The Heroes Parody Project 2

Chapter 1: Haunted

Warning: There are a few spoiler-ish moments, make sure you have some knowledge about the newest season of Heroes.

Disclaimer: Heroes is copyright of NBC. That means that all characters, events, and powers belong to them. Anything else has just been made up, though any similarities from any such names or events are completely coincidental.

-Volume 4: Remnants-

Look! The world is spinning! Oh that crazy world, is there anything it can't do?

Mohinder: The oncoming stages of evolution are upon us. We as individuals have no choice but to adapt to their mysterious ways. Time goes on but we cannot stay safe forever. Darkness is upon us, and it is up to us as individuals to unite, and save the world, for the evil and villainy never ends.

Student: Uh…that's nice and all, but aren't you going to start the class already?

Mohinder: Oh right….-ahem-…..My name is Dr. Mohinder Suresh, due to a technicality I am your substitute 'Sewing 101' professor. Everyone grab your needles!

The students do so.

Mohinder: Great! Now take the needle and sort it through like this….OW!.....ohhh…..I have a boo boo……

Student: Did he just say 'boo boo?'

Mohinder: Well, it's a good thing I have some extra (searches through his bag)….band-aids…..(he pulls out a roll of duct tape)…..GAH?! (He pulls out a letter)

Dear Mohinder,

Sorry about the tape, I used all your band-aids to repair my Slip & Slide. I tried to use my surf board on it and well…yeah you can pretty much see how that turned out. Hope this helps you with any wounds you may have. And may all your dreams come true or something. Keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars. When life hands you lemons, make some apple juice. I'm ripping off pages of Niki's inspirational calendar…let's see, what's good…oh this is boring, let's try her diary!

Dear Diary,

That nasty boil came back again. It's the size of three football fields! EWWW! That's the grossest thing I've ever heard in my entire life! Let's read on…OH CRAP! It's NIKI! She's screaming and throwing things. AHH! Mohinder, HELP! She's got a chainsaw! EEEEEEEEEKKK!!! NIKI! Stay back! Just don't hurt my face, it's my money-maker! NOOOOOOOO!

Mohinder: ……I should really put in for new roommates.

---

Mohinder, Matt, and Niki
On a plane to a paradise resort
Leavin' on a jet plane, don't know when I'll be back again…

On a plane headed to a beautiful paradise island, Mohinder, Matt, and Niki are…well….sitting….in a plane….headed to a beautiful paradise island.

Mohinder: Ahh, this is nice….

Matt: You're telling me! I can't wait to check out the beaches!

Niki: I'm going to work on my tan…

Mohinder: Now remember, this isn't a vacation. I'm attending the National Scientists Convention….which just so happens to be held at a luxurious resort hotel.

Matt: Beaches.

Niki: Tan.

Mohinder: Hmph! Well, I'm going to talk with my associates and give them my findings on the Daniel Ryan case. Hopefully it will give us some insight on what happened to Peter.

Matt: Beaches.

Niki: Tan.

Mohinder: Fine, don't pay attention. Ok, let's see what in flight movies they have…..

Niki: The movie selection blows! The only thing they're playing is 'Quaker Oats: The Movie!'

Mohinder: Yikes!

Claire Bennet
The Bennett Home
Looks like Mr. Muggles had an 'accident' on the carpet, that's okay, Lyle will take the blame.

Claire comes trudging down the stairs. She slumps into the kitchen.

Sandra: Morning, Claire! Would you like some breakfast?

Claire: Sure, why not?

Sandra: So, what are you going to do today?

Claire: Well, I do need to look around for some good colleges. But I think I'll take a little break. Maybe five or six more seasons should do the trick.

Sandra: That's the spirit! Here's your breakfast.

She slides a giant mass of black goo on Claire's plate.

Claire: UGH! What the?

Sandra: It's organic!

Claire: It looks…..delicious….(trying not to toss her cookies…which she hasn't eaten any…which would just result in dry heaves…and nobody likes those)

Suddenly, there's a knock at the door.

Claire: I'LL GET IT!

She jumps out of her chair and rushes to the front door and opens it to a man and woman dressed in black.

Claire: Uh…..you guys don't look like the normal girl scouts….but it's no biggie….I'll take two boxes of thin mint cookies please!

