This is based on the song Attention Reader by Pencey Prep. The lines in bold and italics are lyrics from it, and I managed to use most of them, just leaving out one line, and the title is also a line out of it. I don't actually like any of their other songs, just this one; it's different from the other ones. I was just listening to it and got all these ideas for KH fanfics. Disclaimer: don't own anything. Please read and the review, it would be really nice to see what you think, and I don't mind criticism either, just as long as it's not "omg this sucks go die".

Hope you enjoy it! :D

"I'm nothing, I'm nothing

Got here, and now I'm gone."

I bring my spoon back to the bowl, head bowed, as I try to catch a glimpse of your eyes. It is just us four, continuing with the usual events of the day.

"So… how was your day?" Tifa asks, trying to break the tension, like she usually does here at dinner.

"Nyeh. The usual." Aerith replies, and then tries to drag us into the conversation. "Cloud? Squall? What about you guys?"

"Good." You say, nonchalantly.

"Alright, I guess" I mumble, attempting a small smile at her, and she seems satisfied with that reply.

I'm so stupid. So useless. You said so that night. Do you remember? I know you do, even if you make it seem like you don't.

We've both changed so much. Me, for the worst, and you… you could never be anything less then perfect, you never have. Maybe that's why I fell for you. I needed you, I still do. I would've broken without you.

So, I have. But you don't care, do you?

Do you, Leon? No longer Squall, but Leon. You changed so much to forget me, us, even your own name. Do you wish you never knew me? Do you hate me? I can't understand the reason for your actions. I can't understand what I did so wrong.

I'm useless. Stupid. Nothing. No one.

Not to you, at least.

Never.

"So many, days fly by

You hold me, the time I shut my eyes"

It's been so long. So long since you left me, since you truly looked me in the eyes. So long since you told me you love me, since you insulted me.

Since you hurt me.

I've been healing for so long. But it's not working. I need you to help me.

So, in that case, I guess I should just give up while I can; before I get hurt even more. I can't imagine being in more pain.

I see the old you, Squall, in my dreams. I can try to hold back the memories, but never will it be possible to hold back the dreams.

Or, more like nightmares.

I see the old you, Squall, the kind and caring man; the perfect gentleman that would never hurt me. The perfect boyfriend that would always help me and the good spirited one that was there for me.

The one I loved.

But nothing lasts forever, and all dreams have to end, especially when they are too good to be true. When I see you next, I see what I dread. The cold man who hates me – it is evident in your eyes when you look at me. I see Leon, the man who only ever shows emotion to me by narrowing his eyes. You seem to quieten down as I enter the room and watch me with such intense emotion. I know that you are practically rolling your eyes in your mind at the sight of the hurt in my eyes. And there's so much of it.

"Choke softly, from the poetry

It doesn't sound as true when

You still wear her scent"

Your words were so perfect that night – the night you decided to end what we had. Or to make it clear what we never had. It was as if you had planned the whole thing. It was you and that man, the one in your bed. Our bed. Now just mine.

Full of lies and mistaken lust, it engulfs me and when I shut my eyes, remembering Squall once again. It is my only escape, anything is better than here.

I dream of Squall, the perfect one – no, Squall the perfect, kind one. You could never be less than perfect anyway, why did I even bother? It's not like I could ever be good enough.

But it is so easy to loose myself whenever around you. Especially now at this moment, as we're eating dinner. Me, you… and the others, but that doesn't matter right now. Not to me, anyway. As I watch you, your eyes gleam that same shimmer of sincerity, the one belonging to Squall. I lose myself, sighing and staring, too lost in my thoughts to register that you catch my eyes. I only notice once I am faced with the same narrowing of your eyes – a glare with all your hate. You look like you are thinking, brooding, planning something. I don't know what it is, but I don't think it will be good.

I don't know what it was that I did, but it must've been a lot.

"I never thought you would, throw something back

Ripping apart my heart

I hear you only at night."

Why was he there? What made you cheat on me? My suspicions had arisen shortly before, but I shrugged them off. I should have been prepared for it, for the confirmation of those suspicions. I thought nothing of them, as I had done nothing wrong. Or was I just wrong to begin with?

If only I was as perfect as you. As only I was as loved as you were.

