POV: Light

"Higuchi...is dead," Watari said, barely audible in his disbelief.

Come now, Watari, how could you not expect this? You're dealing with Kira, anything is possible, and having him die of a heart attack within minutes of being caught is nothing surprising, is it? You should be disappointed that you've lost a suspect and concerned that you're fucking next, you old senile fool.
L flipped through the Death Note forwards and backwards, searching for Higuchi's name, but he wouldn't find it there. I had kept a piece of the Death Note with me, hidden in my watch. Higuchi should be honoured...I'd written his name in my own blood, the blood of Kira, the Saviour.

And now to write his name. L Lawliet. I hesitated.

Did I hesitate because I expected myself to? I'd known I'd get attached to him, and I knew that I would suffer his loss somewhat, but I had prepared myself. I knew it had to be done. I hat to kill L, for the sake of the world. For my ideal justice. I was the world's one and true god. I had given up my soul for this power, and I had to give up my heart's desires if I wanted to continue my work. I'd known I'd have to kill him, after falling in love with him. I just hadn't conceived how powerful an emotion love was. My very body, my every individual cell loved the man who sat baffled beside me, eyes slowly registering something with horror. When his eyes turned to me, he knew. He knew that he was my love and my enemy. I had to destroy him...even if it meant destroying a large part of myself. Surely time would heal me. I could survive his loss.

I had given up my soul already for the world...and I was going to give up my heart. Was it so selfish of me...to have one more night with him? I knew it was dangerous. I knew that I shouldn't delay killing him, but I wanted him to know...that I really did love him and I was sorry for what I had to do.

"Let's...go back to Taskforce Headquarters," L said quietly, turning back to the controls. I almost smiled. I couldn't kill him if we were in the air, as I couldn't take the controls and fly myself. I looked out at the stars in the sky, that shone over the stars of the city, the lights of tall buildings, the pinpricks of streetlights, the moving streaks of light from cars...The city was probably more impressive and beautiful than the night sky. I wondered if L would agree.

***

POV: L

I felt like I had lost Light all over again. This wasn't Light who sat beside me, but a monster. A killer. A delusional young man drunk on his own power. It hurt even more that I knew there was still a heart within him, which was the only reason I was still alive. Light really did love me, I knew that, but his love wouldn't last long. He would have to kill me, but I wasn't sure that I even had the strength to stand in his way anymore.

What was that old saying? As good as dead? Yes. That was me. I really was as good as dead. In fact, the moment Light had touched the notebook, I had died. With the power back in Light's possession, I was now dead. I had no power over Kira.

I felt so conflicted. I both hated and loved the man who sat beside me. He wasn't Light anymore, I knew that, but I couldn't help but hope he was there, somewhere. Just a small part of him. I knew that I was going to die, and that I should kill Kira while I had the chance. I should crash the helicopter and kill us both. I was already dead, so my life was of no concern to me, and Light...no Kira, would have no chance of escape if this machine were to crash. He would die with me, but so would Watari. I knew that if Watari understood the situation, he would wish for me to take his life also, but I couldn't do it. I couldn't take his life. Or perhaps I could, but there was still a part of me that was reluctant to kill what was left of Light. I wanted to preserve him, try to bring him back, however impossible it was.

I landed the helicopter, regretful that I hadn't crashed it and killed us. I could have stopped him...Kira...I was dead anyway, what did my life mean? Why hadn't I just done it? Why was I now following Watari and Light...Kira into Headquarters? Why did I tell Watari that I needed a break and wanted to be alone and he was to lock the book away? That I needed rest, after our failure in capturing Kira? My failure in not killing Kira in the helicopter...
Time was so peculiar right now. I knew it really wasn't time per say, but rather the adrenalin that was coursing through my veins, almost as hot as Light's kisses. I couldn't believe that I could be his first. The only man to take him, with the beautiful body he had. I had believed...that perhaps we'd have a lot more time together. Instead, our time had come to an end with Kira's reawakening. Of course, this was always Kira's intention. He expected himself to fall in love with me, and I had been too slow...too stupid and foolish to realise it. Too naive to realise that Light was perfect for me in every way and Kira knew it. He'd used my love against me. I'd become so weak, so giddy with love, that I'd let myself trust Light and believe he'd keep my name safe. How stupid I was. I literally deserved to die, for being so stupid. So pathetically stupid.

