Warning: Shounen-ai, minor bad language curtesy of our favorite Prussian, and lame attempts at humor.

Summary: In which the great Gilbert attempts to get Feliciano together with his boring, too-strict-to-be-normal brother.

Gilbert cackled evilly as he spotted his target. No he was definitely not stalking the naïve Italian. He was planning. Planning the right time and moment. He was sure his little brother wouldn't approve of this but who cares anyway? He should be happy he had such a great older brother because he, the great Gilbert, was spending his precious time for said little brother.

Just you wait. Oh brüderlein you're going to sing my praises.

Well really, his brother couldn't blame Gilbert for his plan because he was the one who gave him the idea in the first place.

Gilbert was eating his breakfast that morning and noticed that Ludwig was doing work across from him. He scoffed at that. Who the hell does work in the morning? Don't answer because it was a rhetorical question.

So anyway, the blond was just sitting there scribbling stuff on papers and Gilbert started wondering if Ludwig had a life. Well you can't blame him for wondering because he couldn't remember the last time his brother wasn't working. He was always serious about everything. Joke or be sarcastic and he'll scowl. Play pranks on him and he'll yell. He's like the antagonist of fun. Heck if he even knows what the definition of fun even is.

Gilbert sat there staring and contemplating when it hit him. A frickin' epiphany.

Ludwig needs to get laid.

Heck yeah. The classic solution. Although it might not get that stick up his ass out, maybe it'll come out enough so that it could be removed via surgery.

But finding someone would be difficult. If he just brought a random person, he'd kick them out then kick his ass. Maybe someone he knows that would do this. He started listing everyone he knew.

Francis might. The guy was a grade A pervert and molests just about everyone. He's sure he'd agree. Hmm... but then again Ludwig would probably knock his teeth out if he tried anything. So who else? His mind came blank when he tried to think of anyone else who might comply. Darn now that he thought about it, he's surrounded by a bunch of un-fun people. How depressing.

Arthur is almost as much of a stuffy person as Ludwig is but at least he's actually dating someone. No matter how hamburger obsessed that guy is. Seriously does that guy not know how to get fat? The former thought depressed him even more. Why was he related to such a bland and boring guy? He just wanted to cry.

Oh but wait. Back up. Speaking of knocking Francis' teeth out, Ludwig did do that once. Well unfortunately for him, the Frenchman's teeth was still perfect but that was beside the point.

Wasn't Ludwig protecting Feliciano?

Gilbert allowed a smirk.

Francis had kidnapped him and attempted to sell him for a few bucks. Gilbert didn't think he'd ever seen such a violent side to his brother before. He briefly wondered what it would have been like to poke Francis' body with a stick just for kicks. But that was beside the point.

Oh why didn't he think of Feliciano sooner? He's perfect! And so he shall plan for kidnapping number two.

Across the table, Ludwig blandly watched his brother. He seemed to have been in deep thought then he was on the verge of crying and now he was giving a creepy smile and cackling to the wall behind him. The blonde shook his head. He needs a saner brother but unfortunately, you can't buy them in a ninety-nine cent store or anything like that so Ludwig just continued doing his work.

So here Gilbert was, watching his target come closer. He was absolutely not feeling like some kind of rapist. Nope.

A little bit more…

"Hey you! What the hell are you doing hiding around the corner of my house? You creepy pervert!"

Gilbert swiveled around and saw… uh oh it was Elizaveta. Shit he was at her house?

As the red-eyed Prussian was panicking, Elizaveta slid the window open fully, jumped down with a frying pan, and rushed at him at full speed.

"Holy-"

Black.

Gilbert groaned as he opened his eyes and rubbed his sore head. Damn that's one violent girl. He'd hate to see what she'd be like if she was actually a guy.

Not that it would make much of a difference, he thought grumpily.

He sat up, still feeling dizzy from the hit. Oh shoot! Feliciano! It wasn't likely he'd be around though.

The Prussian let out a frustrated groan and laid back down on the pavement. There goes that chance. As he lay there pondering his next move, a random dog ran on him. On him.

Gilbert shot up and glared at the retreating white dog.

"Damn mutt!"

He moved to scramble after the animal when he got trampled a second time.

"Wait Hanatamago! Berwald didn't mean to look at you like he's going to fry you and eat you!"

A few moments later, he was walked on by said Berwald who was mumbling something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like "Yes I did."

"Shit! What am I? A doormat you could just step on? I'll get you later," Gilbert growled resolutely. Nobody tramples on the awesome Gilbert and gets away with it! No one!

He finally successfully got up and brushed himself off.

Damn psycho woman and her frying pan. Who just hits someone for hanging around their house for a few… Oh… Vash.