I see you smile in your sleep sometimes. I know you're happy, and it reminds me once again of Squall. But then I remember that you are Leon, and you would only be smiling because I am not there. Either that or I am in your dream, being tortured or killed. That sounds about right; didn't you say you wanted me to die, anyway?

You would never smile if I was watching. You would never want me to be happy like that.

Well, you win, I haven't been for a whole year.

"Won't look back

Wretched night"

How many times I have tried to forget; but I can't. It is still as clear as ever. I can still remember his smug expression.

He must've known he was good enough for you. I wasn't. I haven't even bought a different blanket yet, because I can remember you, curled up in it; curled up into me. Now there's only that as a reminder.

You look nervous at the moment, your head is bowed, hair falling over your face so no one can see it well.

"I pray for a peace of mind

I pray for a brand new life

I plead for a second chance

And the ability, to shut my eyes at night"

All I can ever think of is you. Your chocolate coloured lochs, which I had ran my hand through so many times; those sincere eyes, which I had looked into so many times. The ones that are only ever devoid of good emotion when I am around.

I cannot stand to see you every day. Yet I do, because I could never imagine life without you. I could never tear my lust away, even if you had.

Oh, but wait, you never had any for me. You said so yourself, remember?

Nope. You left me behind with your Squall, your true self.

But you're Leon now. The tough guy. You don't need anyone – especially not me.

You never did, though, I know it.

I know you won't take me back, you never wanted me in the first place. You won't even look me in the eyes.

I dread going to sleep sometimes, I don't want to see you, pine for you, want you.

Because I know it will just make me want to remember. It always does.

And I don't… do I?

"Angels die and memories fade

I'll live to see the day that you break"

Squall will disappear one day. I know he will, nothing lasts forever, right?

And you will break, I know you will. I did many months ago, so you must feel at least some small sort of guilt. Still nothing compared to my aching, but you never cared, you said you so.

But now, as I sit here at the table, eating with everyone else, I hear my name being called. I flinch, but ignore it.

Not it's just my mind, my imagination. He would never let his guard down like that, would never speak in that sweet tone. The one that belonged to Squall. I am tensed in surprise and caution, eyes tightly shut.

"Cloud?" I hear the voice again, this time a question, the slightest hint of hurt in that one syllable. I am forced to open my eyes, and instantly find myself staring innocently into your eyes – but with hurt. Always hurt. It hasn't left my eyes for a year, not for one moment, not even showing a hint of a laugh or smile.

Your eyes display warmth for once, and I think I know what is going to come next.

"…What." I mumble lifelessly – just like I have for a year. I couldn't care about anything, especially myself. I only cared about you – and the way that you now stare at me, hurt. There are even tears starting to well up In your eyes, and I find self-loathing filling every part of my tired body.

"I-I'm… sorry…" You bow your head in shame, and I am too stunned for a second. I feel a warmth covering my hand – I didn't even realise it was outstretched, maybe, in an attempt to grab you and claim you as mine again – and see your hand on mine. I look up into your eyes; they look sincere enough, and right now I don't really care, anyway.

"You… what?" I am doubtful, I cannot figure out why it has taken you a whole year to say that.

"Y-yeah, umm… I'm really sorry… for what I said… And I umm, I really miss you…" You blush slightly, and I put down my spoon, holding out a hand to your cheek. My other hand is still under yours, and I can see your eyes widen in hope slightly.

But then I remember what you said, and I don't want to get hurt again. My hand jerks away, and I rise from my chair, knocking it over.

"Fuck you, Squall" I sneer, eyes tearing up, and storm off. Out of the corner of my eyes I see you are hurt, but it is obvious I still want you; you can tell by the way miserably twitch my hand out again and stop myself, storming off.
So I avoid your eyes, still seeing the shimmer in your eyes, and remember. You had broken me too badly. It was you who could fix me, but only you who could make me worse. I wouldn't make another chance, the pain I can deal with easily.

I was too useless, imperfect, what's different now?

I would just have to get sued to the idea of dying without you.

I hear smashing and screaming from that room, but ignore it. Payback, right? I hear Aerith and Tifa trying to calm you, but I don't think it's working.

"He'll come around, you know he will!" I hear a muffled shout from Aerith, the usually calm one, and a sob from Leon.

But I wouldn't come around, right? … would I? Probably, I don't have that much self control over you.

"My heart fades."