Time...Time wasn't reacting the way it normally did. I could see and feel everything in such clear detail. I could hear our very footsteps in the hall and I could almost count the years it took between the beating of my heart or the seconds it took me to blink. Perhaps I could count that time in minutes. Everything was so slow, it was almost so overwhelming, but that the same time, in the time it took me to take a breath, I was out of the helicopter and in my bedroom, alone with Kira who had wordlessly followed me.

"I'm very sorry about this, Lawliet," he murmured. "You've been a worthy opponent, and at times I'd almost thought I would lose to you. But in the end, you were the one who lost."
"No," I mumbled, sitting on the end of my bed dejectedly, "I lost myself along the way a very long time ago. When I first met you, perhaps. I lost myself in trying to convict you...I lost myself when I fell in love with you...I'd almost lost everything when we separated...I suppose now isn't so much different from then, is it? I've lost you again, just after I got you back."

"I never expected myself to say this, L, but I almost feel sorry for you. You don't even have a chance to run. You can't even escape. No matter where you are in the world, you will die. I have your name, and that is all I need."

"It hurts...to hear Kira's words coming from your lips, Light," I whispered, my eyes filling with tears. Once, I would never give Kira the satisfaction of having me break down in front of him, but now, so much had changed. I had lost my love, for good this time. It really was the end. There was no hope.

"I am Light, L. You're acting as if I'm two different people, but I'm not. This is who I really am. When I'm truly myself, this is who I am. The Light you fell in love with wasn't half of who I am, that was a sheltered, empty version of me. Someone with no clue, no memory, no vitality or thirst for life."

'You're not giving yourself enough credit there, Light," I smiled, sniffling pathetically. "You had a thirst for life, just a different life. You expected nothing from the world like you do now. This version of yourself...you're too selfish. Too delusional and too involved in yourself."

"You know, I almost expected you to beg for your life," he said, changing the subject slightly. It was a good move on his part, he was toying with me. If he let me anger him, he would kill me so much sooner, and he wouldn't have the chance to rub this in any further.

"I wouldn't beg you for anything," I answered, falling back and closing my eyes tiredly. I smiled slightly. "But you've begged me for so much. Touch you here, there..." I got no reply, and I didn't expect one. If anything, I expected to be answered with his fists. I sighed softly, remembering how very beautiful Light could be when he was so bare to me, revealing his very soul...
"You're a fool," he finally hissed, voice shaking. I opened a baleful eye, just wishing I could go to sleep and never wake up. "I'll let you live, if you agree that I'm right and you're wrong."

"Is that what you've been trying to prove this whole time?" I questioned scathingly. "Trying so childishly to prove me wrong? Using the lives of others like a pieces of a game?"

Light's eyes widened, and I realised the reason he was looking up at the ceiling, towards the heavens, was so that he couldn't let any tears fall. There was a set to his lips...as if he hated being reprimanded like a child.
"Can't you see?" he whispered, reaching up to cover his lips with his hands as if to push the words away, hide them and stop them from reaching my ears. "I'm trying to justify keeping you alive. Don't you want to live, Lawliet?"

"Is that Light speaking? Or the monster that you've let yourself become?" I questioned, feeling for the very first time in my life, like a very old man. My entire body ached because my soul ached. It ached and it hurt.

"Shut up, shut up," he pleaded, covering his ears. "Do you know how much this hurts? I never thought it could be so hard to kill you, of all people. It was hard enough to kill L, but now it has become so much harder by the fact half of me can't even stand the thought of killing you. I expected it to be hard to kill someone I'd fall in love with...but not this hard. I actually thought love was purely fictional. I thought that such a deep thing couldn't possibly exist, it was just stories and excuses, exaggerations...You've taught me that love really does exist. You really can lose yourself to it, let it take you over without realising. Love is supposed to be a beautiful thing and I'm genuinely sad to see it rot like this."

"We are who we are," I told him simply, closing my eyes again. I wished he'd stop talking. The sooner he killed me, the sooner I didn't have to deal with the pain in my heart anymore.

"Don't you still want to be with me, L? Even though you've lost? You can stay alive, be by my side..."
"My apologies, but I'd rather lay down and die, if you don't mind..."

"So...you don't love me, anymore?" Such hesitation. It hurt to hear it in the voice that I loved.

"I loved you. But that love doesn't extend to this new you."
"I thought...I thought you loved me! I love you, and I completely accept you for who you are! You're the man that has hunted me down and tried to have me killed for the work I've done, and I forgive you! That is love, Lawliet! You never loved me, otherwise you'd accept me for who I really am."

