Restraint

By: pnaixrose

Disclaimer: I don't own Card Captor Sakura or any of its characters. They all belong to CLAMP.

Summary: For eighteen years, Syaoran's family has kept him in the dark about a secret that would tear him away from everything he loved. He would soon learn that loving her would be the one thing he would never be able to do...for her sake. But it's hard when your body, heart, and soul aren't cooperating with reason. It's hard when you want to love someone, when doing so will only hurt her in the end.

Chapter 15: Fighting

This damn tie was too confining.

Grunting in displeasure, Syaoran plopped down onto his chair as he sighed aloud, loosening his navy tie so that he could finally breathe. He was beyond irritable today as he looked at the stack of papers on his desk. The pile of work to be done never seemed to decrease. In fact, for the past three weeks since he had been forced to start his "leader duties" that were so gratefully enforced by the Elders, the work had seemed to increase as the free time he had simply diminished. Having to go to the corporate headquarters to finally play his role as the eighteen-year-old C.E.O. of his family's companies was tiresome. Although he wasn't officially the C.E.O. since he still needed a college degree, he had come to be the figurehead and had been placed with the same amount of work the C.E.O. would usually have. In order to "gain experience in the field" those old farts had explained. On top of that, the extra training sessions in martial arts, swordsmanship, and magic the Elders forced upon him were gruesome. The additional schooling by tutors for him to earn his college degree in a shortened amount of time was annoying. But the thing that angered him the most was the fact that he no longer was able to stay by Sakura's and his child's sides or research more about the curse.

'It's time to focus on your duties as leader,' Dai had demanded. Syaoran knew though that this was just out of spite. Another method to try to break him and Sakura apart. They had been inseparable since the big reveal of the baby's gender. And he had made it a point to become the utmost devoted and loyal father to their child. The Elders had talked to him privately, still trying to convince him that aborting the baby would be best. But he was numb to their pleas and insisting. And thus they had ordered him to do his duties, cutting his time with Sakura.

He was still scared of the curse of course. But after seeing that strange splotch that was his child on the ultrasound film on that fated day…he was more scared of his son not being able to have a chance to be brought into this world. Just a chance. That's all Syaoran hoped for. A chance that his son will be born. A chance that the curse wouldn't affect Sakura. A chance to spend time with them together. He wouldn't give up these fleeting chances for anything.

Thankfully, his family and friends were still dutifully researching and updating him on what they could possibly find. The smallest detail was scrutinized. However, the leads that they thought they found often led nowhere. They just could not find the reason for the curse.

Anyhow, at least Sakura was in much brighter spirits now that Syaoran was by her side. And he was convinced to continue to support her and her decisions. Sometimes he would feel the fear of losing her creep into his bones. The fear would be so great that he would start doubting everything, start doubting Sakura. And it would be during those moments when he would purposely stay away from her and stay at work late to avoid seeing her, in order to prevent himself from saying anything that could pressure her. But every night, no matter what and no matter how late it would be, he would come back to her side and slide into her bed next to her. It was the only thing he looked forward to everyday. And it was the only thing that would keep those horrid nightmares away.

These days without her. These tasks he would have to get through. These were just necessary obstacles to overcome before returning to her side.

A buzz rang from an intercom on his desk and he pushed the button irritably. "What is it?" he snapped.

"The reports from yesterday's meeting just arrived, sir," came the voice of his secretary. "I'm having them delivered to your room now."

Great, more work. "Fine."

"And also, you have a meeting at two o'clock with—"

"Cancel that meeting."

"But sir—"

"That's an order."

The only good thing about coming to corporate was the fact that he wasn't under the Elders' close watch. If he was careful, he would be able to slip out from work from time to time. And thus he has been able to occasionally accompany Sakura to her doctor's appointments, much to both of their delights.

The world can try as much as it can, but he wouldn't and couldn't stay away from her. From them.

Sakura's face crinkled into one of confusion as she read into one of the Li clan's ancient text books. Although translated into Japanese, she still couldn't make sense of it. The history of the Li clan was long and ornate and she had finally reached the part describing the planning to combine Eastern and Western magic that would be the preface of Clow Reed. The litigations and legalities on the matter seemed troublesome and rocky, as did the relationship between the East and the West. Sakura wondered how the idea of it all came about.

