In My Arms - Preface.

Snow patrol - In My Arms.

I'm telling you the reason I'm all messed up.

Just have to look me in the eyes and I fall apart

Just let me hold you till I know we are both through this.

I just couldn't live another day,

Without you here in my arms.

Standing in front of the mirror, I studied my reflection. I had to admit, I looked slightly pretty. My hair was curled and pinned in a bun on top of my head, only allowing a few locks to fall and caress my face, my dress was beautiful and made my curves more obvious. But it wasn't until I looked at myself properly did I realise that I was actually a mess.

My lips were turned down in a grimace, my eyes were blood shot, tears still running down my cheeks. If it wasn't for that fact that Emily had put waterproof mascara on me, it would be streaming down my face. I slid down the wall, collapsing to the floor, my head on my knees as the sobs rattled me.

Why was I here? What was I doing? Yesterday the reasons seemed valid, understandable. Now, they seemed pathetic. The sobs became harder as I thought of the only face I wanted to see now.

But I knew that was impossible, it was never going to happen, not after everything. I sat up, wrapping my arms around my torso, my head falling back, hitting the wall behind me. My chest felt like someone was ripping their way through it. I had never felt pain like this before. But why? Even when the one I thought I loved left me, it was bearable. This wasn't. So could it be true? Did I really love him more instead? Of course I did. I knew I loved him more for a very long time.

I lifted my head, checking the clock that hung on the wall in front of me. I had less than a minute. I stood, my attention turning towards the window. I ran over to it, pulling at it, trying to make the stiff window open. But then I stopped dead. What am I doing?! I groaned. I couldn't leave him like this, besides it was too late now. I had screwed up everything. He didn't want me. I breathed in deeply, trying to stop the tears from flowing again.

I walked back to the mirror, I looked worse than before. My hands fluttered uselessly, trying to make myself look decent at least. I gave up with another groan, instead I let my mind drift.

Okay, so I couldn't have the first prize, and I didn't deserve it either. But I could have the really good second prize. I wouldn't be settling for him, if anything it was the other way round. He could do so much better than me. He could have someone who could give him the love he deserved, someone who wouldn't look at him everyday and wish he was someone else.

But he had chosen me, so I could so this for him, couldn't I? A knock came at the door, interrupting my thoughts. It was time. And I was still completely undecided.