Disclaimer: I don't own One Piece!

Just something silly. Because Ace should always be on top. xD

"The sunset sure is beautiful."

"..."

"Now, if only I had something to eat..."

"..."

"Hey, Smoker. Say something, I'm lonely."

"Shut your mouth."

Portgaz D. Ace pouted, but turned to look at the sunset the marine beside him was staring at. Or maybe it was the sinking ship he was looking at, the last weak flames being put down by the waves as it sunk in deeper.

"It's not my fault, you know."

Smoker felt himself twitch a little. How was setting his brand new ship that had been built to work on his smoke abilities alone on fire not the brat's fault? And furthermore, as his ship was sinking, the boy had turned around to laugh and thus hit an unexpected rock and broken his vessel as well.

How the hell was any of that not the pirate's fault!?

"If you hadn't chased me in the first place-"

"I'm a fucking marine! I chase pirates. It's what I do."

He swore loudly and took a cigar from the sand where he had laid a neat line of them to dry. Really, he needed his fix of smoke because this little bastard meant nothing but pains in his ass.

It was when he realized he had no fire that the most wicked grin grew on Ace's face.

"Does the Commodore perhaps need a light?"

Smoker turned to look the man he was forced to share the ridiculously small island with, who was looking at his now burning fingers with little interest. With a questioning look, he offered the cigar so that the other could light it up, but all Ace did was to put out the fire and smirk at him.

"And do you have something to offer me in return?"

He just stared, already guessing where this was heading. It wouldn't have been a problem, but the thing was that you don't really smoke two cigars at the same time just to look cool. You do it because you're so goddamn addicted that your body is pleading for more and your black lungs are begging for you to stop.

And goddamn fucking shit, this pirate was trying to take advantage of that.

"What do you want, Portgaz?"

"Drop your pants and spread your legs."

Ace didn't bother laughing at the outraged face he must have been making, too busy grinning at the brilliancy of his own idea.

"You're sick."

And with that Smoker grabbed his cigars and walked all the way to the other end of the island, which wasn't very far because Ace could still see him and shout a "whatever" before slumping on the ground, fast asleep.

But then, after four hours, Smoker discovered the most awful thing in the world, which was having all these cigars with you but no way to light them up. And Ace looked very pleased indeed when he woke up with Smoker looming over him like a really pissed off shadow without any pants.

End.

And that's why it doesn't pay to smoke, kids.