(A/N: Beware of Hidan's colorful vocabulary. Akatsuki is given a bad name hehe...

Disclaimer: I don't own shit. If I did, it's almost guaranteed that Asuma's fire attack would've burned off all of Hidan's clothing.)

Choices - there are many we all have to make each and every day. Like, getting out of bed in the morning, for instance, or going to work. If you don't decide, who will? No one. In the end, we're all alone. Sure, some people do have somebody to choose what they believe is best for said person, but who really knows what the finest option is? Again, no one. The future can be drastically changed by just one little screw up or accidental selection. Who is to blame? The stupid retard that fucked everything up!

Hidan sighed unhappily; toilet-duty had always been his least favorite chore. But if he went against Leader's 'new and improved' chore-wheel, the immortal would find himself scrubbing bowl stains everyday, for the rest of his life. And that was nearly forever.

His hand slipped from the lid and onto the under part of the seat. "Ew! Fucking nasty!" Hidan whined angrily. Why couldn't Kakuzu take over for him? That bastard was the best at the art of toilet maintenance. Yeah, the tank springs a leak and good ol' Kakuzu sticks a nice band-aid on there. Good as new. Fucker.

Hidan carelessly dumped a few cups of bleach into the toilet water. It didn't matter, his partner had his own jobs to attend to, and couldn't help out even if he wanted to. Being treasurer meant keeping constant track of the finance records that certain immortals crumpled up and threw on the floor earlier that morning (and they were in alphabetical order, too!). Of course that's not even half as bad as the time when Hidan lost Itachi's wallet on the way to the concession stand. When Uchiha was through with him, Hidan was scared shitless. He became some sort of paranoid hermit, only leaving his room to grab a pack of gummy bears every couple of hours. Akatsuki officially ran out of adult diapers that week.

Regardless, somebody else should have been subjected to this torture. Hidan could think of at least fifty things he'd rather be doing instead of cleaning the organization's one toilet. Letting Kakuzu rape him fell last on that list. His partner was the only person that he hated more than Leader. All Kakuzu cared about was money – making money, touching money, collecting money; hell, maybe even fucking money! Money, money, money. That was it. Hidan wants to talk? Oh, sorry, counting my money. Oh, what's that? Hidan's head was chopped off again? Hm, hang on; I gotta finish sorting my money before I do anything else.

"Asshole!" His clenched fist struck the wall.

"Crazy, un…" Blonde hair swept past the open doorway. He growled, sort of wishing that he could make Deidara into a nice sacrifice for his god. Of course, he would never hear the end of it if he actually did so. Hidan had recently decided that joining Akatsuki was one of the worst ideas he'd ever had. The food sucks, everyone was messy, and the hideout always smelled of wet dog and crack. There were dirty boxers lying about on the goddamn kitchen floor! For Jashin's sake, the cleanest room in the place was he and Kakuzu's.

The immortal brought the brush forcefully across the sides of the toilet bowl. He scrubbed as fast as he possibly could without getting sprayed in the face, which would totally suck. That was the last thing he wanted to happen, as he took a shower just before beginning his chore, obviously a mistake on his part. But it was only about 8am, so who could blame him? When you're so used to being covered in filth (i.e., blood) it can be hard to kick the habit of overbathing.

"Hidan!" a familiar and, annoying voice shouted from the kitchen. "Hey, hey, Hidan, we made breakfast! Hurry up before Zetsu-kun eats it all~!" Zetsu? Why would that guy want cereal…? Unless… there wasn't Frosted Flakes for breakfast today! Hidan smirked excitedly and washed up – no way in hell was he gonna eat with shit-crumbs on his hands!

An appetizing scent filled the air. It was… beef? No, no; couldn't be that! It had to be, hm, pork. Bacon! He hadn't had those succulent strips of pig meat since his tenth birthday, as a treat.

[]

He sighed heavily, bringing a hand to push the sweaty silver strands of hair from his face. Even on such a special occasion, the boy wouldn't let his potential training time go to waste. His older brother casually munched on an apple before him, tossing around the prospect of playing tag outside before Mom called Hidan in for a bath. But Hidan only sighed again, "I'm too tired to fuck with you right now!"

