I have an odd affinity for AU Akatsuki fanfics and I don't know why.
© To Kishimoto the Sasuke lover.
I have been reading waaaaay too much of ohwhatsherface's stuff. So yeah, this is STRIKINGLY SIMILAR to one of her stories.
And they're e-mailing back and forth on school computers. Not texting.
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To:Katsu
From:JashinLover321
Homo,
Your boy-toy is giving me the evil eye again. What the fuck did I do this time?
Hugs,
Hidan
To:JashinLover321
From: Katsu
Jackass,
I think it's a good bet that you keep calling me/us gay. Which we're not. So shut the hell up.
Kisses,
Deidara
To:PuppetMaster
From:Katsu
Schnookums,
Can't meet you in the bathroom today. Hidan's starting to think...things. And he calls you my boy-toy. Which is degrading. No way in hell am I an older woman who takes advantage of younger, sexy men!
Love,
Your hunnybun.
To:Katsu
From:JashinLover321
Homo,
Oh you so are! Did I NOT fucking see you shoved against the wall with Sasori's tongue shoved down your throat?! Honestly, if you're a goddamned faggot, I wouldn't care, (although Jashin-sama does—you'll be a flitting ghost in the goddamned afterlife instead of where Jashin-sama is) but don't lie to me you tool! I SAW you pressed up against that wall! So HAH!
Hugs,
Hidan
P.S. HAHA YOU'RE TOPPED BY A FUCKING MIDGET!
To:Katsu
From:PuppetMaster
Stop with the nicknames. Please. Just...stop.
...Hidan is being a tool again? Jesus.
Dammit, Deidara. Can't we just meet at your house?
-Sasori
P.S. Hunnybun?
...never...again...
To:JashinLover321
From:PuppetMaster
Asswipe,
Since Deidara forwarded me the e-mail you sent him, let me state this; you saw nothing. Deidara was simply helping me look for my Economics book. You know how much of an ass Genma-sensei is if you don't have your book. So shut up, you don't have any proof.
-Sasori
To:JashinLover321
From:Katsu
Jackass,
How could you—I mean, you saw nothing! You are an ass who takes pleasure in other people's pain!
Kisses,
Deidara.
To:PuppetMaster
From:Katsu
Sugarbottom,
We need to get Kakuzu to kill Hidan. Or we can get Itachi. Or Kisame.
Or -shudder- Konan.
We can tell her that he thinks Origami is for pussies. Then she'd cut off his balls and feed them to him. Yes? Yes?
Konan scares the crap outta me. And—oh god, when she and Pein form a tag team, the world will fall to ruin.
Kisses,
Dei-chan
P.S HUNNYBUNHUNNYBUNHUNNYBUNHUNNYBUN
P.P.S And no, you can't come over. Tobi and I (well, just me) have to do our Chemistry project. Of course, I have to hide my Parrot again, or else he'll try to eat it. Woe.
To:PuppetMaster
From:JashinLover321
So your Economics book just so happened to be located inside Deidara's mouth and/or larynx?
And on the contrary, my friend, I happen to have proof. So suck that, shit head!
Remember that LCD camera-phone Kakuzu got me for Christmas because I gave him like, 20 gift cards to his favorite store? Well...video magic, my friend!
Hugs,
Hidan
To:Katsu
From:PuppetMaster
Stop it, you asshole! Those nicknames are not funny and should be hit with a shovel.
And I agree; Hidan needs to be destroyed.
...your ideas are convincing. Maybe we can get Konan to go all ape-shit on him.
-Sasori
P.S You are a douchebag.
P.P.S Oh God, that sucks.
To:Katsu
From:JashinLover321
Homo,
BAHAHAHA YOU ADMIT IT, YOU ASS! Oh my GOD this is GOLD!
You do know that there's a fan club devoted to you and Sasori-douchebag getting together, right? I'm sending my proof over to them. I will be drowning in money. (Until that cheap-ass whore comes and demands some from me goddammit.)
So yes.
