Chapter 12
(In which a plan quickly dissolves into chaos…)

The murmur of gossip begins almost immediately and Helga does her best to keep from blushing. She holds her head high and keeps her attention focused on the attendant in front of her as he calls out her name once more and gestures her forward into the throng of people. The man still holding onto her arm gives her a small squeeze to grab her attention. She turns to face him while doing her best to keep calm.

"This is where I must leave you, my lady. I hope you enjoy your evening." With that he slips his arm out from hers.

She nods her head at him and puts on a smile.

"Yes, thank you very much for your company." She says as he takes her hand and plants a soft kiss on the back of it. This time the blush is uncontrollable.

Suddenly she feels a soft pressure on the back of her calves and she quickly pulls her hand away.

"S-sorry." She says as her escort looks at her completely bewildered. "Just the nerves getting to me. I wasn't exactly on the invite list for tonight."

"Well, of course not, dear lady. After you moved to Switzerland following your grandfather's passing I highly doubt that anyone expected you to return anytime soon. Your appearance here tonight has caught everyone by surprise." He smiles at her and she notices a knowing gleam in his eye. "Perhaps that was your plan though? Show up out of the blue in the hopes of being the most talked about lady at the ball? Trying to outclass even little Miss Charlotte Wash, hmm?"

"Charlotte Wash?" Helga repeats, confused.

"Dr. Wash's daughter? Her father is throwing this ball for her." Her escort frowns at her. "My, Miss Van Büren, you really seem to have fallen out of the loop."

There's another sharp tap at the back of her legs. Wrap it up, Hell Girl.

"I'm afraid so." She sighs, feigning shame. She then coyly bats her lashes at her companion. "Promise you won't tell anyone how forgetful I've become?"

He reaches for her hand. "Of course, my sweet lady."

"Sadly, I must leave you now. I have to make a few stunning impressions on old rivals. I'm sure you understand." Helga puts on her best Rhonda mask even trying to draw out her words in that haughty way she remembers Rhonda talking in their youth. "Thank you ever so much for escorting me inside, my good sir." She accidentally slips into a bit of Lila. Hopefully it's not too noticeable.

He bows a little and then turns and walks in the other direction. Helga smiles fondly after him, before she is interrupted by yet another push to the underside of her knees.

"So impatient. Criminy." She mutters to herself as she slowly begins making her way towards a table littered with a variety of what appear to be French delicacies. Once at the table, she kicks one of her feet back just a bit. There's a nearly inaudible 'oof' from underneath the layers of her dress, which she helps cover up with a loud cough. She feels her cheeks flush as something skirts around the sides of her legs. She instinctively starts fluffing the front of her dress, as something else seems to rustle it from the inside. She takes a breath, hoping that people aren't really looking at her. Then, she feels a sharp tug on the front of her skirt.

She quickly slips off a glove, drops it on the ground and then bends down to retrieve it. It's difficult in all her layers of dress, but she manages to kneel down on the ground by catering table.

"What?" She whispers a little angrily as Arnold peers out at her from underneath the red velvet tablecloth.

"Took you long enough! That was not exactly a comfortable position to hold, you know? A little awkward." He snaps.

"Hey, at least you were the one getting to do all the looking. I was the one who had to deal with your footballhead banging into my butt. And I'm the one who has to mingle with all these uptight rich assholes while pretending to be someone else - not to mention I have to figure out where the hell the books is at, relay the information back to you and then somehow set off an array of fireworks in the women's toilet without anyone catching me. All you have to do is stay hidden and then nab the book when no one's looking."

"Oh yeah, real easy."

Helga sticks her tongue out at him.

"Excuse me?"

With a screech she shoves Arnold's face back under the counter and snatches up her glove from the ground.

"Ah yes. Very good. My glove. Very expensive, you know. Wouldn't want to lose that now, would I?" She lets out a tinkling laugh as she turns to look at the man who has approached her. She recognizes him immediately and it takes all of her willpower not to swallow her tongue right then and there.

