A/N:

*I do not own Twilight or the characters in this story; they all belong to Stephenie Meyer!

Thank you for those who reviewed the past two chapters I read all of them and loved all of them, they made my week brighter while I was stuck in the stacks. I will try to get back to those I have not responded to.

-DeCordova

Big huge thanks to Harley_Quinn she just rocks as a beta!!

Excerpt from manuscript B

Date: November 9, 2007

Location: Chicago

Reason for writing: Edward and I had our first fight as a married couple and he left.

He left me, we had a fight and he left. Part of me is still hurt by the fight by now that even pairs in to comparison by the fact that he left, well almost, but he left. It's time like these that I wonder what we are doing. College was easy compared to the real world, our relationship was easier, we had some great times and we still do but seriously.

Maybe rushing the wedding was a bad idea, maybe doing this whole movie into a book was an even worse idea. Edward and I have been seeing each other since the second semester of my freshman year of college, we have been together since I was 19, and over the past 6 years somewhere along the way I became second best to Tanya Denali, the bane of my existence. I love Edward, I really do, he is my whole world, but sometimes things can't be as perfect or easy as I want them to be.

We had our first fight as a married couple and he left and has not come back home for the past three hours and I am trying hard to fight between anger and worry. Anger, because how dare he leave the fight and walk out on me? And worry because I just want him to be safe and okay. It's driving me insane to think about the fact that I don't know where he is or the fact that he hasn't even tried to call and let me know anything about his location, not that I have tried to call him, he is the one who left me here.

I know Edward is upset by the fact that I was constantly busy right after I graduated, we hardly spent any time together. And then we rushed the wedding, postponing the honeymoon, until we were both free. We would have both been free starting this week; however, there was a slip up in accounting. Guess who works in accounting? Tanya. It wouldn't have been as long as a trip as we would have liked but it would have still been our trip together alone, something we really needed at this point. It wasn't going to happen though, our relationship was tarnished at this point and no hope of "love suffices" could change that.

It was sad and pathetic to think of how my life was going at this point; I had success, but was it the type of success that mattered? Did I define success by my bank account? Had I become that type of individual? Was I willing to sink in to that routine, just being married to Edward and going about a daily routine that left both of us in limbo? I can't even begin to think how to answer that to myself but I do know one thing, I was regretting my pursed passion of becoming a writer and seeing my work translated to the silver screen. That was wrong, I worked hard for this.

Three hours later

Edward still isn't home and it's getting hard to stay up…

I am so over the fight, it's not even worth it, I am the one who married Edward and that should be enough for me; we love each other. We will get our trip, it could have been a real accident and it's not like I have made any other plans with work; I am done with promotions and I really could use a break and spend it with Edward. For a while, I can write a little on the side, just stay at home, and be with him.

I guess that is just what I will have to do, I do not want to lose Edward and had he really wanted Tanya he could have been with her. But no, he is with me. I love him and I need to be there for him, I can put some things in my life on hold and we probably wouldn't need the break if we had the time to actually be together.

Either way something has to give and it will be me this time. No one said being married would be easy. I can make it easier if I just suck it up and apologize. I just hope he comes home soon. I will do whatever it takes to make this work.

It just plain sucks right now in all honesty, I hurt, and he is not here, though if he had been here I probably would be more angry than hurt.

I am mad. I am pissed. I am scorned on some level. I am positive that now would be the perfect situation to withhold sex. I didn't mean the last thing but seriously what I am supposed to do? It's three in the morning and Edward is not here, and I haven't heard from him still and I did finally try to call him but it rang and rang and went to his voice mail. I would like to say I'm over this shit and the entry I made tonight was all a bad dream, but alas, it's not. I'm stuck here and it's hell waiting for my husband. He is clearly ignoring me and lord help his damn soul when he comes home because it will not be pretty.

Thirty minutes later.

If I didn't always make it a point to write in ink, I would've erased the above. I am just worried sick over the possibilities.

I'm now back to the conclusion that I will try and make it a point to be the better person in this whole ordeal.

Even if I want to kill him at this point, I love him too much, it would almost be easier to let this go and I think that it would be better if I apologized, for what I don't know.

I was right in my assumptions of Tanya, however it is only going to drive a wedge between Edward and I, she's not worth it…

Mistakes happen. I'm going to bed; we'll figure it out tomorrow.

I just can't keep worrying at this moment.

I just feel hurt right now and I'm really starting to hate that feeling.

I just can't let this go though, it's not even the fight really, we have our faults, mostly lying within the realms of communication, but how dare he even defend Tanya over me? That is what really pisses me off, is that he would just take up for her. His stupid bitchy best friend, who wears a ring on her left hand to supposedly "fight off unwanted attention". That's bullshit.

