I don't own Transformers or anything associated with them! Don't sue!

Thanks you everyone for all of the kind reviews I got for my stories. My favorite characters are Megatron and Starscream; I have a lot of fun with them and their crazy predicaments!

OK, on with the story:

Optimus Prime pulled out a chair for Elite One and waited patiently for her to take a seat and then he circled the table and sat down himself.

"This is a really nice place." she remarked, plucking a menu from the table.

"The best restaurant on Cybertron," Optimus said, also lifting a menu. "I hope you enjoy it."

"I hear the T-bone energon is out of this world, literally."

"I think I'm going to go for the fillet de energon." Optimus replied when the waiter came to the table. "And I'll have a sparkling energon mix to drink."

"You better take it easy with the energon mixes, I hear they're potent." The waiter stated, scribbling on a note pad.

Hearing the familiar sound of the waiter's voice, Optimus quickly looked up from his menu. He was taken aback to see Bumble bee standing there taking their order.

"Bumble bee, is that you?" Prime asked, puzzled.

"Yeah, I'm working here at the Chez' Robotic part time to help make ends meet." He explained.

A slight gasp escaped her lips as Elite one stared down at the small Autobot and then back across the table at Prime. "Honey, don't you pay your fellow Autobots enough money to pay their bills?"

"The economic crisis isn't just affecting the people of Earth; it's hitting most of us on Cybertron, too." Prime said, fidgeting uncomfortably.

"But he's a waiter, Prime." Elite One argued, sweeping a hand over Bumble bee.

"At least I could afford to keep him part time." Optimus retorted with a sigh. "I had to lay Wheel jack, Hound, Inferno, and Mirage off."

"I know," Elite One nodded mournfully. "Alpha Trion told me he saw them at the unemployment office this morning applying for energon benefits."

"I didn't know Alpha Trion worked at the unemployment office."

"He doesn't. He was there collecting his social security check."

"What can I get for you, Elite?" Bumble bee asked, standing on tip-toes.

"I'll have a side of energon covered in motor oil and a diet energon to drink." She said, handing him the menu.

"Look over there." Optimus whispered over the table after Bumble bee scurried away towards the kitchen.

Elite one took a glimpse over her shoulder and then faced Optimus again, gasping.

"It's Arcee and Springer." She said and then glancing back over to their table, she noticed that the two married Autobots were arguing.

"They're fighting again." She whispered.

"Yes, ever since Springer's mother-bot moved in, they've been at each other's throats." Optimus said. "It's rumored that Arcee's having an affair."

"She's cheating on her husband?" Elite one gasped.

"She was cheating with Blur, but I hear he had sex so fast, she didn't believe they actually had it."

"No kidding." Elite one laughed, embarrassed.

"Then she tried to have sex with Grimlock, but he didn't know what to do."

"He's no better than a small child-bot." Elite One said.

"Yeah, apparently she was later fined for trying to seduce a retarded Autobot." Optimus shook his head. "I guess she eventually had a love affair with Kup and the excitement almost killed him."

"I hear Chromia is supporting Iron hide ever since he was dropped down to part time." Elite One mentioned.

"With the price of babysitting, he's better off becoming a stay-at-home-dad while she works." Prime sighed. "He can't afford daycare for his eight baby-bots only working part time."

"They shouldn't have had so many kid-bots."

"I know, but I think Iron hide was too proud to use birth control." Prime said.

ACROSS THE ROOM, AT ANOTHER TABLE:

Megatron sat watching Prime's table warily behind his menu.

"Can I take your order, sir?" Bumble bee asked, holding a pencil in midair, waiting.

Megatron looked down at the server. "An Autobot, prepare to meet your doom!" he growled.

"Uh, I'm working as a waiter right now." Bumble bee stammered nervously. "I'm not officially on the clock as an Autobot."

"You're not?"

"No."

"All right, in that case I'll take a deep fried energon and a large foaming energon to drink." He stated, handing the Autobot his menu.