"Is something the matter, Sakura-san?"

She was startled by the presence of her tutor, Elder Jianjun. She had been so engrossed in her text that she had forgotten he was even there. "Not that I'm against the idea of combining Eastern and Western magic – after all it did end up creating the Cards, Kero-chan, and Yue-san – but how and why exactly did the idea of it come about? It seems like the Li Clan and the Reed family did not see eye to eye on the matter…"

He nodded in understanding. "Ah yes, in fact the Li and Reed families had been somewhat of rivals. It's expected of two strong families that have similar yet completely different abilities. The idea of combining the families was greatly opposed, as many members of each family wanted to keep their magic purified from the other's. However, the ultimate decision was made to combine them mostly to create some kind of middle ground between the two families."

"Otherwise, a war might have begun in order to vie for dominance over the other," Sakura commented absentmindedly.

Elder Jianjun nodded again. "Correct. The leaders of the Li and Reed families at that particular time thought it best to have their magical lineages combine to avoid this. They even decided to combine lineages between their own children to show how accepting they were of the idea and of each other's magical power. Thus, Clow Reed was the product of the arranged marriage between the Li Clan's Leader's daughter and the head Reed family's son. A perfect combination between East and West."

Sakura's face formed into a half-frown. The ideas of arranged marriages for politics didn't fit well with her. But these were different times back then after all. "Why didn't more arrangements for marriage between the two families happen?" she asked.

The Elder sighed, his face showing disappointment. "You didn't reach this in the text yet but unfortunately, Clow's mother died unexpectedly in childbirth, angering the Li Clan members. This is the reason why Master Clow Reed never had any siblings either. The Li Clan blamed the Reed family for the death and limited their contact with the Reed family thereafter." He looked upon a silent Sakura, undoubtedly realizing that this was where the curse she was faced with first began. Elder Jianjun continued with his explanation, wanting to save the poor girl from any more thoughts about the curse. "Furthermore, the incredible amount of magic power Master Clow Reed was capable of was a dangerous force to bring into the world. The world was lucky that he had a good and pure heart. Otherwise, if it had been anyone with an ounce of selfishness in him or her, disaster may have brought havoc upon the world."

So the curse started with Clow Reed's mother. Sakura wondered how Clow felt about that, if he even knew. Maybe he had a similar experience as Syaoran and didn't even know that his mother had died while giving birth to him. She could only imagine what kind of childhood Clow had, being brought into the world for such political motives. Elder Jianjun was indeed correct that they were lucky Clow was as kind and intelligent as he was. Such a complicated history…

Suddenly, the clock struck three o'clock and Sakura nearly jumped out of her seat, as if realization had hit her. She turned to the Elder and bowed, the weight of the story still upon her. "Thank you for the lesson, Elder Jianjun. I have my doctor's appointment so I'll take my leave." He nodded his acknowledgement.

She hurried out of the room with a smile on her face, putting what she had learned behind her. She was more focused on other things right now. After all, she would have the chance to see Syaoran again. His schedule has been so busy lately – purposely imposed on him by the Elders as a method to keep them apart as Syaoran insists – that just these few minutes with him during the day were cherished. Usually, the only times she would see him was if she was still awake when he snuck into bed with her. However, lately he had been arriving so late in the night that she would only wake for a few minutes before falling deep into slumber again.

It felt like they hadn't been intimate in ages. Plus, with her more obvious growing belly, he felt a little bit more reserved about being intimate with her, wanting her to take it easy. Furthermore, she admitted that she felt a lot more tired and sometimes even dizzy. Dr. Li insisted that it was due to her pregnant state and that it was normal. But Syaoran had wanted her to take it easy all the more after finding out.

No matter. Knowing he still wanted to climb into bed to hold her in his arms was all she needed to get her through each tiresome day.

Tomoyo had a smile on her face as she saw her best friend shuffling down the hallway towards her. Although Sakura was beginning to really show, lately she was glowing. And even as Sakura hurried down the hallway like a penguin, Tomoyo couldn't help but think that her dear friend was all the more "kawaii."

