ELISE of My Dreams

Maxwell Smart, Agent 86 of Control, walked, or rather limped, that is, through the Chief's office door. His right arm was in a sling and he leaned on a crutch under his left arm.

"Max! What in the world are you doing here?" said the Chief.

"I feel so much better, Chief. I need to get back to work!" He lifted the crutch to show the Chief and promptly fell down.

"Max!" said the Chief, helping Max up. "Sit down! And don't move! The Clinic doctor told you not to come back to work for two weeks! And then only to be checked out to see how your arm and ankle are healing. Max…"

Max and 99 had just completed a lengthy assignment capturing several KAOS criminals and locking them up for what would hopefully be for good. Unfortunately, Max had been injured when he was thrown down a flight of stairs. He had sustained a broken arm and sprained ankle.

"Chief," said Max, "Would you believe that I feel so good today, I could assault a quorum of KAOS agents?"

"Max," said the Chief, wearily. "Been doing crossword puzzles again? Do you know how many people are in a 'quorum'?"

"That would be four, Chief."

"Max, it means the minimum number of people who can conduct business in a group."

"Well, it could be four!"

"Yes, it could…"

"So anyway, would you believe that I could assault at least four KAOS agents today, single handedly?" He smiled at the pun and held up his left hand.

"No, Max, I wouldn't! What would you assault them with?"

"My crutch, Chief," said Max, knowingly. He tapped the crutch.

"Look, Max, I'm not going to let you out in the field until the Control doctors give you a clean bill of heath. And I'm sorry I had to send 99 on a case right at this time, but I couldn't spare her…at least her mother was able to take the twins…"

Max looked pouty. The Chief knew he was bored and wanted to get back to work.

"Max, I can put you on light desk duty…if you promise…Max, look at me…promise, that you will stay in your office…"

"Okay, Chief," Max still looked a little pouty.

"Look Max, I have an important project that you can help me with. I have just had to let two secretaries go who were to help program the new Control mainframe computer. The secretaries were double agents, also working for KAOS. The mainframe computer is known as ELISE."

"She's a girl?" asked Max.

"No, she's…I mean, it's a computer. The acronym means Error-less Leader in Software Engineering. The computer should put Control far ahead of KAOS in information technology. For example, ELISE will keep track of our top secret information."

"I didn't know they made any girl computers," Max said.

"Max, listen, it's not a girl computer…her name is ELISE….oh never mind! Max, this computer has cost Control over one million dollars. It's been installed in the room next to your office. The room is cooled down to a certain temperature to make sure the computer doesn't overheat."

Max smiled. "So, Chief, you want me to program ELISE!"

The Chief felt like throwing something at Max, except he was already injured. "Max, are you a computer programmer?"

"I guess I am now!"

"No, Max! I just want you to guard the computer and make sure no unauthorized persons enter the room. This is however, after ELISE is programmed. We will be hiring new secretaries to start feeding the information into ELISE soon, but in the meantime…"

"So all you are letting me do is guard the girl computer?" He leaned over closer to the Chief. "Is she cute?"

"Max, ELISE looks like a series of giant metal boxes with reel to reel tapes, keyboards, switches, cords and flashing lights…"

"Metal box, ay?…. maybe she's Hymie's cup of tea…"

"There are a couple other things you can do….Max, you can type with one hand, correct?"

"Yes, of course, I can…which one did you want me to type with?"

"Max, please use your left hand…your right arm is broken!"

Max looked at his right hand. "The hand looks okay, Chief!"

The Chief was at the point where he didn't care if Max typed with his teeth and his toes too.

"I would like you to take calls…you can do that, correct, Max?" Max nodded. "And do a little interviewing for the secretarial jobs?"

"That sounds like fun, Chief."

"Here's a list of questions to ask the candidates, Max. Just ask the questions and type in the answers. Then we will do FBI and police background checks."

"What if I run out of things to do, Chief?"

"Three things, Max. Number One…yes, you may do your crossword puzzles at your desk. Number Two…yes, you may read your Snoopy comics and your detective novels at your desk also. Number Three…and this is the important one…Max, don't bother me!"

"Got it Chief!" Max got up carefully, but unfortunately, his crutch was on the wrong side and he fell down. The Chief helped him up again.

********************************************************************

Two pretty, twenty-something young ladies alighted from the train in Union Station in Washington, D.C. One was about 5'4" with short black hair cut in a bob, dark eyes and pretty dimples. The other was a few inches taller and had blond curly hair and sported a pink cursive capital "L" on the left side of her blouse. Both wore knee length a-line skirts, short sleeved blouses and matching "Jackie Kennedy" pillbox hats. They each carried a small suitcase, purse and a trench coat.

They stopped walking when they entered the huge main room of the train station. The rounded ceiling, many feet up, had glass panels that let in the bright sunshine. The classical styling of the room boasted statues perched upon roman columns forming squared-off archways. There were shops of all sorts around the perimeter of the room and people sat on church-pew style seats, while others milled around or walked purposefully to their destinations.

"Wow, Laverne, this is something!" said the dark-haired girl. "Pretty fancy for just a train station!" Shirley Feeney spoke with a mid-western twang, having been born and bred in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

"Yeah, they got a coupla real nice ones in New York, too," said the blonde, in a Brooklyn accent. Laverne De Fazio, having grown up in New York, was less impressed by big city trappings than her best friend was. Laverne and Shirley both lived in Milwaukee; Laverne much more recently. While Milwaukee was certainly not a little town, it was quieter and people took things more slowly than perhaps Washington, D.C., New York or even their midwestern neighbor 90 miles to the south, Chicago, Illinois.

Laverne and Shirley shared a basement apartment on Milwaukee's east side, within walking distance of the Schotz Brewery where, up to a short time ago, they had worked as bottle cappers.

"Shirl', let's go get some lunch," said Laverne. "Wanna eat here or somewhere else?"

"Oh, I think it would be fun to eat at the hotel! They always have a fancy restaurant at the hotel…or maybe room service…" said Shirley.

"Shirl', we shouldn't splurge too much. We gotta keep money for the rest of the trip."

"Of course, Laverne! Have you ever known me to splurge….without a good reason?"

"Come on, Shirl', "let's get going to the hotel. Be good to get rid of the luggage."

The girls checked in at the hotel. They were on a two-week sightseeing vacation in Washington. They had saved money for a year and a half and Laverne's father had given them a chunk of money too. They wanted to see every tourist attraction possible. Unfortunately, the vacation had only become possible because the girls had been laid off at the brewery for a few weeks. They had usually alternated between having either the money and not the time or the time and not the money.