Woman: I'm sorry to disturb you on such sort notice….my name is Sophia Evans and this is my husband Marty, we're Sunny's aunt and uncle…..

Claire: AHHH! NOT SUNNY! Anybody but her!

Sophia: Oh good! You remember her. So you'll speak at her funeral?

Claire: F…f…f….funeral?

Sophia: Yes, she would want her bestest friend to say some kind words about her.

Claire: Well, we weren't really the best of friends…..and not to sound callous but she died two volumes ago, why are you having the funeral now?!

Sophia: Oh….you know….

Claire: …uh….actually I don't…..

Sophia: So much has happened…..but enough about that….

Claire: That doesn't answer my question.

Sophia: So you'll give the eulogy?

Claire: Ugh….sure….when is the funeral?

Sophia: 4 o clock.

Claire: TODAY!?

Sophia: Yes, we hope to see you there! Good day to you Cindy!

Claire: It's Claire…..ugh….man…..

She slams the door.

Noah Bennet
Driving down the road
Watch out for the squirrel! He didn't signal when he changed lanes! NOOOO!

Noah: Stupid squirrels.

Noah's phone rings.

Noah: Yeah.

Haitian: Hey, you should probably get down here quickly. We….have a situation….

Noah: I'm driving as fast as I can! I'm pushing three miles over the speed limit….THREE!

Haitian: You dare devil. Anyway, get here quick…..

Noah: Fine!

He hangs up.

Noah: HEY! (Leans his head out the window) USE YOUR TURN SIGNAL JERK!.......That squirrel just gave me the finger! How rude….wait, squirrels don't have fingers…..

Nathan Petrelli
The Deveaux Rooftop
Looking in the horizon, good thing nobody is living in this building, oh wait, there is.

Woman: Honey, that strange man is on the rooftop again!

Man: Ah, leave him alone. He ain't bugging anybody.

Nathan: ……

Nathan's phone rings, he answers it.

Nathan: Hello?........

Voice: I have the information you seek.

Nathan: And that is?

Voice: The whereabouts of your brother, you must meet me at this address….

Nathan: Absolutely….wait….how do I know if I can trust you?

Voice: You don't have any other leads.

Nathan: No, I suppose not. Okay, where are you located?.......Okay, I'll be there in a snap….

Voice: You may not use any abilities to reach me.

Nathan: …..I beg your pardon?

Voice: You heard what I said…..good day to you Mr. Petrelli.

Nathan hangs up the phone and walks back inside and into the kitchen, he makes himself a peanut butter jelly sandwich.

Woman: DO YOU MIND!?

Nathan: Oh crap, right…..I'm leaving, I'm leaving….

---Okay, turn the world slowly…..slowly…careful….CRAP you broke it…..Heroes---

Noah gets to his office downtown and drinks his coffee while in the elevator. The coffee cup reads:

CHAPTER 1: HAUNTED

Noah: Man, these drinks sure have some weird crap in them…

Noah gets off on the top floor and makes his way to the lounge area, because every business needs one, whatever business it is they are running. Noah nods to the Haitian and turns his attention to Elle.

Noah: AHHH!

Elle: What?!

Haitian: She's been like this for hours.

Elle is plopped on the couch with a bucket of Triple Chocolate Chunk Ice Cream…..which has had widening repercussions.

Noah: Um….Elle…..

Elle: Yes?

Noah: Hmm…..let's see….how can I put this delicately…….You've gotten kinda fat.

Elle: WHAT?!

Noah: I'm sorry that came out wrong, I meant to say…….You've gotten kinda fat.

Elle: I'LL KILL YOU!

Noah: Now, now….no need to make a big deal about it……I'm sure her boyfriend had a good reason to break up with her…..

Elle: I'm not having man trouble, you jerk face……I'm just……a little down in the dumps.

Noah: Oh, is that all. GREAT! Back to work.

Elle: I wasn't finished talking!!

Noah: Oh….

Elle: I don't know…..yeah, Sylar's gone missing again. And we'll sit around here bored until he comes back because he always does.

Noah: Yes, those are his contractual obligations.

Elle: I mean it just gets boring. I mean just sitting around here with you two…..it sucks!

Haitian: Sorry to disappoint you.

Noah: Whatever. Anyway, believe it or not….I too know what it's like to have a boring life.

Elle: Well, that's obvious.

Noah: What's that supposed to mean!?