Tanya is an attention whore but Edward never sees that, he has her on a fucking pedestal, I swear he does even if he will never admit it to me. He sees that she can do no wrong.

Why could I never just like her? They never dated or even kissed to my knowledge, and believe me, I asked. It's just so hard to get over it, she gives me some weird feelings, and even when she is being nice to me or "complementing me" it's always a backhanded exercise.

I would love to backhand Tanya, but I am not a violent person and I always have to remember that despite it all, Edward is with me and he does love me. I love him, we need to just get over these hang ups, yeah I wanted to go and escape to Italy, but it's not going to happen at this point, I will not get my long trip.

Whatever, it's an uphill battle I would rather not deal with now. I just need to sleep and then we can figure things out from there.

EPOV

A failure. That is what my life was. That is what I am. I failed. I fucking failed.

The company was on the verge of being sued and Tanya was being ridiculous with her advancements towards me. I had no feelings for Tanya nor did I want anything to do with her in that way, I made that mistake once and had it not been for our long-standing friendship, I would have cut her out of my life, though from the way things where going these past three months that may have been for the best.

Though those problems now seemed minor to what I found on my desk when I got back from the lunch meeting with the company's chief attorney. All the stress and the failings I felt where squashed into comparison. On my desk was a black legal folder with the script of Laurent Williams, a divorce attorney in Chicago. On top of the black folder was a white envelope with my name on it.

All thoughts of business escaped my comprehension as I just stared at the documents on my desk for about ten minutes. I don't think I could take another card from the deck life was dealing for me now. I willed the documents to disappear but there was no such luck, they just sat on my desk and I just stared at them, not bothering to open them.

I was living in my own personal hell and there was no escaping. Bella left me and now wanted a divorce and after wanting to always give her whatever she wanted, I couldn't just do this, I couldn't sign away my life. We definitely had our share of problems and things between us where not at their best but I did want to believe that we were in love. I wanted to believe that as soon as the company shaped up, we would be okay, I had not wanted to tell Bella about the company's problems yet, she did not need to know about all of that just yet, especially since it was not a sure thing we would be served the papers just yet.

I still had the letter she wrote me earlier but I just couldn't bring myself to read it just yet. If she served me divorce papers already without even discussing the divorce with me, how would sitting down to read a letter help me one bit? I needed to get to Alice first, she would know what was going on, I just couldn't let this happen. I couldn't even think straight.

Alice was not going to go easy on me though, she loved Bella and I was willing to bet it would be more than me. I couldn't blame her for that though, anyone with a brain would love Bella more than me, she was beautiful, kind and more than I ever deserved.

I left the office in a hurry and made my way across town to Alice and Jasper's loft. When I arrived, neither Alice nor Bella were there, so all I was left with was to sit and wait on Alice's doorstep. I waited for a good two hours and during that time all I could really do was look at my watch and think. I should've had the letter with me, but I didn't; it was left in the rush of getting out of my office.

I tried calling Bella thirty five different times and sent about ten text messages and still no response and no way of even getting through to her but I was trying, well, the best I could at the moment. I heard the clicking of heels and before I could even say, a word Alice had rounded the corner but she snapped at me before I could even get a word out.

"Do not even speak to me right now Edward; this whole situation is your fault."

Well Alice did know what was up and I was right in the assumption that it was my entire fault.

"Why would you not tell me she was leaving me? Fuck Alice, I am your brother. If you knew she was going to do something like this, why would you not tell me or talk to me about it?"

"First off don't you even dare raise your voice or get angry with me, I am not Bella, I will not put up your attitude anymore, and Edward, I did not tell you because she told me she was unsure of what she was going to do up until about two weeks ago."

She had two weeks to plan this and we never once sat down to talk about our issues. My thumb and pointer finger instantly found there favorite spot on my nose and pinched down, trying to keep the headache and nausea away that was going to happen anyway. She wanted to leave me. Well, given the divorce papers I would say she had some time but during all this time, we hadn't once talked.

"So she has had enough time to plan out leaving me? Where did she go and why didn't you stop her?"

Was our marriage that bad that I missed all the signs or problems? I always thought things were fine, especially when she didn't have to travel anymore for her book or the movie.

"Yes Edward, it takes time to hire and pay for all the fucking services she lined up to take care of your sorry ass. I didn't have to stop her and no one, not even you could at this point. Edward, you lost the best damn thing that would ever happen to you. I can't even tell you how little I care about how that effects you at the moment, you succeed in pushing her out of our own lives as well, and for what? For the sake of a fucking whore like Tanya Denali?"