Megatron sat and casually looked away, pretending not to notice the way Optimus and Elite One happily carried on a conversation, both of them laughing and holding each other's hands from across the table.

"Megatron, what's wrong?" Starscream asked, pulling out a chair and sitting down at the table.

"Look at Optimus Prime over there." Megatron grumbled low, his optics burning. "Sitting there with his lady love acting all cheerful and happy like a bunch of blubbering love birds."

"He's not that hot." Starscream said and then standing up, he screamed at Optimus. "Stop trying to show off! You're not hot, Megatron's hot!"

"Will you sit down and shut up?" Megatron growled, gripping Starscream by the wrist and pulling him down into his chair. "Don't draw attention to my table, for the love of slag!"

"My apologies, mighty Megatron," Starscream said. "That good for nothing Optimus acts like he's better than everyone else."

"Don't I know it?" Megatron sighed. "What are you doing here anyway?"

"I wanted to report that Shockwave is threatening suicide again." Starscream said. "He says he can't afford to feed his elderly grandfather-bot on the measly pay he gets guarding Cybertron."

"Doesn't he know that I don't have a need for him to guard Cybertron anymore since I've been back?" Megatron replied. "I only kept him on so that he could keep feeding that parasite of a grandfather-bot."

"Yeah, why doesn't he just pull out the spark and watch his grandfather-bot's life force drain away and then have him cremated?" Starscream replied. "That's what I did to my grandmother-bot and now I'm a free Decepticon."

"That grandfather-bot of his is wretchedly obese anyway." Megatron chortled humorlessly. "He could stand to go without energon for a few days for the sake of everyone else."

"Shall I radio Shockwave and tell him to go ahead and kill himself?" Starscream offered.

"Yes, please do." Megatron nodded with a content sigh. "It would make me feel a whole lot better."

"Shockwave, this is Starscream, do you copy?"

"This is Shockwave." His voice vibrated over the internal intercom system. "I'm still standing over the molten pool. I'm going to jump off, I swear by it!"

"Ok, Megatron says for you to go ahead and kill yourself."

"I will!"

"Do it." Starscream challenged, smiling.

"Someone has to look after my grandfather-bot." Shockwave muttered sadly. "For I will no longer be around to do so."

"Don't worry; we'll give him a job toiling at the sewage heap." Starscream said.

"But he's an old man-bot."

"Not to worry, I'm sure the sewer hires old-bots, too." Megatron sighed as if he were bored. "Now if you please, carry on with your suicide, my energon will be here shortly."

Silence and then a blood-curdling shriek could be heard rumbling over the intercom, followed by a loud splash into the molten pool and then the eerie hiss of metal melting in the intense heat.

"Ahhhh, like music to my ears." Megatron smiled. "That is a sound one could go to sleep to."

"I know, can you picture him even now, Shockwave falling apart, his limbs oozing away from his body." Starscream said, rubbing his hands together. "His optics melting from their very sockets, oil sweltering from his dissolving body."

"Oh, Starscream, you're making me blush." Megatron said and then backed away when his food arrived. "It's about time, Autobot!"

"I'm sorry, don't blame me." Bumble bee said. "Blame that new cook. He's been getting complaints all day!"

"Send that cook out here and I will give him what for!" Megatron ordered, slamming his fist against the table. "I'll wrap my hands around his neck gears and squeeze the very life out of him. I'll rip out his optics and shove him in his mouth!"

"Megatron, now you're making me blush." Starscream replied.

"Ok," Bumble bee snickered.

A few minutes later the cook stood by the table awaiting reprimand.

"You wanted to see me?" the cook said.

Megatron furrowed his face plates to the familiar sound of a monotonous voice.

"Soundwave, what are you doing here?" Megatron gasped, looking up at Soundwave decked out in a red and white polka-a-doted apron.

"I am cooking various dishes of energon." He vibrated.

"I can see that." Megatron said. "Why are you cooking in this restaurant?"

"I am cooking because I am fulfilling the orders that have been displayed on the menus." He stated a flat tone.

