Author's Note: sorry for the long wait. Finals and work kept me busy. But that's all done now. Hopefully I'll be able to give regular updates but not to sure about that. Hope you enjoy the chapter.

Disclaimer: if you don't know it by now you really need to see a doctor.

Chapter 11

September 16th 1991

Life as a Ravenclaw is certainly….different to what I thought it would be. Thought Harry. He was sitting in the library finishing up his homework. It was a little over two weeks since he was sorted into Ravenclaw and he was still adjusting to all the changes that have occurred.

After he was sorted he joined the Ravenclaw's at their table. They kept shooting him odd looks as if they didn't know if they should be scared of him or studying him. All too used to being stared at he ignored them. After the feast ended and they went back to the Ravenclaw common room after answering the riddle the portrait gave which Harry knew would cause him problems he met Professor Flitwick.

Or was that re-meeting? Shrugging his shoulders at the thought he listened as Professor Flitwick told him the general rules that he had to abide to and gave him a copy of his schedule of classes. Professor Flitwick then introduced the fifth year prefects. One of them was Penelope Clearwater who Harry vaguely remembered as Percy's girlfriend.

She was a pretty girl with long curly hair. She was also very nice and helpful to all the first years and often sat down and talked to them. She was a muggle-born and knew how hard and difficult it was for new students to adjust to the wizarding world.

Harry remembered that Percy never did anything like that when he was in Gryffindor though it could be due to him living all of his life in the wizarding world so he wouldn't know how to relate. Harry had to admit that if he had Penelope as a prefect the first time around it would have made things a whole lot easier.

The other first year Ravenclaw's didn't talk to him much. They mostly just stayed out of his way which he was grateful for. It made it easier for him to not have to interact with them and potentially say something that he shouldn't.

The first day of classes passed by uneventfully. The only note of difference was that most of his classes were with the Hufflepuffs. He had Transfiguration, Potions, Defence Against the Dark Arts, with the puffs. Herbology and History of Magic with the Slytherin's and Charms with the Gryffindor's but the majority was with the puffs. He found the relationships between the houses were a lot different if you were a Ravenclaw.

Ravenclaw and Slytherin's were on pretty good terms with each other. Unlike the Slytherin/Gryffindor rivalry were its hex first and then hex again and then hex some more and maybe ask questions later the Ravenclaw's and Slytherin's were friendly with each other. Even the muggle-born Ravenclaw's were treated better by the pure-bloods but not by much. Hufflepuff's were polite but distant like an acquaintance where you would make idle chit chat but nothing deeper. Gryffindor's ironically rubbed Ravenclaw's the wrong way with their jump first think later mentality. For a Ravenclaw acting without thinking was virtually unheard of.

Harry could see why they would dislike thinking that way without all of the facts. That type of thinking goes against everything Ravenclaw's stand for and knew from experience how bad things got if you didn't have all the facts. The fiasco at the ministry and his suspicions about Snape were two of many things that proved what happens when you.

Don't think about that. Thought Harry feeling overwhelmed by the emotions and the memories they evoked. He used what little skill he had at Occlumency to try and calm himself down. It took a t least five minutes but eventually he was able to calm down. It still took him some effort to use the skill effectively.

Remembering the old man's advice he went to the Room of Requirement wondering how it could help him with Occlumency. The events that proceeded after that Harry would not forget for a long time.

Flashback

Harry had waited for the rest of his room mates to fall asleep before he left. It was around 1:30 a.m. when he finally made his move. He decided to go at night after his first day of classes were done but couldn't escape from the prefects quick enough so he had to wait when everyone was asleep.

He made his way out of the Ravenclaw dormitory silently since he didn't have the marauder's map or his invisibility cloak. Luckily he had no problems getting to the ROR. He paced around the door three times thinking… "I need a place to learn occlumency…."

After his third pass the door appeared and he went in. The inside was practically bare. The only things in the room were a couch and a bowl on a pedestal. Getting closer Harry saw that the bowl was actually a pensieve.

"Okay I'm here so now what?"Harry said to the empty room.

"Now you learn" was the reply. Harry turned at the sound of the voice and saw that it was the sorting hat and he was on the couch.

"How'd you get here?"Harry asked shocked. He didn't see him when he first entered the room and was pretty sure the hat didn't just walk here.

"Hogwarts brought me here to this room." The hat replied.

"Why you?" Asked Harry as he sat down on the couch and put the hat on.

"You asked Hogwarts to help you with something and it provided the best solution available. In this case it was me." Was the reply.