After lunch, the girls went up to their room: Laverne checked out the luxurious beds, the fancy bathroom and opened the brochure that showed the hotel's amenities. Shirley looked out the window from which she could see the Washington Monument and the Smithsonian and marveled.

"Shirl'! They gotta pool!" yelled Laverne. "Let's get out the swimsuits!" The girls put on their swimming suits and robes and ran out of the room, leaving the door ajar.

********************************************************************

Max went to his office and sat down. He leaned his crutch against the wall behind him and knocked it over when he backed into it with his rolling office chair. Then the chair rolled over it and caught its wheels on the crutch. Max tried to pick it up and slipped off the chair onto the floor.

"This crutch is going to be the death of me yet," he muttered. He pulled himself up on the chair with one arm and kicked the crutch out of the way.

The phone rang and Max started to make appointments for the secretarial openings. The time went slowly, and he was getting bored, so he decided to call 99 on her compact phone. She answered quickly.

"Max!" she whispered. "Are you okay? What's going on?"

"Oh, nothing, 99. Just wanted to talk. Say, 99, did you make me anything for dinner before you left? I mean, frozen, in the refrigerator."

"No, Max, I didn't have time. You know you can eat out if you want to, Max, or send out for something…I have to go! Here comes my contact…Talk to you later, love!" She made a smooching sound in the phone and hung up.

Max hadn't really wanted to talk about frozen food. He just wanted to talk to 99. He hated when she was gone on a case without him. He missed her a lot.

********************************************************************

Laverne and Shirley returned to their hotel room after a refreshing swim in the pool. "That was great, Shirl', just think, we can do that every day for two weeks!"

"Laverne…why is my luggage open?" asked Shirley.

"Uh, oh, mine too, Shirl'!"

"My purse, Laverne, it's been rifled through! Oh, everything is here…everything except the money!"

"Mine too, Shirl'!"

"We should have gotten Traveler's Checks like Mrs. Babisch told us to…"

"Shirley! What are we gonna tell my Pop? Halfa that was the money he gave us!"

"Let's call the police, Laverne!" Shirley was getting hysterical; she opened the window and yelled at the top of her voice, "We'll get you DC thieves!"

"Shirl'! Get a holda yourself!" said Laverne, as she pulled Shirley away from the window and closed it. "Calm down! There has to be somethin' we can do…that's it! We call the hotel security!"

********************************************************************

After making a report to security, the girls locked the door and pulled the chain over the door too.

"Shirl', I feel so stupid…we forgot to lock the door!"

"It could happen to anyone, Laverne," said Shirley. "So what are we going to do for money? I wonder if Lenny and Squiggy could loan us some…"

"Shirl'! You want to be in debt to Lenny and Squiggy? And they'd blab to my Pop!"

"You're right….I know Carmine would loan me the money, except he doesn't have any either…"

"Okay, Shirl', I gotta idea!"

The girls headed back down to the lobby of the hotel holding on to their purses tightly. Shirley went up to the desk clerk and asked if she could read today's paper. The clerk indicated that parts of it were on the tables next to the sofas in the lounge area.

Laverne picked up all the parts of the daily paper she could find.

"That's a good idea, Laverne…look in the want ads for jobs….here's the comics…the news…sports…where's the want ads?"

Laverne looked up. A man sitting across from them had the want ads and was holding up that section of the paper completely open in front of his face. "There it is, Shirl'! I guess we gotta wait til he's done."

The girls waited, then Laverne got down on her knees and slowly walked on them over to the man. She started reading the ads on the outside of the paper the man was holding. She saw one that was particularly interesting. She pointed to it on the paper and turned around to motion to Shirley. Shirley was embarrassed and looking up at the ceiling, trying not to let anyone see that she knew Laverne.

Laverne turned and the man had lowered his paper. "Can I help you?" he said.

"Yeah," she said, still on her knees. "There's a ad I was interested in, can I read the paper when you're done?"

"I believe I am done now!" said the man, huffily. He dropped the paper on the sofa and Laverne grabbed it. Shirley ran over.

"Shirl', look at this! There's a ad for secretaries…we could do that…the address isn't too far…we could make some money…"

"Laverne, it says here they do background checks….why do you think they want that?"

"Well, Shirl', it's an important city, they can't just have anybody workin' here… Let's call and apply!"

The girls went back to their room, called the number and made an appointment for an interview the following day. Shirley started looking through the suitcases and the purse to see if the thieves had taken anything else.

"Laverne, everything is here except the money…but wait! I found something!" Shirley held up a $10 bill she had secreted in her trench coat in case of emergency. This seemed to qualify. They also found some change in the bottom of Laverne's purse, quite a bit and an additional $5 in another secret compartment in Shirley's suitcase from her last vacation.

"Well, at least we won't starve," said Laverne. "You know, I was readin' in this here brochure, a lot of the good tourist places are free…and we got tickets from our Senator for the White House tour, why don't we do some of that free stuff today? That way it won't be a complete loss!"

"Good idea, Laverne, let's go." This time they carefully locked the door as they left and Shirley concealed the key in her purse's secret pocket.

********************************************************************

The following day, Max sat at his desk and went over the list of appointments. He had the electric typewriter ready along with a stack of forms. The first four appointments went well, except that typing with one finger was pretty slow. He tried to write with his left hand, and that went better, except that he couldn't read any of the writing when he was done. The candidates filled out the paperwork for background checks and handed them back to Max.

The fifth appointment knocked on the door. "Come in," said Max. Two girls in their twenties entered Max's office, one blonde, one with black hair. "Have a seat, ladies," said Max. He put a piece of paper in the typewriter. He had a hard time getting it under the paper guide with just one hand. It kept going in crooked.

"So have you ever done secretarial work before?" asked Max.

"Yes, we both have extensive experience," exaggerated Shirley. She watched Max type with his one finger. This was going to take all day. "Here, I can help you with that…may I?"

Shirley carried the typewriter around to her side of the desk and started typing in the information on the form. Max looked pleased. "I type 90 words a minute, Mr. …." She caught a glimpse of his nameplate on the desk. "Smart."

Laverne wondered what had happened to their interviewer. He appeared to have a broken arm and a crutch leaned against the wall behind him. "You from a rough neighborhood, Mister?" she asked.

"No, why do you ask?" asked Max.

"Looks like you got beat up pretty good."

