A/N: You know I could give this big long speech, but… is anyone even reading this?

If so, then buy me cookies.

No?

Enjoy then.

Disclaimer: I hate you. But no, I don't own anything.

This is SLASH people.

Live with it.

By the way, Smile.

I am.

CHAPTER 01: The Back Story

Hadrian James Black, nicknamed 'Harry', newly turned 17 year old, and savior of the Wizarding world, was not having a good week. Not at all. It had all started on his birthday (which had been on a Monday), when he'd come home to find his house burning to the ground. Written in flames above it was 'DEATH TO THE NEW DARK LORD'.

Original right?

It was sad that, except for Dumbledore's surprise (but NOT surprising, he'd gotten the same thing for the last 5 years) candy bag and Neville's gift of a Remembrall necklace (which Harry repeatedly told that, no, he did NOT know what he'd forgotten so would it kindly STOP turning red), it was the ONLY present he'd gotten.

No. Harry was not the new dark lord. Nor had he previously had any thoughts on becoming the new dark lord. Though, when he'd seen the words, he'd thought that maybe, just maybe, he should. Then with a well placed 'CRUCIO' and, 'What did you say? AVADA KEDAVRA!' Things might turn out differently. See if they wanted to burn down his house THEN. Really, was this what he deserved for saving them?

And so what if he preferred the dark arts over the light? That didn't necessarily make him evil. And really, it was their fault to begin with. He hadn't wanted to study dark magic in the beginning, but some people (coughDUMBLEDOREcough) insisted that it would make things easier. Because apparently knowing the dark arts would totally help with understanding a MAD man. So Harry had learned the Dark arts as well as, if not better than, the light ones.

Thanks to that, he'd accidentally found himself in some awkward situations in the form of bad spells gone wrong. One of the most notable ones being 'Creatura Ispitire', a Romanian spell that was SUPPOSE to only work on items to lure in dark creatures. Unfortunately Neville (smart choice there Harry) had been his study partner and had tripped, slightly slurring the 'Ispitire'. So, instead of hitting the stuffed animal the spell had hit Harry... in the FACE.

It had hurt.

Harry had been angry. Neville had been... Neville.

Because of that Harry was the first person to ever get a hug from a Dementor.

Something Harry wished DESPERATELY hadn't happened.

Creatures loved him like Dumbledore loved candy and weirdly colored robes. Neville found it amazing, Harry found it to be a nuisance, especially when you're trying to learn transfiguration's and you've got a Chimera licking the window glass. McGonagall did NOT like Chimera's licking her window glass.

Oh and had he forgotten to mention the other side effect? Now his magic was drawn to them, and, here's the good part, it HATED non-magical beings. Absolutely astounding wasn't it?

Back to the subject at hand.

Later that day he'd gone to the bank to get some money out to buy a new house. Upon his arrival he'd been led to another room, the goblin (oddly named Crookshanks) had informed him that now that he was 17 it was time to read his will. Crookshanks had ASSUMED that's why he was there (not because his fake future career as a dark lord resulted in the death of ANOTHER house).

Harry hadn't even known his parents LEFT a will.

Crookshanks had stated that his will was a pensieve. So with a dubious look and a push from an aggravated goblin Harry shoved his head into the silvery liquid.

It came as no surprise to Harry when he'd found out he'd been lied too. Wouldn't be the first time, right? (coughMOSTLYDUMBLEDOREcough).

What was the lie? His parents had not been who everyone told him they were. While Lily was still his mother, James was not his father. Sirius Black was. His three parents had then gone on to explain how it happened.

It had all started when James and Lily had gotten into a fight long ago and Sirius had taken her out drinking to try and lessen her anger at James, but what had started out to be a 'don't be angry at him', had turned into, 'And he never LISTENS to me anymore'.

Yes. That was Sirius.

So after about three hours of James bashing, everything became too fuzzy for them to remember, when morning had come they had both been extremely disturbed to find out they were sharing a bed and naked (Harry found that disturbing to). It was later found out the she was, in fact, pregnant from the encounter. While James had been furious at the two he had forgiven them saying that he knew neither of them would have done it had they been sober (Sirius and Lily got into almost as many fights as Sirius and Severus). They where (no one would be surprised to find out) never allowed to go drinking alone together again.

Dumbledore at that time had come up with a plain, convincing all of them that it would be safer for them and the unborn baby if they all swore an oath never to tell who Harry's real father was (because who knew what Voldemort might do if he found out that Harry was a Black). Once the oath had been sworn, they had placed an illusion on him, making him look like James. After all, if he grew up without any of the Potters features then someone would start suspecting something.

