"NESSIE!!!!!!!!!!NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSIEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!" I yelled hoping to catch her attention. She's only half vampire, she might have bad hearing.

"WHAT EMMETT?????"

"Jesus, you don't need to shout. I'm a vampire, I can hear you perfectly easily." I said slowly, honestly she is not the brightest of sparks considering Edward is her dad and he is insanely smart.

She rolled her eyes at me. Fine, just because she has no comebacks. She should really learn some, she looks too much like Edward when she rolls her eyes. Unnatural if you ask-

"Emmett, you screamed?" oh yeah, I did do that.

"Right so basically, I have a plan." I confided. I know she'll be on board with this. It's not like she has anything better to do, Eddie and Bells had banned her from meeting Jake this weekend. I was here to enforce that rule. And I would, gladly. "So, since you have no social life, and you are all I have to work with, we are going to go all out and create the Indestructible Plan." I finished grandly.

Her mouth twitched fighting a smile. "I see, and what exactly does this…plan consist of? I mean, I'm not gonna do it if it will bore me to tears."

Excuse me? My plans are never boring. "This plan is brilliant, ingenious, you couldn't be bored if you tried. Now take those stupid things out of your hair, put your slippers on and sit down. We have a plan to construct." There, I knew Jasper's military training would come in handy one day.

"Fine. I'll help with the plan on one condition. The hair curlers do not get called 'stupid things' ever again. They are necessary and I think your wife would agree if I mentioned this." She said quirking up an eyebrow anticipating my reaction.

No, no, no, no. She did not just threaten me with Rosie Wrath. That is so over the line. I didn't even bother answering, I just growled and instantly hoped she wouldn't tell Edward I did. I am really feeding her the ammo today.

"Anyway. The plan is this: we create a series of pranks for every member of the family and each one will be worse than the last. But we will have to hide out in some place where they can't get us. Or we will be ripped to shreds. Well, actually I will be. You'll get grounded."

It is totally unreasonable that I will be considered firewood whilst she will get a light punishment. Although Edward would gladly give her no-Jacob time which would really piss her off. Huh, I guess I could get more out of this than I thought possible!

She was grinning broadly now; "that sounds awesome! Okay, so who first. I have the best idea for Dad. I know where he keeps his back up disks for his music library. You know, since you tried to destroy it last time? Well basically, he thinks I don't know but last year I was looking for my Christmas present 'cause I couldn't crack Alice and no one else knew and I came across a CD marked 'back up in case Emmett tries it again'. I thought we could replace the CD, erase his computer hard drive and move the real back up somewhere else. If we destroyed it we would be totally screwed."

Wow. I have taught her so well. "Brilliant!!! We have so much work to do. I have a plan that will really annoy Jazz. He bought this new orange hair dye – don't ask – and he hid it in Alice's closet. I know it will take a while to find, but I was thinking we could kill two birds with one stone and decorate Alice's shoes with orange dye yes?"

"I am so looking forward to this! You go get the dye thing sorted, I'll erase the hard drive and change the CD. Then we meet back here and plot for Mom and the others." She's been listening in Jasper's training sessions too. Never thought he had such an audience to be frank.

I sped up the stairs and into Alice's shoe closet. For a vampire I felt awfully claustrophobic in there. I swear the shoes were staring at me from all directions. I started by the sandals and worked my way down the line before retrieving the hair dye from a pair of suede boots.

I decorated them first and then went all over the walls and racks of shoes. Finally I left a message for my dearest siblings, they would be thrilled. And then everything went dark. And I heard Nessie scream.

Oh no.