"Oh." Was all Harry said. Makes sense. The room thought the best way to help me was with the sorting hat so it brought it here.

"So the room brought you here to help me learn Occlumency?"questioned Harry.

"If that is what you required the room to help you with then yes that is why I am here. So shall we get started?"

Harry could only nod in agreement.

"Very well. First tell me what do you know of Occlumency?" asked the sorting hat.

"Well… I know that it involves clearing the mind of all thought and emotion . You need to be able to resist the attack similar to the imperious curse. Oh and if your skilled enough you would be able to lie to other Legilimens without being caught." Answered Harry.

"Good but there are some things you missed. Firstly Occlumency is not only useful to stop external penetration but also internal."

"Internal?"

"Yes. A person who has mastered Occlumency also masters their own mind. They would be able to remove the part of the mind that causes a person to doubt themselves as well as all the emotions they believe would be harmful to them. If a person has a fear that paralyzes them from acting and if they know occlumency then they can use it to box up that fear and push it to the side long enough to get the job done. But since most people's minds are not that disciplined the art is not really taught anymore. It takes a person who already has an impressive mental discipline and shows them how to use it."

"Bloody hell. So what you're saying that if a person masters Occlumency they could fill themselves up with only positive emotions and not feel any negative emotions as well?"Exclaimed Harry.

"Yes what I say is true but you must remember that you can compartmentalize the negative emotions but you could never fully get rid of them. Bad emotions are needed just as much as good emotions to keep a person in balance." The hat lectured.

There's that balance thing again. "Is that it?"

"No that is not it." The Sorting hat huffed. "Young people today have no patience."

"Yeah, yeah I'm sorry. Can we get on with it?"Harry replied with a wave of his hand. The hat glared at Harry from the top of his head for a moment before continuing.

"Another benefit to mastering Occlumency is that it helps a person achieve their full magical potential."

"How does that help?"

"Occlumency used to be a class taught at Hogwarts. It was an optional class that any person fourth year and above who wished to take it could. Very few people had the skill to be a true Occlumens but most people are able to pick up the basics. It is only the truly gifted that can master the art. From your memories of your past life did you never wonder how Voldemort learned all that he did? How by the time he was a sixth year student he was able to do the darkest rituals of black magic? Where and how was he able to learn and actually do all that when he spent the majority of his time at Hogwarts? How he was able to plant a false memory that managed to fool the whole department of Magical Law Enforcement and which even took Dumbledore considerable talent to break? Or how he was able to frame your friend Hagrid for causing the death of Myrtle when the creature he had kills with poison and there was no trace of it in her body?" The hat listed off.

Harry had to admit he never thought much about where or how Voldemort learned it all. He was more concerned with how he was able to stay alive and getting out of whatever situation he was in. But now that the hat said it he started to wonder. How was a student even an exceptionally bright one able to do all that? Not even Hermione with all of her considerable level of intelligence would have been able to do all that. He remembered when Hermione explained what she did to her parents that even erasing her parent's minds of herself and creating new identities took a lot of skill as the slightest error could cause irreparable damage.. She wasn't able to make a full detailed set of memories of their new lives. It took years of practice to do something like that and there was always the chance that the process would mess up because the human mind was unpredictable and not enough was known about it. She was only able to make a superficial memory set which any decent obliviator could break. Which begged the question how was Voldemort able to do it to his uncle? He knew by that time Voldemort had already made the diary horcrux and had just finished making the ring horcrux.

"So then how was he able to do all that then?" Harry asked the sorting hat after thinking it over.

"I do not know how he was able to learn all about the horcrux ritual but I do know that before Dumbledore became headmaster the Hogwarts library did house dark tomes. None of those books actually showed how it was done but it was more as a reference guide. Dark magic was studied at Hogwarts, never taught, but the theory of it was explained. I could guess that Voldemort might have found out how do it from there or at least where to find how to do it. As for the other stuff Occlumency was able to help him immensely." The sorting hat explained.

"How?"

"I told you that Occlumency was able to help a person realize their full magical potential. Most witches and wizards use magic put only a certain percentage of it. Much like how a person only uses a certain percentage of their brain. A person who masters Occlumency would be able to use their full magical power. They would be able to do feats of magic that no ordinary witch or wizard could. Sometimes hidden magical abilities could be found, like speaking to animals for example."

Harry was amazed. If Snape had explained all this before he would have studied Occlumency a lot more. No, actually he realized he still might not have. Snape did not really teach him much and he was only able to block Voldemort after the events of Malfoy Manor. He shivered at the last thought remembering all the pain and heartache he endured over there.

