Blondes Never Survive in Horror Movies

Title: Blondes Never Survive in Horror Movies

Summary: Cody's in love with Lindsey, so he tries to get her attention by asking Duncan for help. Lindsey keeps forgetting his name so she asks LeShawna for advice. Too bad said helpers are trying to keep their own relationship a secret. But when the next horror themed challenge starts things are bound to get interesting.

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

Pairings: Main: Cody/Lindsey, Side: Duncan/LeShawna, Noah/Bridgette and Tyler/Eva

Warnings: The usual. Some movie spoilers.

Winter-Rae: Last chapter and it's by far my favourite. I was laughing so hard while writing it. I hope you guys get a few chuckles out of it too. Enjoy!

Blondes Never Survive in Horror Movies

Chapter 3: A Nightmare on Wawanakwa Street

Duncan was still running through the camp trying to find LeShawna, but having no luck.

But that was understandable as Chef had already caught her.

She had been sneaking into the mess hall and had snatched some brownies when he had found her. After that though, she really stood no chance. With the rule of no black characters surviving horror movies, unless you're LL Cool J or related to him, against her, it was only a matter of time.

So Chef caught her and brought her back to the tent where the others were. She wasn't too upset with losing the challenge. She was too amused that Chef and Chris managed to freak her and the others as much as they had.

"I did not see that coming," she mused with a laugh, "Nice work."

"He certainly looks worried about you," Noah mused to her as he watched the punk search through the camp. LeShawna shrugged and took a bite of her brownie.

"Can't imagine why."

"Reminds me of the part in Slither where the main guy is trying to find the girl that the alien leeches want because he's in love with her," Tyler said. The others looked at him and then at LeShawna.

"What?" she asked, "I never saw that one."

"Wait, it might have been the other way around," the jock said, "I don't really remember that one, it wasn't very good anyway."

"LeShawna," Duncan muttered, "Where the hell are you?"

He heard a splash down by the dock and decided it was probably a good idea to investigate. And if he was lucky LeShawna might be down there hoping to go skinny dipping.

'That would be so flipping sweet!' he thought. He regretted his choice to investigate however when he saw a large figure standing on the dock, with a hook on one hand and a chainsaw in the other.

Duncan decided that enough was enough; if this was real then it meant that his friends had bit it and this guy was responsible, so revenge was totally allowed here. And if it was a challenge, maybe in order to win it he had to face off with the killer. He walked down to the dock, punching his fist into the palm of his hand.

"Alright goalie boy!" he snapped, "Bring it!"

As the killer turned and started to move towards him Duncan started to toss whatever he could find at him. This included; a chair, a canoe, a lifejacket, a surfboard and a fish.

"What?" he said when the killer looked at him oddly, "I ran out of stuff to throw."

Duncan screamed as the killer tried to get him with the chainsaw, narrowly missing him.

Cody was the one to hear the punk scream. He and Lindsey exchanged looks.

"You stay here," he said to her, "I'm gonna go and help Duncan, don't move from this spot, okay?"

Lindsey nodded and kissed him quickly.

"Be careful!"

Cody took off running and made it to the dock just as Duncan managed to snatch the chainsaw from the killer.

"Thought you could scare me! Ha! Now let's see who's behind the mask!"

"Nice one Duncan!"

"Cody?"

The punk being distracted gave the killer time to hit him on the back of the head and take back the chainsaw. Cody paled.

"Oops."

He was about to turn and run but tripped over his own feet, landing hard on his stomach.

"Oh, curse those wipe out scenes," he muttered. He got to his feet only to be grabbed by the scruff of the neck.

"Nice one nerd," Duncan said to him, he was hanging by his shirt from the hooked hand.

"Sorry man, if it's any consolation Lindsey and I are together now, so thanks for the help."

"What does that matter now?" the punk asked as the killer carried them away, "We're about to bit it and he's gonna go after Lindsey next! You know blondes never survive in horror movies!"

