Hey, guys. I wanted to update something non-Pokemon related (that is not to say Storm does not want you to read her Pokemon/Naruto cross, Pathway). I haven't done any Naruto updates for months, but I assure you ideas have been building up in my head all that time. I've never lost interest in Naruto.

Speaking of time, I got a new laptop for Christmas yeesssss. Much better than my old one for which I actually kept books nearby in case a site took too long to load and I just got USED to working with this piece of shit that was so slow I could read books in the time it took to perform absolutely any task.

By the way (1) this story has no central plot except Sakura growing up and me having fun writing it. Expect the unexpected here, that is, whatever the hell I feel like shoving in Sakura's face.

By the way (2), Happy Slightly Belated Birthday, Sakura!

Sunday, March 1st

So I woke up this morning (at 6:02 AM for some reason) and couldn't go back to sleep so I flipped around through my bookshelves to find some entertaining book or manga and I found "From the Mixed-up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler," a book older than my mother, but I always liked because it was about kids running away from home. Then again, these kids ran away to a museum of all places, but I guess that would have worked it the sixties when this was written…so I wandered around all day having thoughts about running away. Not that I have a reason to do it but it's just interesting, you know? Like how hail breaking through a window or someone getting attacked by an animal at the zoo is terrible, but you just keep staring/reading about it because it's interesting? Why the hell am I justifying something to myself in a diary only I will read?

Eh. It's Sunday. Bedtime now.

Tuesday, March 3rd

Right after French I go to lunch. It's just down one hall, turn a corner, down maybe thirty feet of the next hall, and you're in the cafeteria. Not too far I guess. When I got there today Deidara was at my table, like, sitting on the table, talking with Catherine. I got there and set my bag down and they still ignored me so I fiddled with the pocket of my cute soccer jacket that Tenten had given me and after a little more time I decided they were just being damn rude.

"Don't you have some clay molds to fondle?"

"Right after you, mm." And there was some fondling/tickling and the supervisor for our lunch shift gave us one of those "You kids these days and your public displays of affection and your teen girls falling for older gentlemen and your Nintendo Wiis and your texting and your Coke Zero and your" okay now that's just exaggerating.

When I caught my breath again I asked what he was doing here, and didn't he have lunch in half an hour, and have a class to teach right now?

"They can wait a little bit, hm. I wanna know what you want for your birthday."

(A vacation home in France. Oh! Something he can GET me for my birthday!)

Naruto would get me the latest box set of House, and Hinata would get Lost (lol wordplay), the latest season that is, Catherine would find some super cute shoes that would miraculously fit me even though I'd never stuck my feet in them before, and maybe Tenten would finally give me those karate lessons I'd been asking her for since fifth grade. I can picture Chloe or Holly giving me a poster of Taylor Lautner or something, too.

"Can you sculpt my cat?" He blinked. Well it's a weird sentence, I suppose. "Whatever pose you want. I'd put it on my nightstand and it'd be like a little Jesus I pray to every night."

"You mean that's not me?" he said, actually looking kind of sad.

"Only when your back is turned. I'm shy like that. But seriously, a sculpture of Zolei would be wonderful. Personal, you know? Everyone else will just be buying me things."

He grinned and kissed me again, and was dashing off back towards his classroom. He cut through the lunch line on his way, getting in this jock's face and going "BLAGH!" just to be funny, I assume. The jock's friends thought it was hilarious, and Catherine was almost rolling on the floor. Once she collected herself, she finally sat down and pulled out a neat little blue bag with a tiny plastic pair of heels hanging off as a keychain. "God I love crazy guys!" she swooned, putting her hand and simultaneously a banana on her forehead. "Girl, someday I'm gonna slit your throat and steal your man. I mean, that ass is hot. Not that your ass isn't hot, too. And who doesn't love two hot asses lip-locked in a passionate kiss? Speaking of wh…OMG."

"What?" I looked around and saw Hinata coming towards the table at last, carrying an extra textbook. But that wasn't worthy of a Catherine OMG. "Come on, what?"

