It hurt.

The pain coursed through me in the form of flames, burning through every part of my body. I wanted to die. In fact, dying would be no problem. I'd die a million times, but I needed to escape this pain. It burned in every limb, every joint, every atom of my body and it had to stop. I screamed in the blackness, but no one heard me.

Edward, save me!

But he wasn't there. He didn't care; he didn't love me anymore. No, he and his family had left me a few months ago. I still remembered his promise.

"It will be as if I never existed."

How could he think that? Even if he took everything away, the toys, the presents, the pain would still be there, ripping my heart in half. He would still be there, living in my brain, toying with my life. The day that he left was the day I died. Not literally, but every day I would wish he would come back; hold me, kiss me, sleep next to me again.

Too bad it wasn't going to happen.

Turning my burning mind away from the unpleasant details, I put all my concentration on the one object of my life; love me or not. Edward Cullen. I knew he was the only thing that would be able to guide me through this unbearable pain, and maybe, just maybe, if my subconscious was working properly, I would be able to hear him again. Focusing a picture of his godlike face in my mind while trying to ignore the spreading pain, I sighed instantly. Even in a picture, seeing his face made me content.

I was pathetic.

I might as well just let myself go; I had rather die than endure the everlasting pain of waking up a vampire and remembering loving Edward – for eternity. It would be so easy; to just let go of my erratically beating heart and sink into whatever was waiting for me: heaven, or hell. By this time, the blackness was pushing against my body and it would crush me soon; but did I want that? Did I want to die forever?

Bella, stop! Stop right now! Not for me, but for you, for your parents. Do you know how devastated Charlie, Renee, and Phil will be if you disappear suddenly? At least pretend to be alive… for them.

Edward? Suddenly, I was pushing the blackness with all my might, determined to stay alive, even if it was for my unattainable ex-vampire boyfriend. One touch of his velvet voice, even if it was from my subconscious, and I was on my knees.

I really was pathetic.

It didn't matter anyways. Now that I thought about it, it would be so less reasonable to let go of my life. I was so young, and I'd never been able to go to college; even if it would be less pleasurable without him. My parents would be devastated, and I should at least pretend to be a corpse (I could pass for one if I became a vampire) and be buried, then dig myself out. I would gladly sacrifice my own life for my parents. As I tried to conjure their faces in my mind, all I could come up with was a blank face.

No.

No, no, no, no.

Suddenly, as I sifted through my memory half-crazed, I realized I'd lost half of it. The faces, the names… half of them were gone. I gasped mentally and instinctively reached out for the precious memories of the time where we'd been together: him and I. They were still there, though a little fuzzed up, waiting for me to cry over them once more.

Satisfied, in a sadistic way, I led myself back to the burning pain that still spread through my body, eating away at me; and I screamed mentally once more, turning my world a fuzzy black.