Prompt: 'a cruel illusion' - 2x5obsessions

Beta: kokiden the Wonderful XP

Warning: Discussion of death.

We Are Here

"Nowaki…? Nowaki, what's wrong?" Hiroki had been startled awake to find Nowaki clinging to him as if he were about to float away, his breathing quick.

"Hiro-san…" Nowaki murmured, and his lips clamped pathetically on Hiroki's neck.

"What is it?" Hiroki asked again, concern lacing his voice, as his neck registered the trembling of Nowaki's lips. His eyes were slowly, too slowly adjusting to the darkness; he reached for the small lamp on their bedside table and turned it on.

Hiroki's eyebrows flew up at the sight of Nowaki. His jaw was clenched, causing the tips of his lips to tilt downwards in a rigid frown. His slightly bloodshot eyes looked heavy in their sockets, as if a storm had struck within the dark blue depths of his irises. He looked pale, his expression miserable.

"Nowaki, tell me!" Hiroki insisted urgently, taking Nowaki's face into his hands. Nowaki stared blankly into Hiroki's eyes for a little as they searched for any sign of change, and soon the color began to return to Nowaki's skin.

"You're still here, in my arms…" Nowaki nuzzled his head into the still-confused Hiroki's chest.

"Nowaki…"

Nowaki looked up at his name, leaning forward to steal Hiroki's lips with his own. He suddenly moved to kneel over Hiroki, lacing his fingers through Hiroki's brown locks and pulling himself closer to him.

Before Nowaki could do much more, Hiroki gently pushed him away with a firm grip.

"Wait, wait. I think after that little…episode, I deserve an explanation of some sort," he said, leaving no room for argument.

Nowaki leaned back onto his shins, deflated. His hands were still grasping Hiroki's shoulders tightly, but he seemed to be avoiding Hiroki's eyes.

He said nothing for a moment as if considering what to say. Then, he murmured, "I can't. I don't want to worry you."

"Too late now, idiot. Of course I'm going to worry," Hiroki explained half-angrily. "If you don't tell me now, then I'll just keep on worrying."

When Nowaki kept quiet, he continued, "You know, you really don't look good."

"I'm sorry…for letting you see this side of me."

"But what if I want to know it? If something brought out 'this side of you,' I want to know," Hiroki said. "M-Maybe I can prevent it from happening or something."

Nowaki looked up; the color in his face had improved remarkably.

"Nowaki," Hiroki said as softly as was possible for him. Nowaki's eyes moved over the sheets, across the bed, to Hiroki's hands. He picked one of them up and carefully entwined each of their fingers before calmly lying back beside Hiroki.

"I…had a dream." His fingers twitched lightly as he rested their hands atop his bare chest.

"Okay." Hiroki thought that sounded reasonable.

"It wasn't a very good one. A nightmare, in fact."

"Evidently."

"I…" When Nowaki paused again, Hiroki felt his anger surge.

"Look, this is stupid. Sorry I was being pushy. If you really don't want to tell me, then don't but don't expect me to-"

"You were dying."

Hiroki was stopped in his tracks, mouth slightly agape.

"…what?"

"We were about to cross the street and I was holding back for some reason, but you…you kept going and the next thing I knew…" Nowaki explained in a rush, shaking his head. "There was a screech. It was so loud I could hardly think. Then, I saw you on the ground and there was blood – God was there blood!" He had to stop, looking hard at the ceiling and seeing nothing. He squeezed Hiroki's hand in his grip.

Hiroki was speechless. Never before had he seen Nowaki so shaken.

"I tried to revive you before the ambulance got there, before they would push me away from your side. Maybe I was too slow or too in shock, but I wasn't fast enough, and you slipped away…" He finally managed to look at Hiroki. "I lost you right then and there in the street."

Hiroki stared at him in horror. "Nowaki, I…"

"I'm sorry if I scared you." Nowaki placed his head on Hiroki's chest again, listening to his heartbeat.