"But that still doesn't explain how Voldemort was able to fool the DMLE?" Harry questioned.

"The class that taught Occlumency also taught the students how to plant false memories and how to uncover them. An Occlumens can be obliviated like any other person but it is more difficult because the shields that are in place can protect the Occlumens mind. Only a person whose magic is stronger than the Occlumens would be able to accomplish it." The hat said.

"Why would the school teach that to its students?" Harry wondered out loud.

"Because the laws at that time allowed it. Before Voldemort's rise to power all Hogwarts students were required to learn how to use the memory charm so that if a situation that exposed a witch or wizard happened then they would be able to use it to keep the existence of the wizarding world a secret. The Obliviator headquarters were constantly on call because of the war with Grindelwald as well as the muggle second world war. They were stretched thin so the ministry decided to temporarily rescind the restrictions on obliviation until after the war was over."

"Oh" He remembered in primary school a bit about WWII but they never talked about how bad it was, probably because of their age. "So if Occlumency was an optional class then why isn't it taught today?" asked Harry.

"The teacher at the time felt guilty that it was his teachings that helped Voldemort become so powerful that he vowed to never teach the skill to another no matter what the situation. He believed that he should have known what was going to happen since he has glimpsed into Voldemort's mind. Also there are very few true master Occlumens and Legilimens in the world today that could successfully teach the art that the class was disbanded." The sorting hat answered.

"Who was the teacher? Maybe if I met him and explained the situation somewhat he would be sympathetic and help me. Or is that person someone who values blood purity?"

"It won't do you any good to ask. He wouldn't do it anyway because the person who taught it was Dumbledore." Explained the hat.

Harry couldn't believe it. Dumbledore. He knew he taught Transfiguration before McGonagall but not about the Occlumency. He remembered Dumbledore telling him that he kept his distance because he thought that if Voldemort knew about the connection he would use it against him. He was right about that but he thought that it was the only reason why he didn't teach him.

It made sense at the time when he thought about it but then why did he not continue the lessons? Dumbledore believed that Voldemort wouldn't try to do something like that again and for the most part he didn't. He didn't like Occlumency and was more than happy to stop the lessons but he could see now how fucking stupid that was. Even if Voldemort didn't attack his mind Snape was able to and because of that he got his ass royally handed to him.

Even remembering that event burned him like no other. It was the first time that he was truly and utterly defeated. It wasn't even like Snape getting a lucky hit. He beat him with skill and cunning while he attacked with everything he had. Every challenge he faced ever since he got to Hogwarts he was able to overcome.

The troll on Halloween, Voldemort cursing his broom during Quidditch, the traps guarding the stone, facing Voldemort and beating him and that was in his first year alone.

Second year, finding the Chamber of Secrets, exposing Lockheart as a fraud, finding out that it was a basilisk that was petrifying the students, going into the chamber fighting the sixteen year old Tom Riddle who would later become Lord Voldemort, killing the basilisk and the diary-horcrux and saving Ginny.

Third year, dementors werewolves, traitors, and escaped convicts.

Fourth year, the Tri-wizard tournament, doing all the tasks and becoming champion, Dueling Voldemort-VOLDEMORT-and escaping.

Fifth year with the ministry sending Dementors to the farce of a trial, DOM, the DA.

Sixth year was when he experienced it. Up till that time he believed that he could beat Voldemort but the duel with Snape showed just how much he was not ready.

All through what would have been his seventh year the doubt plagued him. He never voiced it to anyone but it was always there in the back of his mind. It was also one of the reasons why he didn't fight back in the forest. It wasn't his main reason but it was a contributing factor. The part of him that didn't believe he was strong enough was brought home when he saw James Potter duel Voldemort.

His father was only a few years older but he had so much more skill yet he still lost. He always looked up to his father even though he never knew him. Everybody always said how skilled and talented he was. Even McGonagall praised his skill and she was a hard person to please. But seeing his death brought it all home to him like no other death before which showed him that he wasn't ready.

So he chose not to go back to the forest and instead took the path that would hopefully give him more time and maybe he could get strong enough to beat him.

Harry shook his head trying to clear the memories that it brought up. That was then and this is now. He was a different person then. But still it sometimes felt like that personality was taking over his current one and he didn't know which person he was.

Was he Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived, Gryffindor or was he Harry Potter part of The-Family-Who-Conquered and a Ravenclaw?

He did not know who he was anymore.

"You are both of them and yet neither of them at the same time." The sorting hat said. "At one time you were either one of those people but you are no longer. You are an entirely new Harry Potter who has grown up being bullied and at the same time being a bully. Your experiences are what shape you as a person. They play a vital role in your development but at the end it is you and your nature that decide who you are at the end. The question is who will you be?"