Duncan then shoved Cody. The nerd shoved him back and soon the two of them were slap fighting while arguing over whose fault this was.

Chef, the killer, rolled his eyes and dropped them as they entered the tent.

"Oh, so close you two," Chris said. Duncan and Cody exchanged looks when they saw everyone else.

"So it was a challenge," the nerd mused, "Nice one! That was awesome."

LeShawna offered Duncan her hand and helped him to his feet. He dusted himself off and refused to look at her.

"Give it up delinquent," Noah said, "We all saw that display of worry earlier."

"Whatever."

"Why didn't you guys tell us you were seeing each other?" Bridgette asked.

"We weren't on the same team," LeShawna explained, "Figured it would tick someone off."

"Well that's absolutely ridiculous," Noah muttered, "Look at Bridgette and I?"

"Oh yes, I seem to remember you almost getting the crap kicked out of you by Heather after she found out," Duncan pointed out. Noah shuddered at the memory.

"Besides, sneaking around was fun," the punk added, "More my style."

LeShawna grinned and kissed his cheek.

"Ever the romantic type Baby Boy," she teased.

"So..." Eva mused, "Who won this thing if we all got slashed?"

So while the others were wondering who had ended up winning the challenge, Lindsey was still sitting on the stump. She looked around, feeling slightly nervous, and sighed as her stomach started to growl. She remembered that she hadn't eaten for a few hours and was pretty hungry.

'But Cody said to wait here,' she told herself, 'I should listen. Besides, eating after seven is bad for you.'

But when her stomach rumbled again she decided a small snack wouldn't kill her. She made her way to the mess hall and into Chef's kitchen to start making herself a couple sandwiches; ham and cheese.

"Mmm," she hummed to herself, "This looks so yummy! Maybe I better make more for when Cody and the others come back, they might be hungry too."

So she set to work making the sandwiches, not noticing that she was being watched.

"I think Duncan should win," LeShawna said, "He actually stood up to Chef."

"You did too," the punk pointed out.

"Eva managed to kick Chef in the crotch a few times before we got back here," Tyler added.

"Tyler..." Eva trailed off, "Never mind."

The jock had passed out from fear after Chef had got the both of them.

"Noah screamed the loudest," Bridgette offered, "That's got to count for something right?"

"You're such a big help Bridgette," Noah muttered sarcastically.

"What about Lindsey?" Cody said, then paled, "Oh crap, I forgot about Lindsey, where is she anyway?"

Lindsey was sitting at one of the tables munching on her sandwich when she felt a presence behind her. She turned around and standing there was a rather large man.

"Hello," she greeted, "Are you one of the interns we hear about but hardly ever see?"

He shook his head no.

"Are you hungry? I have some sandwiches here."

Again, he shook his head.

"You don't talk much do you? Wait, are you Justin?"

"There she is," Chris said, "She's in the mess hall."

The others saw on the screen that Lindsey was talking to a huge guy wearing a hockey mask holding a chainsaw and wearing a hooked hand.

"Hey," Tyler said, "that's not Chef, he's here with us."

"But, if that's not Chef," Cody said, his voice shaking, "Then he must be..."

Everyone joined with him, "THE ESCAPED PSYCHO KILLER WITH THE CHAINSAW AND A HOOK!"

Lindsey, who was perfectly unaware of the present danger she was in, went about putting away some of the dishes in the kitchen. She had finished eating and was getting bored with trying to engage the 'intern' in conversation. She regarded him for a moment.

"You know, if you exfoliated more your pores wouldn't be so big," Lindsey told him pointing to the holes of his mask, "I can totally help you with that. I'm all about helping ugly people."

She then produced a makeup bag, from where, we aren't sure, it's not like she's wearing a lot of clothes in order to hide anything like that.

Lindsey unzipped it and pulled out a tube that read 'Cucumber exfoliating mask.'

"Sit down please," she insisted to the 'intern', pointing to a chair, when he didn't listen she sighed, "Fine, if you won't come to exfoliate, exfoliation will come to you."