Elle: Well, all you do is come here, go home, gripe at your daughter for trying to do things, and deal with your crazy wife and her dog Toto or whatever it's name is……

Noah: Hmm….good point.

He swipes the bucket of ice cream away from her.

Noah: My advice, get a hobby, make a friend, I don't care…….Now, where's that spoon?

The Haitian buries his head in the pillows.

Mohinder approaches the front desk at the Bombay Resort Hotel.

Clerk: Hello!

Mohinder: Yes, I had a room reserved……Suresh…….Mr. Suresh…….Dr. Mr. Mohinder Suresh…..

Clerk: Uh…..yeah…..let me check….yes…..we have your three bed room available.

Niki: Oooh! You got us three separate rooms! You're a life saver.

Mohinder: And waste that much money, are you nuts? I got one room with three beds in it.

Niki: WHAT?! How is that possible? We'll be scrunched!

Mohinder: Well, we're only going to be here for two days, why blow such much money?

Niki: I'm a girl! I need an extra room!

Mohinder: You'll be fine.

Niki: Okay, I'm traveling with you two. I need an extra room.

Mohinder: Again. You'll be fine.

Niki: UGH!

Back at the Bennet's.

Claire: A Eulogy. I have to give a Eulogy!

Sandra: Oh, that's wonderful!

Claire: Uh…..that's not really something you jump for joy for, mom.

Sandra: It's always good to pay your respects.

Claire: I didn't respect her! She was a villain. She was a very bad lady.

Sandra: That's nice dear. Anyway, I'll be back in a few hours. I have to go to the eye doctor.

Claire: I have a feeling your not paying attention to me.

Sandra: Bye, Claire! Enjoy your slumber party or whatever!

Claire: -Groan-…..

Nathan is back home packing his bags for his trip. There's a knock at the door.

Nathan: I hope it's those stupid girl scouts, I've been waiting for my Thin Mint Cookies for months!

He opens the door to find Hiro.

Hiro: FLYING…Oh….sorry…..Mr. Nathan.

Nathan: Oh, it's just you…….

Hiro: How are you today, good sir?

Nathan: Fine…..and don't call me sir.

Hiro: Yes Maam!

Nathan: Don't call me that, either!

Hiro: Oh….

Nathan: What do you want?

Hiro: I was just in the neighborhood…..

Nathan: Where's you little friend?

Hiro: Ando? He has a part time job…..

Nathan: Oookay…..and why are you here again?

Hiro: I was hoping I could accompany you on your journey.

Nathan: No thanks……Wait…..How did you know where I was going….?

Hiro: Uh….

Nathan: Were you eavesdropping on my telephone conversation!?

Hiro: It was an accident, the lines got tied!

Nathan: If I was still the Senator, I'd have you thrown in prison……then released…..then thrown in again….yes….that would do nicely.

Hiro: Yes, I remember when you were the Senator, then you weren't…..and you went into a deep depression and grew that Giant Oreo Cookie Beard!

Nathan: It wasn't that bad…….why am I having this conversation with you? Go away…..

Hiro: You were talking to the Great Mental Master Ken-Po Gi! I recognize that voice!

Nathan: Ken-What?

Hiro: Ken-Po Gi was a brilliant….

Nathan: I DON'T CARE! Ugh…..if this is anything like that whole Shinko debacle, I don't want any part of it. Because we all know how well that turned out.

Hiro: Oh please….Ken-Po could run laps around Shinko…..

Nathan: Still…..not….caring…..well, just teleport us there and we can find out what the hell happened to my brother!

Hiro: AHH! No…..Ken-Po is a Master of the Mind! He is watching us even as we speak…

Nathan: That's creepy….

Hiro: In order to speak with him. We must prove our honor without using our abilities….and travel…..on foot.

Nathan: NOT ON FOOT!

Hiro: Yes! On foot….we must make haste……

Nathan: NOT HASTE!

Back at the office, Elle walks into the conference room.

Elle: Hello, peeps!

Noah: Uh…..Elle, what happened?

Elle: What are you talking about?

Noah: You've lost all your weight…..in 15 minutes.

Elle: Oh, no worries…..I have electricity coursing through my veins. It automatically burns off any excess pounds I gain.

Noah: WHAT!? That's just stupid!

Elle: Oh well……anyway, I have taken your advice…..