Harry had no answer to that. He wasn't sure who he was anymore. He was so confused and lost.

"Think it over. You don't have to answer me or anybody else. Just answer the question to yourself because in the end if you are happy with who you are then the rest will fall into place. But you should also accept the responsibility for the actions made previously because you did make them."

"What were we talking about again? I lost track." Harry said steering the conversation away from questions he didn't have any answers for.

"We were talking about Dumbledore and how he stopped teaching Occlumency?" The Hat reminded him.

It came back to him now. How Dumbledore believed he should have known. Sure, he knew that the old man made mistakes but this was unbelievable! It was stupid of him to blame himself for how Tom Riddle turned out. He didn't have any control over the choices Tom made and besides it wasn't his responsibility to decide what Riddle should or should not do. Only Tom could make that choice.

"I agree." The hat said unexpectedly. Harry jumped up startled. He forgot that he had the hat on and it could read his mind as well. "I agree with what you said but who are you to decide if he should or should not blame himself?"

"Because anybody with half a brain could see that it was Tom Riddle who made the choice to do all that, not Dumbledore. Even though he glimpsed into his mind he had no idea how dark Tom's true nature was." Harry didn't expect this. He thought the hat would agree with him but it seems as if he didn't.

"True but he also knew Tom Riddle was not as good as he pretended to be. Didn't diary-Tom tell you that Dumbledore kept a close eye on him after Slytherin's chamber was opened? Did Dumbledore not say himself that he resolved to watch Tom after his visit to the orphanage? Is it not the responsibility of a teacher to help their students whenever they need it even if the student doesn't believe they need any help?"The hat countered.

"Yeah but…" Harry trailed off.

"But what?" The hat asked.

"But even though Dumbledore said he watched Riddle it was not up to him to decide what Riddle could or could not do. As a teacher he was obligated to help but that can only take you so far if the student doesn't meet you half way. No matter what he thought he should have done and as much as I hate to admit it Professor Dumbledore didn't have the right to make Tom's choices for him. Only Tom could make Tom's choices." Harry finished off passionately.

"Do you believe that? Truly, with all your heart?" the hat inquired.

"I do."

"Then why do you still blame yourself for the death's of your parents, Cedric Diggory, your godfather Sirius, Remus and Tonks, Fred, Dumbledore, and countless others?" the hat asked.

"I…."

"Why do you continue to blame yourself for their actions or the actions that Voldemort has done? They made the choice not you and it's high time that you accept it." The hat explained.

And he brought back up the topic Harry was desperately trying to forget. His actions as well as whom he was. Harry knew intellectually that he wasn't at fault. He did not force any of them to do anything they didn't want to do. They chose to do it of their own will because that was what they believed to be right but his heart couldn't accept it. If he did then it felt as if he was shaming them somehow by not blaming himself.

The hat was right though. He just said it himself that it was the responsibility of the person to decide what is right for them. He knew that but couldn't accept it then blinded by his grief. They died and he lived because of the choices that were made and it was not his fault. But he wasn't sure he could take that last step yet.

"Think it over. You have had a very tiring night. We will continue this when you are rested and ready to continue." The hat said before disappearing from his head.

End Flashback

He didn't even remember leaving the room of requirement and getting back to the Ravenclaw dormitory. He didn't go back to the ROR after that. He was scared at what would happen if he did go back. Since then he hasn't gone backto the room and therefore he wasn't able to work on his occlumency at all.

Usually he would try and bury himself in quidditch but since that wasn't an option he buried himself in his schoolwork instead. Having experienced this once before helped Harry a lot but there were still things he forgot.

He was more used to classes having practical work more than theory but first year students were taught more theory than practical. He had to re-read passages from the first year textbooks. Though he sometimes forgot some fact he was more than able to cover it up. Of course having six years of magical education helped.

He was at the top of all of his classes with Hermione trailing closely behind him. Part of him, the Gryffindor part felt guilty that he was somehow cheating but the Ravenclaw side of him shut that up believing that he should be taking every advantage that he can get.

The Ravenclaw side won so Harry used it to great affect. Of course showing how easy it was the teachers started praising his skills. Only a select few knew who he truly was. Hell, even potions with Snape were bearable. He did ask Harry questions above the first year level but he was able to answer them all and his potion came out perfect. After that Snape tended to ignore him but there was a look in his eye that seemed to be appraising him. He was pretty sure Snape knew who he was but so far he's treated him like any non-Slytherin student. With insults and snide comments but even those were few. Professor McGonagall said his father was a prodigy and he must have inherited his skill with a wand.

