So I've been fighting off a cold that my family so nicely shared with me, and I was actually just laying in bed today, listening to my ipod when this song came on. I was almost immediately inspired and just had to get my laptop out and type.

So here's what came out of it!

Enjoy.

-x-

When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight, It ends tonight
Just a little insight won't make this right
It's too late to fight, it ends tonight,
It ends tonight.

"He has just a few days, maybe not even that. I'm so sorry Mrs. Grey." The doctor informed me, his face not showing any sympathy in the least. But that was not my biggest concern at the moment.

"A few d-days? You're joking right? You have to be! How could you joke about something like this?" Words flew out of my mouth before I could stop them. The doctor's face finally cracked emotion as he placed a cold hand on my shoulder.

"Ma'am, I wish I was joking. But I'm not. I'm so sorry." And with that, he walked away as I heard wails and cries of all the family around me.

The fake defenses and thin emotional guard that I had been trying to hold up finally broke as I fell into my brother-in-law's embrace. I had tried to be strong, I really had. I didn't want my family and my nieces and nephews to see me defenseless. I couldn't let them see me like this. But ever since that goddamned accident, it's just been an ongoing battle.

And I had finally lost.

I finally let the tears that I had been holding back for days now come out, soaking the thin material of Shane's shirt. Before I could re-lock my emotions back into my heart again, I started trembling, and before I knew it, I was sobbing hysterically, holding onto his torso for dear life.

"This i-isn't f-fair! Why d-did it have to be N-Nate?" I cried, finally letting the one question I had been biting back for so long, out.

Unexpectantly, I started to feel wet droplets landing on my bare shoulder. That's when I realized I wasn't the only one crying. I held onto Shane's torso tighter, sobbing right along with him.

How selfish of me to just think of my own emotions? How could I not realize that everything would be effecting Shane and not to mention Jason just as much as it was effecting me? Nate was their brother, a bond that in some ways was even stronger then a husband and wife. How could I have been so selfish as to not realize that?

"I-I don't know…I don't know." He whispered back, his body still trembling as he pulled back. It was then, for the first time, that I ever saw Shane Grey crying. My heart shattered even more.

He gave me his best smile, wiping a few tears from my cheeks.

"But I do know that we're going to be strong, and we're going to get through this. We're all going to get through this." He nodded his head in determination as Jason and his wife Ella walked over, all of us hugging each other for support. Nate's parents were there also, and I fell into my mother-in-law's waiting arms, crying.

No words were said as she rocked back and forth, rubbing circles on my back.

I couldn't believe it.

I mean, she had taken time to grieve and actually show her emotions through all of this, but this was her son. How could she be so strong?

"Mom…" I whispered out the name I had so used to saying. She squeezed my shoulders tighter, stroking my hair.

"It'll be okay sweetheart. The lord will help you; he's going to get us through this. Do you hear me?" She pulled back, her tear-filled eyes looking determinedly into mine. I nodded, just vaguely processing what she had said as she brought me back into her arms.

This was all just too much to handle. I still couldn't…I wouldn't believe the cold words of the doctor. I couldn't.

As Shane peeled me off of his mom, leading me to a chair, I was vaguely aware of everyone starting to take turns going back to Nate's room. I let out a shaky breath as I leaned over, placing my head in my hands.

I couldn't believe this.

This couldn't be happening.

The same god who was going to help me get through this was taking away my husband. He was taking away my baby. How could he do that?

As soon as the thought flashed across my mind, I mentally slapped myself, not believing I just thought that. This was not the time to start questioning my faith, and I was not going to blame god.

I glanced over to my side, seeing Shane there, rubbing circles on my back. He smiled as best as he could, and as much as I wanted to return the gesture, I just couldn't find to strength to.

I jumped a little when I felt a hand on my shoulder. Looking up, Nate's mom was staring at me with red rimmed eyes.

"Hey, hunny. Do you want to go back now?" She asked, giving me a weak smile. I looked up at her, and then back down as I stared at my hands. I didn't want to. I hated myself for feelings this way, but I just didn't think I could handle it. As much as I wanted to jump up, run back, and lay in his arms for as long as I could, the other side of me didn't know what to do. How could I go back there?

I soon saw her kneeling down in front of me. She cupped my chin, making me look into her eyes.

"Sweetheart, you don't have to go back alone, and you don't have to go right now. But you need to be strong for him. He's not going to want you to tear yourself apart over this, you know and I know it. Be strong for him hunny. Please." She pleaded, stroking my cheek. I felt so guilty, I couldn't believe his mother was comforting me. I was so weak.

Wiping my eyes, I straightened my back, stood up and smiled lightly.

"I just…I just need a minute." I whispered, starting to walk in the direction of the bathroom. She nodded, understanding immediately. I honestly couldn't have asked to marry into a better family. That thought did it for me. I jogged the rest of the way, making sure the door was securely closed before locking it and sliding down the back, sobbing.

I covered my mouth with my hand, crying. I cried for his brothers. I cried for his parents and friends. I cried for all of his nieces and nephews. I cried for the baby that was growing inside of me. And I cried for Nate, for not being able to see the baby that we made together, for not being able to live out his life like it was meant to be lived.

I finally just sat there, little sobs coming out as silent tears fell down onto my cheeks. I gently rubbed my still flat stomach, letting my hands rest over it as if somehow I could shield it from all of the pain that it was going to have to suffer because of not being able to have a father.

I soon felt the anger boil in side of me from that thought. Our baby was not going to have a daddy because some drunk-out-of-his-mind asshole decided it would be thrill to speed through a red light, crashing into a man who never drank more then a glass of wine on his birthday and who wouldn't even speed in his dreams. The driver gets away without a scratch, and my husband lays on a fucking hospital bed, dying.

I pushed myself up off of the floor, walking over to the mirror to take in my reflection. I looked like shit. I turned on the faucet, splashing ice cold water on my face, hoping to numb some of the emotions away.

Ripping a couple of napkins out of the container with shaking hands, I dabbed all of the tears and water off of my cheeks, and wiped my eyes, hoping they would stay dry.

Stepping back I flipping my hair over, fluffing it out, and then flipping it back, trying to put all the stray hairs back in place.

Letting my hands fall to my sides, I slammed them down onto the edge of the sink. Like fluffing out my hair and wiping away my tears will make my husband heal. Sighing, I backed away, taking one last look before opening the door and walking out.

Everyone turned in my direction as I walked back to the little group of puffy-eyed people. I knew for a fact I looked the exact same way. Taking in a deep breath, I looker over at Nate's mom.

"I'm ready."

-x-

Soo...the second part will be coming as soon as I gain inspiration (and time) to type it. Thanks to Kelly for reading it over for me!

Love & Connect 3