What the hell? How would she know anything about what happened between Tanya and I two years ago? I felt my fists clench and I had no idea what she was talking about. I didn't want anyone taking care of me, the only person I wanted around was Bella.

"I didn't know she was going to do something like this. Alice, you have to tell me where she went. I have to talk to her."

"No. Why should she Edward? What good will that do? I love you Edward, but the minute you entered into the affair with Tanya, I ceased to like you."

"Tanya and I are not having an affair right now." Shit. The words were out of my mouth before I could say anything else.

"Right now? What the fuck is that supposed to mean Edward? That you were beforehand? God, Edward that is still just as bad. Where do you get off on having an affair?"

"Look, it was two years ago and I only slept with her once-."

She punched me in the nose before I could even explain, not that it would have helped at this point. I was going to have to face that demon now. Alice slammed the door on me and I was left outside, alone, just sitting there, thinking. I had to figure things out fast.

The first thing I could think of was reading what Bella had to say, then there were about three different places I could think of going aside from Alice's. My parents house, the least likely, Rose and Emmett's place, I really hoped not, and her and Alice's old college apartment.

I grabbed my keys and rushed back to my office to grab the letters and the papers. I decided to bite the bullet and call Rose to see if she knew where Bella was. I picked up my cell phone and quickly found her on speed dial.

I didn't even get a word in before she picked up and told me to "fuck off and kill myself" and then hung up before I could even blink. That left my parents house or the old apartment so I decided to go to the old apartment first. I grabbed the papers out of my office and stuffed them into my suit jacket.

I drove towards the old apartment and found a parking spot right in front of the door. I made my way up to the third floor and proceeded to bang on the front door hoping she would be inside, but no answer. I didn't have the key to this apartment as well so all I could do was slump down against the frame and cry a little. This was my whole fault and for once, I didn't have a plan in life to help me fix this.

I punched the door in frustration and let the sharp pain in my knuckles dull my senses. I sat back against the door and dug out the letter. There was a square piece of paper that fell between my legs but I didn't bother and pick it up just yet, I had to read what Bella left me.

Edward,

I am going to assume you received the divorce papers. I left them with Lauren while you were out to lunch with Tanya. Just please sign them and give them to my attorney Laurent, he will drop by this Friday to pick them up from your office around noon.

I told him to ask for Jessica and I called to tell your office that he has an appointment so that he can be given access upstairs, all of the details are taken care of, so don't worry about a thing.

All I ever tried to believe was that you would change and that our marriage would improve, but I just don't have it in me anymore to believe that it will happen. I gave you every excuse in the world and I gave you everything I had but Edward, you have not changed at all over the past two years. Edward I don't even know why I stayed with you up to this point. I am leaving. I am tired of being let down and having you break my heart and I am tired of being the second choice next to Tanya, I was supposed to be your wife.

I could have loved you with everything I had but you left me in the cold and I do not want to hear why anymore, the affair was the last straw; I am over the hurt and the tears. I wanted things to work but I cannot be the only one who wants it to work, I do not have it in me to care anymore. My energy and emotions are spent. I have been unhappy for too long and you do not even notice it. I am just the girl you married for some reason or another; I just cook, clean and take care of everything else. Well, that is easy enough to replace.

I arranged for a maid to come and clean your place as well as a chef that will get everything you need for a week at a time. They agreed to keep up with you for a year and I already paid for it all in full, just be nice to them. They know how you like things and what you like to eat. The chef will come on Mondays and the maid will be there Monday through Friday and will heat the meals the chef prepares. You're on your own for the weekend, but there will be food for you to eat.

I already spoke to your parents as well this morning, you will have to explain what happened exactly, they know, but you will have to talk to them eventually. The stuff that I had at what used to be our place is in my old college apartment for when I come back to town to visit them as well as visit Alice and Rosalie. Therefore, no need to worry about me walking through that door, at random points, go enjoy your guy time or work or whatever excuse you always use to brush me off. Focus on things you want to now.

I had to close my eyes, the tears were stinging. She thought she was replaceable and she left me. I was always busy and wanted to spend time with Emmett and Jasper but that doesn't mean that I was brushing her off, did it? She had always spent her own time with Rose and Alice and she always made it a point to be as cold as she could when I would come home from work, I was always stressed, and she was just distant. She knew Tanya and I had an affair and she still stayed with me. Wow, for two years that surprises me.