"At the end of the line, moron! The very end! Sai is kissing Ino, like, nicely."

I flipped in my chair to see what the hell that meant, and my eyes almost warped at it. By kissing nicely, Catherine meant Sai was kissing his girlfriend/possible lackey Ino like he cared about her, sort of in the way Deidara would kiss me, and in the most public place possible in an American high school and nicely. Nicely is the detail.

Sai is the usually-slyly-being-smartass-occasionally-passive-aggressive-all-around-frustrating kid who's pale as glue and has a long history of pissing me off, remember. If he kisses anyone nicely, he must want something from them. Ino's virginity is up in the air for all I know. Her family has an average-ish amount of money and I doubt she's so stupid as to be into drugs like Sai's best buddy, Kin. What would he be kissing her for? Hinata came to our table walking backwards so she could watch too, and bumped into it which was pretty cute, but we kept on staring.

"Can't be good news if sly boy hooks up with snobby girl." Catherine observed, and we watched while Ino grabbed Sai's hand and swung it from side to side in her own like a kid with a…something. I don't know. But she looked happy to be doing it. Kids were starting to look pissed that they were holding up the line. Sai realized this and pulled her forward with him so the line could advance. Obviously they weren't ga-ga for each other or they wouldn't even notice the line.

In history after lunch, Mr. Reese asked me to tell everyone what I thought was President Polk's most important accomplishment, and I was still reeling from Sai and Ino's "relationshipwtfthing" that I just stuttered like a total idiot. Mr. Reese tried to be funny and said I looked like a new student stuttering like that and I should get up in front of the class and say hello to the class just like one. And I'm never going to understand why he thought that was necessary! I mean, I always thought he wasn't petty like that but I guess you can't even trust a nice old guy like Mr. Reese these days.

So I straightened my skirt while Carlos giggled retardedly at me, and when I got up there I barked out just like a nervous new student, "HELLO TO THE CLASS!" and returned smoothly to my seat.

Mr. Reese was un-senile enough to know I'd one-upped him, and I told that story to kids in gym and then in art, and Deidara thought it was hilarious.

Oh yeah, and that night I dreamed Ino was America's new chancellor and Sai was the Secretary of Inhuman Art (which meant he regulated the national business of carving drawings/etchings into the skin of human corpses and selling them). There was an epic terrorist invasion. They wanted to steal the secrets to America's booming art business, and it was high-powered and intense as an episode of 24. Woke up just before Sai could shoot Ino's diabolical twin sister. Damn!

Friday, March 6th

So, today I got some sort of confession out of my mom. I think. Here's how it went: Deidara wanted to go out today, so I prepared a nice, cute outfit for it. I put on a dress-like red tee over a white long-sleeve shirt, which I thought looked pretty cute with jean capris. I went downstairs around to wait for him when my mom walked by with one of her cookbooks in her hand. She gave me a once-over and said, "You look cute. Going out with your art teacher again?" That was weird enough, since I'd told her I was going to hang out with him three days ago and she's not forgetful. I told her so.

"Yeah, well, sometimes I do forget things. You spend so much time with him, and talking about him and talking on the phone with him, it all blends together nowadays. You may as well just live at his place; I probably wouldn't notice." And she just walked off to the kitchen like she'd just commented the weather.

Zolei, who had been in my lap, was dumped off as I got up to ask her what the hell this was about. "What's this about?" I asked. "I do not talk about him, or talk on the phone with him, or hang out with him enough that it would all 'blend together', Mom! You don't need to act like he rules my life just because you don't like him much."

She set her book down and stared with an unnerving blankness at me. "Sakura, he's obviously the most important thing in your life, you're just not saying it aloud. You obviously want him and from what you say, he sure as hell wants you, so go have your little rabbit-screw and leave each other alone so I can have my daughter back!"

For a really quick second I thought, 'God, I hope I'm not this stupid when I'm a mom,' then mentally bitchslapped myself and tried to approach this thing calmly. "Mom…what?"

