A/N: The motive behind this is simple: I want to write a Gary centric story xD I love Gary, he's awesome. He's just so bat-shit it's brilliant. So this is an attempt at a 'One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest' stylee of Gary's life in Happy Volts. Oh yeah... and Petey will be there too lol. I imagine this has been done before, but I don't care xP Let me know if you like it!! Enjoy!

(EDIT: I've mushed the first and second chapter together just because it seemed a bit short and didn't get to the point :D)

Shiny Happy Psychos

Prelude

'Don't be such a fucking joke. You really think that you'll see outside of that fence? You think that one day you'll be able to walk down the street without orderlies flanking you on either side? You really are dumb, aren't you? You always made out you were so smart, such a goddamn genius, but you're not. Even if you think for a moment, even for a split second that there's any chance you'll ever get out of here, then you're crazier than I thought. You're destined to stay here; to rot here. Hell will freeze over before you get out of Happy Volts, Gary Smith. Pigs will fucking fly.'

And that, ladies and gentlemen, was a therapist's professional opinion. It is a direct transcript of the last words that Dr Marvin Thorne said to his patient before tearing up all his assessment records and quitting his job altogether. Twenty-two years Marvin Thorne had been a psychiatrist, twenty-two years of breaking down and attempting to rebuild the worst of Bullworth's 'mentally unwell' inhabitants. Approximately three weeks with the notorious sociopath known as Gary Smith and he had decided early retirement was in order.

And of course, this result was the only one that Gary Smith could have hoped for. He had worked hard during those three weeks and had finally managed to chip away the last of the moronic shrink's armour and expose him for the neurotic bastard that he really was. Once he was worn down it had been simple. A few suggestions that Dr Thorne had a few unresolved daddy issues combined with the odd insinuation that he and his brother shared a little more than brotherly love whilst growing up and the shrink had exploded like a volcano. And Gary had loved it. He had loved Every. Single. Moment.

Thorne was the fourth shrink that Gary had sent packing since being admitted to Happy Volts six months ago. The doctors couldn't understand how he did it, but not a single one of them had the balls to confront him to find out for themselves. If they had actually mustered up some courage and asked him why he toyed with every single person who attempted to help him, he would reply with 'What the hell else am I meant to do?' There was nothing for him to read, the TV was only on for four hours a day and often only played Bambi or The Last Unicorn (Gary didn't mind The Last Unicorn that much, but he wouldn't admit it). Toying with people; screwing them up… well, it was the only other thing that could hold his attention for longer than five minutes. Especially since he had started trading his pills for dirty magazines with one of the night orderlies.

The dirty magazines weren't for him, obviously. To derive any sort of pleasure from those kinds of things he had to turn off his brain, and Gary's brain didn't turn off. Ever. He would use the dirty magazines to torment Fido Jones in the cell across the way from him. Fido was one hell of a laugh; he was practically terrified of women having been abused by his two older female cousins for most of his life. The look on his face whenever Gary slipped a picture of a nudie lady under his door… priceless. Fido would kick off so badly he would be in isolation for days. It was worth it, even if it meant that Gary had nothing to amuse himself with until Fido was out again. But the sheer terror in the boy's eyes made it worthwhile. Screw the pills; torture was Gary's drug.

Today though, Gary's muddled thoughts weren't on Fido Jones or his deeply troubled ex-shrink. He had overheard something yesterday that had him practically crawling the walls of his cell. There was a newbie joining B-Block.

Gary loved newbies. Well, he assumed he loved newbies. He was still technically the newbie being the last patient admitted to this dump. The other patients – mainly a big, sexually repressed gorilla simply named Al – had tried to have their way with him, treat him like the block's mascot (similar to good old Femme-boy), but a couple of carefully planned sentences later and the morons had been dribbling on the floor in babbling messes, most of them crying for their mommies who had probably done more than tuck them in at night to make them into the wrecks they had become.

Torturing these brainless wrecks was starting to get repetitive and boring. Fresh meat was just what he needed. He couldn't wait until he got his scarred hands on the unfortunate little psychopathic little twerp who had gotten himself a one-way ticket to crazy central.

