Warnings: -Shounen-ai, or boyxboy content; leave now if it scares you!
-Haruhi is a bit OOC because he's a guy, so he can be slightly more profane…
-Short chapters. -__- I might just reupload this after writing some more, because it's pretty bad. But I'm proud that I got the first six minutes of a tv show to last over 2,400 words! .
-And...not much else so far...

All right, before I get started-this is OHSHC in a different setting: Haruhi is a cross-dressing guy! Instead of him working off his debts as a host (as they don't know he isn't a woman at that point) he has to work as the hosts' personal chef! Anyway, I'm going to write out most of the episodes in novel form, with a twist to each story...and of course, make a few of my own. This is going to be fun! x) Couples are as follows, in seme/uke order: Tamaki/Haruhi, light Hikaru/Kaoru, Mori/Honey, and Kyouya gets to be lonely! Maybe I'll just make him a crack pairing with Nekozawa or Renge… XP Well, Renge isn't a crack…but the master of darkness sure is… .
I also want to warn that updates will not be consistent with me. School is too much of a butt for that. But I'll try to get more in! And just to say, I'm not the kind of person who is looking for a whole lot of critiques, though they are still appreciated. So please be a little extra gentle if you're going to flame me. -__-

...

"It'd be a miracle if you could find any more rich heirs at a mafia convention…"

Haruhi's shoulders slumped as he 'indiscreetly' mumbled the insult at all of the students he had passed by. He was trudging down one of his school's twisting halls, dragging his feet behind him.

From floor to ceiling, everything was magnificently displayed; ranging from the lush, velvety drapes, to the diamond-encrusted nameplates sitting atop every desk. The whole building practically oozed luxury. It was like a classy five star hotel-just without the lion bath faucets.

"Wait…now that I think about it, didn't the pattern on the toilet seats look kind of like cats…?" His head fell dejectedly. "Still, I should at least be able to find a place to study in such an enormous place…but every room is already full, not to mention noisy. Isn't there a single one left?"

Sighing heavily, Haruhi approached another of the many dead ends he had begun to despise as he navigated his school. He rested his forehead on his palm, checking the time. "This isn't getting me anywhere…I'd better just head back to class." And he was about to do just that, until the glint of a golden handle caught his eye.

"Eh? An unused room?" Haruhi sidled up against the door and pressed his ear to its surface. It met with silence.

Whoa…it's actually quiet inside… After taking a step back, his gaze wandered to the small sign above the entrance. "'The Third Music Room', huh?" He read aloud. "Well, I guess this is probably the only place I can study in peace…" His fingers wound their way around the door knob, carefully pushing it open.

And just as Fujioka Haruhi thought his day couldn't possibly get any worse, he met the Ouran High School Host Club.

…

"This exquisite private school, Ouran Academy, is a paradise to the common man: sparing no expense in keeping anything and everything we have of the highest class. Our prestigious ways therefore make us known by two standards; first, distinguished families, respected by rich and poor alike, and second, those graced with great wealth. As is obvious, such fortunate people often find themselves with minimally busy schedules. Thus, this host club is created for one purpose: gentlemen who wish to spend their excess time keeping company with similarly unoccupied young ladies…while consequently profiting from them.
So we welcome everyone to join in the festivities of this unique and classy gathering-the Ouran High School Host Club!"

"Ho-Host Club?!" Haruhi slithered up against the wall. This has...this has got to be the worst possible situation ever...! If their job is to play around with all the girls that come by here, then I'm totally, completely, and utterly-"

"Ah, it looks like a newcomer!"

Haruhi's face blanched. "-screwed."

Six beautiful young men stood facing him, seemingly trained poses almost picturesque. Each was unique in appearance, with strangely specific traits to suit a gaggle of different kinds of girls. Haruhi stared at them openly. Wow...It's an otaku's dream…a live-action reverse harem. The only problem is that I'm not a girl, and this is turning out to be more of a nightmare...

"Hime-sama." The melodramatic voice brought him out of his thoughts. "You look lost, like a young blossoming flower fallen from the branches of a sakura tree… Please, let us help you…find your way…"

Shivers shot down Haruhi's spine. What an egocentric playboy… His head swung up so he could find the idiot that said that…that…line. And at only one glance, he knew exactly who the culprit was. Golden blonde hair…an actor's watery violet eyes…and an apparently serious Prince Charming complex…it had to be him.

"Come on…even if you're going to be formal, Tamaki-dono-"

"-you should get your lazy butt out of the imaginary throne you're sitting on and greet our guest personally."

A pair of redheads stepped out from behind their king's shadow. They were extremely-no, a better word would be 'confusingly'-similar in looks. Almost living photocopies of each other. And in addition to that, they appeared to be the type to use that to their advantage.

One of the two began approaching Haruhi, closing in on him with long, drawn-out strides. Haruhi started to panic. How am I supposed to get out of this…? Maybe it would have been a good idea just to give that up so I could avoid these kinds of problems...

You see, Haruhi is not just your average high school student: he's the smartest kid in his class, always answering questions no one else can even fathom. He's athletic and talented at sports, and even good-looking to boot. But more than that, he has a hobby that causes him a bit of trouble now and then.

Haruhi is a full-time cross-dresser…that somehow manages to wear girl's clothing every day.

Normally you should be able to tell that a guy is a guy right away, right? If that was the case, Haruhi wouldn't have to go through such troubles. But unfortunately, the looks that he was born with are that of a bishounen...and an especially attractive one at that. His face, body, skin, and voice are all feminine, so most people mistake him for a girl even when he wears more scruffy clothing. Which is exactly what is happening at the moment.