"This isn't my real job. I was injured in the line of duty. I'm just filling in here. We need to hire some secretaries."

"Oh, please Mr. Smart, can you hire us? Please, please…we got all our money stolen and we really need the job…we're from Milwaukee and we just got laid off our jobs there…." Shirley was getting hysterical again.

"Hmmm, from Milwaukee, ay? The Windy City…"

"No, that's Chicago…Milwaukee is the Home of the Milwaukee Brewers and Schotz Beer…" said Laverne. "If you hire us, you won't be sorry, Mister!"

Max looked at them and leaned back on his chair, thinking. The chair went back too far and spilled him out over the back.

The girls ran around to the back of the desk and helped Max up. "You okay, Mr. Smart?" asked Shirley. Max sat down again.

"I have an idea," said Max, his voice rising half an octave. He leaned across the desk toward the girls. "I can't hire you for the regular secretary job, but I need a personal secretary myself…and two of you would work twice as fast…"

"When do we start?" said Laverne and Shirley at the same time. Laverne jumped up from her chair and Shirley clapped her hands. Then Laverne gave Max a great big kiss on the cheek.

"Sorry, ladies, I'm a married man!" said Max, pointing to his ring.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Smart," said Laverne.

"It's perfectly fine…a little innocent kiss never hurt anybody. And you can call me Max." Max liked the female attention.

"Now, a little housekeeping…" Max did a little phone background checking on the girls, and put their names in for payroll.

"So what kinda business is this anyway?"

"Eh, we sell greeting cards here," said Max, giving the usual cover for Control. Just then his shoe phone rang. Laverne looked under the desk. Max quickly pressed a button on his desk phone and the call transferred over.

Max picked up the phone and said, "Hi, 99….what? when will you be home….sweetheart, can't you wrap that up earlier? Well, thanks for checking in…bye, sweetheart…love you."

"Must be the missus…" whispered Laverne, elbowing Shirley and smiling.

After hanging up the phone, Max leaned over the desk toward the girls again and said, confidentially, "I'd better level with you ladies…we don't really make greeting cards here. This is Control, a top secret US government agency…we're all secret agents here…that's why we do FBI and police check on you…I'm not supposed to hire you till I have the results back in triplicate, but you would tell me if you were criminals, right?"

"Why sure, Maxie," said Laverne.

Shirley looked a little guilty. "I guess I should confess right now…I got a jaywalking ticket last year…

"We can probably overlook that… So, what we have to do right now is hire some of those people out there for the regular secretary job. Let's do this assembly line style. I'll ask the questions; Shirley can type the answers. Laverne will call in the candidates and collect their paperwork. Let's get started, ladies!"

When Laverne went out into the waiting room, there was a shouting match among most of the candidates. She had to duck flying pens and magazines. She called in the next applicant.

The three made short work of the candidates. Max chose two applicants who he thought were the best candidates for the jobs, then he announced to the girls, "You've done such a great job, I'll take you out to dinner tonight…what about it ladies?"

********************************************************************

Max thought everything had gotten much better since he had hired the girls. Laverne liked to drive his car and she would walk with her arm around him on his left side so he didn't have to use the crutch, which Shirley obligingly carried. The girls drove Max home and picked him up in the morning. They accompanied him to lunch and dinner and believed every word of the stories of his adventures that he regaled them with. Well, why wouldn't they, the stories were true, correct? Would you believe partially true? How about a small kernel of truth in there somewhere?

And the best part of it was that the Chief had specifically asked Max to leave him alone. So if Max's choices were not up to par with the Chief's expectations, who could blame him?

Everything went well for almost a week until there was a knock on the door and the Chief strode in. Shirley was typing and Laverne was sitting on the edge of the desk, legs crossed, filing her nails. Max was doing a crossword puzzle.

"Max?" said the Chief with a baffled look, as Max tried to hide the puzzle. "Have you hired the secretaries who will be helping with the programming of ELISE?

"Yes, we have," said Max. He handed the Chief two manila folders from his drawer.

"Very good, Max, it looks as if the background checks came back perfect…good secretarial references, great job, Max!" Max looked relieved.

"Which one of you is Madeline?" said the Chief, reading from the folders. Neither girl responded. "Madeline Johnson? Jane? Jane Bernstein? Max, who are these girls?"

"Eh, well, you told me not to bother you. So I couldn't ask you if I could do it…"

"Do what Max?"

"Eh, hire a secretary for myself…"

"Well, that's fine, Max. I would have liked to have known about it first, but, yes, it's fine. But I am counting two girls…Max…"

Max looked from Laverne to Shirley and back at the Chief. He squinted his eyes. "You're right, Chief! There are two of them!"

"Max!"

"They were a packaged set," he pouted.

"Max, Control can't afford salaries for two secretaries for you. Even I don't have two secretaries! And you're not even on full duty! What are you thinking?"

"You can't fire them now, Chief…they were just laid off their other jobs…they need the work!"

"All right Max, I want to know how you are going to resolve this and I want to know now!" The Chief was getting red in the face.

"Aw, Mr. Chief," piped up Laverne. "Maxie has been so nice; all our money was stolen and we're in a strange city…he really helped us by givin' us a job!"

"We'll even work for half of what we're making, if it will help," said Shirley.

"That would never work," said Max.

"What do you mean, Max?"

"She types 90 words a minute…if she works for half, she would only type at 45 words a minute…" he said, motioning with his index finger at the typewriter.

The Chief rolled his eyes, but didn't say anything. Max's logic was so weird, sometimes there wasn't any comeback to it.

"And they helped me interview all those candidates and hire Madeline and Jane. Why, if it weren't for them, I would still be typing."

"And all those people would still be throwin' stuff at me," said Laverne.

"And my finger would be all red and swollen," said Max. "I only have one finger that knows how to type, Chief!"

"All right, Max, you win as usual." Max often talked the Chief into things he didn't want to do. This was one of them. "I'll have the other secretaries you hired meet me later and I will get them started with ELISE."

The Chief left and Laverne said, "Who's ELISE?"

"She's a mainframe computer. I haven't met her yet." He nodded toward the door next to his desk. "She's in there."

"Ooh, can we meet her?" asked Laverne.

"Yes, we'd love to see her," said Shirley. "What does she do?"

"Nothing, yet…" said Max. "Eh, let's take a look." He grasped his crutch and went over to the door. "The keys are in the drawer, Shirley."