I also know about Tanya, Edward, I saw her walk out of your office the day I found the black thong, but I guess you figured that out from the beginning of this letter. I know you have been having an affair, now you can pursue it, or just continue having the affair as is, you have my blessing so to speak. She will not be the type who wants you at home or needs you to pick up groceries. You both are pretty much made for each other. I hope you are happy, that is all I ever wanted you to be and I couldn't provide that, so find it somewhere else.

This was starting to really piss me off, she thought I was better off with Tanya and without her. I will never know. I didn't love Tanya and that was obvious, we were both drunk when we had sex after the fight Bella and I had but we never did anything like that again and it was a mistake, so the two of us decided to never speak about it again, just forget it happened. Tanya was fine with that and so was I. It never meant anything, it was just sex.

You may also notice the other piece of paper in the envelope, it's called a sonogram. That is what our child looked like at 8 weeks, the picture is from February 25th. I was going to tell you sooner, but in light of recent events I don't think you are ready to deal with being a father and I do not want you to disappoint my child, or even worse, break his or her heart. Esme and Carlisle should be getting the next sonogram in three weeks, after I meet with my new doctor, so just ask them about it if you're curious.

I do think at some point you would make a great father, but you are not ready and I don't want to risk it. I am going to do my best to protect what is mine. I fear rejection more for the baby than I do for myself. Maybe someday you can know your child, but not now. Your parents will be getting pictures as well as updates once a month, ask them if you really want to know about the baby.

You don't have to call anymore, I won't pick up the phone, this is the last straw and I don't want to hurt anymore. You say that you're sorry but you really don't mean it and I don't have it in me to try and believe it anymore. Our marriage left us so unhappy and I stayed because I loved you, but I cannot stay with you anymore knowing that you are having an affair with Tanya.

I could have loved you all my life if you had let me.

Goodbye Edward,

Bella

I couldn't take this anymore; I punched the door three more times until my knuckles couldn't take it anymore. She was pregnant and didn't want or think I should be the father? What the fuck? I had to find her and we had to talk this out, she was pregnant and she wanted to leave me. Clearly, the hormones must be affecting her to make her leave, or something was not right. And why would she not tell me she was pregnant before she left? I deserved to know that.

My entire world was gone and refusing contact with me, and what was worse, everyone knew, even my parents. I sat up and looked between my legs and grabbed the sonogram and looked at our child in the picture.

I didn't want to go home alone, so I made my way down to my car and decided to take a walk through the park that was near the apartment. It was chilly, I would rather freeze at this point instead of being alone at home; well it was not home anymore, not without Bella.

I walked around the park with nothing on but my suit jacket. Even if it was March, that didn't take the bite out of the cool air. I had my hands fisted into my pocket and I just wandered around the jogging trail, just thinking. Bella left me and there was nothing I could about it, she cut me out of her life and worse, experiencing the pregnancy.

I stepped in dog shit half way through the walk and had to stop at a bench to try to wipe it out in the grass, the majority came out, but that did not mean the smell went away. I reached into my jacket and grabbed the sonogram and just stared at it and thought.

The fight we had two years ago was right before we were supposed to leave for our 'honeymoon' since we never had ours between our schedules. We were supposed to go to Tuscany and stay at the house Bella bought with her book money, it was her dream home and I was happy when she finally accomplished her goals and bought the house. She was so happy that day and I did want to go with her and take the time to enjoy the house but we couldn't at the time.

When it was finally time to leave, there was a mistake in the accounting department at work, there were about a million in stock assets displaced, and that could have been bad news if the executives of the company along with the accountants had not stepped in to help. Unfortunately, it had been Tanya who made the mistake. The mistake that only turned out to be a typo on her part, but the damage was done.

That didn't matter though, all Bella saw was red when I told her about the mistake Tanya had made, she never liked Tanya, and I never understood why. Tanya and I were always friends and would always be friends. However, Bella did not see it that way and she accused Tanya of screwing up the company on purpose so that we would not get our trip and a few other things I can't remember all too clearly, we were both just way to mad and way too stressed.

I made my mistake when I defended Tanya, but at the time, Bella was being childish about the whole situation. My temper got the best of me, so I left. I called Tanya and she invited me over to have a drink. We both got drunk and we both fucked up.

I was a nervous wreck after that night and I couldn't look Bella in the eyes for about a week. But as soon as I came home, she promised things would be better so she took a break from working and decided to be a stay at home wife. I loved the idea, she was always here, and I was able to see her every night before I went to sleep. I also was able to wake up with her by my side every morning. It made me so happy.