Noah: Well, I've only advised you to either quit or move to the moon, so either one would be just gravy!

Elle: I'm going to get into Internet Dating.

Noah: Hmm….I'm pretty sure that didn't come out of my mouth, but whatever you need to do to get your sub-plot moving along.

Elle (hops on the computer): Now, I need a screen name…….ElleGirl53……damn, taken………BeautifulBishop13…….taken…….HotStuff111111…….taken!?......ugh…….LightningLady18…….ARRRGH! Taken…..

Noah: Lightning Lady? Seriously?!

Elle: Shut up! I don't see any names being thrown out by you.

Noah: I mean anything's better than that! That's just…..horrible.

Elle: Well, what do you suggest?

Noah: How about……Soul Sister.

Elle: Mr. B……Soul Sister?...........I LOVE IT!

She types it in.

Elle: Hmm….taken…..but it will let me be Soul Sister495,222,389. DONE!

Noah: Uh huh……

Back at the resort, Niki is walking near the pool.

Niki: Ahh, now this is nice.

Matt (in the pool): NIKI!

Niki: Oh crap, it's Parkman…..why did he have to follow me here?

Matt: Niki! Come quick! I need your help.

Niki: Matt, what the hell do you want?

Matt: Niki! You've got to help! I dove in the pool and lost my swimsuit.

Niki: Well, I don't see everybody in the pool floating to the surface like dead fish….so, I wouldn't worry.

Matt: Come on, Niki! Please! I'll die of embarrassment if anybody notices my beautiful, Adonis-like figure.

Niki: I'm sorry, excuse me while I punch myself in the face to get that image out of my head.

Matt: PLEASE!

Niki: UGH! Fine, where is it?

Matt: It's over there (he points to a lawn chair).

Niki: WHAT!? How did it get all the way over there?

Matt: I'm an awesome diver.

Niki: Riiiight. Hold on…..

Niki walks over to the lawn chair and finds Matt's swimsuit. Which is a sequined, dark blue thong with the Wal-Mart smiley face on the front.

Niki: EW! GROSS!

Matt: Niki! You found my swim suit yet?

Niki: Hold on, let me find a long enough stick to carry this with.

She finds a pool cleaning net and uses the handle end to lob the thong back into the pool.

Niki: There! Now leave me alone!

Matt: YAY!.....

Niki plops down on the lawn chair.

Niki: This is going to be a very long vacation. Oh well, at least I can still get my tan.

Matt: Oh man, this thing is all wadded up.

Matt tries to undo the wadded knot in his thong and accidentally flings it across the pool, landing in Niki's face. SPLAT!

Niki: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Back in Non-Paradise.

Nathan and Hiro board the subway.

Hiro: This is going to be so much fun.

Nathan: No flying….No teleporting…..No fun……

Hiro: It will be worth it. Ken-Po Gi will be so proud of our honorable feats!

Nathan: And…..even though you can stop time…..which means everyone, this guy still knows if we cheated.

Hiro: Yes…….he is all knowing……

Nathan: I still don't know if I can trust him or not….

Hiro: Don't worry, he's in my Top 8 friends on Myspace. I can trust him.

Nathan: Oh brother…..

Claire, back at home is tapping her fork against her plate. Noah arrives home.

Sandra: Hello, dear! I just made another fresh batch of Black Organic Goo.

Noah: How….delicious….sounding……my mouth is watering….or something.

Noah plops down across the table from Claire.

Noah: So, what's your problem?

Claire: I have to give a Eulogy at Sunny Evan's funeral, and I really, really, really, really don't want to go.

Noah: Didn't she die two volumes ago.

Claire: Yeah….

Noah: Why you?

Claire: I'm her super best friend.

Noah: Oh Claire, surely you could do so much better than that.

Claire: I was being sarcastic.

Noah: Whatever happened to that Zach fellow?

Claire: I was depressed about having my ability and he was the only person I could entrust my secret to and my videotapes recording my sessions of me trying to break all my bones were watched by you and then you had the Haitian erase his memory….

Noah: Ah, memories….

Claire: Hmph! Anyway, how about you…..?

Noah: Well, Elle was feeling down for some stupid reason, then after we both had a brief mid-life crisis stint, she lost all her ice cream weight and is now into internet dating.

Claire: Good thing she doesn't have her own show. That sounds pretty lame.