"I mean, why are you working here?"

"Due to certain cut backs I am forced to seek supplemental income at another establishment."

"For the love of slag," Megatron moaned.

"Who's babysitting for Rumble and Frenzy?" Starscream callously teased.

"I was forced to put them up for adoption." Soundwave muttered miserably, hanging his head and trundling away in gloom.

"That was depressing." Megatron murmured, digging into his fried energon.

"I'll say, I wonder who's going to be stupid enough to want to adopt Rumble. Did you ever wonder where he got such an annoying accent?" Starscream asked, tilting his chair back.

"You know who comes to mind to me today?" Megatron said, picking at his energon.

"Who?"

"My old girlfriend from my younger days."

"Which femme bot was it?"

"Gun Gurl."

"Gun Gurl, you were dating her?" Starscream asked, looking surprised.

"Yes, but only for a brief amount of time." He sighed, his expression forlorn. "I even considered marrying her."

"Marriage?" Starscream gasped, taken aback. "I am surprised at you, Megatron! What happened?"

"I came to my senses, of course." He sneered, shaking his head. "She hated the fact that I was into evil and plundering different worlds for their natural resources and such. Ho hum, such as a woman who is always looking for ways to change a Decepticon?"

"Why were you thinking about her, then?"

"I was just wondering, why is it that we're not in any relationships?" Megatron asked, eyeing the table where Elite One and Optimus Prime engaged in cheery conversation, even laughing happily at times.

"What do you mean?"

"Why wouldn't a femme like Elite One go for someone like me?"

"I didn't know you had a thing for Elite One?" Starscream cringed.

"I didn't mean her; I was using her as an example." Megatron huffed impatiently.

"I don't know." Starscream shrugged. "You had Gun Gurl. You said you changed your mind about her and she was a good femme."

"It wouldn't have worked anyway." Megatron said. "She was into doing good deeds and caring her mother-bot and the fact that I dismantled my mother-bot for spare parts didn't seem to sit easy with her."

"I know what you mean. I shipped my mother-bot to the scrap heap nursing home."

"Isn't that place known for abuse?"

"Yes, but it was the only place that would take her for free." Starscream grinned.

"She also…" Megatron paused.

"What?"

"She also hated you." Megatron grumbled. "She said that I had to pick either her or you and for reasons unknown, I picked you."

"Megatron…I don't know what to say."

"What do I have to show for it? I have a thriving Decepticon base, I am the most powerful leader in the known universe, I have an almost unlimited supply of energon and I have a conceited seeker with a mouth that won't stop, but what do I not have?" he said with a hint of regret. "I don't have a wife-bot."

"You have your mother's used parts."

"Oh…yes, that, too."

"I should have dismantled my mother-bot." Starscream muttered, fiddling with his carburetor. "Some of my parts could use a make-over."

"Starscream, do you think our disassembling of family members is…oh, I don't know…normal?"

"It's more than normal! Why I'd say it's practical with the economy like it is."

"So, you don't feel any guilt?" Megatron asked, cocking his head to one side.

"I should say not! If I hadn't sent her away, she'd have taken me apart." Starscream declared hotly. "It's survival of the fittest and unfortunately for her, I was the stronger one! She should consider herself lucky, I could have sent her to the molten pool, but instead she rusts away in a nursing home, like all old bots are meant to."

"I suppose you're right."

"I am right."

Megatron sighed and then opening his chest plate, he removed a tiny box and held it in the palm of his hand, staring at it.

"Do you know what is in this box?" he asked.

"No."

Megatron opened it and then handed the box to Starscream.

Starscream peered inside. "It's a crystal energon ring."

"Yes, it was the one I was going to give Gun Gurl." Megatron said. "She never knew about that ring."

Across the room, at Prime's table:

"Look Prime," Elite One said with a giggle. "Isn't that Megatron and what's his name sitting over there?"