She grabbed a stool and climbed up on it, slathering the mask with the green cream.

"Have you had a Botox treatment recently?" she asked as she rubbed the cream, "Your skin is so stiff and tight, almost like a mask! My mom gets Botox; I don't think I will though. I like a more natural look you know?"

"LINDSEY!" the group hollered as they all ran out of the tent to go back to camp. Surprisingly enough, Cody was at the head of the group, running with all his might.

"This could be really, really good for ratings," Chris panted, "But really, really bad for law suits!"

"I told you this was for real!" Noah said to Bridgette.

"Shut up! Now is not the time for the I told you so game!" she retorted.

"There we go!" Lindsey said happily, "I have to admit, it's some of my best work."

The 'intern's' mask was now done up nicely with gloss around the mouth hole, eyeliner and mascara near the eyeholes and blush on the cheeks.

"You know what, I don't even think that escaped psycho killer with a chainsaw and a hook would want to hurt you," she mused, then looking at his hand she added, "Oh you must be a fan! You even have a fake hook!"

The 'intern' pulled off the hook to reveal a scabby and scarred stump.

"Oh my gosh!" the blonde gasped, "Some cocoa butter body lotion will totally help with those scars on your stump!"

"Oh you have got to be kidding me!" the 'intern' snapped as he pulled off the decorated mask and broke it in half.

"Hey!" Lindsey protested, "I worked hard on that!"

"Don't you know who I am?" he asked her.

"Well you're certainly not Justin."

"I'm..."

However, before he could finish, the others burst into the mess hall.

"Cody!" she said happily.

"LINDSEY! HE'S THE REAL ESCAPED PSYCHO KILLER WITH THE CHAINSAW AND A HOOK!" they all yelled at her. Lindsey paled.

"What?"

She then looked up at the intern and screamed.

"Holy crap!"

As the psycho killer moved to impale her with his hook, she grabbed the closest thing to defend herself. It turned out to be her mascara wand which she poked his eye with. Now if you ladies reading this have ever done this while applying mascara you know how much it hurts. For you fellas, well you can either take my word for it or borrow your mother's, sister's, or girlfriend's mascara and try it out for yourself.

"Ow!" the psycho killer wailed covering his eye, "Oh my gosh, my eye! That was so totally uncalled for!"

He then turned on his heel to leave.

"I am so outta here! I was treated way better in prison!"

Once he was gone Cody ran to Lindsey and hugged her.

"You're okay!" he said, "I don't think I've ever been so freaked out before in my whole life!"

"I know right!" she agreed, "That purple hair dye with those clothes, a fashion disaster!"

"Looks like we have our winner!" Chris said, "Lindsey, congratulations. Not only do you get invincibility tonight, but you've done all blondes proud by surviving a horror movie."

"Oh I'm not a natural blonde," she replied with a giggle. Then taking off her bandana she showed them her hair roots, which were coming in a flaming red colour.

"Wow," Noah said, "Didn't see that one coming."

So after that fiasco the teens were all sitting in the mess hall eating the sandwiches that Lindsey had made. They were all enjoying the late night snack that is until Chris walked in.

"What are you doing!" he demanded of them, making Tyler jump, the jock had been a little jumpy since the challenge had ended, "You're supposed to be in the confessional casting your votes!"

"Crazy white host say what?" LeShawna asked.

"You're kidding me right?" Bridgette asked.

"You're still making us vote someone off after all that!" Cody demanded, "That's not fair. Someone could have been seriously hurt; can't we just have a do over in the morning or something?"

"Yeah," Lindsey said, "Please!"

"No way, I have a quota to fill," the host replied, "And one of you goes tonight. If you don't vote I'll just pick someone right now and take them. It's up to you."

The eight exchanged looks. When they didn't say anything Chris made his way towards Cody. Lindsey however grabbed to her new boyfriend.

"No!" she cried, "You can't have him, I saw him first!"

Chris was pulling on one of Cody's arms while Lindsey was holding onto the other.