Her lack of expression was still there (or not there?) but I could see her eyes getting wet and red lips shaking. "Don't pretend, Sakura. He's very attractive, I'm quite sure you're not lesbian, and for all I know, it's already happened behind my back."

I still can barely freaking believe this! I stuck my head forward a little bit and said, "You want me to have sex with Deidara…so our relationship will stop…and we'll have mom-daughter family time again?"

With her torrential feelings put into simple terms like that, she literally collapsed into a chair. "Yes!" she sobbed but I kind of hope she never actually meant it. My mom and me have a pretty good relationship. I didn't know what to do with her crying in front of me because of me. I stepped toward her awkwardly like she was somebody I didn't know who required comfort instead of my own mother. And it's a little hard to think of my mother as the person who wants me to have sex with my older boyfriend as soon as possible. (What mom in the fucking world says that?)

I put a hand on her back. Like that helped. "Mom…the farthest me and him ever got was kissing." Suddenly I remembered from several weeks ago the fact that Hidan told me that I've been the subject of Deidara's fantasies several times. I sure as hell would never tell her that now. "And he's not my whole world. I always put my friends first. And you and me still have fun together. Remember last week when we totally died laughing at that redneck guy on Comedy Central?"

I saw her smile a little. "Hinata avoids even walking in the same room as her mom. You know how her parents are, and how she sometimes feels like they don't even like her. And Holly hasn't spoken to her mom since three summers ago." Actually it was her dad she hadn't spoken to, but since my mom knows Holly as the girl on my soccer team who's been living with her aunt and uncle since junior high, that doesn't matter so much.

For a couple tear-filled minutes I thought comparing her to my friends' moms had done the trick. But she raised her head and stared at the front door like a zombie. "I'm not Holly or Hinata's mom. And they don't have boyfriends who are legal adults." Now she looked at me. It was a wry and dark look. "And all it takes is one statement from you for that kissing to be turned into molestation."

"He doesn't molest me, mom." (Um…um…uh.) "He loves me. He said so."

That…didn't help. She looked at me with wide eyes now, like I'd said I had cancer. Pancreatic. "Honey. He just likes you. There's no such thing as love at your age, there's infatuation. High school relationships are very pretty illusions because they're your first experience in anything like love. That's all. Your father said he loved me just before college started. You see where that went?"

"I'm where that went." I reminded her, trying to be funny. "And I thought I was the bestest kid ever."

One side of her mouth curved up for a second. "You are. God, you are. Something had to balance out your fucktard dad."

What the fu...I'd never heard...All right I admit I had to pause and absorb the fact that my mom had just said "fucktard." After that…

"He wasn't a fucktard, Mom, he just was really dumb. I remember he turned on the oven once and stuck his head inside. I had to pull him out. He was one of the stupid drunks, which is much better than an angry drunk." Because you could still laugh at a stupid drunk, even if his own stupidity had gotten him KO'd on the interstate at one in the morning. My father's death would make an interesting sleepover story if it weren't also a shameful embarrassment to my mother and me.

"And anyway I'm not gonna have a baby with him. I'm not gonna run away to Vegas, I'm not gonna go out and do drugs, I'm not gonna have sex with him." Well, he's implied that if we're still together when I'm in college… But this is SO not the time to say that.

She put her head back in her hands. "I just…miss you, I guess. You see him three times a week sometimes, and at school, too, of course…" She looked at me again, this time fondly. "Just don't forget I exist over here. I'm afraid we are going to be like Hinata and her mom just because your boyfriend wants to see you every second of the day, and I'll be a background character in your life at best. I don't want that. I was always thankful that my daughter actually liked me and I want to continue being thankful. Okay?"

That made my heart melt. I mean really, my mom and me get along so well. If this counts as a fight, we haven't had a real one since I was thirteen and I got in trouble for punching Sai at school. I guess it would really suck if I turned into one of those girls who just tries to suck as much money and free rides from her mom as she possibly can.

"I love you, mom," I said, which, I realized, was easier than saying I loved Deidara. "And my boyfriend's not gonna make me grow apart from you. If it starts…seeming like that, tell me, and I'll stop or fix it or something. I like having a mom who likes me, too. I know a lot of kids don't."

