Warning: This is slash, yaoi, two men having sex. If that makes you uncomfortable, then please do not read. I don't wish to offend.

For the rest of you, please enjoy.

Pairing: Ichimaru x Kira

Rating: M (Graphic sex, rape, violence, swearing)

Length: 20,000+ (Complete)

Summary: Spanning Kira's lieutenancy from his instatement until three years after the current story, and the relationship that develops between Ichimaru and Kira.

Note 1: The terms for the shinigami garments are pulled from http: // paperiuni. livejournal. com/ 4516. html (remove the spaces). I am not a speaker of Japanese; therefore the terms I use may be wrong. I apologize in advance; I do the best I can.

Note 2: Antenora is the name given by Dante's Inferno to the 9th circle of hell reserved for traitors to homeland.

Note 3: English equivalents are used in the place of Japanese honorifics; the way certain characters refer to each other may change slightly according to this.

A/N: This is my first M rated fic, my first slash fic, and also my first time writing both Kira and Ichimaru, that said, please be patient with me. This is unbetaed, mistakes in grammar and/or word choice may pop up. If you find any that you feel detract from the piece, please notify me. I am writing this for a friend's birthday, so this is dedicated to her. Happy 18th! Without further delay, enjoy.

Antenora Smiles: Interlude, Part I

…What motives a man? What drives a man to betrayal? What drove him?…

Tears splattered the page, blurring the carefully inked words. A shaft of late afternoon sunlight highlighted the paper, catching the slow tears as they fell. They soaked the page, glittering like tiny magnifying glasses of misery.

Kira Izuru let them slide down his face. He was alone, but he could still feel phantom arms wrapping around him, phantom lips brushing his neck.

…I do not know how I came to love him, but I did…

"I still do," it was barely more than a sigh. Kira raised a hand to his neck, trying to capture the memory of warm lips.

…He remains my captain, my beloved, though he has left me to wander the halls of the Soul Society alone, to spend nights without his presence. I cannot blame him. I only wonder why – why he could not take me with him. In the end, I guess it really does not matter, it is all over now…

He laid the pen aside and carefully closed the leather bound book; fingers caressed the cover before he deliberately slid it away from him. His eyes shone with unexpressed pain, windows to a far greater grief than could be expressed by tears. Blinking, he forced himself to swallow past the lump in his throat. Longingly he stared at the bed; sleep was the only refuge he had, a door into happier memories – dreams. His emotional anguish was almost a physical agony. It had been nearly three years since Ichimaru Gin had left him, and now he was back to die with Kira's heart.

Kira broke, tears became sobs. He hugged himself, recalling the feeling of Gin's arms.

____________

The Beginning.

"Ya idiot, did ya really think we wouldn't find out sooner or later?" Renji's baritone shattered the calm of the small room. The room's sole occupant, sitting on the low futon, jerked and spun around. In the candle light, Kira Izuru's fine hair glinted like gold.

"But how?" wide doe eyes stared at Renji, "I barely just received it. The squad doesn't even know yet."

"Inside information," mischievous glint danced in Renji's face.

"You threatened the messenger, didn't you?" Kira said disapprovingly. The letter clutched tightly in one hand trembled slightly with suppressed nerves. The news of his promotion was too fresh for his brain to process properly.

"Bein' in 11th has its advantages," the glint spread into a roguish grin. "So how does it feel ta be a lieutenant?"

"I-I…," Kira fumbled for words. The tumble of emotions within him defied any attempt to define them, rushing over him in an overwhelming wave. He cast his eyes down, looking for some answer in the grain of the floor. He found none.

Renji's grin faltered a bit and he raised a questioning eyebrow. "Ya okay?"

"Just a little shocked," Kira waved the letter weakly, "I didn't expect it to be me, not as the fourth seat. I thought they would've transferred someone from another squad after we lost the lieutenant and the third seat."

"Don't start moping Lieutenant Kira," Renji said, placing an emphasis on the new title, crossing his arms, "'cause we're gonna go celebrate."

Kira paled at the memories of his last hangover, clutching the letter more tightly. Renji's answer to everything was to get drunk; it was something that he never could understand about his friend. "I'm not sure that the best idea-"

Renji cut off him off with a snort, "Don't ya even try ta get outta this. Momo's already gone ta get people."