The next memory was of just Sirius, and by his looks it was after he'd escaped from Azkaban. He then went on to explain that unfortunately when James and Lily died and Sirius himself was convicted the murderer Dumbledore decided NOT to remove the oath OR the illusion. And when Sirius was found out to be innocent by a select few Dumbledore STILL refused to remove them. The only way they could tell him was on his eighteenth birthday when the illusion and oath would break.

Other memories flowed by, telling him how he now owned both the Potter and Black vaults. James stating that even though he wasn't his real father he still viewed Harry as his son. Sirius telling him of some of the Black family secrets, including their ability to influence an element. Not control it, just influence it. Sirius' had been fire. Harry figured his must have been earth judging by the wild gardens that had grown in his PREVIOUS place of residence.

When the memories had stopped coming Harry had pulled his head out of the pensieve, extremely angry at Dumbledore.

Though he thought at the time that it explained the slightly different looks he'd woken up with. He stood roughly 5'7, much taller than anyone had expected. Though he was by no means girly he had the Black's Elf like looks and grace. His body was lithe, a result of the Black genes, Quidditch, and training. Light muscles flexed slightly under skin that could only be termed as a translucent tan, the byproduct of the Blacks ivory and Lily's tan. His void like black hair was still unruly and fell to his shoulders, though at the time he'd had it tied at the nape of his neck, his shaggy bangs falling around his own slightly aristocratic features, despite this he had the ability to appear adorably cute when he wanted to (something he'd be sure to use to his advantage). His Emerald green eyes still glowed brightly.

Luckily (or unluckily) his magic hadn't changed at all. It was still as strong as ever and still acting its temperamental self, which, Harry had discovered (after talking to an unneeded psychiatrist Dumbledore had force him to go to), was called Empathic Magic or EM (Interesting fact: wandless magic comes easier to people who have EM). Apparently all witches and wizards magic is slightly influenced by their emotions. Harry's was greatly influenced by his. If he was angry his magic went haywire, breaking various things. If he was scared the magic acted like a shield automatically, its reaction changed with each one.

This tended to be bad for Harry as he had the emotion stability of a leaf blowing in a hurricane.

Again, back to his week.

Later on that day when he'd confronted Dumbledore on the matter he'd gotten an 'Oh crap!' look before Dumbledore's eyes had started to WATER and he replied with, 'Now look at what you've done Harry. You've upset me. I can't talk to you when you're like this.' Before he'd grabbed Fawkes and disappeared.

Harry hadn't seen him since.

By the end of day one Harry had had enough of everything. Screw the Wizarding world. It didn't need him anymore. Most of the people who cared for him where dead (ex: Remus, Sirius, Tonks, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley), and the ones who'd survived either hated him now (ex: Ron), ignored him (ex: Hermione), tried to kill him (ex: Ginny), or had moved on. So with his mind made up he went to the leaky cauldron to spend the night.

When he woke up on Tuesday he found a very angry pair of silver slitted black eyes glaring at him. He'd forgotten about Nagini. It was a good thing she hadn't been inside when the fire had happened.

He'd managed to remove the part of Voldemort's soul without killing her. She, who'd been a mere puppet for the man, had turned on him siding with the boy who'd saved her (no one, not even a snake, wants to be locked up in their own mind) and promising to always stay by his side. After bonding with Harry as his familiar her black and brown scales had turned black and dark gold (almost black, only being seen when the light hit them), while her once red eyes had darkened to black, her silver pupils standing out sharply. She was still 6' long and Harry felt slightly jealous of that.

He supposed she might be ANOTHER reason why people termed him as the 'Next Dark Lord'.

Despite her angry glare so early in the morning Harry was ready and rearing to look for a new house... in the MUGGLE world. He wanted someplace small, someplace FAR AWAY, where no one could find him. So with his new laptop, borrowed from the glassy eyed lady in the corner of the leaky cauldron, Harry set about his search on the most popular search engine in the world. Google.

After about an hour, he finally found the perfect place. A small cottage like house in a small town called Forks. Not the most original name (though some would think otherwise). Harry bought the house, as well as a car. Having gotten something similar to a credit card from Crookshanks.

Of course he couldn't just pack his bags and go. No, he had to prepare. For instance, he had to get the tracking spell on his wand removed. While he didn't necessarily HAVE to use his wand it was still a comfort at times. So with his week looking brighter and brighter he returned the computer with a pleasant smile before he made his way towards Diagon Alley to prepare for his trip. Letting Nagini come along with him to deter people without personal lives.