Grumbling under his breath he started forward when the door opened. Gilbert quickly hid behind the corner again and peeked around it.

And there was Feliciano, happily strolling down the front steps with a cookie. Elizaveta was standing by the door with her husband, Roderich, behind her.

"Bye Feliciano! Visit us next time," Elizaveta said sweetly, waving.

"Okay!" the Italian replied cheerfully, waving back then merrily went along his way.

Heh I guess I'm lucky this time.

And so Gilbert continued to follow Feliciano for the perfect opportunity to lure him in. A few minutes of following later, Honda Kiku along with his very own brother came into sight. The Italian seemed to be late because Ludwig was scolding him.

Hmm… Better be more careful lest he catches me sneaking around.

The small group was moving now and Gilbert stealthily trailed after them like a shadow. But after about ten minutes, he began to grow impatient.

Where the hell can they be going anyway? Oh wait. This is perfect.

Ahead of them was a large bustling crowd. He could easily snag Feliciano but then what? Ludwig would be sure to look for him when he finds out the Italian isn't beside him anymore.

Gilbert allowed a devious smile to curl on his lips. Let him find Feliciano then.

He skillfully snuck behind his target and once they entered the fray of people walking about, he yanked Feliciano's arm and quickly led him away.

Once they reached an area with less people, he turned around and grinned triumphantly.

"Hello Feliciano."

"Eh?" was the confused reply. "Oh! It's Ludwig's fratello!"

"That's right. It's Gilbert."

"So what're you doing here?" he asked like they were old friends and hadn't met only once or twice.

"Oh nothing much just walking around." And plotting.

"Okay then. Want to join me? Ludwig was taking me and Honda to the library," Feliciano continued.

"Oh no thanks. I'm not sure if I should get in the way of my brother today. Say," Gilbert said, grinning slyly, "Why don't me and you hang around a little. Get to know each other better."

"Sure! Well if Ludwig doesn't mind or else he'll scold me again," Feliciano enthusiastically agreed obliviously.

"Don't worry. I'm his brother. He wouldn't mind if I borrowed you for a few minutes."

No that wasn't the feeling of being a perv creeping into the edges of his conscious as he looked at the trusting eyes of Feliciano.

"Okay! Let's go to the park!" And Gilbert found the role reversed as Feliciano pulled him by the arm towards the scenic landscape.

Now they were walking together down a dirt road, the fresh, cool breeze of autumn twirled colorful autumn leaves about. The park was in a flurry of fiery yellows, reds, oranges, and browns. Feliciano was talking animatedly with some wild gesturing here and there and Gilbert listened with half an ear, nodding occasionally.

Wonder when Ludwig would find us.

While they were passing one of the garbage cans situated on random spots of the park, the silver-haired man noticed something. Upon closer inspection was a magazine for women's fashion. It so happened that he also noticed Francis walking up the road and a rather irate-looking Arthur coming from the opposite. Neither had spotted the other yet.

Gilbert let out a wicked grin. This might be fun.

"Eh? What're you doing?"

The Prussian let out a low chuckle. "You'll see," he said mysteriously.

He pulled out the magazine from the trash and hid behind he tree. He then knelt to the ground and slid the glossy mess of pages towards Francis.

"Now watch the fun," he instructed Feliciano, who looked on curiously.

Francis' attention turned towards the ground at the sound of something sliding towards him. He picked up the magazine and flipped through it, seemingly very happy with his luck.

Too preoccupied with his new find, he bumped into Arthur, who had his gaze on the road.

"What the? Watch it you idiot!" Arthur snapped.

"Me? Sorry but you were the one who bumped into me," Francis shot back.

"Whatever," the Brit muttered and moved to walk past.

"Oh? You're not going to put up a fight? Then you admit… defeat?"

Arthur immediately swiveled to face Francis and growled "Never."

"Hmm okay then," Francis said and shoved the magazine in his rival's face. Arthur angrily tore the offending thing from his line of vision and looked at it. His face immediately twisted into horror.

"What the hell? Why'd you give me this piece of crap?" he demanded loudly.

Francis just coolly brushed some hair from his face. "Well I saw how angry you were and I thought that it might cheer you up if you went shopping."

Arthur's face turned red with rage. "Are you implying I'm a girl?" he shrieked. The nearby pedestrians had their attention turned towards the two and were slowly inching away.

"I'm sure you'd make a cute one," Francis said, winking flirtatiously.

Arthur was shaking now but he seemed to be trying to calm himself down by chanting, "He's not worth it, he's not worth it."