Shirley opened the door and there was ELISE. Just as the Chief had described, ELISE was a huge room sized computer. She consisted of many modules, tape decks, switches, knobs, cords and various colored lights. Two keypunch machines sat on a desk near the door. The room was cooled by air conditioning.

"Madeline and Jane have been hired to punch those cards the programmers will give them. They will feed them into the computer," said Max. He held one up. "You know, the cards that you can't fold, spindle or mutilate. I've always wanted to mutilate one…"

"So what are they going to feed into ELISE?" asked Shirley.

"Don't know exactly. Top Secret information so that we can fight KAOS better."

"Who is KAOS?" asked Laverne.

"Our enemy…they are an international organization of evil, dedicated to bringing down the free world to its knees."

"That's terrible!" said Shirley.

"So are Shirl' and me fightin' them too, now that we work for you, Maxie?"

He thought for a minute. "Of course you are! Now, we are supposed to guard ELISE once she starts being programmed and make sure KAOS doesn't get any access to her. So we have to keep in contact. I might have to ask you to come in at odd times…we secret agents don't have set hours, you know."

"So we're secret agents, now, Max?" said Laverne with excitement.

"Eh, well, you're secretaries to a secret agent…is that okay?"

"Sure, Maxie!" said Laverne.

Max opened a drawer in his desk. He pulled out two pen-like objects. "These are some communicators that two agents from another organization left in my office a couple years ago. Never came to pick them up. The lab reprogrammed them for a direct line to my shoe. I can call you on them and you can call me. Here, press this button. If you want to call each other, press this one. But don't press this button, the third one."

"Why Max?" asked Shirley.

"You might get somebody else, just don't press the third button."

"So you do have a phone in your shoe!" said Laverne with glee.

********************************************************************

Max decided that since ELISE would be programmed the next day, he should have some precautions in place. The lab installed new locks on ELISE's door that had to be opened with a code revealed to Max alone. If the lock should be breached in any other way, Max's shoe and the girls' communicators would go off immediately.

********************************************************************

The next day, Madeline and Jane arrived to enter the programming information onto the punch cards. They both pushed in carts that were piled high with computer form-feed paper. Madeline, a tall slim dark-skinned woman, spoke first, asking where the keypunch machines were.

Max pointed to ELISE's door. "I'll open the room for you." He took the crutch and stood in front of the door. He punched the buttons in sequence several times. The door wouldn't open. "Maybe those weren't the numbers…maybe it was my birthday…" he muttered under his breath. He tried again, no luck. "Maybe 99's birthday…" he tried again, still the door wouldn't open. "Let's try the twins' birthday…" The door stubbornly refused to open.

Max sat back down at his desk, with Madeline, Jane, Laverne and Shirley still looking at him. He called the lab, "Eh, Carlson, what was the number that you programmed into ELISE's door?….you can't tell me?….why not? …you need today's password so you know it's me? …eh, I don't think I remember that either…eh, I know why I don't remember…I forgot to pick it up when I came in this morning."

Madeline and Jane were looking at each other with skeptical looks on their faces. Laverne and Shirley were already used to the little glitches that occurred whenever any length of time was spent with Max.

"I could send Shirley over to the lab to pick it up…what? …it has to be me?…Carlson, you're just being obstinate!" Max hung up the phone.

"Well, ladies, there's more than one way to do this." Max had their complete attention. "You see, it's really very simple. If Carlson won't help us out here, we have to help ourselves." He pulled out his pistol and aimed two well-placed shots at the door lock mechanism. The door opened. Immediately Max's shoe began to ring and Laverne and Shirley's communicators began to beep loudly.

The sound startled Max and he dropped his gun on the floor. Bending down to pick it up, he slipped off the chair. Madeline and Jane looked even more skeptical. At that moment, Agent 99 entered Max's office.

"Max!" 99 said, reacting quickly, running behind his desk to help Max pick himself up. "What happened?"

"It's a long story," said Max. "Girls, turn off your communicators. 99, can you get my shoe?"

Once the office had quieted down, 99 sat down in a chair across from Max. "What's going on, Max?"

"Eh, just a minute…" He turned to Jane and Madeline. "You can start work in that room." He pointed to ELISE's room. "You know what to do." They nodded.

"Max, who are all these people?"

"We hired two secretaries to keypunch the programming into the computer," he nodded his head in the direction of ELISE. "That's Jane and Madeline." He smiled uneasily at her.

"That's two people, Max…so who are these ladies?"

"Eh, my secretaries."

"Two secretaries, Max? I find that hard to believe. Even the Chief doesn't have two secretaries!"

"Eh, would you believe they are nurses and they are taking care of me, after my turn for the worse?"

"No, Max, I wouldn't believe it! And what do you mean, your turn for the worse."

"99, the crutch keeps attacking me…"

"Max, stop it!"

"Eh, how about they are two robots we hired to protect ELISE?"

"Max, this isn't funny…and who is Elise?" 99 really looked angry.

"Are you the missus?" interjected Laverne.

"Yes. Maybe you can tell me who you are, seeing as my husband won't give me a straight answer…"

Laverne cleared her throat. "Umm, Mrs. Max, we really are his secretaries, I'm Laverne De Fazio and this is Shirley Feeney…we helped him interview a whole ton of people for programming ELISE…she's the big ol' computer in that room…"

Shirley took up the story…"You see, we got laid off our jobs in Milwaukee, came here on vacation and all our money was stolen. We needed a job really bad and Mr. Max here needed some help…he gave us the jobs and …" her voice trailed off as 99 took out her compact and pressed a button on it.

"Chief, what in the world is going on over here in Max's office? I can't get a straight answer out of him….what? oh, yes, that's what she said…yes…yes…" 99 listened for a minute and put away the compact.

"Okay, Max. I understand. I'm sorry I didn't believe you. But you don't make it very easy…" She went over to him and hugged and kissed him.

"Awww, ain't that cute!" whispered Laverne.

********************************************************************

Late that night, two trench-coat clad, stealthy figures entered the secret series of doors that led to the underground offices of Control. They started down the long corridor. They stopped at Max's office and put a patch of something on his lock. It looked like Play-Dough, but when it started to sizzle, it was evident that it was not. The lock melted, the door swung open and the two figures entered the room quickly. They started walking toward ELISE's door.

"Hold it right there!" said a loud nasal voice. The light was switched on and the two intruders turned to face…Maxwell Smart. He was leaning on his crutch in the corner, his gun in his right hand. He was smiling self-assuredly…until he saw who the intruders were.