Noah: I don't know….I'd still watch.

Meanwhile, back at the resort, Mohinder was in the NSC meeting room.

Mohinder: Gentlemen, I present to you my findings from the Daniel Ryan case. He is now no longer with us because he posed a threat to the community….er….well, the world…..I will now share with you some other information…..

The scientists aren't paying attention, as they are playing World of Warcraft on their laptops.

Mohinder: I'm beginning to think this was a wasted trip….well, at least those morons are having fun.

In another floor, Niki steps into a hot tub….only to find Matt next to her.

Niki: You again?!

Matt: Yeah, sorry about that incident at the pool, I really appreciate you trying to help though.

Niki: I don't want to hear it! I just spent 45 minutes soaking my face in sulfuric acid!

Matt: Well, at least this vacation is still better than anything going on at home.

Niki: Well, I guess I could agree with you there.

Matt: So….How about them Yankee's?

Niki: You can stop talking now.

Matt: Ah….

Two women approach the tub.

Matt: Hello, ladies. Would you care to join us?....(looks at Niki)….don't mind her, that's just my next door neighbor Agnes.

Niki: AGNES!?

Woman: Hey…the water is bubbling…..and that hot tub's not plugged in!

Matt: Whoops!....Pardon me…..

The two women run away screaming. Niki has a horrified look on her face.

Matt: Ahhhh, yeah, I could get used to this.

Meanwhile, at the Café Del Matt Le Blanc.

Elle is finishing up her makeup, getting ready for her big date. She looks at the menu….

Elle: Mmmm….all this stuff looks pretty disgusting.

She lowers the menu to find Noah.

Elle: AHHHHH!!! You're my date?!

Noah: NO YOU TWIT! I have to talk to you….

Elle: Weren't you just home? How did you get here so fast?

Noah: I'm a fast driver and Sandra's cooked Black Organic Goo for dinner again. So when I want to get somewhere, time isn't an issue.

Elle: Well, what do you want?

Noah: I found out some…..information. But I can't discuss it here…..so I'm getting a meeting together tomorrow morning.

Elle: BUT THAT'S MY DAY OFF!

Noah: What?! Earlier you were complaining that we have nothing to do at work when Sylar's around and now we have something and you're not coming in?

Elle: Well, that's different. Now go away, I'm waiting for my date.

Noah: Fine…..(he puts on a hat and a mustache)……Yeah….I'm kinda….it.

Elle: YOU'RE MY DATE?! GROSS……You're old enough to be my great, great, great, great, great, great, great…..

Noah: Shut up! You've been so obsessed with yourself lately so this way was the….only way I could tell you to come to the meeting.

Elle: You posed as my internet date to get me to come to a meeting…..that's just…..low……even for you.

A man walks up.

Man: Hello, are you Elle. I came for our date……

Noah: Busted…..

Man: My name is Brad Charming. And my father's a king, so you can just call me Prince Charming.

Noah: OH…..WOW……That…….was……..LAME……

Brad: What?!

Noah: WHEW! Someone needs to nominate you for the Golden Velveeta Award cause that was cheeeeesy.

Elle: Shut up!

Noah: HA!....Man….that…..is just…..rich…….I'm sorry….I have to punch you in the face now.

Brad: WHAT?!

Noah hops up and right hooks Brad, and he goes down.

Elle: What did you do that for?! Was that actually my date?

Noah: Yeah…..it was…

Elle: You, sir…..are an ass.

Noah: …..Yeah…….I am…..

Claire peeks her head inside the funeral home. She takes a couple of steps before being accosted by Aunt Sophia.

Sophia: Oh, Sarah. You came!

Claire: It's Claire.

Sophia: I'm so glad. Do you have the Eulogy?

Claire: Sure do…..I typed it out.

Sophia: Oh….that's good…..just need to Spell Check and you'll be ready.

Claire: Sp….Spell Check?

Claire walks on…….someone is watching her in the corner.

Meanwhile, Niki opens the door to their 3-Bed Room, and slams the door.

Niki: Mohinder, I have had it with Matt! I'm trying to enjoy my vacation, and he is ruining everything.

She looks around, and….nothing!

Niki: Mohinder?......

She hears a voice in the bathroom. She knocks on the door.

Niki: Mohinder? Are you in there?

Mohinder: Uh….do you mind?

Niki: Who are you talking to?