She scratched her head and kind of turned away. "Okay then. Awkward fight's over. You go wait for your boyfriend." I got up maybe faster than I should have. When I was about to sit on the couch nearest the front door, she followed me and put her hand on my shoulder. I turned around.

"One last thing."

"Yeah?"

"You remember right after you got hurt in January, and I let him babysit you?" I knew where this was going. "You remember how I threatened to send cops to his house if you didn't call me like I told you?"

I remembered. "Yeah?"

"That threat still stands. He does something I don't like, unless he's got a hell of an excuse, unless he was saving you from the wrath of the ant-Christ, I'm sending armed men after him. God forbid he treats you wrong." She patted my shoulder, smiling like she'd just given an inspirational speech and sauntered off back to the kitchen. I sat down, quietly pondering what my mom would look like tailed by gunmen. Or just using a gun on Deidara. Thank god I heard his car right then. I called out to my mom that he was here and I was going. I saw her wave and then whisk back into the kitchen, carrying Zolei in her arms.

Just before going out the door I smoothed out the left side of my head, which tends to have the most flyaway strands and reached into my purse to move my little surprises nearer the zipper so I could whip them out more easily. You know, before my mom had gone all heartfelt on me, I'd had a rather cool plan for this date. For once I'd be the one surprising Deidara. I wondered what he'd feel like being on my side of the fence, that is, the "take everything, give nothing, stand there being sort of ashamed" side. Anyway, I went out the door then.

I could see him pressing buttons on his stereo, switching CDs I think. He was wearing a shirt I liked that was plain, deep blue with a pretty (well, I would verbally say "badass" if he asked…) Chinese dragon winding up one sleeve. I also deduced that he'd gotten his hair trimmed. That lock he keeps over his left eye was just a little shorter.

I opened the door and was closing it before he said anything, which was odd. Normally he'd be begging for a kiss the second I put a single toe in his car. I was about to shut the door behind me (remember this car has doors opens up?) when he slammed his hand on the dashboard and randomly barked, "Fuck!" I jumped like Zolei when he sees the vacuum.

His eye turned my way and with an irritated frown, said, "I wanted to have your CD ready for you. Stupid stereo's been hitching for three days, mm."

"So you had to hit your car just for that?" I scoffed. I think I value Deidara's car more than he does. Maybe this is one of his blonde areas, that he thinks it's just a car when in fact it's a damn expensive car that could practically bail you out of jail with its retail value…okay, I like his car. Sshh.

"I hate when I try to do something for you and it gets messed up. I want to do everything right for you." Midway through saying that he reached for my hand. When he was done, I squeezed it a little playfully to take the sudden seriousness out of this conversation.

Just for a moment I thought of all the times Deidara had failed me, which included…him not being able to get Rockfest tickets. The end. But that wasn't even under his control, so, really, he's never failed me. I had to laugh a little, which made him smile, like always. "What are you talking about? That's never happened. I wouldn't be upset if you messed up a little, anyway. Your record is way too perfect. And besides…" I flicked at the zipper of my purse to make room for my fingers, reached in and flashed my surprise.

His eye was suddenly bigger than Hinata's boobs, swear to God. "Where'd you get those?"

Well, they were tickets to Avatar.

"Bryan Graham."

"The kid who thought you died?" (In middle school days I knew Bryan as the kid with one green eye and one blue, but I like his new title better.)

"Yup." I had something else on my mind involving Bryan, but decided to keep it to myself. It could wait till after the movie. Or any other time, really. "And we should get going now. We'll have to fight for seats if we don't hurry." Deidara just said, "wait," and reached over and placed his hand gently on the back of my head. He slightly forced me to lean over to him so we could meet halfway.

I'm still not the best kisser so I didn't do…whatever good kissers do…but I just tried to keep my mouth slightly open so he could take control use his tongue dammit I don't know. It's not like I can ask him, "Hey, how do I become a better kisser?" My god, he'd love that but I've still got a lot of shyness in me so…yes.

