This is a tag to "Sex and Violence". Both boys realize they have drifted so far apart and that things may never be the same between them.

We Are So Not OK

"So are we ok?"

"Yeah, we're ok." With that, both boys climbed into the Impala without looking at each other.

Sam knew that Dean thought that things were going to end bloody. But didn't he realize that it didn't have to be that way? Not if he could help it. Now that he was learning to use his powers he could end it and they could both go on with their lives. Maybe it was wishful thinking on Sam's part but he really believed that it was possible. They could stop Lilith, the Apocalypse and then...and then what?

Just what did Sam think he was doing, using his powers? Didn't he know that he was heading down a slippery slope, not realizing the repercussions. Using powers that were given to him by Yellow Eyes was like playing Russian Roulette. But as hard as Dean tried, he couldn't get through to his little brother. And that bitch Ruby sure wasn't helping...always encouraging Sam to tap into his powers more and more. Sure, she had helped Sam when he was in Hell, but he still didn't trust her.

Sam looked out the window without actually seeing the scenery go by. Dean was driving a little too fast and the music blaring was just a little too loud but that couldn't quiet the thoughts running through both the boys' heads. "I didn't mean to say those things I said to Dean or did I?", Sam thought to himself.

Sammy didn't mean those things he said to me or did he? "You're too weak to go after her, Dean. You're holding me back. I'm a better hunter than you are. Stronger. Smarter. I can take out demons you're too scared to go near."

Sam's words kept replaying themselves in his mind. Although Sam was under the Siren's influence didn't they just manifest what was truly in someone's heart? Maybe Sam thought of him as a liability.

Of course he didn't mean what he said to Dean. Dean was the best hunter Sam knew. It's just that he didn't understand why it was so wrong for him to use his powers to stop Lilith or the Apocalypse. It was the friggin Apocalypse for Christ's sake! Shouldn't they take advantage of every weapon they have available? Sam looked over at Dean who was staring straight ahead.

I want to win this war but I don't want to lose my brother in the process. We should be fighting this side by side like we've done everything else in life. Sam is not a weapon against this war, no matter what Ruby tells him. He's my brother and....

"Dean", Sam said softly.

Dean glanced over and saw Sam look at him through sad eyes. He knew what was coming and he really wasn't up to rehashing the whole thing again.

"What is it Sam? Pee break already?", Dean quipped.

Sam sighed and knew that it was going to be like pulling teeth to get Dean to talk about everything that happened.

"We're not okay, are we?" Sam asked.

"Look Sam, everything is fine. It was the Siren's influence that screwed us up. Let's just drop this".

Sam could hear the hurt in Dean's voice.

"I'm sorry for the things I said. You know I didn't mean them".

Dean's nerves were shot. He swerved the Impala and stopped on the side of the gravel road. Dean jumped out of the car and slammed the door. Dean was fed up. He had had enough of these "Roadside Confessionals" to last a lifetime. He was also frustrated that his brother didn't seem to listen to him about Ruby. Didn't he know that he was just trying to protect him?

Rubbing a hand over his face, Dean blows out a deep breath. "I don't know you anymore Sam. We're not under the influence of the Siren. Let's just lay everything out on the table."

Sam gets out of the car and knows that he has to make Dean understand.

"This is a war Dean. If Lilith is successful in breaking the 66 Seals it will be Hell on earth. Is that what you want to happen? To have Lucifer walk the earth?"

"Damn it Sammy, you know I don't want that! Castiel brought me back to fight this war. The orders came from the Big Man Himself. I just need to figure out how to stop this thing".

"Why does it have to be you? I can be a part of this thing too. I can use my powers for good."

"We've been through this so many times. I don't want to go through this again. We've still got some time left. How 'bout we just agree to disagree? Let's just drop this. I'm tired, Sammy".

"OK, whatever you want Dean". Sam got into the car and slammed the door.

This was just another thing that had changed between the 2 brothers. They used to call each other out on their BS. But now it was just easier to lie to each other and to themselves. As Dean got back into the Impala and started the engine, silence hung heavy in the car.

Both men were lost in their thoughts. Nothing was resolved and the rift between the brothers was bigger than ever.

"We are so not ok", they both thought at the same time.

END