"My mistake then. I was just wondering if you were in need of any assistance, mademoiselle. You have been on the floor by the buffet table for quite some time and I wanted to be certain that our French cuisine was not a source of discomfort for you. Our food does seem to have a tendency to negatively affect those of certain… backgrounds and who haven't been brought up on such delicacies. Much was my surprise that Miss Helga van Büren could possibly find our selection less than palatable." Came the condescending voice of Jacques - a man Helga instantly recognized as a waiter of Hillwood's most prestigious French restaurant, Chez Paris.

"Oh no, the food is um… to die for, I'm sure. I just had a spot of trouble locating my glove." Helga says nervously as she wags the offending object around in the air.

"You're 'sure'? You mean to say you have not had a chance to sample the food yet? Non, this will not do. Here, allow me to make you a small plate. Your grandfather was an honored guest at our establishment and we will treat his favorite granddaughter with the same respect we bestowed upon him. Come," Jacques says as he grabs a plate from the end of the table and thrusts it into Helga's hands. "let me assist you."

"Oh, uh. Yes. Certainly, my good sir."

"Now here we have Les Escargot and Pattie de Foie Gras - a favorite in this city - and you must try the Cervelles Braises Avec les Oeufs Brouilles -"

"No!" Helga shouts, perhaps a little too loudly, immediately recognizing the dish.

"M-mademoiselle?" Jacques asks, eyeing her suspiciously.

"I-it's just… I'm allergic to… I can't have…. I get sick." Helga says weakly, looking around for help as Jacques seems to finally get his first good look at her.

"Mademoiselle, I know for a fact that you have never paid a visit to Chez Paris, despite your grandfather's affection for our establishment, and yet…" Helga shrinks under his glare. "I have the strangest feeling that I have seen you before. Perhaps -"

"Helga?"

They are interrupted by a loud shriek as Helga is suddenly pulled away from Jacques and into an uncomfortably tight hug. "What?"

"Helga! Oh, I was ever so worried about you!"

Helga chokes on her own spit as she throws her weight backwards, tearing herself out of Lila Sawyer's arms.

"Lila?" She screeches.

Under the table, Arnold's breath catches. The familiar waiter was bad enough, but Lila would know for a fact that this Helga was not, in fact, Helga van Büren but a believed-to-be-missing Helga G. Pataki. And, if Helga gets caught, it will blow his chances to nab the Green Eyes' Book of Healing.

He pauses for a moment to weigh his options, before coming to a final decision.

If Helga's caught, she'll ultimately be fine, but if he doesn't get that book…

He thinks of El Corazon and his father's journal, safely buried one foot underground only a mile away. His fingers ache for the comforting heartbeat of El Corazon, but he tries his best to ignore the separation pangs. Right now, he needs the healing book. Arnold doesn't know how it's going to help, but he knows it's a necessary piece to his puzzle - it's one more step closer to his parents. Helga will understand, come what may and Phoebe's warning is still echoing inside of him anyway - that he should leave Helga now before it's too late. Maybe this is the moment. Let Helga get caught and in the chaos following her exposure, he'll grab the book when no one is looking. Or he'll find a way to create his own diversion. Or maybe he'll just grab the book in plain sight of everyone and fight tooth and nail to get the hell out of there. Something will work out. He just has to be… optimistic.

With that thought, he slowly crawls his way towards the end of the table towards the swinging kitchen doors he can see looming in the distance.

While Arnold changes tactics, Helga struggles to keep the original plan intact. She does her best to recover quickly from the evening's newest surprise - Lila Sawyer, looking just as perfect as ever as she wraps her arm around what Helga presumes must be her date. With a silent sigh of frustration, Helga notes that she vaguely recognizes the man on Lila's arm - they'd met before as children and, with the luck Helga is having tonight, she figures that he probably recognizes her too.

"Miss Van Büren." Comes the drawling voice of Rex Smythe-Higgins III as he nods in Helga's direction, but the slight raise of his eyebrows tell her that he knows something is out of sorts.