After getting the tracking spell removed in Knockturn Alley Harry went about collecting various items and supplies, deciding that if there was ever a time to splurge his money, now would be it. Among the items where his limited addition void pack (that came with the exclusive void trunk and void purse...Harry had declined the last one), a backpack that could store pretty much anything. He himself thought the Trunk was more organized (though it was meant for bigger items that wouldn't fit in the void pack opening). Nagini had been mad at him when he'd first bought it and lost her in the void pack. But it wasn't REALLY his fault, he had tried to pull her out but he'd kept grabbing Dumbledore's slinky. Something he HADN'T put in there.

Curious indeed.

He'd also bought an extremely large quantity of potions ingredients (You'd be surprised how interested he became in potions after Snape stopped being... well... Snape. When his potions master actually started HELPING him instead of making things worse he found out that he rather enjoyed potions, the whole process made him feel at ease), including rare ones like a unicorns horn and ground dragon wing dust. He'd also gotten a large amount of books, ranging from 'Extreme Creature Behaviors' to 'Worlds Silliest Spells'.

After that Harry's looking-better-and-better week turned into why-did-this-go-horribly-wrong?

Somehow Harry had found himself in what he could only describe as the Wizarding Black Market. Various items he had had NO intention of buying bought and tucked securely in his void pack.

That was not the most disturbing thing though. No, the most disturbing thing was the Grim Reaper look alike that wouldn't leave his side. Something a vague looking house elf had informed him was called the House Helper 6000. Harry found that highly unlikely. Deathcon 666 maybe, but most definitely NOT House Helper.

The thing stood about 6'5 not counting the two feet of empty air separating it from the ground. A long black cloak covered whatever was under it completely, the large hood covered what people would assume was its head. Nothing could be seen but darkness from within. The cloak ended in taters 2 feet from the ground, clearly showing everyone he was floating. Long spidery black fingers where the only things that could be seen out of the tattered sleeves

It was slightly humorous that he ended up naming it Deathcon.

Despite his earlier comment, it was actually very helpful. Though Harry decided that Deathcon would never go shopping for him again after the first time had ended in horrified screams.

He later found out from a very helpful book titled 'The Complete Dictionary of Magical Beings' that Deathcon was, in fact, the Dementor Prince. Not as shocking as one would presume if one actually SAW the thing.

After his successful (and disturbing) shopping trip he'd made his way back to The Leaky Cauldron to prepare for clothes shopping in muggle London on the next day.

Hoping for a better day tomorrow when he went to sleep was something Harry would never do again. He swore it was the cause for running into Hermione and Ron first thing Wednesday morning.

What had begun as tense silence and angry glares had rounded off as a shouting match. It had ended in panic as Harry's magic started breaking things and Deathcon swooped down the stairs (presumably to Harry's rescue). Harry's shout of 'No You can NOT have Ron's soul!' did not make the terrified customers and less terrified.

After some very gory death threats Harry bid them adieu' and exited the store, sending Deathcon back up to his room with a firm command.

Harry swore the thing sulked as it slowly floated back up.

Harry decided later on that it was stating something when muggle clothes shopping turned out to be the best part of a wizard's week. And though the excursion took all day he came back a happy individual, despite the immense setback earlier in the day.

Thursday had Harry waking up bright and early; his things all packed and ready to go. So with a firm goodbye to Tom the barkeep and Neville who'd come to see him off (Dumbledore was presumably still in hiding) he exited the Leaky Cauldron for what he hoped was the last time.

Getting Nagini and Deathcon onto the plane was a lot easier that one would assume. Harry just shoved them into his Void trunk. Something that, to the muggle eye, looked like an empty trunk. Harry thought that if all else failed he could always become a smuggler.

Arriving at his house early Friday morning had been a fast trip, the cabby trying desperately to get the Kid with the trunk that moved out of his car.

Upon arrival he was slightly disturbed to find out that what he thought was a cottage/house was in fact an extremely weird old plantation house. Despite the fact that it didn't look like anyone had lived in it for years it was an almost pristine white color, the double doors and windows trimmed in a glossy black. It had the predictable plantation style large porch and balcony that stretched across the whole front of the house, held up by huge pillars. The only difference was the giant panes of glass that stopped anything from stepping onto it (both the porch and the balcony) (or seeing into it, the windows where EXTREMELY dusty). Two large glass doors where the only way to get in. Large floor to ceiling windows spread around the rest of the house in different areas. Harry also spotted a large new garage sitting to the left of house.

Harry was slightly put out that he'd been scammed. He should have known it shouldn't have cost that much for a cottage.