"You'd better slow down, Sakura-chan," Tomoyo called as she neared her. "If Syaoran-kun ever saw you like this he'd go into a rant of how you're not taking care of yourself and how you should be careful."

Sakura beamed as she stopped at Tomoyo's side. "I'm fine, I'm fine! Just want to be on time for my appointment with Dr. Li." Sakura looked from side to side looking out for people who might be listening to their conversation before leaning in to whisper into her friend's ear. "I'm meeting with Syaoran-kun on the way."

The raven-haired girl grinned. Of course she was meeting Syaoran on the way. There would be no other reason why she looked this ecstatic in the middle of the day. "I guess you don't need me to accompany you today then, huh?"

"Ah no thank you! Sorry, Tomoyo-chan!"

"Oh no, don't apologize! I don't mind at all," she replied. And indeed, nothing made her happier than seeing Sakura lively and excited as she has been lately. The only thing that rivaled this was knowing that Syaoran was the reason for her to be this way and knowing that Syaoran has been as devoted and loving as ever towards the Card Mistress.

Sakura noted. "I'll meet up with you and Meiling-chan after my appointment?"

"Of course, if you're not feeling too tired. Are you done with your tutoring sessions with the Elders though?"

"Yeah, just finished," Sakura replied somewhat distantly. She was taken back to what Elder Jianjun had been telling her – the story behind Clow Reed's birth and the beginnings of the curse she was currently facing herself. "Ne, Tomoyo-chan. Did you or Meiling-chan ever find something about Clow Reed's mother while reading the ancient Li texts…?"

Tomoyo was taken aback. Sakura never really asked about their progress with finding out about the curse. Whether it was because Sakura wanted to be blissfully ignorant to it or whether she was scared of finding out that they hadn't made any real progress, Tomoyo wasn't sure. The fact that something about the Li history had piqued Sakura's interest raised a red flag. "From what I've read, no. I'm not sure what Meiling-chan has found. Is something wrong?"

Sakura immediately felt guilty, seeing her friend's worried frown. Sometimes she forgot how delicate the situation was…and how much her friends really cared for her. She tried not to bring up anything about the curse to them simply for their sake. The only one she really confided in about her fears about the curse was Syaoran and even then only intermittently. She was afraid she would scare him away again. Sakura brought a smile upon her own face and shook her head, intent on not worrying Tomoyo. "Elder Jianjun was telling me the story about Clow Reed's mother. Apparently she was the first one to have…dealt with the curse. I was just wondering if there was anything interesting on her, that's all."

"I'll definitely take a note of it, Sakura-chan," Tomoyo said, noting how nonchalant and blasé her best friend was trying to act. "But for now, you'll be late for your appointment! I'll meet you afterwards!"

"Hoee! You're right! See you later!"

As Sakura continued to shuffle down the Li hallways towards her room, Tomoyo kept a mental note to relay the information to Meiling, Eriol, and possibly Syaoran. Any lead they had was something to look into after all. Especially when everything seemed to bring them nowhere.

Hands clasped with the man next to her, Sakura smiled up at Syaoran cheekily, earning a bright red blush upon his cheeks. Even now, sometimes he couldn't resist feeling weak when she looked up at him so giddily like that. "Someone's feeling happy," he commented lightly.

They had just exited the hospital after meeting with Dr. Li and were heading towards the car. They had another live ultrasound today, had seen the baby's strong heartbeat and were starting to visualize more tiny body parts. Sakura had been feeling ecstatic ever since. She felt like she was eternally activating the Float Card with the way she felt like she was gliding as she walked. She giggled, cuddling up against his arm. "I can't help it! He's growing so healthily!"

Syaoran couldn't help but grin in agreement. He's been glad that Dr. Li has told them nothing but good news thus far. He was beginning to settle into a contentedness as of late. As if everything might turn out okay in the end.

Was he kidding himself? Maybe. But with Sakura chattering and smiling up at him like this and after seeing his son's little heart pumping so steadily, maybe a little contentedness was all he needed right now. It sure beat feeling on edge and expecting his entire world to collapse.

