Here it is...the final chapter. It's really hard for me to end it. It's been so much fun creating this and so great to hear from people who are enjoying it. Please keep reviewing and letting me know what you think. :-)

After you've read the whole thing, I again recommend going to Carrie Newcomer's website and listening to "Lazarus" (it's a partial version on the webplayer). It's such a beautiful, sad song, and it was the inspiration for this whole thing.

Thanks to everyone who read and especially to those who dropped a review or two. And special thanks to Egeria for her support and input and for just plain indulging me. You're the best!

Chapter 6

Nick

Now that he's gone

Now the world has moved on

Since he called my name

Nothing's the same.

"He lived his life to the fullest each day, as if it was his last day."

Grissom's words had echoed through the crowded church a month ago, and now they were echoing through Nick's mind. Like the church, it too was full, but of thoughts and feelings and memories of the man he had called his friend. His best friend. Warrick Brown.

Nick was sitting on a bench in the lab's locker room, staring at Warrick's closed locker door. It hadn't been opened since the initial search during the investigation of his murder. Ecklie had been the one to perform that task. Nothing of interest had been found, and the locker had remained undisturbed ever since that day.

Nick sighed and wondered if today was the day. Would this be the day that he finally opened the locker? He bowed his head and stared at the floor as he thought. To open it…to take everything out and leave it empty…to see and touch those items that were personal to Warrick…that would mean facing the fact that he wasn't coming back. And for Nick, that would mean moving forward without him.

Nick looked up at the locker in front of him. There was no name on it…nothing to identify it except the number "17". But Nick could have found it in the dark. It was right next to his. How many times had he sat here on this bench with Warrick, talking about their weekend or the sports scores? How many times had he stood in front of the locker, laughing as Warrick bragged about his latest love interest or boasted about solving a tough case? There were too many times to count. The silence in the room now was deafening. But the echoes in Nick's mind were loud and clear.

Nick shook his head, sighed, and stood up. He clipped his ID badge to his belt and walked out of the locker room.

I can't sleep or rest

I feel lost and hard pressed.

I wander these rooms

still looking for you.

He had some time to spare before his shift started, so he headed to the break room intending to grab a snack. The rest of the lab seemed as quiet as the locker room had as he walked through the halls. But although there were no sounds, there was activity. As he passed each lab's doors and windows, Nick saw the glances. They were just as he remembered them from 3 years ago. It was the same way they had looked at him after his kidnapping.

Hodges' eyes peered up over his microscope and slowly followed him from left to right as he passed the door.

Henry raised his head up from the papers he was studying, then quickly lowered it again as Nick turned to face him as he walked by the window.

Mandy saw him coming from her seat in the print lab and met his gaze. Her sad eyes held his until he was out of her sight.

Once again, Nick Stokes was under the scrutiny of his coworkers. Once again he was the focus of attention, the object of everyone's curiosity. It wouldn't surprise him if they were placing bets on how this most recent traumatic event was going to affect him. Was he going to break down? If so, would he do it in front of them or behind closed doors? Would he quit his job? And if so, when? His life had again turned into a real life soap opera for everyone to watch.

Nick tried to shake off the stares and focused his attention on the break room at the end of the hallway. He walked in and looked around the empty room, then rustled through the small refrigerator until he found his stash of fruit. He pulled out an apple and sat in a chair in the corner, easing himself back into the soft cushion and closing his eyes. And again, the voices echoed.

"Oh, me and him? Working together? Oh, it's on."

"Victim, suspect, crime scene. Like a canary…it sings."

"A flip of a fucking coin…if I had lost that toss I'd be dead now!"

Jesus! Nick jumped up from the chair. The apple fell from his hand and rolled across the floor, coming to a stop just under the microwave stand. His heart pounding, Nick looked wildly around the room, but there was nothing there. There was no one there.

Nick sat back down on the edge of the chair, elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. He breathed deeply, trying to calm himself. Warrick's words were still tumbling through his mind with his own thoughts like dice on a craps table. Dead now. Dead now. He'd be dead now. Nick shook his head. He's dead now.

Nick stood up and took one more look around the empty room before picking the apple up off the floor, tossing it into the trash, and walking out.

Now I ought to be grateful

to drink from the grail

But I don't belong

on either side of this veil.