"Let go!"

"No!"

"Look, it's a designer Prada handbag!" Chris shouted, trying to distract her. Lindsey shook her head.

"I'm not going to fall for that Chip; you're not taking Cody now."

Chris threw up his arms in disgust, making the new couple fall off of their seats and onto the floor, Cody on top of Lindsey.

"Fine! But you all are voting," the host said stubbornly, stomping his foot like a child in a tantrum. He then left the mess hall in a huff. Cody smiled at Lindsey.

"My hero."

Lindsey giggled. She then wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him in for a kiss, but paused just before their lips touched.

"Noah?"

"Yes Lindsey."

"Is it safe to make out now?"

"Sure, go for it."

"Yay!"

Cody hardly had time enough to react as Lindsey crashed their lips together.

"Awww!" Bridgette and LeShawna cooed. Eva rolled her eyes while Tyler shook his head.

"Oh wow, did I just see tongue?" Duncan teased. Cody, not breaking the kiss, lifted his hand and proceeded to flip the punk the birdie.

Confessional Cam

Tyler: (sighs and looks to be a mixture of depressed and paranoid) I won't be surprised if they vote me off tonight really. I passed out and it wasn't even the real thing! If it was, I probably would have wet myself. Everyone reacted better than me.

Eva: Tyler's really beating himself up over the passing out thing. Understandable, but come on, I let Chef beat me! What the hell! Oh, I'm voting off Noah. He keeps bugging us about who grabbed his foot under the water today, why would I want to touch that little worm anyway?

Noah: (shrugs and looks rather unaffected by the events of the night) I really don't care if they vote me off tonight, I proved myself right. Now, if only I could figure out who grabbed my foot in the water earlier though, that's still bothering me you know.

The Escaped Psycho Killer With A Chainsaw and A Hook: (His eye is swollen shut from being poked with the mascara wand and he's holding up a sign that says 'It was me...hehe...I is so bad!')

Bridgette: I'm voting for Tyler, I don't want too and I know that if Eva finds out she'll kill me, but the poor thing seems so down. I think it would do him some good to get off of this island, not to mention he jumps at every little sound now.

Tyler: I do not jump at every little sound now! (Someone bangs on the door; he jumps and screams, Duncan laughs from the outside). Dude! That was not cool!

LeShawna: I gotta admit, the sneaking around thing with Duncan was a bit of a pain, I'm glad our relationship is out in the open now. But I won't protest to the late night visits. Oh, and I'm gonna vote for Tyler, sorry boy.

Duncan: Seriously, I would have taken that killer down if he tried to go after LeShawna, but don't tell her I told you. Sure I enjoyed this challenge but Chris needs to invest in some security around here, a real killer is a little much.

Chris: Hey, what do these kids think I am? Made of money? Oohh, that would be fun though wouldn't it?

Lindsey: (her hair is a little messy and she looks very flushed) I'm so happy I won, this was really fun. And now I even have a boyfriend! And I can even remember his name! Colby! No wait...umm, I mean Cody!

Cody: (his shirt is on backwards and he has a hicky on his neck) While this has been the scariest night of my life, it's also been the best. Lindsey and I have totally hooked up! How awesome is that! Yes! The Codemeister is back! Wait; don't tell Duncan I called myself that okay!

Chef: Why the hell don't I have any lines in this chapter! I seriously need to get a new agent.

Chris grinned at the eight as they gathered around the campfire.

"Well campers; Lindsey is our winner for taking down an escaped psycho killer with a chainsaw and a hook, good for you."

"Thanks Chip!"

The host rolled his eyes. He somehow got the feeling that Lindsey was calling him Chip on purpose now. She was getting better with everyone else's names after all, so why not his?

"Okay guys, you have cast your votes and made your choice," he said, "To the person here who does not receive a marshmallow you'll be walking down the Dock of Shame to the Boat of Losers. And you can't come back...Ever!"

The campers rolled their eyes.