"No, Rex. Her name is -" Lila starts, but Helga cuts her off.

"Lila, may I have a word with you in the ladies' room. Right now!" She says through gritted teeth. She can see Jacques staring at the spectacle unfolding with a suspicious glare. As far as Helga can tell, only Lila knows her real identity and if Helga can just convince her to keep shut about it then the very worst that Jacques or Rex can do is throw her confused looks.

"Oh, yes that would be fine. I'll be back in a minute, Rex. Please try ever so hard not to miss me too much." Lila tells Rex with a reassuring pat on his arm. Helga watches as he squeezes Lila's hand affectionately in return.

"Impossible, dear lady." He says as he plants a gentle kiss on Lila's hand. As Lila pulls back, Helga catches her first glimpse of the ring on her old enemy's left hand as the diamond catches the light. There's a sort of catch in Helga's chest - an old sort of jealousy that she doesn't understand. But she looks at Lila and Rex together and can't help but feel sort of hollow.

Somewhere in the back of her mind she recognizes that that aching pang is loneliness, but she doesn't have time to dwell on it. With what she hopes is a confident smile, she takes hold of Lila's hand.

"Please excuse us, Rex. Oh, and Jacques I'll have to take a rain check on that food platter. Lila and I really must catch up - it's been so long since I've seen her!" With that, Helga leads Lila through a haze of party guests towards a small doorway off to the side of the room with a sign indicating restrooms lie beyond them. Helga pushes open the door and together she and Lila hurry off down a narrow hallway.

"Helga, could you slow down a bit? My shoes…"

Helga looks back to see Lila stumbling a bit in her heels.

"Sorry." She says flatly.

"No, it's my fault. I've never been very good at traipsing about in these ever so annoying contraptions. Your heels are even thinner than mine, yet you seem to be managing perfectly. You look absolutely stunning by the way. That dress is gorgeous on you and -"

"Shhh." Helga says as she slows her pace. "Hold all your thoughts until we're actually in the bathroom, okay?"

"Helga, what is going on exactly? Why are you here and what about the kidnapping and - PHMPH." Lila's barrage of questions comes to a swift end as Helga whirls back and clamps a firm hand over her mouth.

"Like I said, hold all questions for just a little bit, okay?" Helga says steadily, her eyes flashing. Lila flinches under her glare, but nods in affirmation. Helga holds her gaze for a moment longer before removing her hand from Lila's mouth and grabs hold of her arm once again. "Come on, I think it's the next door."

Helga tugs Lila into the ladies' room and immediately sets to work ducking under the stalls to make sure that no one else is around. Lila hangs back and watches as Helga finishes her rundown of the restroom and heads back to the door to slide the deadbolt across it.

"There. That should do."

"I think," Lila says, her lips pursed and her eyes narrowed, "you owe me an ever so damn good explanation, Helga."

"Uh, well. I'm really not sure how much I can… I can say. I just was hoping you'd be willing to… not rat me out? Help me pretend to be Helga van Büren and not make a fuss? Tell Rex to ignore me or something?" Helga pleads. Lila drums her fingers along the edge of the sink.

"I'm not comfortable with that. You always do this, y'know? This is like that silly Romeo and Juliet play all over again, Helga. I want to help you oh so much, but how can I trust you when you don't trust me?" Lila says imploringly, her brown eyes staring down Helga with such intensity that Helga fears she might burst. Lila has always been good at making her feel stripped down and small. Helga's never been very good at deceiving Lila - especially in moments like this. When it's just the two of them and a giant secret lingering in between.

Helga leans her weight against the door and crosses her arms over her chest.

It's hard to trust this girl - Lila - who has always been just a little bit better than Helga in every conceivable way. This girl who had just a little more love, just a little more tragedy, just a little more perfect. And now they're both grown up and Lila's here at the very worst moment and with a shining, perfect ring on her manicured hand and Helga needs Lila's help and that kills her.