Mohinder: None of your business! I'm busy….

Niki: You tell me what's going on or I'm busting down the door.

Mohinder: It's a bathroom, do the math!

Niki: Hmm……

Niki steps away, then runs back, jumping through the door.

Mohinder: EEEEK!

Niki catches Mohinder with a tape recorder.

Niki: Oh no….are you…..recording a monologue?

Mohinder: Yes, you fool!

Niki: That's so disgusting…..

Mohinder: GRR!!!!

Niki: You still haven't told me how I can deal with Matt. I can't beat the crap out of him do to stupid doctor's orders. I wailed on him pretty rough last time…

---FLASHBACK---

Doctor: Now, Mr. Parkman. Ms. Sanders wailed on you pretty good. You need to lay off that for at least 4 to six weeks or you will just end up back in here.

---END---

Niki: Uh, the flashback wasn't necessary I already explained what happened. Sheesh.

Mohinder: If you're sick of Matt, do something about it. I'm busy….

Niki: Hmmm……

On a Mountain somewhere….

Nathan's hand reaches up to a ledge. He pulls himself up, turning around to pull Hiro up.

Hiro: Whew! I've been lacking in the upper body strength department lately…..if only I climbed more ropes in high school gym.

Nathan: Ugh….my arms…..so tired……..this is about as bad as an Eclipse happening.

Hiro: Okay, I'm checking the map….the temple shouldn't be too far.

Nathan: Why do you have a map? We're on a mountain….we go up…..

Hiro: Well, the mountain is pretty big and round…….

Nathan: Let's just get this over with….

They continue up the perilous mountain, several hours pass, finally reaching the summit.

Hiro: This….this is it! We found Ken-Po Gi's temple!

Nathan: Good, let's talk to this coot and find any information about the…..

Hiro: Uh oh….

Nathan: Uh oh…..what 'uh oh'.

Hiro: It turns out…..that there could be a possibility…..that we're on the wrong mountain….

Nathan: …….

Hiro: According to the map, we should be on that mountain.

He points to the east, where lies another huge mountain.

Hiro: Well, better head down.

Nathan: But, but, but, but, but, but……there's a temple here!

Hiro: Oh, there's nobody here, he must have moved…..

Nathan: Grrrrrr…..

Elle is walking down the sidewalk, she ends up in front of the Bennet's house.

Elle: Hmm…….

She goes up to the door and is about to knock when it opens.

Sandra (wearing sunglasses): Oh, Claire! You're home! How was the funeral……

Elle: Uh…….Huh?

Sandra: Oh, sorry about the goofy glasses, the doctor put drops in my eyes…but I might just keep them, they are a little stylish…..they scream 'me'!

Elle: Right…..

Sandra: Well, go ahead and wash up and get ready for dinner, it's meat loaf night.

Elle: Meat loaf…..I like meat loaf…..Will do….mom.

She happily skips inside and looks around the place, she plops down at the dinner table.

Elle: Oooh, I can't wait to have a delicious meal…….though I should be skeptical about the culinary skills of a woman who can't tell what her own daughter looks like….but who am I to ask questions…..

Mohinder: Every second that passes, every day that falls away. A new page of history is written…

Claire, at the funeral, gets up, making her way to the podium. She shuffles through some papers, which are blank.

Claire: Okay….improvise….improvise……Sunny…..What can I say about Sunny?.......'S'…..is for….Super Gal…….'U'……is for…..Umbrella…..I'm sure she liked those…..

Mohinder: History remains in the past….buried……as it's sole purpose is for us to look upon in retrospect the impact it made for our generation…..Though completely unaware of it, the past can always find a way to haunt us. (Niki: Mohinder, Are you in there?) (Mohinder: Uh…do you mind?) (Niki: Who are you talking to?)….

Claire stops in the middle of her Eulogy, confused.

Matt and Niki stop eating lunch, also confused. Nathan and Hiro exchange looks.

(Mohinder: None of your business! I'm busy…) (Niki: You tell me what's going on or I'm busting down the door.) (Mohinder: It's a bathroom, do the math)….

Niki: What the hell kind of monologue is that?!

Claire: That….was odd.

Nathan: He's really starting to get sloppy with those…..

Niki and Matt are on their way back, she hands him a card.

Matt: What's this?

Niki: Your new room.

Matt: I get my own room!? Sweet.