Nick headed a few feet down the hallway to the Audio Visual lab to pick up a copy of a surveillance tape he needed to deliver to Detective Vega. The room was empty, but there was a note from Archie saying he had left the tape with the evidence clerk for Nick. As he turned to leave, his eye caught the large screen on the wall. The room was filled, of course, with many smaller screens. But this was the one they used most often. This was the one where they could see the video evidence most clearly. This was the one they had watched him on.

He remembered how he had felt when they told him about the webcam. He was mortified at first to know that they had seen every moment of his ordeal…every second of fear, right down to him recording his last words left on the tape for his family to hear.

He knew that in the end the webcam had been vitally instrumental in leading to his rescue. Without it, he surely would have been dead when…if…they found him. That knowledge helped alleviate some of his embarrassment. But it was a spontaneous conversation with Warrick that finally put him at peace with it.

It was just after Nick had asked Archie to compare Kelly Gordon's voice on tape to the "Walter Gordon case" tape. Sitting at the large monitor in the AV lab with Warrick a few days later, he had casually mentioned the tape to him. Warrick had been furious that Grissom had kept the information a secret from Nick.

"That's just wrong, man," Warrick said.

"It's okay, Warrick," Nick replied. "I guess that was just the final piece, huh?"

"To what?"

"I mean, you guys all saw me…what I was going through. Now you can hear it too." Nick shrugged and looked away, studying a small tear in the carpet.

"No one's going to hear it, man. Archie and Grissom…that's it."

"Yeah," Nick answered, eyes still fixed on the floor. "But everybody saw."

"I know," Warrick said softly, feeling empathy for his friend. "But it's a good thing we did. You know that, right? We might not have found you if we hadn't."

Nick nodded, still avoiding Warrick's eyes. "I know…I know…but still…"

"You know…we weren't just watching for clues. It just felt like…I don't know…if we were watching then it was like we were with you…like you didn't have to go through it alone."

Nick looked up. "Really?"

Warrick nodded. "I mean…you were never alone for a second, man. We made sure someone was with you the whole time. It was just that sometimes…it felt like it was all we could do. But at least it was something."

"Thanks, Warrick." Nick smiled a small smile. "I know it was hard for you guys too."

"Yeah," Warrick responded quietly. Now it was his turn to look at the floor. "Yeah, it was."

"You okay?"

There was no response.

"Hey…what's the matter?"

Warrick continued to look at the floor as he whispered, so low that Nick had to lean in to hear, "I thought you killed yourself."

Nick sat back, bewildered. "You mean when you found me?"

"No." Warrick looked up at Nick. "Before. When you shot out the light. I was watching."

"Oh." Nick swallowed hard and studied his hands as he clasped and unclasped them.

"I couldn't figure out what you were doing with that gum, sticking it all up in your ears and everything. And then…I saw the gun up by your face, and then there was a flash and…everything went black."

"I'm sorry, man."

Warrick laughed a little as he continued, "And then the screen lit up again with that damn green glow and there you were, you son of a bitch, laughing like some crazed hyena." He grew somber again. "You scared the shit out of me, man."

"I'm sorry," Nick said again.

Warrick sighed heavily and ran his hand over his face.

They sat in silence for a few moments, each man lost in his own thoughts. Finally, Nick broke the quiet. "Hey, Warrick?"

"Yeah?"

"If I was gonna kill myself, why the hell would I be worried about my ears?"

The two friends had then looked at each other for a moment before bursting into laughter. Standing in the empty room, remembering it now, Nick chuckled a little to himself, but the absence of Warrick's laughter quickly took its toll and he sat down as his grief overtook him. Face in his hands, Nick cried for the friend he had lost and missed so terribly. He cried for the little boy who would never know the wonderful man who was his father. He cried because Warrick had saved him. And he cried because he hadn't been able to do the same for his friend.

Drained and exhausted, his face wet with tears, Nick sniffed a little and sighed, looking around the dim room one last time before getting up and leaving. Feeling the stares again as he walked down the hall, he wiped his eyes with one hand as he turned to look at Mandy, nodded at Henry, and gave a small wave to Hodges.

When he arrived at the end of the hallway, he paused, turned right, and slowly walked into the room. He reached out and his hand felt the cool, smooth metal. He ran his fingers over the small raised numbers: 17. He leaned his head against the locker door for a moment, then raised his eyes to the ceiling as he grasped the handle and pulled the door open.