Speaking of his wand he was of two minds about it. His Yew and Basilisk fang felt just as good as his Holly and Phoenix feather wand but it felt like it was an insult to use this wand. Still it worked well and he had no complaints.

Finishing up his work he packed up his stuff and was ready to leave. The library was empty except for Harry and a few other older students. It was only the beginning of the school year so most wouldn't be in the library. He put the book he was borrowing back on the shelf and was about to leave when he heard a sound.

Standing still Harry listened without making a noise. He was about to give up thinking it was his imagination but he heard the sound again. He walked down the aisle to the end and saw a sight that broke his heart.

Hermione was sitting on the floor hugging her legs to her chest and burying her head in it. She was in her school robes. Her book bag was next to her with her books falling out. She looked like she was trying to suppress her tears and sob but the occasional sound got through. He didn't know that he was able to hear it because of what happened when the hat unblocked his memories.

"Hermione?" Harry said softly.

Hermione jumped up startled at the sound. She didn't hear anybody come up to her. She saw it was harry and tried to give him a smile.

"Oh Harry. How are you? I was just sitting for a minute. There was something in my eye and I was just getting rid of it. Did you finish Professor Flitwick's essay? I did but wasn't too sure if I should add anymore about the different types of household charms used. I already added the cleaning charm, air-freshening, and the sewing charm. I know he said choose only one and explain it but I decided to add more." Hermione rambled trying to deflect attention away from her.

"Hermione." Harry said firmly stopping her mid-rant. She immediately quieted down. "What happened?"

"Oh, it's nothing. Just me overreacting. That's all. No need to concern yourself." Hermione said bossily but Harry could see that her self-control was hanging by a thread.

"Hermione. Please don't lie to me. I thought we were friends and friends don't lie to each other." Harry said determinedly trying to figure out the answer.

Whatever he was expecting it wasn't this. She wasn't crying but looking at Harry with a look of wonder and hope?

"Friends? You think of me as a friend?" Hermione asked with a tone of shock.

"Well yeah. At least I thought we were. I mean… if you don't want to cause were in different houses but…if you…" Harry trailed off embarrassed. He didn't think that Hermione didn't want to be his friend. Was it because he was in a different house?

"NO. I mean I think of you as a friend. It's just… oh this is so embarrassing. Promise me you won't laugh." Hermione looked at him sternly daring him to disagree.

"Promise." Harry said.

"It's just that I've never had a friend before. I was just shocked you thought of me as one. People just make fun of me and mock my intelligence and nobody wants to be friends with the know-it-all." Hermione revealed. She looked into his eyes expecting him to laugh but she saw only understanding and concern.

"Is that why you were crying before? Some people called you names." Harry asked perceptively.

Hermione only nodded in agreement. It was painful for her to talk about it.

"Who was it?" Harry said with barely suppressed anger. His emotions were all over the place recently but anger he could deal with. It made things so much easier.

"Don't. It doesn't matter. It was stupid of me to let it bother me. Please don't do anything that will get you in trouble. Not for me." Hermione pleaded.

Harry seeing the distress on her face calmed down. "Sorry but your wrong about one thing. You are worth it even if I get in trouble."

"Thank you." Hermione said gratefully giving him a small smile. It seemed finding out she did have a friend seemed to cheer her up.

"No problem." Harry replied sheepishly running his hand through his hair. Looking at his watch he saw that it was almost time for curfew to be enforced. "We'd better get back to our rooms. It's almost time for our curfew."

"Your right."

Together the walked out of the library in silence. It wasn't an awkward one, more like a comfortable one where an unconscious agreement was met. The eventually reached an area where there was a split in the hallway.

"My dormitory's that way." Hermione gestured with her hand.

"I'm the other way." Harry replied. It was clear that neither wanted to go but knew they had to.

"Anyway I'll see you tomorrow." Hermione started to walk away. She only walked ten steps before Harry called her again.

"Yes?" Hermione questioned.

"Remember no matter what they say it's only words at the end. They can only hurt you if you let it." Harry advised.

"Thanks. I'll remember that." With a wave of her hand she left.

Harry saw her walk off with a smile on his face. Even though his life was constantly changing he could always count on Hermione to be there. He didn't know how much he missed her until he saw her on the floor crying. He just knew he had to help her but why? Was it his Gryffindor side compelling him, his morals, or something else entirely? He had no idea but knew he needed her but perhaps that was enough for now.