"I want to take you somewhere before we go back," he said. "Is that okay with you?"

She blinked. "Are you sure? You'll be late going back to work."

He grinned. He could care less about work at this point. "I'm positive."

"Clow Reed's mother?" Meiling asked after Tomoyo told her what Sakura had said. They were back in their familiar spots in the Li library, books and files strewn everywhere as per usual. Meiling thought deeply before rummaging through a pile of books they had marked as read. "I think they mentioned her really quickly here…but nothing really about the curse…"

She flipped through a couple of pages and after some minutes she found what she was looking for. "Ah! Here! It basically says that she was sent to live in England as a young child to live with the head Reed family. This was done in order to ingrain a deep relationship between her and their oldest son since they were arranged to be married. According to this they had a good relationship as they grew up. But it doesn't mention anything about her passing away while giving birth to Clow Reed…" Meiling skimmed the lines trying to find some sort of clue. "Her name was…Li Chun Hua."

Tomoyo gave a quick read through of the text, disappointed that not much else was written. She sighed aloud, still making a mental note to mention it to Eriol later. "What a shame. It might have really helped us out."

Meiling nodded but was hopeful. "At least we know her name. We'll make sure to look out for it in the future."

Syaoran, leading Sakura by the hand, was grinning when they arrived to the location he had wanted to take her. He heard her gasp in glee as she took in the scenery. There was an empty majestic jungle gym – complete with a swing set, monkey bars, slides, and other contraptions that kids found fun – in from of them, safely surrounded by an enclosure of trees. Syaoran had almost forgotten about this place, however he passed by it on his way to work and memories began flooding back.

"Once in a blue moon," he began, "when my mother wanted me to escape training lessons with the Elders or when my sisters would be too rambunctious, she would bring my sisters and me here. We only came three or four times. But I remember them to be some of the few fun moments back then."

Sakura grinned as she let go of his hand and waddled/ran over towards the swing set. Syaoran withheld the feeling of dread that always came these days when she was overly excited. Although she was extremely athletic, he knew that she had her clumsy moments. "S-Sakura! Don't run like that!" he shouted as he easily kept up with her.

She chuckled, finding his worry endearing but brushing it off all the same. "Oh Syaoran-kun! Mou, I'm fine!" she hummed to herself as she sat down on the swing, thinking how reminiscent this playground was to their Penguin Park back in Tomoeda. She thought back to the first time she and Syaoran had been alone at Penguin Park, swinging on the swings after Yukito had rejected her. They were just kids back then. And they were still just kids now actually. It was ironic how much they had been forced to grow up this past year.

He sighed aloud at her recklessness and took a seat on the swing next to her. "I…" he started softly as he gently pushed himself on the swing. "I want to bring our son here once he gets a little older…I guess that is, if we live here in Hong Kong. If we decide to live in Tomoeda then probably Penguin Park, right?"

Sakura smiled, touched that Syaoran had actually thought this. "Regardless of where, I bet he'll love it! We could bring him to get ice cream afterwards too."

"He'll probably spill the ice cream on the floor. Or get it all over his face." Syaoran scrunched his nose and looked at her playfully. "Like his mother."

She laughed in response. "That was one time!"

As she defended herself and chattered on about how it was his fault for ordering so much ice cream on such a hot day, Syaoran smiled. He felt a tiny bit strained. As if the back of his mind this talk of the future was all for naught. As if he knew it wouldn't and couldn't happen…not together with Sakura next to him, at least. He didn't know why he brought it up. He didn't even know why he had thought of wanting to bring his son to the park as a family in the first place. Maybe it would ease the pain a little. Maybe telling her his wishes for the future would at least ingrain in his mind that the tiniest hope for them to come true was there. That at least he was still able to think about the future.

"Oh!" Sakura suddenly said in mid-sentence. The yelp had startled him out of his sad reverie. He looked to her as she placed a hand on her growing belly and looked down at it.

"What is it? Is something wrong?" he asked immediately, getting off his swing and kneeling down next to her.

