Okay, it's been one year and a day since I posted my first piece of fanfiction. Woo hoo! So to celebrate, I'm posting this little bit of crack. It's very much inspired by The Great Good Thing I've recently read, where the characters of a story are aware they are part of a story, and end up talking to the Reader. Which got me thinking...what would I do if DC/MK characters suddenly started talking to me? You should probably run right now. This can't end well.

Detective Conan and Magic Kaito belong to their respective authors, who are one and the same, and most unfortunately, not me. Unless I can convince the Witness Exchange Program to let me change my name to Gosho Aoyama. But first things first. Have to do something to get into the Witness Protection Program. Hmmm...this could be tricky...

"Why do you make fun of my fear of fish?"

Huh? Looking around from her comfy perch on one of the three couches in their cluttered living room, DireSphinx tried to locate the owner of the voice. Seeing no one in the kitchen and hearing only her roommate's TV blaring from upstairs, she shrugged and kept typing. Must have been her imagination...

"I mean really, fish? Why is it that everyone and their mother picks on my phobia of fish? Is that my only redeeming quality?"

"Okay, where's that coming from?" DireSphinx asked out to the room. "I'm not hearing voices again am I?" Though it wouldn't surprise her to find Bridgette messing with her mind.

...but wait, fish? Who does she know with ichtyophobia?

"Yo, over here, big virtual screen in front of you. Yoo hoo! See me yet?"

Apparently she shouldn't have drunken that last glass of orange juice. She could swear that there was Kaitou Kid on her laptop screen, waving his hand distressedly in front of her. Or as near as in front of her as he could get, what with the size of her screen. What sorts of chemicals are they putting in beverages these days? Because there's no way he could be real.

Perhaps he's a pop-up ad? All be it, a very strange pop-up ad, with impeccable timing...

But no, she hasn't opened up Firefox yet. Can ads come up without an open web browser?

Is this some new virus? Some warped version of conflicker? I knew I should have run a virus-scan last night! Granted, it's a very entertaining virus, but what does it do? He's not going to steal all the information off my hard drive is he? I haven't even saved any of my documents on my flash drives! Well, except for my Spurned Woman poetry, but that was the only way to bring it back from Japan.

"Hey, I resent that!"

"Resent what?" Oh Lord, now she's speaking to the figment in her laptop.

"Being called a virus! Because I'm not. I'm Kaitou Kid!"

And it reads minds too...!

"No, no, I'm not a mind reader."

"!!!!!!!"

"Okay, bad example. I'm usually not a mind reader. You're just gullible."

"Am not!" Not even hallucinations get to call her gullible!

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!" ...Wait a minute, was she really having an 'am not, are too' argument with the ghost in her machine? In the living room where any of her roommates could come in and catch her in the act?

"Are too!"

"Am not!" Yes, yes she was. Alright, if anyone asks, she's on Skype. That's her story and she's sticking too it!

"Are too!"

"Am...argh! I am not having this argument with you!"

"You're just mad because I'm right."

No you're not! Yes he is. No! I will not have this argument again! "Do you want me to turn off my laptop? Because I will if you don't stop right this instant."

"Okay, jeeze, you're worse than Aoko. And you're not even wearing a skirt that I can flip."

"You're in my computer, probably some new marriage of spam and youtube - how could you flip my skirt? And you can see what I'm wearing?!?" Okay, no more checking emails in her bra.

He smirked up at me. "Nothing's impossible for the Kaitou Kid."

Don't I know it. I wrote that line myself. "Well then, Mr. Impossible, what are you doing in my laptop?"

"DireSphinx, we need to have a chat."

Oooh, he knows my penname! Down fangirl! Ignore the butterflies in your stomach! Noticing the tense set of his shoulders, she warily replies, "About what?"

Okay, what have I done to him lately? What was the last thing I posted?

...Oh.

"Is this about the omake?"

He seems confused. "What omake?"

Now that's just mean. "The omake in my crab!Heiji fic. The one where I replace Heiji with you as Sebastian for The Little Mermaid play. The omake I wrote less than a week ago. That omake?"

"No...not really...maybe, kinda....but that's not the main issue."

"It can't be about the ABC fics I've been working on. I've done nothing to you except create dramatic tension and given you an excuse to stick Aoko in fuzzy pink handcuffs. Did you not like the fuzzy pink handcuffs?"

"NO! Those were wonderful, absolutely amazing! We plan to play with them later on tonight! It's a different matter entirely!"

"Then what have I done wrong? You like the handcuffs, I haven't killed you, I only slightly made fun of your ichthyophobia, what else is left? * Slap * It's the Kiddie Kid, isn't it? You don't like Kiddie Kid."

"Bzzt! Wrong again! Kiddie Kid was great, one of the best pranks ever, something I'm insanely jealous that Heiji-kun thought up before me, but that's not it."

"Then what is it?!"

"Your shoe's untied."

DireSphinx glances down at her feet, looking at her pink socks. "But I'm not wearing any shoes."

The trademark Kid grin stretches from ear to ear. "Made you look." He disappears in a cloud of digital confetti.

"Argh! Come back here Kid!" Shrieking in frustration, she says the first words that pop into her head. "I wish the goblins would come and bring you tied up in leather to my living room right now!"

A door slams shut to her left. Whipping her head around, DireSphinx looks over to find her roommate Bridgette coming in with leftovers from Subway in her hands. She shrinks into the cushions. "You didn't hear that, did you?"

"I'm not even gonna ask."

"Okay." Kid's laugh comes out from her speakers. "I heard that Kid!"

Bridgette just makes a beeline for the stairs, Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Collect 200 Dollars. Just great. She glares at her Kaito and Aoko wallpaper. Damn thief. "I'll get you next time!"

"You and what army?"

Oooh, he's gonna wish he'd never said that. Pulling out her cellphone, she starts scrolling through her contacts list. Hmm, electrical engineering, theoretical physicist, mechanical, mechanical, computer science whiz kid, semi-pro hacker - ah, here we are. Computer God.

"Hey Alan, how would you track magicians in your machine?"

As Alan proceeded to detail the steps necessary to overhaul her hard drive, DireSphinx could have sworn she heard a whimper. But it must have been her imagination. Kaitou Kid, whimpering? Never.

She smirked into the warm glow. Challenge me, Kaitou Kid? I accept. But there's one thing you forgot to include in your calculations. You never challenge an engineer. We've got nerdy friends, and we're not afraid to use them.

Time to defrag some Kaitous.