"Okay first one goes to Lindsey, of course."

The blonde smiled.

"Duncan and Bridgette."

The blonde looked slightly surprised but relieved at the same time. Duncan scarfed his marshmallow and smirked.

"Eva, LeShawna and...Cody."

"Yay!" Lindsey cheered. Noah and Tyler exchanged looks.

"Noah, Tyler, one of you is going home tonight," Chris said, "Anything you wanna say?"

Noah shrugged and Tyler shook his head.

"Okay then, the last marshmallow goes to...Tyler."

"What!" Noah snapped. Tyler perked up and cheered as he caught his marshmallow.

"Sorry Noah, you're done, looks like the sarcastic, smart ass guy doesn't survive in reality TV shows," Chris said, "Later, loser!"

Noah frowned at him and grabbed his suitcase. The others followed him down to the dock to say goodbye. Bridgette was rather upset that her cynical boyfriend was the one leaving, but felt relieved that she wouldn't have to endure Eva's wrath if Tyler had been kicked off.

"Bye Noah," Cody said, shaking the bookworm's hand, while his other arm was wrapped around Lindsey, "See ya around."

"Sure."

"Don't be too disappointed Noah," Lindsey chirped, "You had fun here right?"

"Whatever."

"Bye sugar," LeShawna said, giving him a one armed hug, "You're not too bad, for a cynical jackass."

Noah smirked and then shook Duncan's hand.

"Bye Noah," Tyler said, "Hey man, it was good to meet you, seriously, I think you're a stand up guy."

Noah was taken aback by Tyler's compliments but he nodded to him.

"You too jock boy, you're all right."

"I'm not going to be as nice as them," Eva said shaking his hand and making him wince in pain under the pressure, "I never liked you, but you played the game well."

Noah then turned to Bridgette.

"See you around I guess," he muttered. Before he had a chance to turn around to leave Bridgette grabbed his hand.

"I'm getting a goodbye kiss aren't I?" she said. He smirked.

"Of course."

Lindsey cooed as the odd couple started to make out.

"They are so cute!" she said.

Unfortunately it was short lived as Chef grabbed Noah and tossed him on the boat. The others waved to him and then started to make their way back to the cabins.

"Hey guys," Tyler said nervously, "The psycho's really gone now...right?"

The others exchanged looks; clearly they too were still a little nervous, what with encountering a psycho killer and all.

"You know," Cody mused, "There are enough bunks in one side of the cabins for all of us to stay there. We could do that."

"I'm down with that," Duncan said.

"Me too," LeShawna agreed.

"Cody, you'll keep me safe and warm right?" Lindsey asked.

"Anything for you Lindsey."

"Aww, you're like, the best boyfriend ever!"

Meanwhile, in the woods, and eerie whisper rang out.

"Total, total, total, drama, drama, drama, island, island, island...Total, total, total..." the killer pauses and looks away, rubbing his sore eye, "Aww man, that really hurts! Am I gonna go blind? I'm gonna go blind aren't I? That's gonna do nothing for my career! Who ever heard of a blind psycho killer with a chainsaw and a hook! Stupid teenagers!"

Winter-Rae: Honestly now, when you first started reading this fic, did you foresee Lindsey winning? Also, it's a total possibility that she isn't a natural blonde, at the end of the special she said something about getting her roots done! Alright my lovelies! We have come to the end of the fic! Now for the quiz! It's very easy too, have no fear.

To the first person who reviews with what they think my three favourite scary movies are will get a oneshot with their favourite crack pairing. Assuming I think I can pull it off, that's open to discussion with me and the winner.

But Winter-Rae, how are we to know which scary movies thrill that twisted mind of yours?

Well, just take a look at the title of the chapters. It's a dead giveaway but I'm going to be picky, I want specifics! If you think it's one of the sequels in the franchise of the scary movies, please say! If no one gets all three then the prize goes to me! Just kidding, it'll go to the first person who came closest to guessing right! Good luck! And thanks for reading! Cheers!