3:12 AM
James wants to talk.

"Lily, I gotta talk to you."

"Oh, no. What is it now?"

"Baby, I love you. I can't believe we're married. Our relationship couldn't be better, but..."

"... you miss making out loudly on the sofa with whores like the ones you used to hang out with?"

"No!"

"So what?"

"Baby…"

"Stop babying me. You're not Marvin Gaye and I won't give you sexual healing or anything like that."

"Why are you so pissed off?

"It's almost four in the morning! If you don't remember, I gotta be up at six to go to work."

"Actually, it's a quarter past three."

"James, please."

"… I want a baby."

"What? A baby?"

"Yeah. A little creature that is going to crawl all over the place breaking your collection of porcelain bunnies and call you mommy. He or she may also cry, and you will probably have to breastfeed him or her and change diapers. Despite that, I don't think there's much left."

"I know what a baby is!"

"Are you sure? I can google it for you."

"James."

"Yeah?"

"Nobody is going to google anything."

"So you agree?"

"Of course not."

"Why?!"

"I'm not ready to have a baby!"

"What do you mean you are not ready to have a baby? Don't you menstruate and have PMS every single month?"

"James, please! Couldn't you be more polite?"

"Yeah, okay. Premenstrual tension."

"Ugh! You're so rude sometimes!"

"C'mon, Lily! It can't get any better than that!"

"You're hurting my feelings."

"Are you under PMS right now?"

"No, I'm not."

"Oh. Okay. Sorry, honey."

"I don't understand, James. A baby… it's a huge thing. And you just talk about it like we were discussing the weather!"

"Which is great, by the way."

"Not the point."

"I was just trying to make you laugh. Lily... what do you think a baby represents?"

"Sleepless nights, annoying weeps and dirty underwear."

"Just that?"

"Yeah, you've mentioned the diapers already."

"You can't be serious."

"Maybe I can."

"And what about psychologically speaking?"

"Worries and undue stress."

"Physically?"

"Sore back, neck and knees. I'll get fat, and starving. And mad if my desire of eating, I don't know, cranberries is not satisfied. And I'll get fat!"

"Cranberries can't be that hard to find."

"… during winter."

"Don't make such a big deal out of nothing, Lil."

"You don't get it, do you? We're talking about a new life. A b-a-b-y. We would have to take care of him, take him to the doctor, feed him and be ready to sacrifice everything we own right now in a blink of an eye just to make him smile. Do you think you can do that?"

"Sure!"

"Really?"

"Yup."

"Well, I don't."

"Think harder. I'd massage your shoulders every single night after you got home."

"Hmpf."

"… and your feet…"

"James… stop coming my way looking at me like you're some sort of a maniac."

"Why? Are you afraid?"

"Grr."

"Wow. That was sexy. Do that again."

"Argh!"

"Oh yeah. You're giving me the chills, baby."

"Okay. You just sang Spice Girls. That was freaky."

"Dammit."

"What?"

"I thought it would convince you to have a baby with me."

"Why in hell would you singing Spice Girls convince me to have a baby with you?"

"Well, it worked on the day I propo--"

"Don't go there."

"Get over it, Lil. You were drunk, you were silly, and you were seventeen. I was drunk, silly, seventeen and absolutely handsome. There was no way you could possibly resist my seduction power that night."

"By seduction power I'm pretty sure you mean I was too busy seeing leprechauns rounding my head counting coins to even mind thinking about your stupid question. All I could say was 'Oh, yes, now please, more of that bitter, green, tasty liquid inside the shiny bottle over there'."

"Uh… I kinda prefer the seduction power theory. Besides, I told you not to drink absinthe."

"What?! You were nearly pouring it down my throat!"

"I thought you couldn't remember a thing about that night, darling."

"My memory never fails to remember the things I can use against you, James. You should've learnt it by now."

"Don't you think this is going too far?"

"Of course. Give up and I'll go to sleep."

"So you're not going to agree?"

"Hmm… nope."

"Okay. Good night, Lily. Sleep tight."

"Wait. You're really giving up?"

"Yeah. You don't want to build up a family with me. It's as clear as water now."

"Don't say that. I'm just not ready yet."

"Yeah, okay. Whatever."

"James?"

"What?"

"You're not mad at me, are you?"

"No, I'm not."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Just checking."

"Okay."

"James?"

"Hmm?"

"You're mad at me, aren't you?"

"I think I've answered this question."

"No... in the other one I used negative and then affirmative interrogative. Now I'm using affirmative and then negative interrogative. So?"

"Lily."

"What?"

"Go to sleep."

"James?"

"For God's sake, Lily, what is it now?"

"I gotta talk to you."

"It's four in the morning."

"Actually, it's a quarter before four."

"Lily, please."

"… I want a baby."

"What? A baby?"

Author's note: this is what happens when a girl's internet connection fails to... oh well, connect. lol. isn't james the cutest husband of all? -hugs- seriously wanted to bite him sometimes while writing. hmmm.. not much to say about this one; first fanfic here in English, please be gentle :P xoxo