I Just Got Some Milk, Mark!

Chapter 3: I Just Went To Get Some Twinkies, Roger!

Summary: He doesn't understand. He doesn't know why I do drugs, and I don't think he cares. Just because he stopped so easily, doesn't mean the rest of us can.

Note: For those of you who read NO DAY BUT TODAY the file got deleted so I have to re-write it. Sorry!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Mimi?" Gwendolyn called. I turned to her.

"What's up?" I asked. She looked nervous. She always looked nervous. I guess she has a reason. Gwendolyn was probably the prettiest girl I'd ever seen. Which was good in any other job. But for this one…it was dangerous. One night, one guy went to far. He didn't rape her, because Angel and I walked in, but he got close. She'd been jumpy ever since.

I smiled at her, making sure it reached my eyes, trying to ease whatever she was feeling. Angel taught me that if you smile with your eyes, it would make even Papa Ge smile. If there was a Papa Ge…is there? Whatever. Back to Gwendolyn.

"Do you have some money?" she asked.

"Depends on how much you need. If it's over a twenty, then no. If it's less, then yeah, I got some," I said.

"How much do you have?" she asked.

"Twenty," I said. She giggled. Angel was right…again.

"I only need ten," she said.

"I'll give you a twenty," I went to my purse, and handed her my twenty. She shook her head, but I insisted. "Please," I said. She nodded, and took it.

"I should be going," she said. Gwendolyn walked off. I turned on my heel, and walked towards my apartment.

"In the evening, I've got roam. Can't sleep in a city of neon and chrome," I sang. I twirled. I caught a man dressed in black walking into the alley. That's a bit suspicious. I walked a few steps closer. I heard a voice that sounded very familiar. It sent a shiver down my spine. Who was…OH MY ASAKA! It's the Man's voice! I hid behind the wall in front of the alley.

"This doesn't look like two grams," Gwendolyn was saying.

"It is! Now where's my money? I've got other clients I need to serve," the Man snarled. I heard her snort.

"They can't pay as good as I can, though, can they? Here's your money," she said. Gwendolyn left. I grabbed her arm. She stared at me with wide eyes.

"That's why you needed my fucking money? So you could buy some fucking drugs? Gwendolyn!" I yelled.

"Mimi, listen. I need them!" she said.

"To hell you do!"

"I need them to cope."

"Cope with what?" I asked.

"I might get fired," she said. Whoa. Time out. Why?

"Why the hell would you get fired?"

"Jerry wants me to sleep with him. He says if I don't, he'll fire me," she explained. "I need this job Mimi. But I don't want to sleep with him."

"Gwendolyn…why didn't you come to me?" I asked.

"What could you do?"

"Find you another job so you wouldn't be reduced to this!" I yelled. She smiled coyly.

"You could come enjoy this with me," she said, waving them in my face. I froze. She did not just say that. Why would she?

"Why are you doing this?" I asked. I meant to sound firm, but that sounded pretty wimpy.

"Well, you'll have to buy some of course," she said. That's why. She needed the money. She'd do anything she could to get it. She was a junkie after all.

"Of course. For more than I would if I went to the Man, I'm guessing," I said.

"Yeah, but you'll get a nice, private place to shoot up in. Away from the prying eyes of your boyfriend," she said. Shit. My resolve was failing. Down, down, down.

"I love Roger," I said absentmindedly.

"Of course you do. Remember, I know why you take them. Why your sister really left," she said. It felt like I was being set on fire. Gwen had to bring that up. Those painful memories…

"Okay."

That one word shattered what Roger and I had been building for 5 ½ months.

I had waited for a few hours until I thought the high had worn off. I didn't take a lot, so Roger wouldn't notice. Or at least I thought so.

I walked in the door, trying to be quiet.

"Mimi?" Shit.

"Hey Roger. Is Mark asleep?" I asked.

"Yeah." I tiptoed to the couch and sat down, trying not to let him see my eyes in case they were still obvious…and trying not to swear so much. That was another thing we were working on. "Anything of interest happen at work?"