It didn't help the situation when Harry discovered the house was in fact as magically powered as Grimwauld Place. Only it had its own feelings, feelings that it tended to express in various (and slightly disturbing) ways.

But Harry, being Harry, decided he'd go with the flow, he'd had enough problems in his life. His house wasn't going to be another one.

The inside was a weird blend of modern and long-long ago. Half of the basement was a surprisingly comfortable storage room while the other half was a extraordinarily clean dungeon (extremely creepy weapons included).

The downstairs contained the entrance hallway, a spacious living room, two game rooms, two bathrooms, a large kitchen, a dining room, a huge round library, an office room, and one extremely large empty room.

The upstairs contained six bedrooms, each with their own bathroom, one locked door (no amount of magic opened it), an exercise room, a music room, a giant corner room with two walls made entirely of glass (that was most definitely going to be his potions room (P.R for short), there was no way he was going for the basement like Snape). Connected to the back of the house was a large Atrium/greenhouse (something he hadn't seen from the front), the top of which was a hug dome, except for the part connecting to the house it was entirely made of glass.

He found it slightly weird that the entire house was spotless save the windows, which were so thick in dust no sunlight came through. He thought at the time that maybe the house was shy and didn't like people looking at what could technically be referred to as it's 'insides'.

Harry, after some debating, shrugged and set Deathcon to clean the windows, because really, there was no way he was going to clean ALL of the windows (especially the Atrium), before he made his way towards his bedroom to unpack his things.

His bedroom, while not being the largest was still pretty big (He'd picked the corner room beside his new potion room). Once you entered the first thing you saw was a large four poster bed that sat against the middle of the far wall. A black canopy with gold trim closed around the bed making it impossible to see the matching bedding. A black, extremely plushy, carpet covered the floor. Two dark wooden dressers stood on the opposite wall (the same one the door to the hallway was on), while two matching nightstands rested on either side of the bed, two large floor to ceiling windows rested behind them. The wall to the left of entering was one giant window looking out into... well; he assumed it was the atrium, a long curtain that matched the bedding covering the view. A small dark oak table and two comfortable chairs sat in front of the window. On the right wall sat two doors, one leading to a large closet, and the other leading to a spacious bathroom.

When his unpacking was complete he made his way towards the garage to make sure his car was there.

Opening the garage door had been a shocking (and horrifying) experience. What was once supposed to be a garage with one car turned out to be a garage with one...THING.

The car, the one HE had picked out, his 2009 Audi R8 5.2 FSI Quattro, a completely black car except for the metallic silver under the lights, and a vertical stripe behind each door, was MISSING.

In it's place was...something garish... and... horrifying.

The THING, according to the bright pink letter that had been under its window wiper (one guess as to who left THAT there), was a 2009 Conquest Knight XV, and was apparently 'loaded with so many defensive spells you could ride through a nuclear war zone at 1 MPH and come out unharmed'.

The note didn't end there.

'Only the BEST (Harry twitched) for our Savior. Don't worry. I'll take GOOD care of your car.

Peace out,

Dumbledore.'

~*~ Somewhere else ~*~

A sleek black car sped down a highway at an incredible pace, silver glinting in the sun. Twinkling blue eyes blazed as they stared out the front window.

~*~

That final note ended Harry's week in a swirl of emotions (mostly negative), and landed Harry where he was now.

~*~

At 6pm on Friday Harry ripped up the pink monstrosity before turning to look at the truck/van he'd silently named Behemoth.

After staring at it for a couple of minutes, emerald eyes darkening, he came to a conclusion.

The conclusion being? He was extremely angry that a vehicle DUMBLEDORE picked out was GROWING on him.

He ran a hand through his ruffled lock, his perfect lips turning up in a slight smile. "I suppose things could be worse."

A loud crash echoed throughout the garage, sounding suspiciously like a window.

His smile dropped like a bowling ball from an airplane. He should have known that was going to happen. And he had to go sign up for school tomorrow too.

Deathcon's angry willowy shriek pierced the air.

Hopefully THAT would go smoothly.

A/N: Did it seem like it was all thrown together?

Because it was. I was trying to get the back story out of the way with as little typing as possible. Don't worry peoples; the other chapters will be longer.

Alright, after much debating I've decided on Edward. Mostly because I myself am a Harry/Jasper fan, so I think it will be more challenging to write a Harry/Edward.

Never fear fans of Jasper. I WILL be making a Harry/Jasper one. Half because of what I stated above and the other half because I think it will be fun to come up with how Jasper and Alice will break up without either of them being extremely rude. Thanks for the votes though. Helpful.