"Madeline? Jane?" said Max. "What are you doing here this late at night?"

"We were going to get an early start on programming ELISE," said Jane, the petite blonde. "Seeing as the door has no lock anymore…" she pointed to ELISE's door where Max had shot off the lock earlier.

"I couldn't sleep!" said Madeline.

Max put his gun away. "Oh, well, ladies, you are really dedicated. Go right ahead!"

Madeline and Jane gave each other a knowing look and entered ELISE's room.

"You can rest assured you'll be safe here, ladies…" shouted Max. "I'm here to fend off any intruders!"

Max sat down at his desk. He drummed his fingers. The Chief would be proud of him for guarding ELISE…especially because there was no lock on her door. He had remembered that after he had gone to bed. He had opened his eyes suddenly when he had remembered. He had snuck out of the apartment as quietly as possible and come straight to his office.

He opened the desk drawer and pulled out a very tiny pool table. He started playing pool with tiny cue sticks. He started to yawn. His eyes started to get sleepy. He was having a hard time concentrating. He pushed the tiny pool table aside and put his head down on the desk for just a minute…

Max awoke with a start when he heard a noise. The Chief, Larrabee and several other Control agents swarmed into Max's office. It took him a minute to become fully aware.

"Hi, Chief," said Max. "What time is it?" he said cheerfully.

"Too late, Max!" said the Chief.

"Eh?" asked Max.

"Max, ELISE is gone! She was stolen right under your nose!"

Max looked confused. "That can't be…I was here all night."

"Well, then Max, how did it happen?"

Max went to ELISE's door and looked inside. There was nothing left in the room except some stray nuts and bolts, cable and a pile of broken metal pieces.

"Chief, I swear I was here all night, well ever since I woke up and got here…eh, that is, well, I didn't let anybody in…at least nobody unauthorized…well, only two people, but they were authorized…I authorized them…" Max was squinting his eyes, trying to figure out what was happening.

"Max, who did you let in here?"

"Just Madeline and Jane…"

"Max, you didn't do the background checks correctly," said the Chief. "They are KAOS agents!"

"But they gave me the nicest reports…stamped FBI and everything!"

"Max, they gave you the reports? Don't you know you have to get the reports from the FBI and the police…the candidate doesn't hand you that information…it could be made up!"

"Well, nobody told me that!"

"Max, use your common sense!"

"Eh, common cents…is that about a dollar?"

The Chief turned to the other agents who were checking for fingerprints and clues. "Would you step out of the office for just a minute? I have some business with Max."

Everyone left and the Chief sat down across from Max. "Max, I'm afraid I have some bad news for you…I'm going to have to let you go."

"Eh, what did you say?" asked Max, putting his finger in his ear and jiggling it.

"Max, I'm sorry, I have to let you go…this is going to cost Control so much money to replace ELISE…and now KAOS has her…even worse than the money, Max, this could jeopardize the free world…I can't put up with your bungling any more…"

"But Chief, didn't you say I was your top agent?"

"You were, Max…but this mistake is too costly…"

"Chief, you can't do this…" Max looked really pained.

"Max, I have to…look Max, you weren't even supposed to be working for several weeks. You put yourself in danger of worsening your workplace injuries by running around here…"

"I wasn't running, Chief…"

"OK, Max, by falling down all over the place…and then you hired two secretaries…and two KAOS agents and you didn't even check their backgrounds…"

"They looked honest, Chief…and you said it was OK that I hired Laverne and Shirley," Max squinted his eyes, thinking hard. "Chief, if I remember correctly," he said quietly, "the reason I had to hire Madeline and Jane is that you had to fire two undercover KAOS agents that you must have hired to begin with…"

"True," said the Chief. "And I didn't have you trained well enough in the hiring process…"

"Chief?"

"What, Max?"

"Are you going to fire yourself?"

"No, Max, but I suppose I should reconsider letting you go…"

"So, I'm off the hook?"

"No, Max, you are not! I'm taking you off the payroll until the Clinic finds you fit for duty. If you come back early, and take chances again of aggravating your injuries on work time, you are off the payroll permanently. This is a liability issue, Max. I had understood that the doctor said at least 6 full weeks for your arm to heal; it's only been two weeks…"

Max looked very subdued. "One more thing, Chief, what about Laverne and Shirley?"

"Max, they're your problem. You didn't have permission in the first place to hire either one of them. You are going to have to take responsibility for things that you do. If you want to pay them, it will have to be out of your own pocket." The Chief turned to leave.

At the door, the Chief turned around. He glanced at Max with a concerned look. "Max, check in with me every day, all right?"

********************************************************************

99 wondered where Max had gone in the middle of the night. She had heard him leave the bedroom, but hadn't realized he had left the apartment till she got up in the morning. She looked for his car and it was not parked in its usual space. She stood outside the apartment building, ready to call the Chief, when Laverne and Shirley pulled up in Max's car.

"Hi, Mrs. Max," said Laverne. "Where's Maxie this morning?"

"That's what I was wondering," said 99. "He left in the middle of the night." She looked quizzically at the two girls in Max's car. "Why do you have his car?"

"We've been picking him up every morning, Mrs. Smart," explained Shirley. "We're on our way to Control…"

"Let me ride with you," said 99. She got into the back seat of the car and they arrived shortly at Control.

The three went immediately to Max's office. The door was gaping open and the office was devoid of people. 99 ran over to ELISE's door and peeked in the empty room. She turned to the girls.

"Laverne, Shirley, did you know that ELISE is gone?"

"What?" said Shirley. "That can't be!"

"I wonder where Maxie is," said Laverne.

"I'm right here," came Max's voice from the doorway. "I just came from the Clinic…still not ready to come back to work. They said I aggravated my ankle injury. . .I have a hairline crack there now…" He acted subdued. This hadn't been a good day.

99 went over and kissed him. "Max, come back home, then. I'm not on a case right now…maybe we can spend a little time together…"

"Eh, well, 99, I have some things I have to do today." Max sounded evasive. "I'm on a case right now, an important one too."

"Max, I thought you just told me you can't go back to work till the Clinic releases you."

"True, but, eh, there is something I have to do…," Max looked at 99 for the first time with a steady gaze. "This is personal, 99. I have to find ELISE."

"Max, what are you talking about?" said 99. Laverne and Shirley glanced at each other.

"It's, eh, my fault she's gone," admitted Max.

"What happened, Max?" asked 99.