She smiled and quietly reached for his hand, placing it on top of her stomach. He held his breath. Some strange waves of movement were happening underneath his hand. His previous thoughts of slight dread had diminished. Silenced and awed into joy, he didn't move his hand away, intent of feeling the sensation of life inside Sakura's stomach.

They looked at each other in contentedness, spending who knows how long feeling butterflies in their stomachs – for Sakura, quite literally.

Syaoran opened his eyes and found that he was in the hospital…once again.

Strange. He hadn't had this dream in weeks.

Gingerly, he took a step towards the impending door in front of him, hearing commotion on the other side. He already knew what was to come. He knew that he just needed to get through this damn dream in order to wake up in a cold sweat and realize that Sakura was right there, in bed next to him and not lying dead in a hospital stretcher. He just needed to get through this…

On the other side of the door, nurses were bustling around the tiny room.
Something was strange about this dream…It was unfamiliar in a way…

"Master Xiao Lang!" a familiar voice said in worry. He turned to the voice and saw Dr. Li, dressed in what seemed to be clothing for conducting operations complete with a mask over her mouth and nose. Her face seemed to be drenched in sweat as she leaned over the bed which was being blocked from view by several nurses. "You shouldn't be here!"

When…When had Dr. Li entered this dream…?

His eyes widened as he noticed something else. Blood. And lots of it. All over Dr. Li's clothing and hands.

He pushed the other nurses aside and was sickened by what he witnessed. Sakura was lying down weakly, splotches of red all over the stretcher. And the redness didn't stop. It just seemed to be soaking everything. The stretcher sheets. Sakura's hospital gown.

"Sakura!" She slowly looked up at him, her lips dry and entire face pale.

"S-Syaoran-kun…" she said, pain evident in her usually bright emerald eyes. "I-It hurts…"

He was frantic as he grabbed her hand and leaned over her so that he was close to her face. "O-Oh my god…S-Sakura…"

The blood wouldn't stop spreading. It just wouldn't stop.

His throat was parched and he was speechless. He wasn't thinking straight. He couldn't think straight. Not when she was slowly dying a painful death in front of hi–

Syaoran's amber eyes widened again as realization set upon him. "W-Where is…" he choked. "W-Where is…he?"

Holding back a sob and with tears in her eyes, Sakura looked up to Dr. Li, or more precisely, at her hands. Syaoran followed in suit. He was pushed into a state of utter shock.

That blood on Dr. Li's hands…was due to a tiny, mangled mess of skin drenched in redness. A small head, tiny fingers…blood covering all of it. Unmoving. Not breathing. Devoid of life.

And suddenly, he found that he was reaching out for it with shaking hands. Desperately. Unable to grasp what was happening. It was small and soft as he held it in his bare hands, soaking himself with blood. He refused to acknowledge it in his mind as a "he." Surely…surely…this couldn't be…

His son.

"S-Syaoran-kun…"

His eyes set on Sakura's which were slowly closing. Her grasp on his arm slackened.

Emptiness. Pure and utter emptiness.

He felt absolutely numb.

Shuddering and muttering was what woke Sakura from her deep slumber. She looked towards the man next to her and found that he was shaking and sweating profusely. He was gripping onto the bed sheets in desperation.

She immediately sat up, startled back into consciousness. "S-Syaoran-kun!" The last thing she had remembered was that he had slipped into bed well past midnight, placing an arm around her before she fell back asleep. "Syaoran-kun! What's wrong!" She began shaking him, hoping to wake him.

A nightmare? It couldn't be just that. Something about this was strange.
And somehow, she felt it. A familiar aura…

"Syaoran-kun! I'm right here! Wake up! Wake up, Syaoran!"

Finally, after what seemed like ages, his amber eyes opened. He panted hard as he sat up straight, taking in his surroundings. Sakura noticed that he was moving frantically, alarmingly. And his eyes wouldn't calm themselves. He looked at her up and down, seemingly trying to ascertain if this was real. He clutched onto her arms roughly, leaving bruises.

And quite suddenly, he grew pale. And with a gag, he was rushing into the bathroom, his hand covering his mouth. Sakura followed him as he retched into the toilet, emptying what little he ate during the day. She was so flustered and surprised, she didn't know what to do. She reached out a hand to touch his shaking body, but he roughly jerked away.