"Light...you're incompressible. You're not making any sense. You are saying whatever emerges into your mind, and that is not very god-like. You sound like a desperate teenager."
"Because that is what I am!" he near shouted. "I have had greatness thrust upon me, and I haven't had my taste of the world yet! But I'm old enough to understand love, Lawliet!"

"Don't..." I shuddered. "Don't call me by that name." I hated how it felt so perfect from his lips, and I hated how he was using it. My emotions were so confused. My body couldn't tell that this Light was any different from the Light from before, even though my mind knew it. Light was dead. I had to keep telling myself that. I couldn't save him from himself. It was over.

***

POV: Light

"I can't take this any more," he whispered, hiding his face. Was he hiding tears? It made me want to cry with him, but it also made me want to laugh at how pathetically weak he was. He was offering me no fight at all! He was giving in to me.

I had never been more confused or conflicted in my life. I needed to break away, just spend some time to myself and figure things out, but I knew I didn't have the time. I needed to kill L now. It couldn't wait, but I couldn't bring myself to do it just yet. He stood and I followed him to the bathroom, where I'd first fallen for him. He went to the sink and splashed water on his face, his eyes giving me a long look in the mirror. I sighed, watching him reach to open the cupboard of which the mirror was the door. I gasped in anger when he turned and pulled a gun on me, freezing.

"What are you doing?" I demanded, staring L hatefully in the eyes. He glared, an expression on his face I'd never seen before.

"I'm going to destroy you...and then I'll kill myself." His dark eyes didn't lie.

"You've lost your mind!" I spat, wrinkling my nose in distaste. "If you're dead, why should you care what happens to the world? Why kill me first?"

"Because I intend to make sure you're with me in the afterlife. The good part of you."

"You're just a foolish old man!" I sneered, staring at him with disdain. "What do you know about souls, huh? I'm not going to the same place as you. I've sold my soul."

"And I own your heart," he shrugged, still staring at me with those cold, hateful eyes. "I've got it wrapped in chains. I'm taking it with me when I go."

"What is wrong with you?" I groaned, ignoring the small fluttering in my chest at the thought that he would never stop caring about me. How was it possible to hate someone as much as I hated him, and love him as much as I did? It was so hard to process. "You're so sentimental, and you've got no idea about what happens when you die."

"What makes you so sure about what happens? What makes you think you're going anywhere else?"

"I'm a god remember? I've spoken to a shinigami. I've sold my soul to him, I'll wander for eternity and in exchange for that endless nothing, I have the power to kill anyone how and when I want."

"A shinigami?" I could see this unnerved him. I nodded and lowered my tones.

"His name is Ryuk and he likes apples." I gave a crooked smile. "I think you would like him...to an extent. In fact, he admires you."

"Where does he come from?" L asked, curious. "Is he from the afterlife? Hell?"

"The shinigami realm," I explained, a little relieved that he was becoming a little more responsive. "He got bored there and decided to entertain himself here."

"Did he ever tell you what the shinigami realm is like?" he wondered, lowering the gun slightly. I decided to keep talking, trying not to look at the gun too much to betray my intentions to wrench it from him.

"He says its a boring, rotting place. Everything is sand and ashes. There's nothing much there. All the shinigami's gamble to pass the time, and they all have Death Notes. When they write a humans name down, their life is expanded by the remaining years the human had. When a human uses the Death Note the same way, their lifespan isn't affected at all...The moment you use the Death Note, your soul is signed away."

"I see," L murmured, dropping the gun entirely. I jumped at the loud sound the solid piece of metal made as it hit the floor. "Then it doesn't matter if I kill you or not."

I jumped to my senses and rushed to him, knocking him into the wall and pinning him there with my body, but it didn't seem to matter. L wouldn't fight back. He didn't seem to care. I kicked the gun away with my foot, and glared at him, panting for breath to keep up with my pounding heart.

"Why?" I questioned, confused. "Why doesn't it matter?"

"You haven't figured it out for yourself, have you?" L smiled, his amusement not reaching his tired eyes. "That place of nothingness that you've signed yourself to...is the shinigami realm. A place of nothingness for eternity. When you die, you'll become a shinigami too, and you'll take human lives to extend your own like they do. You can still remain Kira in death, choosing who to kill. You'll use the lives of criminals to keep yourself alive...or whatever it is you are in the afterlife..."