Kiraki gaped at the 10-year-old. "Hidan-kun! I thought Mother told you to stop cussing…" He would have answered with something painfully sarcastic had it not been for his childhood habit of daydreaming. In his head, Hidan pictured a warm campfire in the center of the dark woods. Kiraki was dangling from Hidan's pike over the fire with Hidan himself laughing crazily. People used to tell him he'd contracted ADD from when his mother briefly smoked pot in the earliest months of pregnancy, but Hidan wouldn't let that stop him from being less than enthusiastic about anything that didn't involve death or injury.

"K-Kira, whatever. I don't give a—"

"Dude! Stop freakin' callin' me 'Kira'! I'm not weird like you, man… I like life and think that it's a wonderful opportunity to succeed. You know – family, money, fast cars and hot chicks, all that jazz. We can trade names if you want." Maybe Kiraki was right. Hidan's elected reason for living was the exact opposite of that – death. Kiki-chan was a shy boy of age fifteen while his little brother was a maniac bent on murder and destruction. Something was really wrong with that picture.

[]

Hidan shook the irrelevant memories from his head and let the greasy smell waft back into his nose. It was refreshing to finally have something up there other than cocaine for a change… The other members of Akatsuki were all druggies, but Hidan had morals, believe it or not. And whenever his buddies weren't pelting each other with meth, he sat in his room praying for some form of forgiveness.

It wasn't easy watching four other people tweak out during dinner. Spitballs, noogies, wedgies, wet-willies; seriously, it was like living with a class of kindergarteners. Worst of all was the hysterical cackling that came from their mouths. Kakuzu and Hidan not only had to put up with skull-crushing headaches, but they were also basically the only two that still went on missions anymore. It was sort of pathetic.

"Hidan-san, hi~! Come sit next to me~!3" Tobi cried happily upon Hidan's entrance into the kitchen. The immortal shot him a deep glare before heading straight for his prize – bacon. Kakuzu said nothing. He was somewhat content in observing Deidara hit Tobi, Tobi stumble over to Kisame, and Kisame honor Tobi with a very feminine hug. Kakuzu chuckled, it wasn't everyday that you saw two S-ranked criminals embrace one another. Well… maybe it was in Akatsuki.

"What the hell! Which one of you fuck-faces ate the last bacon piece?!" All members inched back a step from Hidan. Some exchanged worried glances; others, and by 'others' I mean Tobi, wet themselves and fled the kitchen sniveling like a baby. It was never a good idea to anger Hidan… especially when you came between him and his food.

"Oi, Hidan! Haha, you see that funny-ass show about the monkey eating bowling pins earlier?" Kisame grinned widely, "I tell ya, most hilarious thing I've ever seen. Er, aside from your face I mean! OHH, I'm just kiddin' man, heh."

Hidan set his comb down on the counter and turned away from the mirror, toward Kisame. They had both just come out of the showers, and the air was cold in the communal locker room. Blue skin was speckled with bumps as the drafts blew past them. "Ah," the immortal said. "That was really lame. I couldn't even last five minutes watching that shit! My eyes would've fucking disintegrated, seriously." He gripped the towel that hung around his waist and tied it tighter; hearing the other's shocked gasp.

"Really?! Shit, dude, I totally thought you'd a' liked it. Okay, okay. How 'bout that old man with the talking jetpack named Steve? You have to admit that that one was kinda funny!" Kisame's eyes darted across the huge mirror that took up the entire wall above the sinks. He stepped next to his friend and watched silently as the immortal resumed grooming himself. Hidan chuckled darkly.

"I'd rate that one about seven and a half, ass-crack. It was interesting enough to watch, but not exciting enough to keep me awake all night. My favorite was definitely the cartoon about why dogs don't have thumbs because if they did they would start a mass-war with all the cats. Ha, that would be one mess even Zetsu couldn't fully clean up."

"Yeah, I guess. I still think that old dude was the bomb, though!" Kisame announced, flicking water from his hands into his friend's face.

Hidan growled in response. He wasn't really in the mood to deal with Kisame's antics at the moment. Sadly, for the blue-skinned male, Hidan's hand lost its supply of discipline feeding in from its owner's brain. The slap that came next was quite loud.

"Ouch man! That sorta hurt… Ow!" Kisame whined quietly while gently rubbing the reddened skin of his cheek.

