Bleach Hanashi

Title: Descent into Madness

List: Alpha

Number: 21

Prompt: Life

Word Count: 951

Rating: T

Characters: Szayel, Starrk, Illfordte

Warnings: Angsty

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach. If I did you would know.

A/N: Sorry for the late update. I was at my friend's house this weekend for her birthday. I hope you enjoy this prompt. The idea was based off of this thing I heard about a silhouette of Illfordte's body being seen in Szayel's lab and how Szayel is supposed to be the aspect of madness. It was fun writing a Szayel descending into madness but it was very hard to end this prompt for some strange reason. I hope people get what I mean at the end but it's okay if they don't. Regulars of Bleach Hanashi should be able to recognize the italicized parts from past Starrk/Szayel prompts. It's interesting to me how they're kinda their own mini storyline within the collection of prompts and I'm definitely going to continue it but I might wanna start thinking about a stand-alone StarrkSzayel story.

Well that's enough jabbering from me! Here's this week's offering!

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"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." – Soren Kierkegaard

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I don't think I ever truly appreciated life until Illfordte died. He had been slain by a red-haired shinigami while he was out in the human world on Grimmjow's orders. I never thought I would have felt such sorrow and despair at my brother's death. I had always thought that I wouldn't care if he died, that It might be good to be rid of him. I wouldn't have that annoying person in my lab anymore.

My eyes strayed to look at the steel counter where Illfordte usually – had usually – perched himself on. Memories of him flooded my mind, distracting me from my task.

"Why are you even here?" Szayel snapped at his brother, aggravated at the blonde's inquiry.

"I was bored so I decided to pay my dearest brother a visit." His sarcastic tone nearly pushed Szayel to the breaking point.

"Well, you'll just have to pay me this visit at a later time, for as you can see I'm busy with my research and I can't complete it with you distracting me."

"Alright, alright," Ilfordte jumped off the steel counter he had been perched on. "I'll just go see if D. Roy wants to do anything."

So lost was I in the memory that it felt as if he actually was there walking away from me, his blonde hair seeming to float away from me, his blonde hair seeming to float in the air due to his momentum. I felt as if I could just reach out and touch him and I would be able to feel him. But somewhere in the recesses of my mind I knew the sight before me wasn't real, that it was just a product of my subconscious, and so it stayed my hand from reaching out.

I turned back to my work, wishing that the presence I had considered so annoying was there. It was almost like I couldn't concentrate because he wasn't there. I looked up at my large projection screen and attempted to return to coding and researching. My eyes tried to avoid the screen that showed the status and location of most of the Espada and their fraccion.

When the sensors he had placed on Ilfordte showed that he was in the human world, Szayel had not been that worried about his older brother. After all he was with Grimmjow and the rest of the Sexta's gang. It would probably turn out to be a great use of the sensors and he could finally get some data on the human world.

When the sensors showed Ilfordte had released his zanpakutoh Szayel had felt the beginnings of nervousness.

When the signal disappeared he was in full-blown panic.

It was after then that I had sought out Grimmjow for confirmation and, if it were true, to let out all my anger and fury on him. But I had been stopped.

Szayel had pulled back his fist to throw another punch, but a familiar hand held it at its apex so that he could not release it. Szayel turned to look at the person who had stopped his rightful punishment of Grimmjow, only to find Stark's sober face.

It was as Starrk was carrying me away from Grimmjow that I forgave the Sexta, though I would never tell him that probably.

Blurp

The noise of the air bubble reaching the top of the water-filled tube broke me out of my reverie. I walked up to the large container to peer in and check on its important contents. The body had been finished and now all it needed was something that was so abstract in nature that I feared I would be unable to create it.

My hand rested on the glass wishing that it could touch and caress the body that resided in the tube. It itched to run through golden tresses with familial affection.

"Soon Illfordte, soon," I spoke to the body, "You'll be able to come back to me."

"Szayel…" a familiar voice quietly spoke my name and I choose to ignore the sorrow and pity that had been laced in it. Instead I chose to turn towards them with a loving smile on my lips.

"Yes, Starrk?"

He walked closer to me and I wanted to yell at him that I didn't want him to look at me with pity, that there was nothing to feel pity about.

"What are you doing?"

That simple question threatened to crush me and my plans and I found that I didn't want to really answer that question, that I couldn't answer that question. I froze up and all I could do was stare at Starrk while I realized how far I had truly descended into madness without even realizing it.

"Oh, Szayel," he murmured before pulling me to his chest and wrapping me in his comforting grasp.

I had been trying to resurrect my dead brother. I had gone so far as to make a clone of his body and tried to produce a soul for that cloned body. And I think what disturbed me the most was how sane my own thinking seemed to me at the time. I had only wanted to have my brother back! Was that so bad as to be seen as a descent into madness?

"Life is special, Szayel," Starrk murmured into my ear. "It's not something you can just create in your lab with sure and perfect results."

And then I realized how someone should treat life. It's special because of its brevity and hon noo one can truly control it no matter how hard they try. Not even I…