"H-hey…What are you…?" Haruhi cringed as he was backed into a corner. The boy in front of him grinned devilishly, pulling a rose out from seemingly nowhere. "Now, now, don't be so afraid, hime-sama. It's your first time with us, isn't it? We'll play real nice with you…" He brushed the petals over his lips. Haruhi's cheeks flushed hotly. Just what kind of perverted games are you playing at…?

The other twin sauntered up to his brother, lazily throwing an arm around his shoulders. "Hikaru, be nice. Can't you see that the poor thing is nervous?" He bowed slightly and conjured a flower of his own. "I apologize if my brother scared you. He just loves meeting our beautiful new customers."

"Hikaru and Kaoru…" The calculating voice caught Haruhi's attention. He turned to see that it was a polished looking boy with dark hair and glasses who spoke. "This young lady is in your class, correct?"

"That's right, Kyouya-sempai. But we don't know much about her, since she doesn't quite fit in with everyone…"

The young man grinned, a smug look of recognition dawning on his face. "That's quite rude, actually. Welcome to the Ouran host club, miss special student."

Tamaki popped up in front of Kyouya, bug-eyed from shock. "What?! So this is the new exceptional special student, Fujioka Haruhi-san?"

Haruhi felt a chill ran down his body. "How do you…know my name?" I can't believe it! They found me out already…?

Kyouya adjusted his glasses. "The way this school functions typically makes it hard for commoners to get in. Therefore, it's pretty difficult for you to be accepted unless you spend all of your time studying."

"Yes-so in other words, you are a heroine, Fujioka-san!" Tamaki strolled over to Haruhi's side, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Because someone with as many troubles at home as you, like not even being able to afford a decent day's dinner, is still at the top of your class! You may be discriminated against...treated like a lowly civilian…"

Haruhi inched towards the other side of the room. "Ah…but I'm not as bad off as you say…"

Tamaki rushed after him, taking his hand. "Why not? Why not just say so? I'll shout it to the heavens: all hail poverty! So welcome to this world of elegance, pauper-san!"

Haruhi's face went blank. "Excuse me." He said blandly, attempting to escape through the door. But before he could make it through, a little blonde chibi caught his arm.

"Haru-chan, Haru-chan!" He sang, dragging Haruhi back inside. "So you're a heroine? That's amazing!" Haruhi studied his innocent expression. He looked like a grade school student at tops, so why was he in such a club? And were those flowers floating around his face?

"I'm not a heroine, just a special student." He paused for a moment, frowning irritably. "Wait...nobody said you could call me 'Haru-chan'!"

Tamaki slipped over, a hand on his chin in thought. "So our hime-sama is a little feisty. I wonder what kind of host you fancy."

"...Excuse me?"

"Yes…how about it? Do you go for the wild type? Loli-shota type? Little-devil type? Cool type? Or maybe..." Haruhi's face went completely white when Tamaki's fingers slipped under his jaw. "…you'd like to try me out. Wanna go?"

Some thing in Haruhi's mind snapped and he shot back violently, wrenching away from his captor's grasp.

As he turned to face the direction he flung himself in, Haruhi stumbled into a pedestal that conveniently stood in his way. The pillar happened to have something very, very expensive and very, very breakable sitting on top, so when he hit it, the item was sent plummeting to the ground. He reached out to catch it before it hit the floor, but his fingers barely missed, and it shattered at the impact.

"Ah…" Haruhi could only just look at the mess he had created. And stare. And stare even more.

The twins loomed over his back. "Oh dear...it looks like you broke Rene's vase, the highlight of our upcoming auction."

"And it was supposed to get us over eight million yen, too…what a waste."

"Eight…MILLION?!" Haruhi felt his hands grow clammy. Eight…eight million yen…how many thousands is that...? Eight...mill...ion...

He turned around slowly, hanging on to the pedestal for dear life. "Um...about paying for this..."

"You can't, can you?" The twins chimed in. "Since you couldn't afford a uniform..." Haruhi sucked in a breath. No...I can't...

Kyouya pick of a peice of the vase and fingered it. "What should we do, Tamaki?"

Haruhi watched in fear as the host club's king gallantly threw a hand out. "It may be true that she has broken our vase...and it's costs are quite a problem...but we must find a way to help Fujioka-san settle this! Hime, do you happen to have any particular interests or hobbies you are good at?"

Haruhi lay a finger on his lips, pondering the question. "Well...I do cook a lot at home, since my mother doesn't know how..."

"I see, I see! Well then, hime-sama, I have a proposition for you. So that you don't force your poor mother to pay off your debt...you will work here, as the host club's personal chef!"

He paled. "Personal...chef?!"

Mother, this is terrible! I...I've captured by this weird host club...what am I supposed to do now?

And poor Haruhi promptly fainted from shock.

___________________________________________________

A/N: I wrote a few words in Japanese here, (sorry, couldn't help it xD) so I should probably list those-

Hime/hime-sama: Princess
Otaku: Someone who is overly obsessed with something, typically things like games, tv shows, or manga.
Sakura: Cherry blossom
-dono: Honorific meaning 'lord'-shows great respect. A step higher than '-sama'. (but for Hika-chan and Kao-chan it's not exactly respectful...)
Bishounen: Pretty boy XD
Chibi: Little kid
Loli-shota: Calling someone a 'Shota-con' or 'Loli-con' shows a complex for a child under the age of 17.
-san: Honorific meaning Mr. or Ms.
-chan: Honorific usually used for girls-gives a child-like feeling.
-sempai: Honorific meaning 'upperclassman'
-sama: Honorific that shows respect-a step higher than '-san'.

Please tell me if I missed anything! o__o