I stared, heart stopping. All this time...He had figured it out in seconds...and I had never...Me? A shinigami? So, in the end, it really didn't matter if I sacrificed half of my lifespan for the shinigami eyes? Because I could still be Kira when I died? Which meant I could have saved myself a lot of trouble by accepting all those months ago...I wouldn't be going through all this heartache right now if I'd just accepted the eye deal.

Why hadn't it occurred to me? That the nothingness I'd sold myself to...was actually the place Ryuk came from? The shinigami realm? So...shinigami were in fact...humans that had used the Death Note? Ryuk had said it himself...that the shinigami world was rotting, that there was nothing in it. That the shinigami were wasting away, gambling and killing humans to keep themselves entertained. But even that had lost its appeal to Ryuk after so many years, I supposed.

So...L wouldn't kill me. It didn't matter. I had won. Without realising it, without meaning to, I had won. Unknowingly, all this time, I had been invincible. It didn't matter if I was alive or not, after all. Even in death I could be Kira....

"You really are a child," L mumbled, closing his eyes. "You never realised. I can't kill you...not really."

I gave a giddy laugh, my heart leaping back into action. All this time...! I pressed my lips to L's, wishing he were as ecstatic as I now was. I licked his upper lip, lessening my tight grip on him. I wouldn't be his chains. It didn't matter to either of us if I died...not really.

***

POV: L

It was almost funny that Light hadn't figured out the obvious until now. Except...I couldn't bring myself to laugh. Or smile. Or breathe.

I had really lost everything this time. I'd lost Light. I'd lost against Kira. I'd lost against him a long time ago. So, it didn't really matter that I didn't fight back when he kissed me. It didn't matter if I kissed him back the way I did. I would derive whatever comfort I could from whatever source. My spirit was crushed, and all that was left was my body, which was being rubbed against in ways that caused sad moans to escape my throat. Even if this person wasn't completely Light...it was still his body I loved. He touched me in ways Light would...even if the raw edge and demands weren't his.

"Take off your jeans, Lawliet," he breathed, kissing my jaw line. I shook my head slowly, eyes shut as I tangled my fingers in his hair. He sighed and reached down himself to unbutton my jeans. I groaned, pushing my hips into his touch. I wouldn't stop myself, I just didn't have the strength.

"Tell me...tell me how the Death Note works," I sighed, kissing his throat and licking his Adams apple.

"You write a name down...and the person dies of a heart attack in forty seconds," he explained, unbuttoning his shirt and inviting my fingers to play. "You can change the time and method of death, provided you stick to the rules."

"And you killed...ah, Light...Higuchi with a piece you kept...?"

"I kept a piece in my watch," he confirmed, sucking on my neck and drawing a long moan. I bucked into his hips, and decided his belt was too much. My fingers shook as I unbuckled it, and he noticed. He took my hands in one of his and led me to the bedroom, stopping to pick up the gun and put it on the bedside table along with his watch before pushing me onto the bed and crawling atop me, grinding himself into me hungrily.

"I want to see the piece," I breathed, nipping his shoulder. He sighed unhappily and produced the tiny slip and showed how he'd used a part of the watch like a pin to prick his own skin and write the name in his own blood. "You're clever," I noted, kissing him deeply. He smiled, proud of himself, and I did my best to distract him from the smile by kissing it away. He moaned against my lips, shuddering as I ran my hands down his back and reaching up to fondle his pert nipples.

"Lawliet, please..." he gasped, kissing me. "I want you."

"Get the lube. Its in the cabinet in the bathroom."

When Light returned with the tube, I'd removed my shirt and lay in wait for him, jeans pushed to my knees. He stared, open mouthed, lungs heaving behind his pristine white suit shirt. I bit my lip, wanting something to touch. I let my finger touch the tip of myself, swirling around in the early liquids, closing my eyes and gasping at the wonderful, electric feel. I felt Light crawl onto the bed, his pants kicked off to the side from the sound of his belt clunking on the floor. He pushed away my hand forcefully and replaced it with his hot, incredibly wet, salivating mouth. I let out a long cry, turning it into a groan.

"Ride me," I panted, looking down at him, taking his hand and pulling him up. His cheeks flushed the way they used to, and he complied, taking the lube and covering me with it before kneeling over my lap. I guided his hips down, pushing him all the way down, kissing him desperately. He cried out against my lips, and he moved with me, eyes shut tight, gasping, sweat forming on his forehead and his flesh visibly trembling where his heart lay behind his chest.