Suffice it to say…it wasn't as "violent" as mouth-raping, but he just didn't want it to end. Or maybe my sense of time got mixed up along with the rest of me and I thought it took a long time but it didn't…He's a damn good kisser. He knows using his tongue is what makes my stomach (and me) turn and squirm the most. He kept moving back a little to breathe, making me think he was done for now, and just coming right back. And at the end I felt his smile on my lips and finally he stopped. I had to bow my head so he wouldn't see my pathetically red face. And he tried to turn up my head so he could see it to, that little dick, and I kept smacking his hands till we were doing that girly try-to-smack-someone-face-but-you-just-keep-hitting-their-hands-as-they-deflect-you thing and giggling. 'Cause that's how you end a make-out session with the person you like, my children!

Now that I re-read that, it's an awfully big paragraph for just sufficing something. Anyhow…

Once we'd both recovered(?) Deidara defied the speed limit and my request to not scare the shit out of any feeble old ladies driving on the same road as us to get to the theatre in time. While speeding, he managed to make me spill the story of my "argument" with my mom and promised he'd try and compromise with her. Dunno what that means.

I was sneaking in a bag of Doritos to eat but he wanted popcorn and didn't want to be left alone with a bunch of strangers (because they'll just rape you in the snack line and make you pay for their nachos don'cha know) and we almost did actually have to fight for seats.

That little affair went to the tune of "two guys came up to us when our butts were perhaps five inches from the seats and said they'd claimed them already; when we wouldn't leave they said they'd make us, so I stood up and told them to go ahead and do it, if they really would hit a girl just to see a movie, I'd bite their goddamn fingers off; Deidara flicked a piece of popcorn in the other guy's eye and dang did he scream-I guess butter hurts-they left us alone and god willing, the next people they threatened made them scared enough to leave." Geez, the people we live among!

Oh, by the way…James Cameron, you sly dog. You thought you could slip this masterpiece under our noses but we've got you now! We're taking you and your Na'vi straight to the Academy Awards, mister!

Monday, March 9th

Okay, besides getting a call from an unknown number from Sweden last night, in recent news, Tenten's birthday was today! It was a really great day for a Monday, as well, particularly since I almost missed the bus this morning due to my untied shoelaces. I did this weird dancing sort of thing to keep from falling from an angle at which everyone one the bus who was looking could see. When I leaped onto the bus, Chloe leaned over her seat and grinned, "Epic sprint there, honey."

I "da-da-da"d the Indiana Jones theme as I skipped down the aisle, making some kids giggle and used my "whip" (iPod headphones) to flip her beret off her head and it somehow got in her mouth and she tried to throw it at me as I found a seat. The bus driver thought we were actually fighting and forced us to stop. Dang adults can't tell the difference between kids having fun and kids trying to eat each other. Ah, well.

I actually spent some of last night thinking of funny things to say for today. Tenten loves to hear me just talk about random things because apparently, I'm quite funny. This opinion is shared by Deidara and...a lot of people, actually. So I planned some in advance so she could laugh even more today. That was her present (as well as a two-pound box of dumplings).

My personal favorite occured in French. I don't think I've ever mentioned in this year's book that Tenten takes French with me. It's mostly because her mom's forcing her, but she's in French II with me, is the point. And today, Madame Labrie had to go to the opposite side of the school to get some papers another teacher was holding for her. She told me to lead the class in our discussion of global warming. Kids got quite excited at this and when Madame Labrie left, Clint and Gustav started clapping and whooping, "Yeeeaah, Sakura! Let's talk about some réchauffement climatique! I'm ready to absorb some KNOWLEDGE!"

So I jogged on up to the front of the class and swept my hands together like an evil mastermind. I grabbed the textbook that the teacher had left on her desk and opened it to the page we were supposed to be reading from. It was basically an article on the effects, the freakish, unrealistic, awful ones, as in sea levels rising and drowning whole cities, of global warming. I set to work diligently illustrating this on the board.