Optimus turned around, watching as Starscream lifted the glimmering ring out of the small box and admired it. His gaze fell on Megatron. He couldn't help but notice how gloomy and despondent he looked.

"Hmmm, I wonder what's going on over there?" he murmured, kneading his chin plate.

"I'd say it's looks as if Megatron bought Starscream a ring." She laughed. "My goodness, how sweet is that?"

Optimus threw back his head and laughed, drawing Megatron's attention.

"What in the name of slag is he laughing about?' Megatron grumbled.

"Look, it fits on me." Starscream smiled, lifting his hand revealing the tiny ring that glittered on his pinky. "Gun Gurl must have had large fingers."

"Hey, that ring is a sentimental keepsake!" Megatron growled. "Take it off of your grubby fingers!"
Starscream pulled and yanked, but the ring wouldn't budge. Panic stricken, he held his hand under the table and tried again to pull, but the ring held fast.

"I…think…it's stuck, Megatron." Starscream stammered, still frantically working to remove it.

"It better not be." He grumbled. "I'd hate to have to cut your fingers off just to get it back."

"No need for that…eh…I'll get it off."

"Make it snappy."

"Perhaps if you gripped the ring while at the same time I pull my hand back?" Starscream suggested, holding his hand low beside the table to keep the effort hidden.

Megatron circled his brawny fingers around the ring. "Alright, pull and for your sake it had better come off."

Starscream huffed and puffed, pulling his hand from Megatron's grip, but the ring didn't budge.

"Keep pulling." Megatron ordered, his patience wearing thin. "I'm going to get it off if it's the last thing I ever do!"

Elite One grimaced, choking on her energon. Optimus eyed her with concern.

"What's wrong?"

"I can hardly eat my energon." She spat, shuddering. "Look at those two."

Optimus turned around and then gasped, seeing Megatron with his hands below the table and Starscream struggling, panting and grunting.

"For the love of slag." He muttered.

"Oh, why don't they just get a room?" Elite One coughed, dabbing her face plate with a cloth rag. "Decent bots are trying to eat here."

"Never mind, it's stuck tight." Megatron groused and then combing his body armor, he smiled, lifting a small blow torch. "Give me your hand and I'll cut it off."

"No, not my hand," Starscream cried. "Give me a bit of oil and I'll try and slip it off."

With a harrumph of pique, Megatron slammed his fork down and reluctantly trekked to Optimus Prime's table.

Elite One looked away, pretending to enjoy her meal.

"Prime." He muttered.

"Megatron." Prime nodded in return.

"Might you have any oil? I don't have any handy at my table." He asked, forcing himself to be polite. "Starscream thinks he needs oil to get it off."

Elite One suddenly spit her energon out and began choking, frantically covering her face with her hands in revulsion.

"Megatron, I don't find you amusing." Prime barked, his optics glowing angrily. "I find you disgusting!"

"It's not my fault." Megatron sneered. "I was just showing it to Starscream and then he grabs it, trying to act all cute and now he can't get it off."

With a heated sigh, Megatron snatched the oil from the table and then marched back to his own, angrily slamming it down.

"Here, now get it off!" he growled, taking a seat.

Bumble bee returned to the table, a towel draped over his arm. "Is there anything else I can get for you, Megatron?" he asked.

"Enough is enough, I'm leaving." Megatron groused, rising to his feet.

"Wait, please!" Starscream pleaded. "I'm jerking as hard as I can!"

"Eeewwww," Bumble bee wrinkled his face and quickly darted away.

With an irritated sneer, Megatron ignored Starscream's pleas and stormed away from the table without so much as a tip, heading straight for the cashier.

"I'm leaving, how much for the half-eaten energon?" he murmured angrily.

"That'll be…Megatron?" the cashier stammered.

Megatron looked up in wonder, his optics wide. "Gun Gurl?"

**Ok, that's it for chapter one! I'll add another chapter to this new and on-going story in a few days.

Also, I'm going to give the Starscream/Megatron sexual witticism a rest so I don't wear it out.

All reviews are read and appreciated, thanks!