"Move," I urged him, curling my toes. He did so, wild and rough, panting, gritting his teeth. His hair fell into his tightly shut eyes, fingers digging into my skin as if trying to keep himself from floating away on the waves of sensation.

"Hah! Lawliet...hah...hah! I love you!" he cried, almost in a sob.

I didn't hold back my groans or cries at all, and I didn't stop the tears that flowed joyously and mournfully down the sides of my face. He reached down to kiss me, moving as best he could, bringing us both to the closest thing we could ever hope would be heaven. Pleasure surged through us, shaking and rocking, exploding within and without us. The light of the bathroom shone from behind him, as if some kind of heavenly halo around my precious and beautiful Light. This is how I wanted to remember him. He smiled down at me, eyes pure and full of love. I smiled back, but the expression melted slowly away when his eyes widened with shock, and he began to become overwhelmed with spasms. He grasped his chest, over his heart, staring at me in disbelief. I reached for the piece of the Death Note he'd shown me. While he'd been in the bathroom, I'd pricked myself and written as hastily as I could.

Light Yagami.

Dies of a heart attack after coming to orgasm when making love to L Lawliet.

Light's eyes filled with tears, and I wasn't sure if the ragged, tortured breathing in my ears was my own or his last breaths. He reached for the gun on the bedside table, hand shaking horribly as he aimed it at my own chest and clumsily cocked it. I wondered why I couldn't hear it when it clearly shot me. I could feel it, but barely. I felt very numb. Whether that was because my body was in shock or whether killing my one and only love had numbed me to my very core, I couldn't be sure. He smiled slightly.

"Lawliet," he mouthed, before slumping down over me, his last breath leaving him.

I couldn't breathe. I was crying. Light was dead, but I would be seeing him shortly. He knew. I'd written his name down with his own weapon. I'd sold my soul, and so I'd be seeing him in the shinigami realm and there, where we were both immortal, I could find a way to destroy the Kira within him. I'd be seeing Light...That was my one comfort as I stared at what little I could see of Light's precious face as I drifted off into death, the chains of life no longer restricting me.

It very much felt like going to sleep...I didn't want to sleep though. I didn't care about dreaming. I didn't want to dream about Light, I wanted to wake up and see him again for myself. I wanted him for real, not as some dream figure. I wanted Light, all of him, the good and the bad, because that was who he was.

I told Light that his heart was chained to mine...so when his heart stopped, I wanted mine to stop too. I could feel him...I could feel him pulling me with him, forever bound to me with the chains of love. He was pulling me to a place where I wouldn't ever sleep...but that didn't matter...because I would be awake for eternity...with my Light. Sleep and empty dreams wouldn't touch us there. We would be together. Always.

*******

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Well, that's the end, everybody! Finally! I've finally finished a Death Note fanfic! I originally intended for it to go on for a bit longer, but I got impatient with the last chapter, bringing the ending closer here. I hope you all liked it! *nervous smile* I kind of nearly had tears in my eyes at the end when writing it...I was listening to all my sad songs so I'd get the mood the way I wanted it. Of course, I had to keep the smexy part hot so it'd be as unpredictable as I could, so I listened to other songs…It was like trying to trick myself. I had to ignore what was coming to write it the way I wanted.
Anyway! I want lots of feedback! I want to know what you think! Am I a decent writer? (Can you believe I'd hate to be a professional writer? ^w^) Was it easier with me saying who's POV it was at the start of every part? Or did it become annoying? I want your opinion! I tied the 'chain' and the 'sleep/dreaming' thing back into it at the end. I was a little happy at that, but I don't think I wrote it as well as I could have...

I suppose I should just clarify...even though it's a sad ending because L and Light both died, at least they were both happy! Light knew before he died that L was the one to kill him, and that with L using the Death Note, they'd be together in death. I'm just trying not to think of how their deaths would affect Watari and Matsuda...*sniffs* Makes me feel bad for Chief Yagami, too.

But that's beside the point! Feedback! Reviews! Yus! I want you to respond! Please! *begs on hands and knees* Or I'll never write again!! (That's a bit of an empty threat, but you never know!!! *shakes fist threateningly*)

But for the ease of the readers, do you prefer reading it in chapters, or would you rather I just remove the chapters and have this fic just uploaded in one big, edited hit? I don't like chapters myself, because I like to just save fics to Word and read them in my own time and go back to review after taking a few notes of what I really liked or disliked. ^w^