Niki: I wouldn't say your own…….

Matt: Huh?

The room down the hall opens, an elderly woman waves to Matt.

Old Woman: Yoo Hoo! Are you coming? I need someone to put this lotion on my vibrant, milky, skin….

Matt: Ewwwww…..

Niki: Since I can't beat the living crap out of you for another couple of weeks, I have to use the non-violent method…..I hate that word….non-violent……leaves a bad taste in my mouth….oh well, have fun!

Matt: You can't do this!

Niki: Oh, but I can…..

Matt: You'll rue the day you did this Nicole Sanders……that's right….I said 'rue'!

Niki: Whatever….

Matt: You can't do this to me…….I brought Sexy back!

Niki: No….you didn't…..(Slams the door)

Many hours pass, Nathan and Hiro reach the top of the other mountain.

Hiro: Finally, we're here…..

Nathan: And that only took….forever.

The temple doors open, Nathan and Hiro proceed inside. They are greeted in the main prayer room by an elderly gentlemen.

Ken-Po: Ah, I see you have made it, my son.

Hiro: Yes, and we have not used any abilities……we're honorable like that.

Ken-Po: You have done well, my son…….this must be Mr. Petrelli.

Nathan: So you were the one that called me?

Ken-Po: I was…….I know everything that you need to know……

Nathan: You can tell me more about my brother…..

Ken-Po: I can do better than that….I can tell you where they are keeping him.

Nathan: He's being held hostage somewhere……and who are 'they'?

Ken-Po: I know exactly who they are…..and I will reveal everything to you…..right now.

Nathan: Wow! That's great…..and convenient…..we'll be able to get on with our lives quickly…….

Hiro: We saved the day!

Nathan: But……that never happens.

Hiro: What do you mean?

Nathan: The day never gets saved….this quickly.

Hiro: Oh, that's just…..

Ken-Po starts to choke.

Hiro: Uh……Master Ken-Po?

Ken-Po: Urrgh…..I've……been…..poisoned…..

He falls to the ground.

Hiro: Oh no……

Nathan: ARGH! I knew it was too good to be true…..seriously, who didn't see that coming miles away?

Hiro: Oh boy……….

To Be Continued……

---Next Sunday: On an all new Heroes---

Peter wakes up, not sure where he is.

Peter: Where am I……it's dark……and scary…….gasp!....It's my sweet 16 all over again.

Man: There isn't enough time, we need to start the first experiment.

Peter: What do you want with me?

Man: Your mission….you'll be attending a little dinner party, one that took place in 1953.

Peter: Yeah, still ripping off Quantum Leap……but that's just my opinion.

Peter finds himself standing in front of a giant mansion in the rain.

Peter: Why am I here, what is the point of all this?

Isaac: I can't give you that information, I'm just a remnant of your memory….all you need to worry about is your mission.

Peter: Mission, huh?

At the dinner table, Peter the student, Claire the aspiring actress, Nathan the war pilot, Mohinder the Professor, Elle the news reporter, Noah as the doctor and his wife Sandra as a florist arrive for a dinner party hosted by…..

Linderman: I'm glad you all could join me this evening.

Peter: Oh, this is one freaky mind trip….that's for sure.

Linderman: I invited you here tonight to participate in a murder mystery game. The winner, gets the very generous $500,000 dollar grand prize……good luck.

Claire is running through the hallway. Nathan pulls open a shower curtain to find someone dead in the tub. Niki (the maid) picks up a candlestick.

Sylar (The butler): Someone is going to die at midnight…..and he or she won't be the only one….

Peter: So….you're the butler..?

Sylar: Yes….

Peter: I always waited for this moment…….since I'll never get the chance in real life…..bring me a coke...cherry coke…with lemon…and one of those crazy straws!

Sylar: Well, it's nice that you have your priorities straight.

Nathan: Linderman is dead……

Peter: The butler did it!

Sylar: WHAT?!

Nathan: No…..he's dead…..for real……

Angela: All the signs are pointing to you, Peter…..you killed him.

Isaac: This is why you are here…..you have to find a way to clear your name of all the murders that happened tonight?

Peter: And what if I fail?

Isaac: …..then you don't come back…..

Peter: Hmm…..I…..probably shouldn't fail then, huh?

Isaac: That would be wise…..

---Heroes continues, next Sunday---