The Ark members chattered to themselves as the various groups swirled around the cafeteria- the official announcement had just gotten in, and everyone was buzzing with excitment.
The femmes were coming. The femmes were coming here to the Ark.
After several millenniums finally some of them could get laid!
"Jazz, did you get the list of designations for all of the femmes?"
"Yep, we've got Elita-one, Firestar-" Jazz expertly rattled off the list as Smokescreen began taking bets on which ones were easily catchable, which ones were probably taken by now, and just how many break-ups were going to end in optic flushing. "Then there's Chromia-"
"What's this about Chromia?" A dangerous rumble came from behind Jazz, along with the sounds of an cannon slowly coming online.
"Nothing Ironhide. We're just discussing who's coming to visit the Ark."
The cannons died down as the mech nodded, optics sharp. "Good."
A soft pattering of footsteps alerted the group that someone else was coming, when Red Alert appeared at the cafeteria door. A few optic ridges rose in surprise- Red Alert? Go somewhere crowded? Must be something important- "Ironhide, I need you for a few clicks."
"What is it now Red?" Ironhide huffed softly, "I just got off my shift."
"I apologize Ironhide, but it is important. It's about when the femme's dock- Optimus Prime wishes to make certain that the hold is properly cleaned out and I have several victims that need to kept in line, but I'm a bit on the busy side..."
Ironhide smirked as he patted his cannon. "You can count on me. I needed a little target practice."
Red Alert nodded, and vanished out the open doorway- all without taking a single step into the cafeteria. Smokescreen turned to Sideswipe. "I told you that disabling comnlinks wouldn't make him take a single step into the cafeteria. Pay up."
Sideswipe grumbled as he handed over the bet, before grinning as he turned to Sunstreaker. "Oh Sunny, I just had a great idea~"
"Leave me out of it idiot. And don't call me Sunny." Sunstreaker snarled in reply.
Red Alert shifted uneasily as the shuttle bearing the femme's slowly nosed its way into the Ark's docking area. Outside he could see nothing but an asteroid field but still, the Decepticons could be lurking anywhere, and he had been dragged away unwillingly from the security monitors...
Ironhide, nearby, leaned close to mutter, "Two breems Red."
"I know Ironhide. Don't forget to greet Chromia properly."
A black and white datsun doorwings shifted higher up, slightly curious on what they were talking about. "Red Alert-"
The clipped, monotone voice was drowned out as the femme's piled out of the ship, giggling and running optics over the mechs. Sunstreaker preened carefully, golden paint perfect, as his bright red twin grinned, lazily waving to several of the femmes.
They giggled and waved back as another femme joined the group, "Ironhide! Red Alert!"
"Chromia!" Ironhide swept forward to hug her, as she hugged back delightedly.
"Good, now, if you don't mind me, I want to go find myself a proper interfacing partner."
Ironhide frowned, as those close enough to hear gawked. "You shouldn't just pick up any old mech-"
"No worries. This is the Ark right, best warriors there are? I'm certain at least one will match me on the berth."
Ironhide growled, cannon slowly powering up once more. "That's not the point-"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa- wait a breem... Ironhide, I thought you were bonded to Chromia?"
"Pit slagging NO!" Chromia rounded on Ironhide, a dangerous glint in her optics. "Ironhide, haven't you told them?"
"It's not like we've been hiding it, I thought they would've guessed by now."
"That's it! I'm sick and tired of always hearing 'Aren't you Ironhide's femme?'. I demand that you do a proper bonding ceremony with your bonded."
Ironhide stared at her, before growling, "We had our ceremony, a nice quiet one thank you-"
Red Alert cautiously approached the tangle, unnoticed by the group of mechs, more fixated on the argument that was unfolding in front of their optics. "-But I'm still considered yours! Which I'm not."
"But-"
"Red Alert!"
The small red and white Lamborghini twitched slightly at Chromia's yell. "May I help you?"
"TELL THE SLAGGING CREW THAT YOU AND IRONHIDE ARE BONDED!"
a/n: Crack. Pure and unadulterated crack.