"But my first day as a lieutenant…," Kira protested, "Captain Ichimaru…"

"…will understand," Renji asserted, grabbing Kira by the arm and all but dragging him from his small room. Kira stumbled into the brighter light of the hall, blinking. Renji flashed him a smile and pulled him farther down into the noisy heart of the barracks. The members of the third streamed out of rooms to line the hall, smiling and cat-calling at their new lieutenant. Kira was wrong, they already knew.

Kira felt himself starting to blush, hanging his head to hide the spreading burn. He had never expected to be greeted this way by taciturn third. They passed through the door at the end of the corridor into the main common area of the squad barracks. There, among the sea of people, Kira could spot members of other squads, his friends from the academy, Hinamori, Hisagi, and other familiar faces. Renji shoved him forward into the arms of the group. Yelled congratulations rained down on him as he threaded his way blindly through the crowd. He stumbled under the press, he reached out a hand to steady himself, but it met only empty air. His knees slammed painfully onto the floor, and he cursed silently. Peripherally he was aware of the area around him clearing; a hush rippling out from the edges of the newly formed circle as people bent into low bows. There was only reason for that. Gulping, Kira looked upward into the smiling face of his captain, Ichimaru Gin.

Something cold shot through Kira's heart, squeezing it painfully. He could count the times on one hand that he had born Ichimaru's full attention. One of those occasions had been his rescue on that disastrous training mission. He had seen what his captain was capable of; he owed him his life for it, but he had to admit to an irrational fear of the man. He could never tell what was going on behind that sardonic smile, and it scared him. He tried to rearrange his thoughts into some coherent order, but Ichimaru started to speak, ripping through his efforts.

"Why Lieutenant, I had no idea you were so eager to serve me," inflection put layers of meaning on the words that Kira couldn't decipher, "throwing yourself at my feet."

A soft chuckle rose from a brave member of the third. Ichimaru's grin widened in response and the tension of the room broke, but not the tautly coiled strings of Kira's heart. He remained pinned by Ichimaru's scrutiny. "Captain," he ducked his head, hiding from those squinting eyes.

A hand moved into Kira's range of vision, long fingered and white, it hovered expectantly. "Get to your feet Lieutenant."

Kira hesitantly took the proffered hand, and Ichimaru pulled him up. Gaining his feet, he attempted to extract his hand from the slender, but powerful, fingers, but Ichimaru squeezed it painfully. He used his grip to pull Kira close, he leaned over and hissed softly in Kira's ear, "Congratulations…Lieutenant."

Those two words, whispered softly without any threat, scared Kira more than any army of hollows could. Ichimaru released him and Kira quickly backed away, dropping into a proper obeisance. The race of his heart pounded in his ears, ruthlessly driving the fear through his body with every beat. He chided himself, he had no reason to feel this; Ichimaru was a captain, he had saved Kira's life. Yet those squinting eyes, the sardonic smile, provoked something primal inside of him. His body screamed at him to run, to seek the concealing screen of the crowd. Yet he forced his body to remain, locked in that low bow, waiting for Ichimaru to act. "Thank you, sir."

"Don't thank me yet." Ichimaru's feet, all that Kira could see of the man, turned away, tapping against the hard floor. The footsteps paused for a moment in the doorway. "I expect you to show up tomorrow, ready to work, after all."

Kira looked up, but his captain vanished in a swish of the white captain's haori before he could respond. Renji stepped into his field of vision, blocking his view of the door, wearing a huge grin. "See, that wasn't too bad."

Off balance, Kira nodded. Seeking out a quiet corner of the crowded room where he could collapse, Kira refused to meet Renji's eyes. He should be excited, but the prospect of facing the smiling captain again tomorrow was almost more than he could accept. He could finally understand why Renji answered everything with a sake bottle, he didn't have to accept it under the comforting haze of alcohol, didn't have to see those squinting eyes raking over his body. Turning to Renji, he croaked through a terror stricken throat, "Get me a drink."

Renji chuckled, "That's the spirit."

If only Renji's assessment was right, it wasn't a call for celebration, but rather a cry of desperation.

F/N: Encouragement or critique is appreciated. Thank you.