A/N: … because the love of transformed!Heiji should be spread around. We've had Katie-chan's wonderfully dark vampire!Heiji, and then DireShpinx crackastic zombie!Heiji of awesome, and I figured I might as well join the fun. *shrugs* Plus, it's been ages since I haven't written any HK.

Disclaimer–I don't own DC. And yes, that title comes from the song. Shut up.

Warnings–amounts of werewolf!Heiji. Also alarming innuendo around the end.

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Animal Have I Become

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"… Heiji, did you just bark at me?"

Heiji, plus the rather painfully obvious ears and tail, glowered at his wife. "Shut up," he attempted to say, but his newly-found instincts took over, and what strangled out of his growling throat was more approaching a snarling, "… woof."

Kazuha grinned. Evilly so. "Oh, I don't know," she purred, crawling forward on the couch to be at arm's reach of her husband. "I think they suit you." She reached out to pet him, stroking the sensitive ears softly, and, to Heiji's grand dismay, he couldn't help leaning in the touch.

"Ahou," he muttered unconvincingly. "You don't look very fazed by this." Considering his own astounded state of mind, it was all the more surprising.

Kazuha chuckled. "Heiji," she chided, dropping a kiss on the tip of his nose, "over the last few months, Kuroba-kun's pranks and Koizumi-chan's witchcraft have turned you respectively into a vampire, a zombie, a frog and a lobster." Her nose wrinkled. "And kissing you didn't always take the spell off you." Her fingers descended to his neck, rubbing gently and eliciting a low, almost-purr from him. "I think you're making a very cute werewolf."

"Werewolves are not supposed to be cute," Heiji growled. "We're supposed to be ruthless, bloodthirsty killers and–" and then strayed off as Kazuha giggled, much impressed. "… what?"

"Your tail's puffing up."

It was. Heiji snarled at her and turned meaningfully away, with, he hoped, utter dignity. The effect was somewhat spoiled by his tail flicking nervously up and down on the couch's cushions; and Kazuha stole away toward the bedroom, chuckling.

"You know," her voice wafted out through the open door, "Koizumi-chan called me up at work, to tell me what had happened. Which was why I wasn't surprised to see you like that when I came in. And–" here her tone coloured with suspenseful amusement, "–I stopped by a pet shop on the way home."

He wasn't hearing this. Heiji buried his face in the cushion. He wasn't here, he was in his happy place, he wasn't hearing this…

"Heiji." She was closer; she must have come back in the living-room.

"What."

"Go fetch, doggy!"

Heiji's animalistic instincts kicked in, and he found himself off of the couch and leaping across the room and catching the ball she'd randomly tossed in 1.3 seconds. He then sank to the floor, looking abashed and furious as his wife had to grab onto the doorknob not to fall over laughing.

"Nice doggy," she gasped out, wiping tears.

Heiji glowered fiercely and trotted off to the couch, where he burrowed himself decisively, firmly determined never to look up again to avoid further humiliation. His wife was clearly the number one evil menace around, not that bloody organization they had fought off for years.

Kazuha giggled and disappeared into the bedroom again.

She reappeared a few minutes later, with nimble, cool fingers tickling his neck and a silky, husky voice in his ear. "Want to see," she whispered, and Heiji felt a thick, rough contact against his nape, "what else I bought at the pet shop?" Her hands swiftly fitted the leather collar and fastened the metal buckle, and then pulled away.

Oh.

Heiji rolled over and stared at Kazuha as she strolled purposefully back to the bedroom door, a sway to her hips, a glint to her eyes, and… was that a leash?

… oh.

He stood, and walked slowly toward her, fangs baring in anticipation as she took a delighted step back, bumping against the doorframe. "The vendor was very interested," she added, voice still steady despite the audible excitement in it, "in my new greyhound. I told him it was absolutely necessary that I should be able to keep it in check. A ferocious, horny beast–"

Heiji growled, swooped his wife up in his arms, and slammed the bedroom door shut behind them.

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… aaaaaaand it sort of flew off into the wild. They wanted to be perverted. That youkai!kink always works. No, that doesn't mean anything in the way of nekomata!Kaito. Not at all. :3

And an omake for you, because, duh. I can:

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Heiji woke up the next morning with a delicious ache burning through his body, a rather sore neck, and a fabulous smell tickling his over-developed senses.

"Breakfast is ready," chanted Kazuha, close to his ear, and then the sound of a tray being set down on the bedside table.

Heiji shivered delightfully, and basked for a few moments in the perfect feelings of morning–bright sunlight, warm blankets, a tender, caring wife, delicious food– … and then the human and detective side of him woke up, too, and started to put together the clues.

Yesterday's day of trial. Kazuha's devious manner. The pet shop. His new, animalistic instincts and tastes. The very peculiar quality of this smell–

"'Zuha," he groaned in the pillow, "tell me breakfast isn't dog food."

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Spread the Heiji love, dears. *whistles self away*