"It's okay, just are you really okay? I can't imagine what would bring on a dream like that."

"As long I can hear you, see you, feel you like this, I'll be fine, Hiro-san," Nowaki said, grinning weakly up at Hiroki, whose brow had knotted in worry. "Just stay by my side, please."

"Y-Yeah…" Hiroki distractedly stroked Nowaki's soft hair, and the two became lost in thought.

When Hiroki found his eyelids drooping, he spoke up again.

"Nowaki?"

"Yes, Hiro-san?"

"Can I turn off the light?"

"Sure."

Once they were cloaked in darkness, they settled into more comfortable positions. A little while later, both men were drowsy, but still awake.

"…Nowaki?"

"Yes, Hiro-san?"

"…do you really think I'd be dumb enough to get hit by some stupid vehicle in the street?"

"Accidents happen."

"But still, I mean, come on."

Nowaki chuckled. "Oh, Hiro-san…"

"What?"

"Nothing."

"What is it, Nowaki?" Hiroki demanded.

"…thank you."

"For what?"

"For trying to cheer me up."

"But I haven't done anything!"

"Yes, you have, Hiro-san. In your own way."

Hiroki sighed. "Whatever."

"…Hiro-san?"

"Yes?"

"I love you."

"I know." Hiroki rolled onto his side so that he was facing Nowaki, curling his body to wrap himself up in Nowaki's warmth. "But remember…you can't get rid of me that easily."

"I can't imagine I'd ever want to rid of you, Hiro-san."

"Che! Maybe not yet."

"I've lasted this long without wanting to leave you. What makes you think I'd leave now?"

"I-I don't know."

"Exactly, because I won't. I can't. Hiro-san is mine," Nowaki whispered in Hiroki's ear, nipping at his earlobe.

"Fool," Hiroki spit out. "But really, if for some reason, I did die-"

"Hiro-san, I can't even stand thinking about that…"

"I'm being serious! You wouldn't, um…forget me, would you?" he finished slowly. "I-I mean, not that I wouldn't want you to move on! I just-"

"There is nothing at all that could ever make me forget about you, Hiro-san, so don't worry." Nowaki smiled into Hiroki's hair, enjoying the feeling of the soft strands grazing his face.

Hiroki opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. He closed it and reopened it as if groping for the right words.

"You know…it's the same for me, right?"

Nowaki was silent, but Hiroki knew he was listening.

"It's like this, if you were gone I-I wouldn't just-" Hiroki shook his head slightly from side to side, smiling an almost bitter smile in spite of himself. He continued, "I would react much like you would if I were gone. But you know, what does it matter? I'm here, you're here. We're here together, right now, and that's it. Just don't think about…things like that. Don't dwell on it, or y-you'll make me worry."

As Nowaki took in Hiroki's words, his chest grew warmer, inside and out – Hiroki's flushed cheek felt hot on his skin. He squeezed Hiroki to him with all his strength and, for just an instant, his throat felt constricted with emotion. There was simply no way he hadn't just fallen even harder for this unbearably sweet man.

But in the next moment, the moonlit sight of Hiroki, all red in the face, leaning up to touch Nowaki's lips with gentle fingers then touch his own lips to them, wiped the overwhelming prickling feeling from Nowaki's eyes; instead replaced by his own soft and steady heartbeat in his ears as their lips moved together.

"Hiro-san, I love you so so so much…" Nowaki murmured, unsure he'd ever felt so close and so connected to Hiroki ever before.

"Hn." Hiroki just let his cheeks burn even more as he asked, "Are you okay now?"

Nowaki smiled his brightest smile, and Hiroki was forced to blink several times in quick succession to gain his sight back.

Nowaki nodded before kissing Hiroki's neck lightly. He nuzzled his head into Hiroki's shoulder and slipped his arms around him. "Let's sleep now."

The air around them felt warm and comfortable, both their cheeks flushed. They greeted the wave of sleepiness attacking at their bodies this time, letting it lull them into unconsciousness.