"99, it's a long story. I can't tell you now. " He turned to Laverne and Shirley. "Why don't you two do some sightseeing today?" He reached in his pocket and handed Shirley some money. "If I need you, I'll call you on the communicators."

"Sure thing, Maxie and Mrs. Max!" said Laverne. They waved and exited Max's office.

********************************************************************

Over breakfast, Max told 99 everything that had happened. Then he said, "99, I found something."

He carefully took a tiny item from his pocket. It was a miniature of a tape deck module for a mainframe computer.

"It looks like a toy, Max."

"It's not. Feel how heavy it is." 99 picked it up. It felt like it was made of steel and had parts inside, rather than a toy, which would have been lightweight.

"So what is it?"

"It's part of ELISE."

"But it can't be! It's too tiny."

"I know, 99, but what else could it be?"

"Where did you find it?"

"I was looking through that pile of parts that was left in ELISE's room…."

"Max, let's check in with Agent 13. He's been doing surveillance outside Control all night."

********************************************************************

"Where do you suppose he is, Max?" The two agents stood outside Control and glanced around them.

"The park…99…he's in a tree!"

In the park, Max and 99 walked up to a tall oak tree. He knocked on the tree. "13, you there?"

A panel in the tree opened to reveal a dark-haired man's face. "Hi, Max. Could you do me a favor?"

"What's that?"

"There's a whole family of squirrels in this tree! They keep hiding nuts and acorns in my pockets! And their twittering is keeping me up nights!"

"What do you want me to do, 13?"

"Do you have any squirrel repellant?"

"13, I need some help here…"

"Max, I can't talk to you."

"Why?"

"You're not with Control any more."

"Who told you that?"

"The Chief."

"Oh," said Max. "What if I turn my back and you tell 99?"

"That would work."

13 told 99 that he had seen two furtive figures the evening before, first going into Control, and then, several hours later, leaving with numerous boxes. They had loaded the boxes into a black panel truck and disappeared.

"But I saw Max go in first, so I figured something was up, 99," said 13. He handed 99 a piece of paper. I did get the license plate, 99….oh and this…"

13 handed 99 a dirty torn piece of paper with some chemical symbols written on it.

"Where did you get this, 13?" asked 99.

"One of the squirrels put it in my pocket with an acorn. Thought it might be important. By the way, Max," 13 said, louder, "what happened to you…you know, the arm, the leg?"

"Fell down the stairs," said Max.

"Oh, the usual," said 13 and closed his tree panel.

"Max, do you think this paper is important?" said 99.

"Let's go see Carlson. He'll know what it is," replied Max.

********************************************************************

Carlson took a look at the note. "99, this will take me a bit. Why don't you have a seat."

Max was looking, fascinated, at some test tubes and beakers that were filled with colored fluids. He put down his crutch carefully and held up a beaker of fluid that was a clear cyan color. "Hmmm, if I add a little red to this, I should get purple," he said to himself, quietly.

Max poured a test tube of something red into the beaker and immediately there was a whoosh and a flame appeared at the top of the beaker. Max dropped it to the floor. It crashed and the fluid began to erode the finish off of the floor. Max grabbed onto the lab table and managed to keep standing, but knocked a few more glass items onto the floor in the process. 99 ran over to grab him before anything else happened.

Carlson came over looking angry. "Max, get out of my lab!" Max looked pouty, but headed for the door. On his way out, he stopped to look at some fascinating tools lying on a table. He picked them up and opened them. He started to play with them.

"Max, out!!!" came Carlson's voice. Max put the tools down and closed the door.

"99, I can't be absolutely sure what this chemical formula is, since I would have to make up a batch and test it, but…it looks to me that it may be a formula to miniaturize something. Do you have any knowledge of where it came from?"

"It was found outside of Control…we are pretty sure that it's a KAOS formula…you've been a lot of help, Carlson. I appreciate it." She smiled. "Sorry about Max…"

"So am I," said Carlson.

********************************************************************

"99, I think our next stop should be to see Hymie," said Max.

"Why Hymie?"

"A robot should be able to find a computer…he might even find her attractive…I was going to introduce them eventually," said Max.

99 looked skeptical. "So where is Hymie?"

"Eh, unfortunately, he's at Control. He's been refurbished and then deactivated till he's needed on a case."

"Do you know how to reactivate him?"

"Do I know how to reactivate him? Of course I know how to reactivate him! Why wouldn't I know how to reactivate him? Why, 99, he's my best friend!" Max stopped and squinted his eyes. "Do you think Carlson could help me reactivate him?"

"Let's just find Hymie first!" said 99.

They found the robot agent in a closet next to the Chief's office. He wasn't totally deactivated; the closet contained cables that Hymie was plugged into to keep his batteries at a low level of activity. Hymie's shirt was open and so was his front panel. There was a sign saying "Push to Activate," next to a red button. Max pushed it and the robot came to life.

"Hello, Max," said Hymie in his emotionless voice. "I am so excited to see you I could jump for joy."

"Eh, don't do that, Hymie…you'll tear your cables out. I'm happy to see you too. 99 and I have a case we are working on…we need your help… But we have to get you out of here…I'm not supposed to be here at Control…"

"Oh, I see Max, you only come to see me when you need my help. You certainly are a fine friend…"

"Hymie, please listen…we really need your help!" said 99. "Someone has stolen the new Control mainframe, ELISE. We are trying to find her."

"ELISE," said Hymie. "Yes, I met her once …she has lovely tape decks, and she flashes her lights in such a spectacular, but shy way and Max? Have you ever seen her cables? They make my diodes spark."

"Hymie, she's missing," said 99. "But we have a clue…" Max pulled out the tiny tape deck module from his pocket and showed it to Hymie.

"Max, what happened to her? She's lost a lot of weight."

"Hymie, this is how they stole her…they miniaturized her!" said Max. "We need your help to find her…"

********************************************************************

Meanwhile, Laverne and Shirley were sightseeing, riding on the Gray Line Bus and having a great time. Suddenly Shirley gasped and said, "Laverne, look over there…it's Madeline and Jane!"

"Shirl', you're right! Wonder why they ain't at work today…"

"You know, Laverne…ELISE is gone! Maybe they had something to do with it! Let's get off the bus and follow them!"

"Awww, Shirl," we ain't seen the Kennedy Center or the Lincoln Memorial yet!"

Shirley pulled her friend off the bus and they both put on their sunglasses to be more unobtrusive.

"Laverne, I'm going to use that communicator. I think we should call Max and tell him we're following them…Which button are we supposed to push, Laverne?"

