireworks.
He and Chloe are standing on top of what used to be a mall roof. There's torn valentines décor scattered amongst snapped two by fours. Apparently, the world doesn't like romance much, anymore, Clark thinks.
"Not here. Look farther away, Clark."

"Oh my God. Is that me? I'm flying!"
Chloe's actually more shocked at the sight of the tights, and the red underwear. It's like the return of captain underpants. She briefly wonders if Jimmy did the costume design.

The cape flutters like a wilted flag as Clark collides with a solid mass. A huge, hulk-like solid mass with what appears to be a pointy exoskeleton.
Definitely the spiny destroyer that had literally crashed her party. Was Davis in there somewhere? Could it be possible?

She wants to go out there and ask herself. At least, she thinks that her- the dot in the apron, trying to keep people away.

When Clark jumps them over, it's like being caught in a rock concert. Grasping, pushing stampedes of girls and boys, men and women and a few cos-players. They do count as a new category.
She sees at least four film cameras and at least two signs that say Epic SmackdoWn. This is the result of all that honesty. She thinks that Clark should be concerned but he is just briefly baffled at the signs that say 'Die Blur! Die!'

They can't go in because it would be turning time into a pretzel, and doing all those things you read about in Stephen Hawking's books and never understand.
So she watches, and Clark watches.

The fight literally tears up the ground and it looks like It is getting the upper hand. Clark's cape is torn to shreds and he's running out of ideas.

And apparently the-other-her notices this and charges right into the center of it. With a vat of Green…
Kryptonite?

The-other-she doesn't really do anything at first, just tries to position it between those two. She's sorely out of luck, because they are both way to fast for her too keep up with.
Chloe's actually rather shocked that she's not dead. It should be stampeding and killing everything. But actually both Clark and it manage to avoid her entirely.

The other she's doesn't look too shocked, just tired of it. She grabs someone. The flash? And charges at it with momentary speed.
And then she does nothing.

It doesn't move, she doesn't move, Clark looks about ready to faint.

And then the flickering starts on the spikes, there's a face there and she knows its Davis.
"Chloe?"
He looks lost and completely sick.

"Did I do this?"
"Only a half. Hey. Just hold still. We'll figure out something."

"How many?"
There were more casualties than the buildings, she's guessing. She doesn't hear the number.
Then she sees the spikes breaking across the skin again.
"Use it." He says.

She doesn't, and Clark, who must have heard it too, doesn't move a muscle.
Caught in the transformation between Davis and It, he literally throws himself into the Kryptonite.
And all the movement, everything stops.
Chloe is too horrified to notice the collective keening of the thousands of goth fan girls in the crowd.
They can erase all of this. She nearly rips a hole in Clark's nice sleeve.
"Think of something else."

"So that's why you didn't tell me! The ultimate destroyer was Davis? The paramedic whom you were thick as thieves with?
I should have known that.
I mean, you do have a history. That guy with the paintbrushes and…"

"No need to make this personal. And that's why you need me. So we're going to fix this."
She knows that Clark is not so good at problems with an empty stomach.

She walks out of her apartment to find some grub and literally sees herself… or not herself, with an eye patch.
She rushes back into the apartment and bolts the door.

"What alternate universe did you zap me to?"
"I don't know. I just thought of something else."

"Well I just saw another me.
Go ask… her… me what year it is. I can't meet myself! I could disappear."

It takes fifteen minutes to come back with the pizza and the information.
"His sacrifice actually completely turned him into Doomsday.
Now you're looking for him under the pretext of being a bounty hunter, while secretly trying to find a way to fix him and to stop batman from enacting a plan to defeat him but getting all the superheroes in the world to kill him at once."
"That sounds really, really horrible."

"Hmmm…" At least in the future Dominoes hadn't lost its magic
"Okay so in this freaky future, you couldn't do it. And I couldn't either. So he attempted to kill himself with Kryptonite.
And that was worse because it triggered something then he stayed Doomsday.
We know what to do now. C'mon. Let's go back now. This creeps the heck out of me!"

Chloe wishes she had Braniac's IQ to calculate exactly how many possible ways to avoid this scenario ever, ever happening.
It was Davis!

Clark looks mournfully at the extra-crispy pizza with three side orders of mushrooms.

Back at the apartment Chloe walks herself into circles.
"So you're going to help me on this."

"It may be impossible. The guy is meant to be the ultimate destroyer. What can we do? Maybe we should just send him to a moon or something on a revolving spaceship..."

"No!
…I mean. That's the worst idea I've ever heard. Keep talking."

"That league thing? Maybe more than a hundred of us can stop him."

"We're back home. He's not completely morphed. And the one rule of superheroes is not to kill. I think that was your mantra."

"That's Oliver's mantra now. I am kind of on the fence about it."

"You are attempting a lame joke aren't you?"

"..."

"Anyway, we should go talk to him."

"Chloe? Aren't you forgetting something? The tagline is Ultimate Destroyer for a reason."

"Well, you saw what Davis tried to do. He's a…good guy and an *ahem* really good friend. You would do the same for Lana…"

"I get your point." It is worse than he thought.

"And Jor-El tells me we can't literally go back any farther in time in lieu of bringing Braniac back. So now. Science… Maybe if we inactivate the destroyer DNA..."

"I don't think there are any technologies like that, yet."