"Get out!" he yelled. "Leave!"

"B-But, Syaoran-kun!"

He didn't need consoling. He didn't need to feel her touch right now. What he needed was for her to get out of his sight. Because he was sure that he would spout some nasty, frightening things to her if she stayed another second.

That nightmare…was not just a nightmare. There was no word to encompass that sick horror he just experienced.

A lifeless, bloodied child in his hands. A limp, pale Sakura.

He felt another wave of nausea hit him at the recollection and he retched into the toilet once again.

It felt so real. So real. Real enough to drive him into madness.

He turned to Sakura who looked on helplessly with scared eyes. His eyes went down to her rounded belly. He tore his gaze away, attempting to calm himself.

"P-Please Sakura," he said shakily, trying to maintain what little composure he had for her sake. "Just leave. B-Before I say something…I don't mean…Something out of…pure fear."

Something along the lines of forcing her to abort the baby right this second.

"B-But–!"

"Sakura!" he yelled again, still trembling. It seemed more out of despair and anguish than anger.

Staring at his now sweat-drenched back, she knew that she couldn't stay. It was evident that he had a nightmare concerning the curse. And he was trying his best not to freak out again. He needed time to himself. And so she slipped away quietly, still flustered over what had happened.

It was best that Syaoran demanded her to leave. She had to speak to a certain someone concerning that aura that she had felt while Syaoran was grimacing through whatever dream he was having…and she had to do so right this second

She uncharacteristically barged into a familiar study room which she had entered many times before to face her only cold-hearted tutor out of the three. He was standing at his desk, seemingly unfazed by her intrusion. He seemed as if he was expecting her actually.

"Card Mistress," Li Dai addressed unfeelingly.

Sakura stomped up to him and brought down a heavy fist onto his table, rattling the contents. "I know it was you, Elder Dai!" she shouted angrily, her blood boiling at the memory of a frantic, desperate Syaoran. She had never felt so much hatred towards one man. "I recognize your aura from the day you used your magic against Syaoran-kun!"

"Just what are you accusing me of?" he asked coolly, brushing off her concern.

"Why are you targeting him like this? Giving him nightmares about the curse? Just how long has this been going on?" she yelled, her voice echoing against the walls.

He smirked smugly, ignoring her questions. "Shouldn't you be resting? Surely someone in your condition shouldn't get so worked up…don't want something bad to happen to your child now because of your irrationality," he said referring to her rounded belly.

"Stop playing games with me!" Sakura retorted. Her fiery eyes melted into confused, hurt-filled ones. "How could you do that?!

"I couldn't knock some sense into you, so I needed to knock some sense into him in order to persuade—"

"I am the one who has made all these decisions that you don't like! He's not at fault! Don't torture him like that! It's me who you should be targeting!" she shouted. "He's your leader! Your relative! Don't you have any respect or love for him as a relative at all—"

"Sakura!"

Startled by the new voice, Sakura looked behind her and saw a stoic Syaoran striding towards them. Before she could continue her tirade or say a word, he had roughly grabbed her arm and pulled her behind him, facing Li Dai by himself.

He looked up at the Elder defiantly, trying to control his anger. "It's been you all this time. Even from before," Syaoran confirmed, his voice staccato-like.

Elder Dai narrowed his eyes. "I needed to get a little bit more creative since being around her seemed to nullify the previous dream."

"'Creative?'" Syaoran spat with incredulousness. "Holding my bloodied, dead child in my hands while Sakura died right next to me is 'creative' to you?" He ignored Sakura's gasp from behind him as his anger rose at the old man's indifference and inhumaneness. "Have you ever held your dead child in your arms, Elder Dai?!"

"Yes, I have in fact!" Dai retorted snidely, letting his emotions get the better of him. "What better way to show you that what you two are doing is indeed stupidity!"

"That's it, Elder Dai!" he roared. "I'm tired of your insolence and your misuse of magic! As leader of this clan, I challenge you to a duel!" There was a mixture of darkness and pain to Syaoran's voice which Sakura never heard before. And what he demanded next was something that she never expected. "If I win, you'll step down as one of the Elders and therefore have absolutely no say in the pregnancy!"

