L turned out his light then shut his computer. His main suspect wished to have a dark room to sleep in and to sleep the entire night.

As L's suspect, Raito Yagami, lay and fell deeply into the arms of sleep, L pulled his legs to his chest, rested a palm on each of his knees and settled his chin in the space between.

The chain links clinked musically as Raito moved in his sleep. Raito shifted closer to L and mumbled something that, to L, sounded like 'I will be better than L' then Raito shifted away pulling the chain taunt.

L shivered as he watched a shadow pass over Raito's features. In a brief moment he glimpsed a head of black hair, yellow eyes of an insomniac, long, thin fingers smothered in warm, sticky strawberry jam, a loose fitting white long sleeved shirt, old faded jeans, and a mouth that grinned triumphantly as a pink tongue licked slim fingers clean of wonderful jam.

As L blinked the image was replaced by another of the same character only the beautifully unnatural yellow eyes were closed in ecstasy and the mouth was open, releasing a silent moan, long, slim fingers were widely spread, none touching.

L closed his eyes for two minutes, waiting for the image to fade. The image remained, burned forever into his mind. The memory of a dream only, nothing more, nothing less, the ONLY thing L had ever truly wanted he'd never had. L would never understand why Beyond had thought he was better, if anything, Beyond was better than L, because of one thing.

Beyond was better because he was free to love anyone he wished to. L wasn't allowed emotions, L wasn't allowed affection, wasn't allowed encouragement, wasn't allowed human contact, but most of all L wasn't allowed to LIVE as a human but as a breathing, thinking and problem solving robot.

Beyond had said that he'd wished to haunt L for life once and so he did but not how he would have expected.

L hadn't slept since Beyond had gone to prison because every time he closed his eyes for a second he saw Beyond Birthday. Beyond was the one thing he could never have, the one thing he could never be, FREE.

And L wanted to cry but he'd forgotten how' not only socially inept but emotionally too. All he had was being a Detective, three of the best in the world.

L would never understand why Beyond thought he could be L. Beyond wouldn't have been able to stand being so alone and cut-off and that's what made Beyond better, that's why L no longer slept, that's why in his fridge there was an unopened jar of cold, sticky strawberry jam with a spoon next to it, to remind L of what he could never have and what he could never be.

An image, a jar of jam, a memory, and a simple single dream was a reminder of the only thing that would ever fail at, becoming Beyond Birthday.