CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Your Dream's Alive

Sam opened his eyes suddenly sitting up in bed. He gasped. His heart racing. His mind a wash with memories and images. "Jess...." He called out. She was gone. He was in the emergency room. His breaths came quickly. His heart pounding. He was back... He was... "Jess..." Was this real? Where was she? "No..." He fell back in the bed defeat and anguish on his face. He didn't understand.

"No... No... Jess..." he muttered to himself. This couldn't be happening. He raised his hands to his face gripping his head tightly. He felt the pain from the scars. He felt the tug of the IV cord. "No...." He was... He was going to get better. He would wake up. He would...

* * * * * * * * * *

Dean stood over the lifeless corpse. His first thoughts racing to Sam... Was he ok? "Go." Bobby told him. "I'll take care of this. You go check on Sam."

Dean nodded, "Thanks Bobby." Dean's mind filled with hope and fear. What if this had no effect on Sam? What if.... No he had to keep his head straight. Bobby had done the research. It should have worked. Sam should be ok. It would only be a few minutes before Dean could see for himself. The hospital was only 10 minutes from here.

"Just don't you forget to call me as soon as you git there." Bobby reminded him. The old hunter was just as worried about Sam. But someone had to clean up this mess. Last thing they needed was any more attention.

"I will," Dean replied before heading down the stairs and out the door.

As he headed out onto the street, moving quickly toward the impala, he pulled out his cell and quickly dialed the hospital to see if there was any news. His impatiences overwhelming He had to know as soon as possible if Sam was ok.

* * * * * * * * * *

Dean rushed into the hospital room, his brother sitting there on his bed. A nurse was just finishing taking a blood sample. She smiled, "all done."

"Sam..." Dean's voice filled with relief.

The young nurse smiled, "he still needs to rest. But it looks like he's going to be ok." She walked past Dean carrying the small basket of blood samples and equipment.

Dean stepped forward towards his little brother. "Are you..." his voice trailed off, he took a deep breath. "We were worried about you man."

Sam sat on the bed still lost in his own thoughts a bit. He wasn't sure what to say. He wasn't sure even if this was real yet. "I'm.... fine. I guess." He paused and looked at his brother, "What happened?"

"It was a vetala, some kind of revenant. Bobby and I took care of it..." He stepped closer now at his brother's side. "It's so good to see you awake...."

Sam looked away. He wasn't sure he was awake. And part of him wanted this now to be just a dream. He wanted to wake up. He felt confused and lost in all the thoughts racing in his mind. His face was serious and reserved.

"What was it..." Dean trailed off not sure if Sam wanted to discuss it yet.

* * * * * * * * * *

"Sam...." the young woman's voice called out. The monitors flashing alarms going off. "Sam!" She yelled out. Medical staff rushing into the room.

Her heart raced as she was pushed back from the bed. She looked at his heart monitor it's line flat. The loud beeping from it's alarm filling the room. "We need a crash cart." She heard someone call out. She was pressed in the corner, mortified. She could barely make out Sam through the crowd of medical coats. "Clear" she heard one yell. Then watched as Sam's body rose violently in bed.

She could see he was bleeding more. The red liquid seeping through his gown. "He's bleeding out. We need to get him stable and into surgery." The voices around her all talking over one another.

"Sam...." she whispered, her arms wrapped around herself. All she could do was stand there watching them the tears streaming down her face.

* * * * * * * * * *

It had been almost two days. The hospital finally released Sam. They had insisted on keeping him and the other victim for observation. Between the apparent outburst and the head injury it had been an interesting past few days. There had been endless questions. Sam had to answer and be careful what he said. They wanted to make sure he wasn't crazy... something that Sam wasn't even sure of any more. He had to admit his head still hurt a bit too. Though the swelling was gone of the most part now, he still had a scar and large bruise.

Two days and Sam hadn't gone back. Two days and everything seemed to be back to normal. Whatever that was. He was finally getting to leave the hospital. He stood in the room looking around. His mind still flashing memories of his other life. He shut his eyes a moment. He took a deep breath. Then continued to get dressed. There was a knock at the door as he finished buttoning up his shirt. "Come in..." he called out as he turned.

"You ready boy?" Bobby asked as he and Dean entered the room.

Sam half smiled trying to fake it, as he bent over and grabbed his jacket from the bed. "Yeah..."

* * * * * * * * * *

"Later Bobby." Dean waved as the older hunter pulled away from the motel. It had been a hell of a week. One which Dean was glad to have behind them. He turned and headed back into the motel, where Sam was gathering up the last of their things. "So, I was thinking we take a week off, let you finish healing' up maybe have some fun."

"I'm not in the mood," Sam stated flatly. Right now he didn't know what he wanted any more. But he knew he didn't want to just waste time. He didn't want to forget. Didn't want to... to be honest he didn't want to deal.