Things improved dramatically for about a year. I eventually pushed the Tanya thing to the back of my mind and decided it was for the best that Bella not know, it would only ruin our marriage and I wanted us to work things out and go back to the way we were. Bella returned to the sweet woman I had loved in college, she was not rushing around the country, she was with me.

Not telling Bella about Tanya was a mistake, I was just too afraid that she would leave me and as it turned out she did in the end, but I had to try and talk to her. She had to see reason, we needed to be together, I needed her. I just wish I could take that fight back and take back that night with Tanya as if it never happened, but that was too late and would never happen, the damage was done. She was gone, my whole world was gone.

My family now knew all about my infidelity and they were not going to be a pleasant group to face, but I had to do it. Especially now that there was a child involved. Carlisle was going to be disappointed and part of me secretly hoped he kicked my ass. Esme, though, was going to be the toughest to face, she was going to be beyond furious and heartbroken, it was going to be painful to go through with the visit but the more I put it off, the worse it would be.

I had to do it though, it was either go to my parents where I could at least feel like shit and be around to have my ass handed to me, or go home and feel like shit all alone. I did not know what I wanted at this point, either way it was a guarantee that I would feel like shit.

I felt my phone ring in my pocket and I allowed for the slightest bit of hope that it was Bella calling me back to talk or at least telling me to fuck off, just some form of verbal contact. I looked down at my phone and saw the name that flashed across the screen, it was Esme. I couldn't screen my own mother's call at this point, that would just make things worse. I picked up my phone and pressed the green button to accept the call.

"Hey"

"Edward, where are you?" came the slightly peeved, slightly concerned voice of Esme.

"I'm sitting on a bench, why does it matter to you?" Way to revert to a teenager there dipshit.

"Well, Edward, it matters to me because despite everything, you are still my son, I may not like you at all at this point but I still love you more than anything and that will never change. No matter how much of a jackass you are being right now."

Well great. Esme is swearing now, that is never a good sign.

"I wanted to talk to you about Bella."

"Mom, please, no. Not right now."

"No, Edward, you really don't have a choice in the matter. My daughter and grandchild left on a plane this afternoon and you are going to provide me with the answers as to why. You see, there really is no option."

"She left on a plane? Where did she go?"

"Edward I'm sure if she wanted to tell you where she was going, you would already be informed and I am willing to bet that deep down you know where she went. First question though, what happened?"

"She left me. I think that is pretty clear by no-"

"Edward so help me god if you don't lose the attitude-. I brought you in to this world and I will sure as hell be the one to take you out. Now I know Bella left, I talked to her before she left and now I want you to tell me what went on and why the hell a pregnant woman would want to leave her husband without even talking to him?"

I had to suck in a breath. Esme was furious and this was not going to be pleasant in the least. A new sense of guilt and anxiety washed over me as I thought about telling my mom of what happened between Tanya and I.

"Look Edward, I love you but you really screwed this one up and it's just a disappointment to a mother to have to bear witness to this. I know I raised you better than this and I know you had a better example of how a marriage should be growing up. I am not going to turn a blind eye to this or let it slip through. Bella is one of my children and you hurt her deeply and I know you don't want to tell me why, but as your mother it's still my job to hold you accountable for your mistakes. I realize you both didn't carry on how I would have expected, you both made mistakes but I had hoped to see the two of you work through them."

"I slept with Tanya two years ago after I walked out on Bella during a fight." I said in a low monotone voice "I never talked to Bella about it but I guess she knew all along."

There was silence on the other end of the phone and I felt my chest tighten with the more breaths I tried to take.

"I see Edward. Well I am going to go get diner ready for your father. I will talk to you later."

I felt even more like shit when I got off the phone with Esme, it was evident that she was furious with me but she still held on to the hope that it could be a misunderstanding, and when that was not the case, the pain was clearly laced in with Esme's cold and distant words. Life was not going to be even remotely okay or fine or livable for a long time. I tried to send Bella one last text. No reply, but what did I expect?

I couldn't even talk to anyone face to face at this point; I was just a sad excuse of a man. I had admitted what I had done wrong but I did it on the phone, a very cowardly move on my part, but part of me felt some relief, if not a severe loss of pride, by doing so. Everyone would know soon I fucked up and I just couldn't stand it.

I was a lost and confused mess. That was all I was, I failed. I had to figure out how to make this right, though giving Bella her space was probably for the best right now. I looked more intently into the sonogram. My chest tightened and I felt the all too familiar pang of loss in ten fold. I sighed and got off the bench and walked away toward my car, dog shit smell and all.

E/N:

ch.4 will be up soon, I just needed to get the first chapters beta'd and what not Review, they make me so happy!