"Okay, so this all starts with the sun…" And I did a very accurate representation of the sun with a baby inside it from Teletubbies. Plus sunglasses 'cause that's required when you're on the sun. "And heeeeeere's…France…" I dragged that part out to glance back and forth between a map of France on the wall and the accuracy of my drawing (45 percent, and unfortunately, that's generous.) I drew arrows pointing from the sun to blob-France. "Here we have heat waves, beating down with the intensity of a thousand suns—"

"But there's only one su—"

"SHUT UP!—intensity of a thousand suns. And some of these are trapped in our atmosphere by the ozone layer and raise the temperature of the earth. So if something isn't done about this, France will become a livinnng heeellll." For good measure I sketched a stick figure with red horns. Tenten was red in the face by this time.

"Hi-his horns look like ears!" she cackled, pointing. "Bunny ears!"

"Nuh-uh, donkey ears!" Jenna stuck her arms straight up, which is apparently what donkey ears look like nowadays.

"Fine, the devil's a donkey." I consented.

Before I could add to that, TJ suggested I leave it up for the teacher to find. I scoffed and started erasing all the drawings. "Are you kidding me, the devil burning down France? She'd eat me alive, and I love France!" I had to say that extra loud, because Tenten was about in tears and thank goodness she was sitting down! Madame Labrie came back at just that moment, when Tenten was struggling to breathe, and I had to make up a joke on the spot about the greenhouse effect to placate the teacher.

I told this whole story to Deidara today, and I thought he'd find it hilarious but he barely spoke at all during my telling of it, which happens when he makes a bet with his bud Skylar and loses, or he went to buy some album and found that the store was out. I asked if it was the new Rev Theory he'd gone out attempting to buy and had missed. I had bought it myself, so I offered to let him borrow and burn it, but he said that wasn't the problem (as a matter of fact, he'd been one of the first to buy it, or so the cashier had told him).

Unfortunately for Mr. Iwa, being the dumb blonde he is, he just un-tactfully admitted that there is indeed a problem. Well, this won't be as fun as sabotaging Sai's report card, but since we're "together" I have to find out what's wrong, right?

Right.

Saturday, March 14th

Yuggh. Friday the thirteenth was awful. I got a salad for lunch since the school's burritos don't agree with me and spilled Italian dressing all over my pants. My blue pants, so the stain shows. At the least, it was near the calf and not my upper thigh or anything so it didn't look like I'd had an accident or some freak menstruation malfunction. And a freshman named Trevor I talk to occasionally fell down the stairs during passing period. It wasn't the sort of fall you'd laugh at, either. The crack his skull made on the landing was pretty sickening (honestly, though, I'd better get used to nasty sounds or I'll never make it to diagnostician) and his friends had to literally drag him to the nurse because he was just about unconscious. He'll come to school on Monday with a cast for sure, poor kid.

Today, though, was really nice in terms of weather. Tenten and I got together and practiced making goals in the park and then bought some McFlurries since the day's 67 constituted a heatwave considering the temperature we've been having lately. Oh, and report cards came out yesterday and apparently I've got a C+ in my history class. Which is not cool. I have no idea how it happened since I've been turning in all my work as usual, and since it's me doing it, it's damn good work, but I can't help but think of the little "HELLO TO THE CLASS!" spectacle. Reese wouldn't "forget" to add the last few assignments to the computer just because of that, would he?

Tuesday, March 17th

Haha! Everyone who tried to pinch me first had to pretend they didn't see my jade necklace, and if that failed, my eyes. 'Cause those green babies have never failed me. Naruto had pinch marks all over his arms by lunch, though. Idiot.

I can't dwell on that too much, though. Ever since last Monday when Deidara acted off…well, it's been continuing. He's just not as lively as he was before. At least, that's how it was last week. He was more mellow than anything else, but on Friday, and Monday and today, he's been anxious as heck, and is gripping the counters and tabletops like he wants to rip them up and eat them. I've been keeping watch but can't find a shred of evidence as to what this is about. He's not checking his phone anymore than normal, his clothes aren't disheveled or smelly, there's no mysterious black cars hanging around the school, or anything.