Dai looked at his Leader in disbelief, knowing that this was unprecedented. No Leader had ever stripped an Elder from his or her title in the history of the Li Clan. However, he smiled shrewdly, knowing how juvenile Syaoran is in both his actions and his sword fighting.

"I accept, Master Xiao Lang," he said nonchalantly. "But if I win…the Card Mistress will terminate her pregnancy."

Syaoran was silent for a bit, keeping his gaze even with the Elder. He was risking a lot and he wouldn't be able to refuse if he lost. Not after an official challenge like this.

But still…

The memory of a lifeless Sakura and his unmoving son came to mind.

"He accepts," came Sakura's voice sounding defiant and sure.

Dai laughed cruelly at Sakura's unexpected response. "Are you quite sure, Card Mistress?" he asked. "Xiao Lang has never won a match to me."

Syaoran looked to her and she only nodded her approval, her emerald eyes alight with fury. He turned to the Elder, his gaze matching his companion's.

"I accept."

Li Dai had gone too far with this one.

Clad in nothing but their pants, Elder and Leader stood a few meters apart in their usual training grounds, their swords held high in similar fighting stances. They circled each other, matching each other's footwork. It was still the middle of the night, and nothing but some lighted lamps and the moonlight illuminated them. Sakura stood anxiously along the sidelines, the only spectator and witness to their duel.

Syaoran stared at his opponent with malice in his eyes tonight. Although their prior training sessions always had an air of seriousness between them considering their obvious dislike for each other, tonight the air was bitten with a much sharper sort of tension. The type of tension built up from years of unsaid words and feelings. The type of tension that erupts once someone steps over his boundaries.

How could he? How could he stoop so low?

With nothing but a slight twitch of his eye, Syaoran suddenly leaped forward, intent on having his sword meet flesh. But of course, Dai easily blocked in with his own sword raised above his head. He pushed his weapon forward, causing Syaoran to stumble back, before swiftly running to his right side to slice the boy's arm. Syaoran dodged in the nick of time, doing a backflip and landing a safe distance away.

Dai laughed at his pupil's sloppiness. "Your anger at me has gotten the best of you, Xiao Lang."

With a roar of rage, Syaoran did a running start before jumping suddenly into the air and what seemed like out of sight. However, instead of bringing his sword down on Dai, it caught dirt and dust instead as the Elder expertly moved aside. Syaoran cried out in momentary pain as he was slashed superficially on his side. If he hadn't moved, it probably would have been deeper.

"Pathetic," Dai spat.

"Not as pathetic as you've been acting!" Syaoran retorted angrily, forgetting his wound.

"I beg to differ!" Dai cried out before rushing into him, slicing through the air. Their swords glinted and sparked when they met. "You've been treating the curse like a child would, believing in such a petty thing like love! Just as pathetic as your father! Even more so!"

Their swords locked as they attempted to dominate the other's strength. Syaoran got the upper hand by ever so slightly planting his foot in a certain position, a move he had learned from Elder Jianjun. He swiped at Dai, who quickly dodged each one except the last one which nicked his thigh. Without hesitation, Dai jumped backwards, his eyes narrowed.

"All these years you've been saying how pathetic and weak my father is," Syaoran shouted, sweat streaming down his face. "Why do you hate him so much?"

The night's shadows covering Dai's face attempted to hide a hardened, tense face. "He couldn't protect what was important to him. That's why." And without warning and almost like magic, he appeared next to Syaoran's face, sword slicing into the young boy's arm. "And that's precisely why you follow in his footsteps."

Grimacing, Syaoran jumped back and held onto his bleeding arm. In the distance he heard Sakura calling out to him in concern. He looked down at the wound and at the hand which had used to hold it. Blood. So much of it.

…but not nearly as much as in that dream.