"Not really. Just the usual middle-aged, fat guys staring at us. Although I did see a girl…" I recalled.

"Middle-aged?"

"Teenage. So either she's thinking of working at the Cat Scratch or she's trying to figure out if she's bi or lesbian, so she's trying to see how she feels with us. Or she's with a bachelor party," I said.

"The first two I can understand, but bachelor party?" he asked laughingly.

"Yes. My mom went to a bachelor party because her best friend was a guy and was getting married and she was the best man," I said. I could feel him laughing silently. I giggled as well. He stopped abruptly. That was weird.

"Mimi? Are you okay?" Roger asked.

"Fine, why?"

"You don't giggle. I've only heard you giggle three times, each time when you were high," he said.

"I'm not high," I defended quickly. Too quickly.

"Of course you're not," he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"You know, it'd be nice if you fucking trusted me!" I said, getting up and walking to the fridge.

"I trust you when you're not on drugs," he pointed out.

"Ha-ha. I'm not high," I said. I took a swig of lemonade. I felt his arms wrap around my waist.

"Okay. I believe you," he said. He sounded sincere. I turned to look into his eyes. He backed away. "Now I don't. Have you seen your eyes Mimi?" he said. Shit.

"Roger look-"

"No. You promised, and you broke that promise. Again." He doesn't understand. He doesn't know why I do drugs, and I don't think he cares. Just because he stopped so easily, doesn't mean the rest of us can.

"Whatever. I'm getting the hell out of here."

"Fine. Go, see if I care," he said. I walked out the door. I needed some sugar. Hm…Twinkies! They sell some at the corner store.

Mm-mm. I love Twinkies. They are so tasty. I couldn't wait to eat them. I unlocked the door to my apartment.

"MIMI?" a voice called. Roger?

"Yeah?"

"Where have you been?" he walked into the front of my apartment.

"I just went to go get Twinkies, Roger," I said. "Relax."

"You've been gone forever!"

"Ten minutes. If that," I pointed out.

"Well…it felt like a long time."

"How long have you been here?" I asked.

"About a minute after you left," he said. I smiled. He was so sweet. I owed him an explanation.

"Did you ever wonder why I started? You know why I left home, about how the first time I tried to stop, but did you ever wonder why I started?" I asked. He looked at me.

"Yeah, but I figured you wouldn't want to talk about it," he said. I looked at the ground.

"I had a baby," I mumbled. It was quiet for a while. I looked up to find Roger staring at me. I didn't think he believed me.

"I don't believe you." Told you.

"I did. With my sister's boyfriend. He left when he found out, the stupid deadbeat. After I had the baby I found out I was HIV positive. He probably gave it to me," I said.

"Where's the kid now?" Roger asked.

"Dead. I had a miscarriage," I said bluntly. I blinked back my tears. "My sister didn't give a crap. She'd started using after her boyfriend left so I started when I saw her, after the miscarriage. I just didn't…" I took a deep breath. Don't cry. Don't cry. "…want to feel sad anymore. I…I miss my baby." That did it. I started sobbing. I sunk to the floor, trying to stop.

Big, strong, warm arms encased me. Roger's hands stroked my hair. I stopped sobbing enough to look at him.

"You should have told me. I could've helped you," he said.

"How? You can't bring my baby back," I muttered.

"I would've figured something out." He pulled back and looked into my eyes. I stared back into his. "Quick question: where did you get the drugs from?" he asked.

"Gwendolyn."

"Why?" I explained her dilemma to him. He smiled.

"Collins told me they have some openings at the cafeteria at NYU. She could work there. It pays better than the Cat Scratch," he said. I leaned into him.

"That's perfect. Thanks," I said. He kissed the top of my head.

"We will get through this. I promise," Roger said.

"I know. I love you."

"I love you too."

That was all I needed for a million years.

Like it, love it? What? This will probably be the last chapter, so don't expect anything. Sorry.