The fact that I've drawn up nothing means the guy's either really, really crafty at hiding his emotions or really, really stupid at expressing them. Neither makes much sense. It pisses me off that I can't figure it out and when I ask him what's wrong he looks the other way and tells me to go do my work (oh, and by the way, there have been a grand total of five Rockfest tickets sold since Christmas, to this concerts that's supposed to have thousands of people. So…). I would consider that dismissal meaning the problem was about me, but he gives that response to everyone.

Psh. Blondes. I'll get this eventually.

Thursday, March 19th

I got it.

The first thing about this situation is that I can never tell it to my mom. Ever. Fucking ever.

It happened on a day that I picked out a pretty cute outfit, on purpose, and not for a date. This helped to add a dash of awkward onto the dark, unsure entrée of are you serious? The outfit consisted of a blank white tee, over which was a spaghetti-strap black tank, some jean-shorts and my red (fake)stone bracelet for accent. It's unfortunate I found this out on a day I was feeling so good about my choice of clothes, but that pales in significance to the actual issue. What the hell am I writing? The actual issue happened just like this:

Went to school this morning, my mom had fallen asleep on the couch reading. Normal day of classes, two compliments on my clothes and a stony, silent glare from Ino Yamanaka which I kindly returned till she passed out of my vision. Pottery came at the end of the day as usual and I was finishing up my sparrow mold when the bell rang. I rushed to wash my hands and stick my sculpture on the shelf reserved for this class. I was so late doing this I was literally the last person out. I waved bye to Deidara and was about four feet from the door when he called back, "Stop!" and I stopped. He was wearing his now-typical anxious face, tripled in intensity, one hand in his pocket, the other hanging limp. "I-I need to tell you something. I've sat on this too long, mm. You should know."

My inner analyst put on her thinking cap and prepared to absorb as much information as possible. Another part of me decided today was a nice enough day to walk home if the buses left before we were done here.

Deidara turned around and went to one of the six tables where kids would sit and leaned against it, his head in his hand. I could sense the issue was worse than I thought. He dragged his palm down his face, inhaled, and said, "It was on the seventh." He looked at me as though expecting a response.

Well, I tried: "What was on the seventh?"

"You know Josiah Sandleford? Senior, plays the trombone? He's in my Pottery I class." I had said hi to him a few times. He was a weird combo of loud and talkative and band geek, was all I knew of him. I said so. "He's not just loud and talkative." Deidara corrected me. "I found out then that I can no longer trust that kid worth shit. I…I got along with him pretty well. His friends and mine have met, gone to movies together, stuff like that, mm. His parents are out of state for some reason, so he threw a party, and asked me to come, and, and—I did, 'cause I thought he was a cool guy, and why the hell not, right?"

He wasn't looking at me. That couldn't be good. I used one of the chairs as a step and sat cross-legged on the table just across from him so we faced each other. He crossed his arms and went on. "I was…feeling down at the time and I was a stupid fuck so I let Josiah and some friend of his talk me into a drinking game. I had all Sunday to walk off the hangover so I did it, mm. Got so wasted I think I almost kissed a guy. So wasted Josiah handed me a phone and had me call you."

There was silence after that in which I waited for the consequences of what was probably a prank call Josiah had convinced drunken Mr. Iwa to go. At the time, I was guessing either my mother, Principal Jiraiya, or his mother. Or a total stranger. They were all possibilities. He looked right at me again, his eye weirdly…something. I still can't place the expression. "You got a call from a weird number that night, right? His phone's screwy so it could've said anything."

And ding! I remembered that call from Sweden that I'd let ring and ring, and told him about it. "Yeah. That was me. Sometimes Josiah asks about us, and I tell him, and he thinks we're really great together, mm. Honest to god he does. So he'd arranged before to have his guest room open, and get your number from somebody…so he could get me drunk and call you."