I'm exploiting this for all this is worth.
Andgettingbackatyouwhores.
Hugs,
Hidan
To:PuppetMaster
From:Katsu
Muffin,
Hidan needs to be stopped. Maybe we can tell Kakuzu he steals his money out of his bank account. Or we can tell Pinky (dear God she scares me) that Hidan said that Sasuke's an emo pansy who cries and slits his wrist. I'm pretty sure we can have the both of them trying to kill Hidan. Since, you know, she's a dominatrix in her relationship with Sasuke.
Y/N?
Kisses,
Your Love monkey
To:Katsu
From:PuppetMaster
I hate you.
And yes, Sakura is going to be of great use.
Good thinking.
P.S Stop with the nicknames.
To:JashinLover321
From:Katsu
Jackass,
I'm going to skin you. Then feed you your skin. And then blow you up. I hate you.
...we have a fan club...?
I'm going to take your phone. Just you wait.
Also, I'm going to walk over to you, and punch you in the face. Thank god Shizune-san is in another room, or she'll bitch at me for 'tearing up her library'.
Kisses,
Deidara.
To:JashinLover321
From:PuppetMaster
Herpes,
You know what? I will shove that phone so far up your ass you will be able to taste it.
-Sasori
To:PuppetMaster
From:JashinLover321
Rectal Swab,
Oh stop it, you're turning me on you sexy, sexy man!
And besides, I have my phone in a secure place where you can't get it. Haha, fuckers!
So, you see, the meeting between the chairman will go something akin to this,
Sexy Beast: So, I have this evidence that pretty much states that Sasori and Deidara are fucking each other.
Chairman: -will violently jump out of seat, perhaps stub toe-HOW MUCH DO YOU WANT, YOU SEXY BEAST?
Sexy Beast: -smirks knowingly- Well...150 bucks and a blowjob. Capiche?
Chairman: I WILL FULFILL YOUR EVERY DESIRE! -Proceeds to pounce-
Sexy Beast: Awww yeah.
OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. Shut the fuck up.
Have fun!
Hugs,
Hidan
To:JashinLover321
From:PuppetMaster
Bag of douche and shit,
I will reach in your pants, grab out your phone, and smash it into a million tiny pieces.
And then I will hurt you. Along with people I recruit. There are many who hate you.
If Shizune-san wasn't watching, I would jump over the tables and slit your throat.
Wait five minutes. You will be dead.
-Sasori
To:Katsu
From:JashinLover321
Yes, you have a fanclub. And it's run by that fucking rich girl. Shit...I can't remember her name...
Anyway, you and Mr. I'm-obsessed-with-puppets-gawd-I-need-to-get-laid-oh-wait-that's-what-Deidara's-for are going to try and sexually molest me just to get my phone? You guys suck as friends. I am hurt by your horrible deeds and...aw screw it, acting was never my forte.
Fifteen minutes until the bell rings and I have class with a member of the fanclub. (Can I get a WHOOP-WHOOP?!)
Hugs,
Hidan
To:JashinLover321
From:PuppetMaster
Sphincter,
Go die. In a hole. Without a body. Cut off your head and stick it in a hole. Then Deidara and I will blow up some rocks and bury your decapitated head under them.
Oh, we suck as friends? At least we didn't ruin the ending of Watchmen! I've been wanting to see that forever, but no, you had to be a douche and read the book, spoiling it!
Seriously.
Die in a fire.
-Sasori
To:JashinLover321
From:Katsu
Scientologist,
I hate you. Sasori and I do not have sex on a daily basis. I mean, honestly, you'd have to be an idiot to think that.
...Wait...
Anyway, go take your imaginary god and suck it.
Kisses,
Deidara
To:Katsu, PuppetMaster
From:JashinLover
At least I'm not taking it in the ass.
Hugs,
Hidan
To:JashinLover, PuppetMaster, Katsu
From:NoStringsAttached
You two tackled Hidan over a table.
…
You guys are morons.
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Yeah...the last guy was Kakuzu, just to let you know.