"You just got out of the hospital. We should take some time do something fun for a change." Dean tried to urge his brother to cheer up. He had been in such a mood the past few days. Even more so then usual. Dean knew there was something he wasn't ready to discuss. But that wasn't exactly a new phenomenon lately. Sam didn't talk about anything. Well except for trying to make Dean tell him about hell. And maybe that's what he was trying to do. He was trying to make Sam deal with it. It dawned on the older man how freaking annoying he must be to his brother right now. He raised his eyebrows with the thought. He was being a bit of a hypocrite wasn't he.

"You forget about the end of the world?" Sam snapped back. As soon as he said it he regretted it. But it was true. Here the world was ending. He looked down at his cell, Ruby had been calling. Great that would be an interesting conversation. He shook his head.

"Ok, sorry. But it's not like we have some crystal ball telling us where Lilith is going to be."

"Let's just go." Sam said turning as he picked up his duffel bag.

"You know you never said what happened with you. I mean Bobby and I talked to that girl and she was having all sorts of hallucinations..."

"I was unconscious Dean," Sam said sharply. He didn't want to do this. He wasn't even sure yet how to speak to Dean about what happened.

"Fine." Dean said, he gave up. Sam would talk when he was ready, "Not in a caring and sharing mood any way, so let's go." He grabbed his things and prepared to leave.

"Dean...." Sam started, he took a deep breath. He knew Dean meant well. And it was the same thing Sam had been doing ever since Dean had gotten back from hell. He sat his bag back on the bed. "I remember... all of it..."

Dean stopped and stood there listening to his brother's words. He watched as Sam sat down on the bed and Dean followed suit and sat on the other bed across from his brother.

"It was.... I was in a mental hospital." Sam began. He wasn't sure how to make his older brother understand what he went through.

"What?"

Sam took a deep breath then spoke his voice somewhat low, "I remember my whole life in two different ways Dean. I remember everything here..." he paused and looked down at the floor, "and everything there."

Dean looked at his brother with concern. He wasn't sure what to make of this. "You were a mental patient?"

"Yeah..."

"what about me?" He wondered where he had been in this dream world.

"You... you weren't real. You were a figment of my imagination. Part of a delusional world I created according to the doctors." Sam looked up at his brother's face.

"I wasn't real?"

Sam shut his eyes as he spoke. "That world was so different Dean. And I was alone. The things I went through..."

"Well it's over." Dean tried to assure his little brother.

"No, you don't get it. It felt real. It felt so real Dean..."

"Yeah I get it. Remember Jinn." The older man thought back to what he had gone through. He knew how real a mental mind trip could feel.

"This wasn't a wish Dean." Sam snapped back defensively, "This wasn't some happy idea life where everything was ok. This was... It was a nightmare." He shook his head and looked away again, "I watched..." Sam took a deep breath, running his hand through his hair. "I watched Dad beat mom to death. I watched her... He burn her afterward."

"What..."

"He killed her there in front of me. I was just a kid. Then he kidnapped me.... For years Dean." Sam stood and walked across the room. He starred at the wall. "I can still feel what it was like when he beat me. I can still see the blood in the tub when he would make me wash his clothes out after he..." Sam could barely even make himself say the words, "He killed people Dean. Not monsters or demons. But people. Innocent People. He was some crazy homicidal killer just like the FBI here think he was."

"Sam, I... I mean it wasn't real..." Dean stood and walked towards his brother.

"You know that right?"

"Really? What makes more sense a world where monsters and ghost are real or one where...." Sam stood there his back to his brother. He had been trying for days to remind himself that this was real. That the vetala had been messing with him. But... Inside he wasn't so sure.

"Sam..."

"I killed him."

"What?"

"There I killed dad. I beat him until he was unconscious then I slit his throat." Sam slammed a fist against the wall in front of him. "And that's not even the worst thing. Because there in that life... he deserved it. He was an abusive, murdering bastard. And I can still feel all the hate I had for him. It's all mixed in with everything from our real past. I mean he... you both accused me of turning my back on the family. Accused me of hating him but here I never did... not really, but there... I hated him so much. More then I have hated anyone before. Anyone." He thought about Yellow eyes and Lilith and it was true there in that place he hated his own father more then he could ever hate them, despite what he had been through these past few years. Maybe that was why it felt so real still. Because the emotions were so much stronger still. He took a deep breath and tried to clam himself a bit, "But you know what was the worst part was? I almost..." A tear slid down his cheek. "I almost killed Jess, the same way he killed mom."

"Sam it was the vetala." Dean looked at his brother with concern. What else could he say.

"Yeah I know... but I still remember it all Dean. Every second of it." Sam turned not looking up, "and I can never get rid of these memories." Sam looked at his brother. "And Jess...." he trailed off thinking about the woman who had been by his side in the end. What was happening to her now?

* * * * * * * * * *

Jess stood outside Sam's room in the hall. She sunk slowly to the floor. Her emotions too overwhelming. Tears slid down her cheeks, as she buried her face in her hands. She sobbed uncontrollably.

* * * * * * * * * *

Sam sat in the Impala as it pulled out of the motel. His eyes starring out the window watching the world pass by as he and Dean sat in silence.

* * * * * * * * * *

THE END