But if they don't get that book…

Arnold's hopeful face suddenly floods into Helga's mind and that's enough. She can ask for Lila's help if it means seeing Arnold smile again. She'll do anything to keep his hope alive, because he is - and always will be - Helga's hope, ever since that fateful rainy day when he held open an umbrella for her and effectively gave her life meaning and reason.

"Arnold's alive." Helga says suddenly. Lila lets out a soft gasp as Helga immediately sets about summarizing the story. Arnold on her doorstep, his parent's journal, El Corazon, their narrow escape from Hillwood, Wolfgang's assistance, Phoebe and Gerald's house. She tells Arnold's lost tale the best she can, trying to hammer the details down for herself as she speaks. His grandfather died, he lost it, his plane crashed and he survived, working in San Lorenzo as Phil, Ward bringing him El Corazon and the newspaper clipping. The newspaper clipping which led them here tonight - to steal one of Dr. Theodore D. Wash's priceless artifacts - the Green Eyes' Book of Healing.

Lila's eyes are glossy as she hands the newspaper article back to Helga, who had been carrying it in her handbag for safe keeping - along with a couple of fireworks and a lighter for her and Arnold's distraction plan.

"Wow." Lila says breathlessly, her hand nervously touching her throat. "Oh, Helga. This is… oh."

"You understand why I need you to keep quiet, right?" Helga says as she reaches out a hand towards Lila's arm. "I-I can't risk being caught. This plan has to work. That waiter is already suspicious of me and if anyone finds out who I really am…" She trails off and glues her eyes to the floor. "I won't be able to follow him and I can't handle that. I need to help him."

"Are you sure you should follow him?"

"Not you too." Helga says, frowning. "I thought you'd understand. You let me have your part in the play just so I could have a chance to kiss him. You were… always going on about that 'oh so special someone'. Don't you still believe in that junk? Or is it just that you don't think I deserve all that?"

"Oh, well." Lila crosses her arms in front of her and smiles weakly at Helga. "I do very much still believe in true love and you very much deserve to find it, but something about how you talk about him… It's like you seem to think that you owe him or something. I think there's a difference between feeling indebted to someone and truly loving a person."

"I know that." Helga says grumpily.

"You do?" Lila says quietly, before shrugging slightly. "Well, you're probably right. And it does sound awfully fun, doesn't it? All this adventure and mystery? There's plenty to love about that anyway." Helga frowns at that, but Lila continues. "In any case, I'd love to help! I'll explain the situation to Rex and we'll do our best to help you. Oh! Perhaps I could set off the fireworks once you locate the book you're looking for? That way no one will be able to corner you."

"Oh, uh. No thanks. I mean, it's not… I don't think we should get you and Rex involved? I'm sure I'll be fine. But uh, thank you." Helga shakes her head. As if she needs to be more indebted to Lila than she already is.

"Are you sure?" Lila says, noticeably disappointed. "I'd like to help."

"Just… don't give away my real identity. That's all I'm asking."

"Well, okay. But if you need my help…"

"I know where to find you." Helga says as she lays a friendly hand on Lila's arm. "But really, you're doing more than enough by just… keeping quiet."

"Well, I'm good at that, in any case. I never did tell Arnold how you felt about him, did I?"

Suddenly, Helga feels a small surge of appreciation for Lila.

"No, you never did."

"Your secret is safe with me, Helga." Lila says, wrapping her fingers around Helga's. "Promise."

"T-thank you." Helga says softly as her blue eyes lock with Lila's brown ones.

"Well, come on. Rex is going to think I've run off to carry on a secret lesbian affair with you or something if I don't get back soon. By the way, you really do look stunning in that dress, Helga. It's a shame you're probably going to ruin it tonight."

"Ah well, it's not like I wasted my own money on it anyway." Helga says with a slightly guilty smile as she tightens her grip on her handbag containing, among other items, Gerald Johannson's stolen wallet.

