A/N: A one-shot I wrote in 20 minutes. I think it's okay, I dunno. :)

Disclaimer: Do not own iCarly or anything related to Nickelodeon or Viacom.

It's slow and lazy. The thin red tip finally is at the end of the poor cell phone. Sam hands back my mobile and continues watching television. I stare dejectedly at it.

"Aw. She licked my phone." Carly's excited squeal beside me startled me a bit.

"American Sings is back on!" Her frantic pointing at the television clearly stated so. Then a hot bubbling sensation in my stomach exploded, and I turned to Sam, calmly, but furious.

"Never lick my phone again!"

At that, Sam grabs it again. Slow and lazy; her tongue travels up the touch screen. She slams it into my hand again and keeps staring at the TV. I give a disgruntled groan and I rub it off.

But they this...idea...pops into my brain. What if--?

Wait...no, I'm keeping this secret for now. I try to put on a determined face. Then I realize I'm talking to myself, and I'm giving a determined face to the wall.

Sigh, might as well just tell you. Tell me, I mean, tell me.

What if, just by chance, I licked something of hers? I start to slowly smile.

You see, this is where the scary, sly music hops in, and the screen on your television darkens, with me grinning evilly at nothing.

But that doesn't happen in real life. Haha...

But darn. Wouldn't've that been SO COOL?!
Oh my God I sound like Spencer.

Anyways. Back to Sam.

...Umm...okay fine! Truth is, I have no idea how to "get her back." But, I will think of a plan.

See, that's where I do the low, husky voice, and the mysterious music plays.

Still not happening. Darn.

Okay, how to get a girl back who has a two-thousand-up on you? No, not just one-up, not even two-up, that girl has like, two-thousand-seventeen-ups on me.

God, she's good. How many times have I gotten her back?

Like once. I think that was when we were attacking each other's lips. Yeah, then. I still get shivers when I think about it. Not the bad shivers, but not even the good shivers. Just...shivers.

Okay. Let's see. Maybe I can just catch her off guard, and grab her phone, and lick that. Weird. But sure, I'll try.

It's the next day. Sam is sitting eating a baloney sandwich and drinking pink lemonade. Her phone is one the chair next to her. I suavely strut over. I smoothly slip into the chair on the opposite side of the phone. Then I slither across each chair around the table. Sam looks up, giving me a bored expression. Then her jaw drops (still full of sandwich, I might add) as I finally slide into the chair her phone is lying on, then I promptly pick up the phone, and give it a good, long lick.

I smirk at her face. Then all expression drops again and she continues eating her sandwich. And then—

Oh God, I gag here. Not even I would have done this.

She takes the phone gently back, still showing no emotion, presses two buttons, then brings it up to her ear...and...

The phone is against her cheek, her ear, and her hair. I just licked her phone. And she looks like she doesn't even care!

I give her a thoroughly confused look. She just grins at me and stands up, her chair making an especially loud grating sound against the floor. She then saunters off, her phone still clutched between her shoulder and cheek.

My mouth is laying on the table, I'm so shocked.

Great. Two-thousand-eighteen-ups for Sam. ONE-up for me. One. ONE!

Gah.

"No, Carls, I swear, I'm not in your house...eating your food..."

I chuckle as I hear her voice from Carly's room.

"No, really Carls, I'm not prying the hammer that almost killed you last year from the wall to kill Freddie." I can hear her scoff. She's up in the Studio now. Wow. Either I've got large ears, or she scoffs loudly.

I then decide what to do to catch her off-guard. I march up the stairs, determined. Wow I'm determined a lot.

Anyways, back to stairs. By the second flight I knew I should have taken the elevator. Tiring—walking—up—fifty—stairs...

At the top, I take a deep breath. I lean over, peering into the Studio. Sam's fumbling with some stuffed animal that is sitting next to a beanbag. She turns around and paces in a circle. I hear her laugh about something Carly said.

It's now or never.

I walk forward quickly, grab the door handle, twist, push—

DANG IT! The door's locked.

I silently thank puberty as I reach up, grabbing for the tiny key sitting on the top of the door frame. Woo-hoo. I found it.

Slipping it into the door, I push open the door—

Yay it opens this time. Now back to dramatic-ness.

I march forward. Sam whips around, startled by my presence. I keep walking forward. My hand plants itself on the small of her back. My other hand grabs her upper arm. I lean forward, then my lips crash against hers.

I can hear the dull clatter of the cell phone as it hits the floor.

Mission accomplished.

A/N: So whaddya think? Good? Bad?

Plot bunnies are happy when you review. :)

Ciao!

Adnama19