"I don't remember, Shirl',…one is to call each other; one is to call Maxie and the other one…we're not s'posed to call."

"Well, here goes nothing…" Shirley pushed the third button on the communicator.

A man's voice answered. He had a slight Russian accent. "Kuryakin here…Napoleon, is that you?" Shirley looked at Laverne and held out the communicator at arm's length. "What do I do?"

"Push the button again, Shirl'! That rules out the third one…wonder who that Russian guy is…must be why Maxie said not to push it!" She pushed the first button and after a few rings, Max answered his shoe.

Laverne told Max about the two former secretaries. "Laverne, don't let them out of your sight! We're on our way!"

99 drove the car while Max kept a channel open to Shirley's communicator on 99's compact. They arrived just in time to see Laverne and Shirley running into an underground parking structure. 99 and Max followed in the car.

Suddenly there was gunfire. Max and 99 stopped the car and took cover. 99 went forward, gun in hand while Max covered her from behind. 99 saw Jane, the petite blonde KAOS agent a few feet ahead of her. It was a standoff; their guns were trained on each other.

As this was happening, Max stood up, gun in hand and made his way to where Jane was in his direct line of fire. "Hold it right there, Jane, drop it!" he shouted.

"I don't think so, Mr. Smart; you drop it!" came a voice behind him. Max felt a gun prod his back. It was Madeline. "I have him!" she shouted to Jane.

Jane disarmed 99. Madeline took away Max's crutch and gun.

Everyone had forgotten about Laverne and Shirley. They were hiding behind some cars a few feet away from 99 and Jane. Shirley took a brick and threw it at Jane's gun hand. It missed, but startled Jane as Laverne and Shirley flew out and jumped on her. 99 picked up her gun and put handcuffs on Jane.

When Shirley threw the brick, it gave Max the chance to knock the gun from Madeline's hand. He recovered his gun and held it on the KAOS agent. "99, do you have a spare set of cuffs?" He put the handcuffs on Madeline.

99 called the Chief to say they had captured the two KAOS agents. Jane and Madeline were taken into custody. Max and 99 drove Laverne and Shirley back to their hotel.

"You ladies were very brave to do what you did!" said 99 to Laverne and Shirley. "I was skeptical at first, but Max made a very good choice in hiring you both. Why don't we all go out for dinner tonight?"

"Aww, thanks, Mrs. Max," said Laverne.

"It was our pleasure," said Shirley. "And we have something exciting to tell you, too…"

********************************************************************

Arriving home, 99 stopped the car.

"Max, it was great that Laverne and Shirley were called back to their bottle capping jobs…They said they had a wonderful time in Washington; and it was nice of you to pay them out of your own pocket…Max? You were very quiet at dinner tonight," said 99.

"I was just thinking…about Hymie and ELISE…I wonder if he found her…I didn't hear from him today."

"Max, at least we captured the KAOS agents…maybe they'll talk…"

"I'm going to call Hymie." Max called the robot…there was no answer. "I'm worried, 99…this isn't like Hymie."

Just then, 99 got a call on her compact. "They got away, Chief? Do you know where Hymie is? Where? Okay, Chief."

She turned to Max. "The Chief just called. Jane and Madeline have escaped. Somehow they overcame the guards at the jail. And Hymie is missing… How can we find him? We have no clue where Hymie is…"

"That's where you're wrong, 99!" said Max. "Hymie has a homing device built in…the last time I worked with him, the lab put something in my watch; if he's fully activated the homing device should work…" Max started fooling with his watch. It was a chronometer that had many dials and buttons. It could give the weather report in any time zone and more.

"99, how do you activate that homing device? I don't remember."

"I don't know, Max. What about this one?" Max turned the tiny knob and a loud siren went off.

"No, that's the one that impersonates a police car. Maybe it's this one…" A radio station started playing music.

"Try pushing this one and holding this one down, Max…" He tried it and the watch face flipped open to reveal a tiny map with a beeping red moving dot.

"That's it, 99. Lucky I remembered! Let's go!"

"Max, we just got home! We could go look for Hymie tomorrow…after all, I'm not on a case and you …what did the Chief say?"

"He said I'd be fired if I got involved in any Control business before I was okayed to come back by the Control clinic."

"Max!" said 99. "Then you shouldn't be going anywhere!"

"99, as of now I'm already probably fired…I have to do this for myself. Come if you want to…"

"I'll come, Max," said 99, resignedly.

99 started Max's car again. The homing device led them to a suburb of Washington…a deserted, industrial area. They followed the red dot to an old warehouse. From the outside it appeared to be deserted. They tried every door, but they were all lockcd.

"How are we going to get in short of shooting the lock off the door?" asked 99.

Max was checking the 2nd floor windows. He pointed. "99, see that window? That's how we get in!"

"Max, how are we going to do that? It has to be 20 feet up!"

Max put on black leather gloves. He pulled out a tiny object from his pocket. It looked like a miniature anchor with line attached. "I hate to give Carlson credit, 99, but I picked this up from the lab when we were there before. You just push this button…"

Max pushed the button and the anchor and line slowly became full sized. He pulled off the sling from his arm and threw it down.

"Max!" said 99. "You're going to re-injure your arm!"

"Then how are we going to get in?"

"Max, give me the gloves. I'll throw the anchor up to the window, get inside, then come down and unlock the door and let you in …"

Max looked pained.

"Please, Max?" she gave him a kiss. "I want to!"

"Okay."

99 threw the anchor up until it caught in the ledge of the window. She climbed the rope up to the window. She used the glass cutter on the end of her nail file to cut a small hole in the glass so she could unlock the window. She let herself in and ran down the stairs to the door where Max was waiting. Or had been waiting…

99 looked around. Where was Max? He wasn't anywhere outside. She went back in the warehouse and shut the door. Inside the building, it didn't seem to be a warehouse…there were offices or maybe…classrooms. The corridors were lit by dim bare bulbs.

Max had the homing device watch, so 99 wasn't sure which way to go to look for Hymie. She glanced at the floor. There was a bit of mud on the floor leading from the door…it was muddy outside…that could be from Max's shoes…she followed the mud up the stairs to the 2nd floor, where it disappeared. She went to each door and tried the knob, but none opened. She was at the last door on the 2nd floor … and it opened!

99 went in cautiously with her gun drawn. She was in a small outer office. It was darker than the corridor and 99 pulled out her tiny pen flashlight. No one was there. She carefully made her way to the inner door. A blue light glowed from behind the frosted glass of the inner door.