"Hmmm… maybe I can talk Rex into reimbursing Gerald and Phoebe for whatever money you spend on this little excursion."

"N-no! Lila, that's… I'll pay Gerald and Phoebe back eventually. Once I get a new job that is. Uh… please don't… I'll figure it out." Helga fumbles. Lila laughs as she unlocks the door and holds it open for Helga.

"Coming?"

"I actually think I'm going to use the bathroom before I blow it up. I'll be out in a bit. Go ahead and find Rex"

"All right." Lila lingers in the doorway for a moment, her eyes scanning Helga's face. "Good luck, Helga Van Buren."

"Thank you, Lila."

Lila smiles as she turns. Helga watches the door swing shut behind her and only when it is completely closed does she finally turn to the bathroom mirrors, grip the sink counters and let out a tension relieving:

"Fuck."

As Lila makes her back towards the dance floor, Arnold is navigating his way through the kitchens, doing his best to look as inconspicuous as possible, which seems to be working so far, though he expects it is because everyone around is working too hard to notice or care about his presence in their space. Waiters are scurrying in and out with great rapidity while chefs bark orders at one another from across the room.

Slowly, he makes his way towards the very back of the kitchen where a few lonely people stand washing dishes. Arnold sighs inwardly as he leans against a wall near one of the dishwashers in an effort to collect his thoughts. This is a mess. The plan, which started out near perfectly, has completely dissolved. He has no idea where Helga is, if she's been ousted to the entire party or not yet. He doesn't know the Book of Healing looks like or where to find it and even if he knew those things that still doesn't guarantee that he's capable of stealing it unnoticed.

With a groan, he pushes himself off the wall and starts heading back the way he came from, silently hoping that he'll be able to find Helga and regroup.

Arnold's thoughts are interrupted when he accidentally stumbles into a small, rounded man in a dishwashing uniform with greasy black hair pulled back from his face and little rat-like, beady eyes. The force of their collision knocks the smaller man onto his back and Arnold quickly reaches out a hand to help lift him back up.

"Hey, I'm so sorry about that. I wasn't watching where I was walking and -" Arnold pauses as he finally gets a good look at the man he's just knocked backwards. "Y-you!"

The Sewer King still seems dazed for a second, not quite sure of what he's seeing, but a dawning awareness slowly seems to creep over his features.

"You. You are… that boy. The boy who took my gators away! The boy who promised that would be enough to keep me ruling the sewers forever! But that didn't last. They took me away. Forced me to get a job, to be a commoner. They stripped me of all my power. Where were you, boy? You promised that giving up my gators would be enough."

"I-I never said that!" Arnold says as the Sewer King angrily backs him against a wall. "I just told you the gators were unhappy and that people would get suspicious about you shutting off the water every night! I didn't promise you anything - I didn't!"

"You did! You said no one would come looking without the gators! You lied, you miserable whelp! You lied and now I'm here - serving these disgusting people as they parade about their mansions pretending to be royalty. I was royalty. I am royalty. And now I'm here because of you!"

With that the Sewer King grabs hold of a very heavy-looking frying pan and lunges towards Arnold, who ducks under his arm and bolts down the length of the kitchen, ducking waiters and chefs as the Sewer King chases him down. People shout at them as they tear through the aisles, but no one seems to be able to put a halt to the spectacle. Knowing that breaking out onto the ballroom will cause the opposite of a useful distraction, Arnold makes a sharp turn to the left and heads out a side door, which opens into a long hallway.

Arnold sprints down the hall, his mind racing in time with his legs. The Sewer King is tearing after him as fast as his shorter legs will carry him.

Arnold finally allows himself to say aloud what he has been thinking for awhile now.

"Fuck."

Arnold prays that Helga is having better luck.

notes: Sorry for the INSANE hiatus. I plan to work on the next chapter over the weekend so hopefully another update will be coming soon!

Thanks for sticking with me, you guys. I'm sorry this story is slow going. I WILL finish this story eventually.