Neon Genesis Evangelion:

To Raise Lilim

By Devaro Ayanami & SithKnight-Galen

Disclaimer: I do not own NGE or any of its characters. I am not making any money, this is just for fun.

Written by DA, Beta-ed by SK-G

Chapter 2

At Least, Be Yourself / Restart

Rei looks passively into Gendo's face, feeling Shinji's faint call from within Unit-01.

"I am not a puppet for you to control." she says in a monotone, a faint tinge of emotion behind the words. Gendo's hand separates from his wrist with a wet pop, and he stumbles back, leaving Adam bonded to her S2 organ.

"What!? Rei, Why?" Gendo gasps, barely standing as he stares at Rei.

"Because I am not like you." she replies, faint distaste nearly hidden in her monotone. Her left arm regrows in a manner similar to Unit-01's when it fought the fifteenth angel.

"Rei!" Gendo gasps again starting to panic openly, dropping to his knees. Rei turns and begins to float up towards Lilith. "I beg you...!"

"I can't, Ikari is calling me..." regret tinging her voice, Rei continues floating towards the being on the giant cross.

"Rei!" he gasps once more, panic in his hoarse voice as she nears Lilith's torso. Rei's face hardens as she pauses before the giant.

"I won't." she says, and is absorbed by Lilith as its flesh seems to leap out, and swallows her whole.

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Images, sounds, and feelings flow through her mind. Glimpses of other people's lives, and minds, and emotions.

Love
Hate
Passion
Fear
Terror
Peace
Worry
Sorrow
Relief
Jealousy
Loss
Acceptance
Joy

All flow from other's lives, sometimes resonating with her own short life. She doesn't understand all of them, but somehow, she knows what each is. She can feel an echo of some of them in others, people she was close too.

Shinji's voice echoes occasionally through her mind. Sometimes calling for her.

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A strange feeling. My body feels as if it is melting.

I can no longer see myself. My form, my shape, it fades from view.

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Slowly, awareness dawns of someone else who is not herself.

Who is here, there? Beyond me.

Shinji? This persons I know. Who are you? This last question echoes through her mind.

Who is this?

"This is me."

Who are you? What are you?

"I am I. This object that is, is my self. That which forms me. This is myself that can be seen."

Who are you?

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Another voice calls her, sounding like her own, asking who she is. She sees three girls, each looking like her, appear before her.

"Who am I? Rei Ayanami. Who are you?"

Rei Ayanami

"You are also Rei Ayanami?" she says, confused.

Yes, the one called Rei Ayanami.

All of us are called Rei Ayanami.

"Why are all of these me?"

Because others call us Rei Ayanami.

Why do you have a false mind and a false body?

"Not false, for I am I." Rei III glares at the child-like version of herself.

No, you are a human whose soul was made by a man called Gendo Ikari. You are a false object pretending to be human.

"My soul is unique. Only I am I." she says firmly, in reply to the voices' increasingly degrading comments.

Look, you have a dark, invisible, and unintelligible mind within you, where the true you exists.

"I am I. I've become me in the network of the links between me and others. I've been formed by the interaction with others. The interaction with people and the flow of time change the shape of my mind." Rei states, almost seeming to be trying to convince herself of the same facts.

Those are bonds?

"Yes. Those have formed me so far, the person called Rei Ayanami. And those will shape me from now on." she affirms.

But, there's someone else who is the true you. You don't know her. Because you don't want to see that.

You are trying to run away. Because you fear. You fear the present self will disappear.

I am not running away, she thinks, but before she can attempt an answer to questions slowly growing beyond her ability to answer coherently, a voice echoes through her mind, dispelling the various selves which mirror her only in appearance.

"Rei... you're right... only you can be you..." the voice sounds familiar to her, "and... I want you to have that chance... another chance... at least, Rei... just be yourself..."

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A blue head of hair shoots up in bed, sweat sticking it to the owner's scalp, the thin sheet sliding from her bare shoulders. Rei glances around carefully, though her mind is hazy, slowly examining the room she finds herself in. The room is larger than it should be, and clean, lacking the box of old bandages and the small fridge with her water beaker and medicine.

Noting the time as being three-twenty in the morning, she gets up and examines the rest of her 'new' apartment. After standing for a moment beside her futon, Rei walks over to the closet beside the desk. Opening it, she finds several sets of school uniforms, as well as a light-blue sundress and a few pairs of jeans and t-shirts. Taking a shirt, she walks over to a small dresser against the wall, opposite the door from the closet. Acquiring underwear and a bra from the dresser, she also trades the t-shirt in her hand for an over-sized one from the dresser, dropping the first into the open drawer.

Putting on all of the clothes she had gathered, Rei walks to the door and opens it, revealing what she recognizes as Misato's living room. This last thought, however, does not seem correct to her. Slightly irritated that her memory and senses do not match, Rei walks out of her room, the haze in her mind refusing to lift.

After a quick search of the apartment, Rei orders her thoughts while standing in the living room.

This apartment is the same layout as Major Katsuragi's, but with key differences: One, the rent agreement found in the desk in my room states that I own this residence through Nerv. Two, the second fridge is absent. Three, there is one other resident, a child the legal documents, also found in my desk, state as being my ward. A ten year old whose name I remember easily: Shinji Ikari, only child of my Commander, Gendo Ikari. But-

Her thoughts are interrupted by the door to Shinji's room sliding open. Turning, Rei watches him walk out of the room, opposite the larger storage closet, eyes sleepily to the ground as he walks towards her. Blearily glancing up, he freezes upon see her standing there. After a few moments of staring at each other, Shinji glances back to the ground.

"A-Ayanami-san... can... I sleep in you room... I... don't want to be by myself." Shinji asks quietly, almost sounding afraid of being told no.

"Why?" she asks in a neutral tone, watching him, and shakes slightly at the question.

"I... just don't want to be alone..." Those around you prove your existence, and shape who you are, and can become.

An echo of the dream flashes through her mind, before the haze lifts and she nods to Shinji.

"You may sleep beside my futon." she says, before going into Shinji's room and retrieving his futon. Dragging it to her room, she finds Shinji waiting on her bed. He blinks at her with half-closed eyes as she sets the futon down beside hers. As Shinji crawls over to his bed, Rei feels a smile shape her lips as she watches him curl-up under the sheets.

Tucking him in, she lays down on her own futon, sliding the cover over her still clothed body. Though she prefers to sleep nude, she feels it would not do to do so with Shinji here as well, and determines that she will begin always sleep in some form of sleeping attire.

As her eyes slowly begin to close and her mind slows as well, Rei wonders what that vision of dream was.

That was highly unusual. I have not had such a vivid dream before. Perhaps my angel DNA is becoming more dormant... this would allow for more detailed dreams. Regardless, this was entirely to real for me to completely disregard it. I will attempt to prepare myself and my surroundings encase my nature revealed a glimpse of the future, rather than a "bad bowl of ramen" as I believe other might say.

Drifting the rest of the way into unconsciousness, Rei recalls she will have a activation test with Unit-01 tomorrow, and hopes it will go better than her last test with the cyborg.
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AN:

Here it is, the first chapter of this project. Hope you can all be patient, as there won't be a chapter three for about six months. Sorry.

Well, the end may seem kinda familiar, but this is not a copy of I'm Needed.

Till next time,
Keep Strong!