Guilt was one emotion that the immortal rarely ever felt. And right now was not an exception. Hidan merely sneered and carried on with his hair. He put the comb down once more and took a second towel to dry his silvery locks before gel was slopped on. "I think you deserved it."

Throughout the remainder of the day, the news of Kisame's bitch-slap had traveled all around the hideout. Some poked fun at Hidan for overreacting and using such a gay way to show his authority. Others criticized the other's lack therefore of. But either way, the additional members at least had something to laugh at other than the poisonous fumes engorging their brains.

"H-Haha—Hidan, dude, un. That was sooo dumb! Boy, oh b-boy," Deidara snorted, punching Tobi in the arm. His slurred speech could only point to one thing – Kakuzu would be kicking the crap out of him later. Hidan smirked lightly at the thought. Dei's throat crushing closed due to the strength of those damn black threads, a fate rarely suffered by someone as crafty as he was. No, this time Kakuzu would catch the bitch. He would make sure of it.

"Fuck, put a cock in it you whore," Hidan whined, wrapping the pillow around his ears. That blonde bitch would be the end of him; he swore it.

"Please. Tobi, pass the kettle-corn. Almost done?" Oh how quickly the little bastard could compose himself.

"Yes, senpai!" Tobi nodded gleefully, setting down the bottle of nail polish. "Oh dear, Hidan-san seems to have finished all the popcorn. But don't worry senpai, Tobi will make more!" And with that, the childish man pranced out of the room. Leaving two enemies to go at each other without an interceptor.

Hidan let out a painfully long groan. It was like this every Sunday night – he would be holed up in Deidara and Tobi's room for some gay party while the others watched the sports channel in the living room. He was more than man-enough to join, dammit! But Itachi wouldn't have any of it. From seven o'clock to noon the next day he would do nothing but read on his bed. Porn, Hidan guessed.

"Hidan-chan, come, let me paint your toenails. It'll be fun!" The immortal slammed his head back down on the pillows and raised a middle finger in Deidara's direction. "Fine then. Good ol' Dei-Dei will hafta bring the fun to you, un."

A clatter was heard down on the floor as the blonde scooped his collection of colors into their box. He then picked it up and sat himself at his victim's feet. Hidan could feel a rough towel being pulled under his heels in place of the spongy pink comforter and sighed ruefully. What a mistake he'd made in being born.

Or perhaps if he just hadn't joined Akatsuki. Then he surely wouldn't be lying on a flowery bed sheet, about to be seized by a man that wanted to give him something that he didn't wish to receive. Or… would he? Maybe, but in a different sense.

"Fuck off! How come you never fucking listen to what I—"

"Senpai! I popped the corn for you! It tastes… tasty!" Tobi slid some popcorn under his mask and the sounds of noisy munching filled the room. "Hidan-san," he said with a full mouth, "try some! It's delish~!"

Said immortal grabbed at the bag of potato chips leaning against the bed. He missed several times, anger intensifying with each fumble until finally his fingertips met the greasy walls inside. "I don't want any more of that shitty kettle corn, dickhead. I'm fuckin' bored outta my goddamned mind over here!" He suddenly noticed that Deidara had been silent. But it was all too late – cold polish began soaking his nails.

"Ha! Gotcha, yeah." The blonde chirped. His palm-mouths smiled and flicked their tongues happily at Hidan, who was cussing up a storm about how much he wanted to rip out his own intestines and choke the Iwa-nin with them.

Hidan was fed up. He joined only about a year ago and these stupid 'parties' started almost immediately. Apparently, he came off as 'fun-loving'. At first they were actually sorta cool, back in the days when everybody wanted to guide him into the world of heavy drinking. They seemed almost stunned by the fact that he'd never even tried drinking before he reached twenty-one. S-Ranked criminal or not, Hidan did not sin.

Unless he was properly persuaded.

The memories of his first hangover would follow him until his dying day. It was noon when he finally persuaded himself to get out of bed and have breakfast. Kakuzu was gone; probably discussing the funds with Leader. Hidan's head felt as if it were about to explode, his eyes like they would shrivel up, and worst of all: his stomach. Alcohol sloshed around whenever he moved and the feeling was near unbearable.