Francis snaked his arms around Arthur's waist and pulling him closer, whispered something in his ear. This seemed to be the snapping point for the green-eyed man. He ripped the magazine in half and with a cry, kneed him in the groin (this made Gilbert as well as the surrounding male audience flinch), and punched him in the face.

Arthur breathed heavily as he loomed over the curled up Frenchman trying to placate the pain in his nether regions.

It was then that Alfred was seen running towards the KO'd Francis and the now relaxed Arthur.

"Arthur! I finally found you." The newcomer was huffing and puffing as though he had been running for hours.

"Yes you found me," he stated calmly.

"Um… Listen I'm sorry about…" Alfred trailed off, seemingly at a lost at what to say.

Arthur just looked at him for a while as though contemplating something. Alfred began to fidget under the gaze.

"I guess," Arthur began slowly as though testing the words. "It's okay."

The bespectacled man let out a cheer and caught the shorter in a bear hug.

"Doesn't mean I'm not still angry so put me down," Arthur protested, trying to shove Alfred off of him.

Eventually Alfred did let go and together they began walking back up the road.

"See you later Francis," Alfred called (did Gilbert detect a smug tone?) behind him to which he got only a groan in response.

After the spectacle was over, Gilbert grinned with satisfaction. Not only did he get a wonderful show but he had also patched up the relationship between Alfred and Arthur. Wow he is good.

"Okay Feliciano let's keep go-"

But Feliciano was nowhere to be seen. Darn it. While Gilbert had been feeding his (not) over-inflated ego, the Italian had slipped out of sight.

He growled in frustration. Should've known something like this would happen.

And so, Gilbert began his search through the huge park. Large enough to host a lake and a small forest.

I'd be lucky if I could find him in one day and by then, Ludwig's probably found him.

It's been thirty minutes now and he didn't want to admit it but Gilbert was getting anxious. It was no longer about if his brother is going to find Feliciano first but whether the Italian isn't in a ditch somewhere.

"Argh! Where the hell are you Feliciano?"

"Wah! It's Gilbert!"

That was Feliciano!

Gilbert looked around trying to locate the voice. His eyes wandered up a tree and there amongst the colorful branches was the missing Italian who happily waved at him.

"What the? How'd you get up there?" Gilbert demanded.

"Well I saw this really cute kitty and I thought maybe I could bring him home!" Feliciano chirruped.

The Prussian standing below him sighed. Of course it was some stupid reason like that that got him stuck in a tree. He obviously couldn't get down if he's still there.

"Oi Feliciano! Jump down!"

"Eh? But it's so high!"

Gilbert just gave an aggravated sigh. "Just do it! I'll catch you!"

Feliciano seemed to hesitate but then gave a large grin. "Okay!" And without further warning, dropped down from the branch.

Gilbert jolted but quickly composed himself in favor of making sure the Italian didn't go splat on the ground.

With a small 'oof!' Gilbert had a bundle of Feliciano in his arms.

"What the hell? You could've given me a warning before you jumped!"

The Italian didn't seem phased by the exclamation and merely said with a smile, "I knew Gilbert wouldn't let me get hurt. I trust you!"

The Prussian rolled his eyes at the childish sentiment but nevertheless felt happy. Anyone would after a shitty day of being stepped on, mauled, and spending half an hour frantically racing through miles of park with the only good part being Arthur kicking Francis' ass. He then proceeded to put Feliciano back on the ground.

"You do realize that I'm not my brot-whoa! Hey!"

Feliciano had suddenly hugged him as, from what Gilbert could perceive, thanks. Not used to people randomly hugging him, he awkwardly patted the Italian on the back.

"Um you're welcome."

And before he knew it, Feliciano was suddenly yanked off of him.

"Ludwig!"

"Feliciano! Do you have any idea how long we've searched for you? We thought you might have been kidnapped!" the German yelled.

"Wah! I'm sorry!"

Ludwig sighed in exasperation and grabbing Feliciano's wrist, started to lead him out but not before turning to Gilbert and saying "I don't know what you're planning but leave Feliciano out of it." And he was off again.

After an initial state of confusion of what the hell just happened, he watched as Ludwig led his target away.

Feliciano partially turned around and waved at Gilbert and cried, "I'll see you later!" then winced and whined to Ludwig, "Ouch. Ludwig my wrist hurts. Can you let go a little?"

After watching the duo disappear into the trees and, presumably, to look for their missing Japanese friend, Gilbert gave a cackle. Success! Now for the finishing touch tomorrow.

A/N: Wow. I had initially planned this to be a one shot but somehow it stretched on to a two shot. Besides, Gilbert needs more spotlight XP

Bruderlein = Little brother in German. Sorry if it turns out to be the wrong word or if I'm using it wrong DX