99 opened the door carefully. She heard the soft mechanical whirring and clicking sounds of….a mainframe computer? She recognized the large tape consoles, cables and flashing lights that belonged to ELISE. She carefully and quietly walked in between several of the consoles and realized they were arranged in a circle and there was a space in the middle…

The first thing 99 saw was a woman dressed in a silver, futuristic looking jump suit. Her face, hands and hair were metallic silver. She was standing between two medical tables. On one of the tables was Hymie. He did not appear to be activated. He was connected to the mainframe computer by cables.

On the other table…99 came a bit closer…it was Max! He was not moving.

"Max!" said 99. She ran over to him. He was breathing and his eyes were open, but there was no awareness. She turned to the silver woman. "What are you doing to him? Why do you have Hymie?"

The woman did not appear to notice that 99 was even in her vicinity. 99 took a better look. The silver woman was Madeline, one of the KAOS secretaries mistakenly hired by Max. She had formerly looked very human, now 99 wasn't sure. She must be a robot.

The silver woman touched Max and leaned over him. "You will tell me everything you know." She stroked his hair and his face. Her voice sounded sensual and yet metallic at the same time.

99 and pushed the silver woman away from Max. 99 pointed her gun at her. The silver woman slowly became aware of 99's presence. "You…will leave immediately!" the former Madeline commanded.

"I will not!" screamed 99, as she squeezed off a bullet at the silver woman. It had no effect. The robot came closer. 99 threw a punch that would have knocked over any ordinary woman. This also had no effect. The robot seemed made of steel.

99 turned to Max, lying still on the table. She looked closer and saw that there were tiny, almost invisible cables holding him down and some were actually embedded in his skin. 99 started wracking her brain … how could she stop the silver robot so that she could free Max and Hymie?

That's it…Hymie …she thought. The robot picked up 99 and was about to throw her against the wall when with one quick move, 99 opened the robot's front panel and hit the "off" button. The robot froze, dropped 99 and sank to the floor.

99 ran over to Max. She didn't know how to remove the cables or if it would even be safe. She also saw a syringe on the floor…it looked as if Max had been given something…maybe truth serum?

99 turned to Hymie. She unplugged all the cables. She opened Hymie's front panel and reactivated him. He sat up.

"Hymie, what's going on?"

"Hello, 99. I was kidnapped by ELISE and her friends."

"Friends, Hymie?"

"Yes, 99. ELISE is so lovely. And I fell for her. I tried to rescue her but all she wanted was Control information. She was sucking it out of me with those cables. And she has a lovely assistant." He indicated the former Madeline. "They took me for a ride, 99." Hymie looked sad.

"Hymie, what did they do to Max? How can I get him to wake up?"

"I can release him," said Hymie. He went over to one of the consoles and pressed a series of buttons. The tiny cables holding Max released him. Max blinked his eyes and sat up.

"Are you okay, love?" said 99. She stood next to him and stroked his back and his hair.

Max rubbed his eyes. "Eh, I had a bad dream…my brain was being sucked out of me…" He looked at 99. "Eh, who did you say you are?"

He looked at the silver Madeline, still slumped on the floor. "She was the one in my dream. She was pulling my brain out…" He looked at 99 again and then at Hymie. "Who did you say you are?" Max looked confused.

"Hymie, what's going on?" said 99, alarmed. "What happened to Max?"

"They just made copies of all the information I hold, 99. They hadn't gotten around to erasing my drives. With a human, it is different. We better take him to the Control clinic tomorrow. I will take care of ELISE and Madeline. It hurts me to shut them down, but…"

********************************************************************

Max, 99 and Hymie left the building after 99 called in to Control to make sure that a guard was put on ELISE and Madeline. They also put out an APB on Jane. As they walked to Max's car, 99 noticed that he was walking normally and there didn't seem to be anything wrong with his arm anymore either. 99 got in the driver's seat with Max next to her. Hymie said he preferred to jog back to his closet at Control.

99 was about to start the car when Max stopped her. He put his hand on her arm and got closer to her. "What did you say your name was?"

"I'm 99. I'm your wife."

"You don't look a day over 24," said Max. "And what's my name?"

"Maxwell Smart…you're a secret agent."

He looked at her closely. "You're so beautiful." He got even closer. Your hair is incredible. Your eyes are so blue. You smell wonderful." He ran his fingers through her hair. He kissed her.

"Max, let's go home, love."

********************************************************************

The following day 99 and Max entered the Chief's office arm in arm. Max pulled out a chair for 99, then pulled another chair as close as possible and sat in it. He put his arm around her.

"Max," said the Chief. "I hear you're feeling better….Max?…Max?"

"Chief, we just came from the clinic," said 99. "Max has been given a clean bill of health physically, however…that serum that robot gave him last night still hasn't worn off – I brought the syringe I found in for analysis. Chief, it's a love potion. He was supposed to fall in love with the robot and tell her everything. Luckily I came in just in time. His memory is returning also. The doctor thinks he will be back to normal very shortly."

"That's good, 99…I see he's a bit distracted…" Max was running his fingers through 99's hair.

"Max…Max!" said the Chief.

"Eh, are you talking to me?" said Max. "And you are…oh, yes, hi, Chief."

"Max, you are completely reinstated at Control for the excellent job you and 99 did in finding ELISE and her two hench-women."

"Max, that's wonderful! You're completely exonerated!" said 99.

"For what?" said Max.

"Never mind, Max," said 99. "We'll talk about it when your memory comes back completely…" She turned to the Chief. "Chief, what are you going to do with ELISE? Can she be reprogrammed? And Madeline?"

"We don't have any plans for them at the moment. But if we reprogram Madeline, she may just be the right one to make ELISE a valuable part of Control."

"What about Jane?" asked 99. "Is she a robot too?"

"No, 99, she was the brains behind programming Elise and Madeline. She's the real KAOS agent. She'll be locked up for quite some time."

"Chief, the clinic told us that the love potion drug that was administered to Max seemed to also have healed his arm and leg. It's amazing! The drug didn't cause the memory deficit: that was caused by being connected to the computer. However, Chief, Max is being very sweet and romantic…he brought me roses, he made me breakfast in bed, he carried me across the threshold…well, he dropped me, but it was the thought that counts…."

Max spoke up. "You know, Chief, I think you should have a love seat in this office. These chairs are too hard to sit in if you want to look in someone's eyes…"

"99, take him home….please!" said the Chief.

THE END