Fresh meat. Yeah, that was just the ticket to calm him down. Screw the pills. Who needs meds? Geniuses certainly don't.

Fido Jones wailed mournfully in his cell across the hall. Screams and howls had a tendency to carry around the grimy, dull corridors of Happy Volts, and it seemed that at least twenty seconds had passed before the ghostly echoes of his voice finally dwindled away into silence.

Everyone on B-Block was a bit edgy today. Well, edgier than usual anyway. Edgy was an understatement for the lunatics confined in this hellhole. Because the news of a newcomer was now official the whole block was on lockdown. No free roam today; the unfortunates of Happy Volts were destined to spend the rest of the day in their cells without even the comfort of their sanity for company. Apparently it was for their own safety, but Gary knew that it was because their newest resident wasn't going to be the same as the rest. He could sense these kind of things.

Gary lay on his hard uncomfortable bed with his hands behind his head and wondered how screwed up the newbie was going to be. He hoped it wasn't going to be another person with daddy issues, there were too many of them. They were too easy to torment. Gary wanted a bit of a challenge; perhaps a schizophrenic, that would be interesting. New, at least. The only schizo at Happy Volts had been transferred two months ago for fighting back when one of the orderlies felt like releasing a bit frustration. Safe to say that that particularly orderly wouldn't be releasing any more of his frustration any time soon.

The familiar sound of rattling keys echoed up the corridor and Gary's eyes flicked to the right, narrowed but alert. His ears pricked, listening for anything that could give up the identity of the newcomer. There was a loud low creak of the door at the end of the hall opening, then the sound of a few pairs of feet shuffling up the stained linoleum floor outside.

'Hey, pretty boy… Wanna be my roomie?' Al, the huge grisly gorilla in cell B3, hissed through the bars on his cell door at the new comer. Gary listened, smirking. Al only showed interest in people smaller than him – which of course didn't narrow things down all the much – but the particularly vicious note in his voice let Gary know that the newbie was going to be nothing but a runt. He wasn't going to last five minutes here.

'Shut up, Al,' the orderly barked, his voice followed by a thud as he hit Al's cell door. 'Stop being such a fucking creep.'

A quiet, meek voice muttered a thanks. Gary's eyebrows abruptly drew together. Familiar voice.

'Cell B2,' the orderly said gruffly, not acknowledging the new resident's gratitude. 'You turn the place upside down and I'll come in and turn you upside down. I'm not here to clean up after you psycho bastards. Keep quiet and I'll let you be, got that kid?'

Gary sat up, eyebrows still drawn together. He felt a low churning feeling in the pit of his stomach and he didn't like it.

'Uh… are there no books?' the quiet, nervous voice enquired.

Definitely familiar.

Gary moved to the door a little quicker than he wanted to. The last thing he wanted to do was show his concern for something. Show that you have an interest in something for even a split second and those head screws out there would use it against you in a flash. He peered out of the small gap on his door, pressing his forehead against the bars until it hurt, but he could only see the back of the orderly. The new kid was already in his room.

'You got a bed and a toilet.' The orderly barked in response to the book question. 'That's all you nut jobs need. Recreation time is when I decide, okay? So you just be a good boy and keep your trap shut, got it?'

A pause. 'I got it.'

Gary gritted his teeth. The bar was digging into his forehead, giving him a headache, and his eyes hurt from trying to see around the corner. He saw the orderly slam the cell door shut – cell B2, the one right next door to Gary's – and then lock it. He stepped back to move away but noticed Gary still trying to see out of the window.

'What the hell are you looking at, psycho?' the orderly spat irritably.

Gary looked at him for a moment before grinning. He didn't want to speak. He didn't want to give away his location. The kid in the next cell – if it was who Gary thought it was – he would recognise his voice immediately. Now as long as the orderly didn't say his name…

'You're fucking creepy,' the orderly scowled, looking slightly wary, and then turned and marched away. He paused to slam his hand on Al's cell door again, and then left the block.

Gary stayed where he was for a moment, head pressed against the bars and grin still on his face. His mind whirred.

He decided he definitely liked the newbies.

Especially when the newbies turned out to be Peter Kowalski.