"The joys of the scientific underground. Kryptonite mutations really speed up the process.
After all, I once met a schizophrenic meteor mutant who could literally see all the bacteria in everything. He really needed counseling. Then he started illustrating for Marvel.
Theoretically, a meteor-infected super genius who alters genetic code shouldn't be too hard to find."

He gets woken up at something near five A.M. the day after the next for their next mission. Chloe is not wearing all black or any Watchtower getup. She's dressed just like Isis, in a skirt and heels.

They're in an apartment complex that doesn't look hostile. She knocks at the door, completely casual about it, as if he hadn't been half dead. He thinks maybe he should have worn his lucky cap.

In a few seconds it does open. (Clark wants to get out of the range of spiky protrusions.)
He shouldn't have worried.

For the very first time he's vanished into the wallpaper.

The thing! It! Davis looks like a mix of hypnotized and frightened at the sight of the tiny dynamo that is Chloe. He forgets about the second part when he nearly gets bowled over.

"Gah! You're not dead. Or suicidal! Or spiny!"

The door closes behind them both.
(Clark is quite grateful for his super hearing.)

For a while they seem to be doing the two-step.
"You should stay back Chloe…"

"Because I told you that you were the ultimate destroyer while I was an evil supercomputer."

"You remember that?"

"A reporter has her ways."

"And no. It said that it programmed my feelings to get me to you. So now that it's gone you're not safe when…"

"Hey, Davis? Do you feel any different?"

"…No…"

"I'm not an evil supercomputer. Therefore we don't have that problem. Maybe another one…"

"You should hate me now. All of those weird fears are right. I'm meant to be an ultimate destroyer and I can't die! In about twelve hours…
You should get away. I can hold it back for a bit…"

"Fat chance.
And this is your way of holding it back? Did you read the side effects on these drugs? …Causes instantaneous cell death, cell growth, deafness, acute ear pain, high blood pressure, low blood pressure, a kind of dis-function that you really don't want…"

Ouch.
Even for an intended super-villain who refuses to be a supervillain, Davis Bloome is nothing if not brave.

"Besides, I have a better plan. I have a friend with his own freaky power. With his help we're going to inactivate the DNA. See? Appointment is all set. Ready?"

"But I'm…"

"In need of aid to deal with a freaky situation. Yeah. S'why I'm here"

"Chloe, you're doing this for me?"
There is a long angsty moment where Clark can nearly see the deep looks and hear the swells of 'Romeo and Juliet' in the background.

"…about that. You were right, that day."

Chloe introduces him as her sidekick and that's the end of it.
"Thank you." is all Davis says to him the entire drive. Clark watches his forehead for spikes.

Their helpful mutant is a strange short person who wears a green baseball cap backwards on his head.

"Are you sure this is the right address? He's about twelve!" Clark whispers to Chloe.
This is just what he needs. A fake curing of Doomsday, and then one of these days when he's being heroic, it comes and nabs people in the middle of the night…

"Seventeen actually. He kind of messed with his aging process when he was learning."

They end up in a room that is like a basement from back to the future. There's a massive box in the center of the room.

"What is that for?"

"It's to amplify my powers." The pre-adolescent wonder says, stalking about the contraption.

"Like a lever. I simply meditate and before you know it I can convert flies to frogs... That was for you, right?"

Clark Kent did not just jump back.
"Not me. Him."

Davis plants himself firmly in the box.
"All ready."

The kid keeps walking around the box, fiddling with miscellaneous buttons.
"If I accidentally put one of your limbs to sleep I hope you won't mind."

"Not if ends this."

"Determined, huh. I was joking.
But… this is really my first real alien use of the thing, so I'll hold you to that."

Three hours and many weird glowing moments later, they stand outside of the apartment, too delighted to properly articulate themselves.
And Clark doesn't know what to say either.

Davis invites them in of course. Clark stays at the door, unwilling to learn what that tour will involve.

"You can go now Clark. We're just going to catch up. You know."

"I'm just going to watch out for you. If it didn't work he might turn all spiny and eat you."

"I doubt that, but you get points for that if in fact, you are not trying to get me back to the tracking collars. I'm kind of on my way to forgiving you."

She reaches out and shakes his hand. (Jor-El has never liked hugging.)

"So, would you like something to drink, oh Sentinel?"

"I'm fine thanks, Chloe."

"Well, I hope you have a good night, out here."

"You, too.
I mean. Chloe? Try and remember I do have super hearing."

Never one to take chances, Clark finally does use that ring again that very night.

Three months, he thinks.
Davis and Chloe have stayed in the same apartment complex, the boy wonder regularly comes by for dinners.

He's still rescuing cats from trees. No sign of Doomsday anywhere.

The mall is covered with a sickening array of Valentine's streamers.
And it doesn't bother Clark Kent. Not at all. Not even when he discovers he has to learn to track cat collars.

It doesn't even bother him when he discovers that this time, it's not safe for him or his super-hearing anywhere near that apartment.
Maybe a little.

But he's really very happy. A world crisis was averted. The duo is like Catherine and Hareton, Wuthering Heights. (He remembers that Chloe explained that novel to him in high school. She was his best friend first.)

He's been a hero for seven weeks. He's above jealousy.
Clark Kent is not a bad liar. (He's not a good one, either.)

Endnotes: I just had to lighten up the spoilers and mux them up with the comics/pop culture and I don't know if it worked. So, I ask, what do you think?

And if you are confused, let me know. :p