This story still sounded like it was nothing but a prank call to me. Sure, I'd be completely unflattered if Deidara called me while drunk, if anybody did, but I was still not getting his point. "So he had you prank call me." I said, shrugging a little. "So what? Do you think I'm…mad or jealous you went to a party or something like that? I'm pretty sure people your age go out and get drunk sometimes. If you happened to be out of it enough to try and prank call me—"

"I didn't almost prank call you! I almost asked you to come over! So you could get drunk, too, and we could go up to his guest room and have sex."

I'll leave a few lines on this page blank to emphasize how I just…stared. I didn't know what to say. If I knew it would happen again and I could plan what to say, I would still not know what to say. Kiss, embrace, talk, text, mouth-rape, hold hands—have sex. I don't care how wise, how collected you think you are. The first time sex comes up in your life, for real, right now, you are not prepared.

"I'm sorry," he (almost literally) cried, and pushed against his table to stand at the one I was sitting on. "I'm so glad I stopped the call before it went to your message machine. Whatever I could've said, that would've been the alcohol talking, not me, but—but the reason I even let him talk me into that was because it's true. Once I turned off the phone I told him he was a stupid douchebag for thinking I'd just—" He stopped and took one of my hands in both of his. They were warmer than normal. Hot, even.

Feeling and hearing silence at that time would be almost too much for me. I had to fill it with some kind of noise. "You let him talk you into almost calling me to his place because what's true?" I asked more slowly than I meant.

His fingers curled around my hand and he pressed it to his face slightly. Oh god.

"I want you so bad," he whimpered, actually whimpered, and his hair managed to hide his face. "I know I said that, that time I got sick and you drove me home from the college, but that was when I thought I could wait, mm. This is different. This…"

He used my hand and his to brush his thick lock away so his one open eye could actually be seen. "This isn't right to ask you right now. I know, molestation, rape, jail, your mom threatening to shoot me. I'll have all that tossed at me. But I'm not thinking of raping a minor. I'm thinking of making love to the person I love. Maybe a little before she's eighteen."

What's a girl to say?

I'm a good, respectable girl, you child molester! I'll be spending my days getting A's and joining National Honor Society and carving my path to Harvard, and I'll be damned if I have sex before marriage, so get your grubby paws out of my pants!

No.

Ohhhhh my fucking god I love you so much too! This school, this life, my mother, they're all so oppressive, making me do shit I don't want to do. I can hardly breathe, you have no idea…You're the only thing in my life that has meaning. Please, please, right here, right now!

Fuck no.

I did the best I could.

First I slipped my hand a little farther into his. It was kind of falling out. Then I swallowed, just to make sure my voice wouldn't crack or stammer, and tried to put thoughts to words: "I don't know if I'll ever love you as much as you love me. I don't know what it's like to feel what you're feeling. But…I do love you. I do. And maybe you can help me…love you more…sometime when I'm seventeen and a half?"

God that looks stupid even on paper. Thank God no one will ever know I said this but me and him. I might not be thanking God when I'm seventeen and a half and still don't want what he does.

I don't know.

Deidara didn't look ecstatic or light up with joy or anything, but he smiled, a real, happy smile. He said I always managed to make him happy, held my hand for a bit, and offered me a ride home. We listened to Rev Theory on the way.

Wonder what Hidan's gonna say when he hears about this.

How was that after a year's hiatus? I'm still not sure about the last diary entry but I really wanted to include something about a drunk Deidara and someone trying to "help" them have sex, which was the random dude Josiah. And it turned into basically a promise for Sakura to give her virginity to Deidara, maybe before she's eighteen.

Girls, don't actually do this. This is a fanfiction. These are written for fun, not to base your life upon. This plot point is to illustrate how much Deidara loves her, and the fact that Sakura offers some leeway, unsure though she is, means she wants him to be happy. That is what love's about, and I think if anyone is reading this who happens to be in love with someone at the moment, they will know that.

Though speaking of "basing your life upon" the little drawings/speech Sakura made in her French class for Tenten are based something that happened in one of my classes last year, which I thought was just the funniest thing in the world at the time. I hope you actually found it amusing. Oh, and I'm pairing up Sai and Ino so they can have some happiness in their lives.