A surge of rage ran through him as he rushed at his trainer. "Don't you think we're trying?! Don't you think he understood – we understood – how weak we are exactly?!" Clash between swords sounded as the two were evenly matched. "But if there was that one tiny sliver of hope when all seems lost…" He thought of all his future plans. Of holding a growing boy and throwing him up in the air as they played. Of walking in on a humming Sakura with a napping boy in her arms. "…If we could cling onto love and believe in it, don't you think that in itself is strength?!"

They parted once again, catching their breaths as sweat dripped from their bodies.

"What good does it do?! All this hope and love and utter nonsense?!"

"What good doesn't it do?!" Syaoran replied with a shout. "It's so much better than living in self-hatred, guilt, and worry!"

"But you deserve to hate yourself! You deserve to be guilty!" Dai yelled, his voice coarse with emotion, bringing him back to another time and place. "You've killed her! All that hope and love you preached did nothing! Tell me what all of that idiocy accomplished!"

"All that hope and love and 'idiocy' accomplished a son! Your next leader!"

"And what about her!" Dai insisted in rage, pointing to a silent Sakura standing by the sideline. "What about what you've done to her!"

Syaoran looked back evenly as he panted, his eyebrow furrowed. "I know what I've done. I loved her. And will continue to do so." Was loving someone so wrong?

Dai stared ahead of himself. An image from the past replaced the one before him. Instead of this Leader, another stood in his place. Dark brown hair. Dark brown eyes, almost as black as the night surrounding him. Just as defiant. Just as determined.

"I love her. And I swear to god that I will continue to do so. I'll protect her."

Dai growled nearly spitting as he sprinted towards the man with a vengeance and intent on ripping him to shreds. "You swore that but you killed her! You took away my everything!" Syaoran easily dodged, noticing that the Elder's movements were strange, were fueled by something other than his rationality. He noticed in surprise that Dai had tears spurting from his eyes as he attacked. "You said you'd protect her!"

Syaoran moved swiftly as Dai's movements and attacks grew stronger, but more erratic.

Something was wrong. Dai isn't usually this careless.

"Elder Dai—"

With a final growl, Dai pivoted unexpectedly, his sword coming down to stab Syaoran right in the abdomen from behind the Elder's back. "I will never forgive you, Li Chen!"

The clash of swords sounded at the last millisecond. Sakura's concern grew as she rushed over to the scene, which was covered by a blanket of dust due to Dai's quick movements that happened just moments before the pivotal climax.

The dust settled. A sword had been deflected and lay on the ground not too far away.

Dai was lying on his back as Syaoran held his own sword above the Elder's neck, his foot resting solidly on his chest. The match had ended just as swiftly as it had climaxed.

Sakura reached the scene and sighed in relief, noting that no one had sustained any fatal lacerations. Although, Syaoran had received quiet a deep cut to his arm and the Elder had a fresh gruesome-appearing one across his stomach. At least no other permanent injuries were obvious at this point.

Despite coming out the obvious victor, Syaoran looked nothing but startled and confused. He peered down at his long time swordsmanship trainer who was panting and attempting to focus his eye sight.

"Y-You personally knew my father," Syaoran stated, confusion riddling his mind. There was no other explanation to Dai's rambling just now, to his inexplicable anger, to his reference to everything in past tense. "What did…he exactly do to you?" His sword was still held above his neck almost threateningly.

Dai's eyesight finally focused. The first things he saw were amber eyes.

Amber eyes like his only daughter's…Like Xiao Lang's mother's.

"Li Chen…killed my daughter." Dai's eyes were level, despite his heart feeling all sorts of turmoil…despite finally admitting his true relation to the current Leader. "…And their son is about to do the same to another poor man's child."

Another sword fell to the ground with a clang due to the owner's utter shock as the Card Mistress held her breath in abrupt realization.

Li Dai was…Li Chen's father-in-law.

Syaoran's grandfather.

Dun dun dun! Finally we understand why Dai is such a poopy head!

Well it surely has been a long time since I last updated! I apologize a million times, but and eternally grateful if you still follow this fic. In actuality, I received a couple of encouraging reviews to continue this despite it being a while since my last update. Thank you so much for all those who are still very much in love with CCS and who are still willing to wait for my butt to post the next chapter!

As always, review and tell me what you think! Hope you enjoyed!